let's see...

i played a part in the opening of star city's grand season 1. i was dressed in japanese rock themed clothes and was with the other cosplayers. i have yet to upload pictures of that.

another thing, there was a storm here, the worst to hit in 40 years. good thing we're still alive. mother gaiea bless us all

jes!! as the title says it!! today, 9/13/09, cosplay mania or cosmania 2009 was held and i one of the few lucky ones that were chosen to be an event staff marshal. we started out early at 10 am and finished at about 10 in the evening. really, it was just the best and super!!

oh, and did i mention that this was my first con or convention?

not to mention that our organization got the best feedback from the organizers...

woot!! long live kaze! long live cosplay and cosplayers! long live anime!

damn...

i already turned 19 but hell, i feel like i'm already in my mid 40's...

fuck, my back hurts...

can someone give me a massage? pwease?? *puppy eyes*

yup, been a while since i updated. let's see.

semester here is almost over. i feel like it's been too quick and i realize over and over again that only 3 semesters are left and i'm done and gone, move in with my mate, make babies and raise a lot of children XD

what else...oh, i'm rushing up on school requirements for finals. damn this junior level in college. why does it have to be so fuckin' boring!!?? >.<
damn it, i rushed a portfolio the whole night. fuck, i started working at 7:30 pm and finished at 10:30 am the next day! how fucked is that!?
also, this damn field study.....hell, i am literally bored to tears and i sure can't wait for the next field study so i could actually do something and not just sit at the back of the classroom doing "observations"

let's see. oh, i got a job...finally...again...somehow...yay! i will work again as a student assistant at our school's book store and i'm starting on monday.

on yes, me and my mate also celebrated our anniversary. hell yeah, 5 months and going strong!!

*sigh* but on top of all that, i don't know why i'm still waiting for a breakdown and to think i've done what no other student has done before....

SEE THAT!!??

GOT THAT!!??

OUT!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

50 watches...

dunno if that's something to celebrate but i'll just post it anyway...

even though no one really reads my works...

or if some of my friends at my watchlist are still alive...

*sigh* well, yay somehow

selfish? self-centered? hell, you call me that? fuck you! you're one to talk!

i'm trying to make amends and reconciliations and what do you do? slam it right back in my face!

you don't even listen to me anymore...

fuck, then why am i still your son? why do i still live in your house, if it is really your house...

why do i even stay?

i am on the verge of exploding here and you don't even give a fuckin' damn about it! nor do you even care about the people you throw away like trash just like that, nor do you care that the one thing you insult is your own son's happiness!!

fuck you!! i wish you would just die!! fuck off!!

just die, please...

oh great. just when my day's about to end, it had to be ruined...

* the event that i'm planning with our student government is starting to flop.
* i haven't had any time to at least work on my field study portfolio.
* i've been missing a hell lot of classes and now, my professors are already giving me a memo.
* my mate's mad at me.
* since july, i have been deprived of sleep.

great, just great...

*sigh*

yup..

The department of education here has postponed our opening of classes from June 8 to June 15 next week.

so...summer vacation was extended a week, so is enrolment. so...more time for yiffs, porn and slacking around... X3

- cheers!

as the name says it...

yes, as the banner says for you guys, summer is here and school is out!!!

but unfortunately, for me, to where i am, summer h as just ended and school starts next week.

right now, i have a lot of new beginnings, meaning, i will be extremely busy but i will update my writings as i have new ideas. i am just currently expreriencing what every writer goes through....how to put ideas into words... *sigh*

well, cheerio guys!! *salutes*

i know, it's a bit early but hey, it's coming anyway.

a hell lot has happened recently this summer and no, i won't mention them. aside from being too personal, it was really a hell lot.

there will be more stories coming. i just had new ideas given to me by my hun bun.

also, unlike you guys, summer here is already ending and the start of the new semester is already upcoming.

this is all for now. out.

hey all...

man, it's really been a while since i last posted anything. anyways, i made it through this year's 2ndd semester, though not with flying colors but just enough.

just to let you know i'm still alive, i will be posting some new writings though i just don't know when. you never know what i'll do this summer, also given the fact that my pc usage is limited this summer.

so yes, enjoy the break while it's here.

