To all my current and future friends and followers: I am entering 2025 embracing my identity as a trans woman (she/her.)

I had hoped to start the year with a brighter future for myself and everyone else in the LGBTQI+ community, but now, more than ever, I want to be counted alongside everyone else asking for the simple dignity to be fully ourselves, in all facets and walks of life.

I am grateful to be a part of the furry community, which has helped me so much in exploring and understanding who I truly am. If nothing else, that is our superpower: to openly accept everyone who comes to us earnestly and honestly.

Even if you accept just one person, you have already changed the world. And we are all capable of doing that, each and every day.

https://bsky.app/profile/vishki.bsk...../3leo4hd5lxs24

I didn't know you, Dragoneer, and never met you. But I wouldn't be writing this on this site if it wasn't for you, so I at least owe you that.

Everywhere I look, people know who you are, and are affected by your passing. And I think that says a lot.

So rest in peace, Dragoneer. Thanks for all the art and all the memories.

The Dark Spot, my first commission collaboration with  Danath is out!

This story represents an effort to:

1. Tell a compelling story with interesting characters; and
2. Deconstruct elements of masculinity and familiar archetypes; while
3. Integrating eroticism, emotion, and plot, such that they effectively reflect and maximize one another.

I am pleased that Danath rose to my challenge admirably. Through the project, we were quite closely aligned from the start, and the vast majority of edits were for matters of style, rather than substance. He was certainly a pleasure to work with, and very responsive to my feedback and suggestions. Not only that, but I think we have managed to lay a foundation for what may well be a series that, with luck, would explore both the past, and the future of these characters.

I hope you enjoy the Dark Spot, and if you like it, or any other of Danath's work, fave it, and let him know you appreciate it!

I'll be at Blizzcon 2013 in a week! Hoping for much excitement and fun!

I wonder if I'll have any time for the Starcraft tournament games. I'm terrible myself but when I watched the competition on previous Virtual Ticket broadcasts, I found it fascinating.

But unfortunately probably not. With so many panels and demonstrations, I'll probably just be rushing from event to event!

Happy to report it went better than expected!

After arriving on Friday,  Rakarra and I got registered and made a swing through the dealer room. I had hoped that  Blotch would have another chapter of Nordguard for sale, but there were only previews. We did end up getting a copy of the new Dragon's Hoard, though!

Then we visited the art show, but didn't have enough time to finish before  Azulez invited us to hear the SuperPack jazz ensemble that  Reveille was leading on the main stage. I'm not much of a jazz fan myself, but it was cool and fun, and a definite change of pace from the usual con business. It was a reminder of the wide diversity of talents that the Furry fandom can draw from and offer the community.

After that, we were able to meet up with  Velos  Azulez  H_Raptor at various times, and was able to enjoy a dinner with them and their friends at Smoke Eaters. We don't pass up any excuse to enjoy hot, spicy, delicious chicken!

Afterwards, we attended to the Adult Dragon Panel, which had a brand new projector to show the great art donated by the featured artists. However, there's so many contributors and it always starts so late that it can be something of a grueling experience, with hundreds of folks packed into a closed room for three-odd hours. It was not improved by a small group of almost surely drunken furs asking inane questions of the artists when they were only allotted two each for the entire audience, like about what they were wearing or how many d[icks]s were in the picture. Eventually  Rukis and  Dreamous shouted them down and put them in their place.

That sort of disruption hasn't been typical at the panel in prior years, but I think it would probably be worth looking into ways to streamline the panel to keep it moving steadily through to the end. I'm sure it's a challenge with all the last-minute additions and the growing interest in the panel, but the event is long enough without drunken clowns disrespecting the contributing artists and guests.

After crashing out Friday night,  Rakarra and I paid an obligatory visit to the Pita Pit and enjoyed their Furries! 10% discount, and then returned to the con for the fursuit parade and several panels, namely a presentation on a practical method of extrasolar space travel by Gerry Nordley, "Exploring the Furry Fandom Through Data", which was a fascinating exploration of the results of The Furry Poll, and a terrific presentation on exploring the details of adapting real animal anatomy to anthromorphs by  City. After having having dinner at P'zza Chicago and making some final auction bids, we returned for the adult anatomy presentation, although I have to admit I didn't find it quite as engaging as actually discussing the challenge of adapting a herbivorous digestive system to a bipedal morphology.