oh and also advanced happy solstice everyone!!

damn, i just realized...

i have an unexplainable fear of children!!!

i don't know. i administered a quiz to some high school freshmen and i really couldn't stop myself literally from shaking. and they were all like staring at me or something else beyond me.

i mean, what the hell are you all looking at???

other than that, i felt so threatened, like they were all going to eat me after class. why? i mean, i knew they were kids, kits, pups, cubs....but why did i feel so threatened???

also, have you had an experience wherein you meet someone, they act like total assholes and instead of doing the right thing, hell they're even proud of it?

there's this mod, yes a moderator that acts such on one of the forums i go to and is a total fuckhead. i mean, sure do his job as a mod and all but does he have to be like that? even newbies he didn't give a break. the worst part is that since he's a MOD, i can't do anything about it. i try to do something and my warnings keep piling up!!

fuck!!

ladies' and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

since the freakin' holiday is already over, we all can now go back to the evil habits we gave up all because for our so-called mates (i.e. cheating, hitting on others, flirting with almost everyone, playing around, seeing and sleeping with someone else).

also, i have some good news and some bad news. the good news is that we're landing immediately. the bad news is we're crash landing.

that is all and thank you for staying at casa la furaffinity...

the hell...the fark...

i spend my allowance to buy my friend a gift for her birthday and my mom goes balistic. until now, she gives me the cold shoulder and even reduced my allowance from weekly to daily. she doesn't understand. i mean, if she was in my position, she wouldn't even think of refusing
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
http://endofthingscomic.com/?page_id=7

i read that comic and somehow, i got so angry after finishing it. i thought it was my temper or angst acting up again but i thought it over and realized that i was angry at myself. why, because i found myself in the main character. i don't know. i mean, how long gave i been in denial with myself? okay, so i'm coming clean here now

- i used to be anorexic. i was fat then and i was so obsessed with finding a quick way to get thin that i started refraining from eating. i only noticed it later on but i still kept at it. that triggered some bouts of hyperacidity and after going through hell from my gut, i corrected my diet and eating habits.

- i used to have a boyfriend before. i don't know why but i just had one. we broke up after two months but we have no hard feelings. i don't know. i guess i just wasn't used to having a man on my bed. but now, some questions are popping up. first, why do i suddenly find gay furry porn cute? yes, i may be bisexual but i prefer girls more than boys so why the fark that? second, why am i suddenly having this longing for a mate feeling? i told myself after my last break up that i'm lying low but now, it''s working the opposite. i like someone but i somehow can't tell them how i really fell. no, don't tell me that it's valentines. i'm thinking maybe that it's something else

____________________________________________________________________________________________________
ah hell!! i don't know whether to keep it cooped up or to just somehow tell someone what's really in my mind but i guess this will just have to do. i am quite relieved somehow though it leaves some hanging questions unanswered.

pah, it's not that important. i guess it'll just come to me sooner or later.

*sigh* got chewed at work again. and what are their reasons? first, for being always late. i thought we got over that. again, i'll repeat. is it my fault if i live far away from work? the HR head asked me my address and when i told her, all she said was:

"well, that's only 4, 5 blocks away. why are you still late?"

hah!! i'd like to see you get up at 3 in the morning just so you could get to work on time. i mean, not everyone knows what it's like to live on the edge of the world. of course she'll say that because she doesn't know. stupid!!

second, they adjusted my official time schedule. from 8 in the morning, they moved it to 7:30. the offices don't open until 8 and they want me to time in at that time!! fark!!

third, they accused me of spending too much time at work instead of being at my classes. damn it!! i time out before or past 11 so i could make it to my noon classes and yet, they tell me that!!!

they say it's to make us learn professionalism and a whole lot of labor code crap!! shut up!! you'd rather stick to protocol rather than look at the output we made from all the work you made us do!! come on!! what the fark is that!!!

now, i'm not feeling well *sigh* i don't know. i'm thinking of quitting but something's telling me to stay. fark!!

damn.....

first, i got a memo for typing too slow and for always being late.

- is it my fault if my max is a 100 words a minute? is it my fault if i live far away from work??

second, i got reprimanded by my professor. she didn't like my essays, especially my writing styles and she asked me to revise all of my essays.