Saturday morning, after catching a snack at the coffee stand, we made some quick rounds and camped out at the art auctions. We cut our art budget for dealers and auctions this year, and so I wasn't sure what might fill the space left over in my schedule, since the anticipation of the art show results and auctions has often driven my excitement through the end of the con. Unfortunately, it seems that many others had similar plans, and the art auctions were fairly short, with at least half of the items being sold to the bid sheets, without any voice bids. Checking the sales sheets, I don't think any single item sold for over $500.

As for us, we only had one bid on a  DarkNatasha print, Tiger Falls, but we were already on a budget and with the price rising we had to let it go. It's sad enough that over the years we have bought more art than we have wall space to fill, without adding to the problem even more.

So, looking back -- only one group meal, a rowdy ADP, a subdued auction and art show -- what was so great about that?

Well, the con itself seemed really strong and well-organized this year. There were beautiful banners posted outside along Market Street announcing the convention, the panels had their projectors and equipment on-time, the panelists were great at presenting their material, there was a noticeable security presence screening badges, and the con staff themselves had vests that made themselves easy to find. The Dealer's Den also seemed more spacious and easier to navigate, with a larger number of tables outside for folks to browse.

Then, despite having few things specifically in mind to actually do during the con, causing me to worry that I might actually be bored, I actually ended up having my schedule almost totally blocked out with events until the very end. So between the solid panel events, and the activity swirling about when walking around the streets and convention center, and peeking in on other things like the gaming rooms and the Fursuit Dance Competition, I felt like I was really involved with the event and the community, at least in my own small way.

Finally, the weather was nice, without any of the typical drizzles or even clouds that usually mark the event. Plus, I think I did managed to successfully escape any con crud that might have been circulating. I think hand sanitizer was widespread and folks were particularly conscious this year.

So, my expectations may have been low this year, but they were definitely exceeded. After the first day of the con, I found myself pondering what the meaning or purpose of the whole furry experience was, and I was pleasantly surprised that the Data panel almost directly addressed that question, at least in part.

What I hope for next year is perhaps a return of Iron Artist, a more robust art show and auction, and always more friends to meet! Plus, the con inspired me to try to give Twitter a spin -- you can find me at VishkiKindragon!

I don't have a lot of things planned out for the con, but if you keep your eyes open you might spot me lurking around.

I always try to enjoy a dinner at Smoke Eaters with my pals, and I try not to miss the art auctions. Unfortunately this year I don't plan to be investing in any art unless there's something truly amazing. I feel bad for the things I've bought before without any place to put them, and there just isn't enough wall space to go around.

Here's hoping the con crud doesn't get me!

On the eve of 2013, it feels like I should be looking ahead to the future, but instead my mind has been mulling over the past.

I'm sure there are some folks who go through life without having any regrets, but that cannot be true for the vast majority of us. Sooner or later, we all make mistakes. And some of those mistakes are bound to be larger than others. It would take supreme self-confidence to believe that you could have done nothing better to avoid those mistakes -- confidence that would probably be crippling in other areas.

Anyways, let's assume that most everyone has regrets. That is, things in their past that they wish they could change.

My question, the question I have been thinking about, is this: If we are resigned to living with the reality of regrets, what purpose do they serve, if any? Are they the debris of our lives that we have to shake from our shoulders as we carry on? Or are they the landmarks and signposts that guide us on our way?

I suppose the obvious or conventional answer is that of course they are there to teach us, like all mistakes are. The biggest mistakes are the ones that we remember, that have the most reverberating consequences, and are the most likely to shape us into the future. Still, I'm not sure if the enduring pain that makes regret what it is is entirely a learning mechanism. You might expect that once you recognize your error or wrongdoing, you might have some satisfaction in what you have gained. And yet, regret can linger long after the fact, like an open wound.

I will offer one example that is fairly mild:

When I was in college, in order to fulfill a science requirement for my major, I took a class in the physics of music. It was not an entirely frivolous choice, since I did want to have more exposure to physics to satisfy my curiosity, despite my repeated shortcomings in math. Nonetheless, I think it's fair to say that I approached the class rather casually as an elective course. As part of the final grade, our assignment was to construct a musical instrument of our own, and present it to the class with an explanation and demonstration.

Perhaps it was my lack of imagination, or perhaps I just didn't grasp the material deeply enough to make the proper connections, but I struggled to come up with any suitable ideas. Eventually, I settled on what I considered to be my last resort: a rubber band 'guitar' made out of a shoebox. It's still humiliating to admit -- a 20-something student at a top university and I'm building something that a first-grader could make in two minutes as a final exam.