- essays are supposed to be where you can practice some free speech. why would you put stupid standards to that?

third, i got another memo for playing games on my work station.

- damn, there's no getting away with it with the HR dept. now is there? is mavis beacon a game? okay, technically it's a game but at least it's an educational game where you learn something. again, is MS paint a game? is it wrong to practice a bit of art? finally, is it wrong to just type an excuse letter when our work's done?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
combine work in the morning and school in the afternoon onwards until night and what do you get? a recipe for mind, body, & soul stress. sometimes, i just feel like lashing out at my professors and my boss. fark!!!

but i've said this before and i'll say it again. who are we to complain? we must love our jobs. that and whoever said life was fair that we should be given stress free jobs?

*sigh*

You know, it’s sometimes funny how life can play tricks on you. Sometimes those tricks can really make a body laugh, even if it’s the guy that was played on. Other times, well, it’s not really funny at all.

Here’s a trick for you guys out there. Have yourself rig up some abdominal pain for at least a week, making it look like a bout of hyperacidity, and then the week after that, have the pain move up a notch to the right side of your gut, accompanied by the pain radiating to your back and the feeling of bloatedness. Yup, that’s about the trick I had these past few weeks and hell, it’s not even Halloween. I never even got a treat in return for that confounded trick.

Okay, okay, so I’ll just come out with it. I have gallstones. There, I said it. According to my doctor, I am one of the few rare cases of teenagers and adolescents having the illness of senior citizens. At first, I was all like in denial and hoping that it’s nothing that serious but when the diagnosis was confirmed, I had like a sudden change of demeanor and was all like, “Seriously?” Then I thought to myself just how much having like two years of your already miserable life with having nothing to do except slacking in front of the PC and eating nothing but crap food could do so much to your own vessel.

Fuck, it’s like, oh I don’t know. I’m not sure if the world, along with the high heavens, is mocking or insulting me, all the time laughing their heads off. I mean, you can’t just eat what’s in front of you and after having the food go through airport security, you’re left with nothing but a few choices, even though you have a feast right there in front of your eyes. I mean, wouldn’t it be better if I had just been a thirsty cast away stranded in a boat in the middle of the ocean or a prisoner locked up for life with having nothing to eat other than bread and water? Oh and the pain. Shit, if it doesn’t stay in the middle of your gut, it emanates through the back. Hell, it’s so sharp that it’s like your being stabbed over and over again. The only thing is that there’s no blood nor knife sticking out of your spine though it really makes you wish that there’s a blade nearby. Just cut out your wrists and get it over with.

Now, I’m laughing and no, this isn’t because of that infernal disease but it kind of reminds me of the movie “Scream” wherein, the killer will just stab you anywhere he wants or wherever he pleases but mostly it’s through the back so I kind of feel like having the killer in the “Scream” movies having stand behind me, him stabbing me in the back whenever he pleases. Of course, in medical terms, it means that my gall bladder is swelling and I’m like having another gall bladder attack or something like that. Oh and another thing here is, unlike in the movie, no one screams. I just wince and squince from time to time because of the pain.

But one must always think positive. Oh yes, I’m trying my very best to be an optimist. There’s one thing that I gain from this and that is I get a free diet regulator from and for all this but hell, what a way to get a diet program. So want to still be like me and want to eat all that crap food? Be my guest. It’s either you pack up and be in debt for the rest of your miserable life or start doing the right thing and that goes not only for you but for me as well.

1st few days of work: god damn it!! i swear, i could feel my fingers and palms growing ab muscles! we've been cutting out name tags and food stubs for the entirety of 3 hours of work and then our boss says that we will officially time us on the 2nd day of working??!!! fark that!!!

the succeeding days of work: ah hell!! we've been typing and encoding data for 8 straight hours as we strain to read from our references having a font size of 7. 7, for christ's sake!!! what the fark is that???!!! not only that but my whole body is sore from hunching over and not just typing over the PC!! worse is that i keep getting electrocuted by the keyboard and CPU from time to time! damn it! what the hell kind of PC's does the school use!! why doesn't the admins give the MIS more budgets to at least make themselves able to buy new PC's!! you know, those that are still new, has a high memory, has no viruses, oh and the ones that doesn't electrocute people, for fark's sake!! oh and probably a faster internet connection at that!!