I don't actually remember what I said when I brought it to class. All I remember is furtively looking at the other students to see if they did the same thing. I couldn't decide what was worse: being one of ten students all with the same bad idea... or being the only one. As it happens, it was the latter. I got up, awkwardly presented my shame, and sat down miserably.

In the end, from what I recall, I passed the class. I got my degree and my life has moved on. As far as I can tell, this episode hasn't altered the course of my life meaningfully one way or another. And yet, when a news story on the radio comes on talking about local artisans building experimental instruments, I can barely listen to it, since it reminds me of that episode, where the quality of my work fell so far below my own standards.

Did I learn anything from this that was worth this lingering shame? Frankly, I've either blocked most of it from my conscious memory, or simply forgotten it over the course of years. Did it make me a better student? Maybe, but looking back on my history, I've always been quite scrupulous in attending classes and completing my exams, both before and after. By no means was this a sort of 'wake-up call' that shook me out of an academic slide. As a matter of fact, in my freshman year of college, I took another elective class where I simply did not DO the final term paper and failed the class, and while I am not proud of that, it scarcely shames me like this instrument project did. And aside from those two episodes, I'm happy to stand by my academic record, even if my grades were hardly perfect.

So, if I don't feel like I'm learning much from these these regrets, would it be better to simply forget about them, and leave them behind? Are they utterly worthless? After all, as embarrassing as it was for me in class that day, nobody today would know anything about it or think anything less of me because of it, unless I told them about it like I am doing now.

As unsatisfying as it is, I suspect that the truth lies somewhere between. Regrets are probably only worth holding on long enough to determine if there IS anything worth learning, and then setting them aside. Somehow. I guess in this case, simply talking about it is my attempt to cope with this particular memory. Of course, it's the pain that makes them hard to face in the first place.

What about you? Do you live a life free of regrets? Or do they have a force on your life? You obviously don't have to share the details... I'm more curious about how you deal with them.

My good friend  Jalen has recently posted a new story after an eight-year break based on some characters and concepts of mine. If you don't mind gay male content and other such things, check it out at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8711008/ and drop him a comment!

Ok, listen up:

 Danath's Cockvore Tournament is still rolling along, and Jiji needs some love in the polls. Now, Jiji may in fact be the author's own avatar, and it's possible that I may be receiving some sort of deliciously pornographic compensation for this journal, BUT that is still no reason for Jiji to lose!

Jiji's my girl! Shi rolls on hir livestreams almost every week, handing out free stories to hir fans! And even then shi's falling behind in her own voting! Let's turn that around, folks!

Go post your vote for Jiji in http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2819814/ and spread the love for the big tigeress!

So I have this question, and I figured I'd crowdsource it.

I've traditionally left this space blank because I wasn't sure what to put in it. Obviously, lots of folks use their journals to post about the highs and lows of their personal affairs, but I'd actually like to keep my furry business separate from RL things.

Thus the question: what else could go here, if anything?

I'm not an artist, so I don't have artsy things to pimp or rant about, and my writings have never coalesced into anything coherent or meaningful.

I could use it to post the seeds of story ideas I come up with, but the journal doesn't seem like quite the place to put those. And anyways, I'm not so sure it's a great idea to just be handing those out, anyways.

I could post about my avatar's dealings on Tapestries, but most of that is either mundane or personal business that isn't proper for public note and comment.

I might use it to post things like furry meet-ups, and get-togethers at places like Further Confusion. That's something, but pretty rare.

I could also post links and such to my favorite sorts of furry artworks and prose and such, but that's already what my favorites list is for, anyways.

I could post comments about the gaming that I do, although that's not especially furry-type content, not that it necessarily has to be.

Any other folks out there care to take a stab at what use I could make of my journal on a regular basis? Or is it better to keep it silent until there's actually something interesting/important to say?

And no, I'm not interested in pontificating on religion or politics, either.

Hello, world!

It turns out the occasion for my first journal will be to help spread the word to buff up  maloo's round in  danath's Cockvore Tournament, currently underway.

Since I'm sure I have amassed a gigantic number of followers by now, I shall now instruct you to go forth, and post your votes in the tornament bracket thread:

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:21997172

Why  maloo, do you ask?

Well, as the co-star with me in one of  danath's free story streams, and not really knowing anyone else in the tourney.. hey, why not?

So click on over there and give Maloo some love, for me!