January 24, 2009: people, most are alumni, have been pouring in since 2:30 pm. my back, hands and arms are so sore from hunching over and writing people's names and my mouth is cotton dry from asking people the same questions over and over again!! son of a bitch!! "have you already registeref ma'm?" "excuse me sir, is your name on the masters list?" "do you already have your food stub?" fark that!! fark this!!

next was marketing our school's product, the alumni directory. damn, 3 hours of circling the grounds, with the alumni ignoring us, barely able to hear us through the blaring music, and having a drunk almost kissing my partner...what the hell man!! what the fark!!! what the fark was that!!! i could endure that, oh yes but do i have to see my old classmates, the ones who used to beat me up when i was in high school!! oh and i thought the night couldn't get any worse!! *sigh* fark...

oh there was a goodside to all this. we made some sales and we met a couple of our town's local counsilors. damn, i swear, i hardly controlled myself from taking the directory from my partner and bitch slapping them both, telling them how corrupt they are and are miserable excuses they are for local politicians. fark, and that's one of the reasons why i hate the government

damn it, why can't people just do as they're told? why can't people just leave me alone for 10 farking minutes just as i'm enjoying myself???

fark, fark, fark!!!

s**t, s**t, s**t!!!

*sighs and cries myself to sleep*

finally after 45 years of applying, attending numerous interviews with the company not calling me back and bitch slaps from high executives, i finally have a job!!!

1. i'll try being nice and be more humanistic from now on. like the old qoute says, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. also, i'd like to apologize to all the people that i've hurt before. i'm hoping that we could make a new start with the new year.

2. i'll give what is right and what is truly deserving.

3. i'll be more focused on my studies. i'm aiming for high grades, especially with qualifying exams coming up in april.

that's all i could think of for now. i'm already wearing a collar in my present situation but i guess i don't mind wearing a leash as well.

as the name says it. no, i'm not leaving and i haven't gone mad. this is just my last journal for this year. now let's look back...

1. i found out i have a talent for poetry so i gave it a shot. now, all i need is more polishing.
2. i am finishing up all of my stories and hopes to post them next year.
3. just before christmas, i get sick. combine tonsilitis with the flu and a certain allergic reaction and tell me what you get.
4. the good news is that i'm getting better so i hope to be all well by the time christmas comes so i could even eat christmas dinner.

i guess that's it then. i also want to wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year to all!!!

good night everybody... *bows*

random question furs and please answer:

what do you do when no one wants you? seriously

i have been banned from a forum. apparently, they couldn't take too much anarchy from me. yes, i admit that i'm a goth and i'm twisted and have a sick sense of humor but damn, everyone's different so why the hell will you throw someone out just for that? what? people are self-centered now? is that it? but then again, they've been like that since they started walking earth.

this only confirms my theory. people are just plain crazy, not to mention ignorant and stupid....

*sigh* fuck the world!!!

i won 2nd place in a quiz bee and got 200 bucks!!!

also, i have a question...

why is it that some furs put you in there block list when all you did was comment on their work and add them in your watch list??

let's see...

1. i just got back from my ailment a.k.a. the flu.

2. i am attempting to write poetry and i like to see where i'm much more better at, either poetry or short story.

3. i just did a stage play at school and i got to play huckleberry finn.

.....and still more to come.

*sigh*...tired....sore....need sleep...

song: thy mournful lover
artist: macbeth
album: romantic tragedy's crescendo

Come to me, silent and dressed in black,
in your eyes I can see all your obscure
passion.
Brush my skin with your pale hands
and kiss my neck with your cold lips.
You'll appear when the moon shines
high in the sky
and I'll see your cerulean face
brightened up by the candles flame.
You'll whisper to me mysterious
dark love words
and in this long night our souls
will be joined forever.
And like in a winter night,
darkness will spread
around us and will take us away.
Let yourself be lulled by
this cold wind of sorrow.
I open my mouth
to your divine scarlet nectar
and my bloodied lips
will look for yours
in a morbid lust of
ecstatic pleasure.