Wow, IMVU bought FA?? For a while I thought it was an April fools joke. Eh...

Anyway, I kinda miss being a furry artist so yeah, I'd like to get back at doing that again. However it's going to have to be around June or so since I'm a bit too busy right now. Prepare to see some new art soon!

I just don't know what I want anymore.
I can't keep doing this.
I'm always trying but I never get anything actually finished.

I already gave up on the Silhouettes project, I already gave up on my dreams. Its just over.

I'm sorry.

Anyone on there so I can follow them?
It's really lonely over there xD

http://vixthefox.tumblr.com is mine. I'm just planning to upload doodles and works in progress over there. Also would like to use it as an ask.fm substitute since there's higher resolution. :3

I've been getting an idea for a drawing anthro, though I can't seem to imagine how boots for digitigrade feet would be like. Actually, what I'm looking for are rollerblades for digitigrade feet. Anyone got any ideas? Because I really want to draw this idea of mine.

Hey guys, just wanted to put out a late night journal.

So, I haven't been able to finish anything, but that doesn't mean I haven't been trying. The truth is that I've fallen into a comfort zone and I'm getting sick of drawing almost the same thing. I mean, I love drawing foxes, foxtaurs, and other things but all I've been doing is just that...

I kinda want to do something else aside from just drawing poses. I want to make things with a backstory and that show off crazy ideas. I think there might be some sketches soon, hang in there, there'll be a few things to come depending on the time I've got. :p

But, yeah. I kinda want to jump out of my comfort zone and start seeing what I'm capable of. Not to mention that I got some things to come with the some fursona/personality relations between Vix and DF.

In other news, Uni's getting HARD. Although I'm having a lot of fun with it. Plenty of electronics, design, and all sorts of interesting things for me. Can't wait to get into the next semester's classes since there's going to be all sorts of new things to look at like actual power electronics and machinery. o3o

just hang out y-know? https://furstre.am/stream/vixthefox

no mic, just chat and doodles. :3

EDIT: twas a nice stream, finally got to draw something tonight. nwn

Let's just call this a scheduled hiatus.

I've been caught up with so many things dealing with life, school, love, and sporting. I'll try to escape this artblock/personal crisis but I'll try to return.

I don't feel the way I used to for drawing, or at least what I would call drawing. It's been nice, good times as well. Perhaps I'll come back someday. Not like anyone'll notice since nobody has already. Pretty much goes to show how much of an "artist" I was after all.

So long...until I decide to care again...

Seriously, I am like really dry out of any sort of idea to do anything.

I'm lost in what I want to do with my characters, including my fursona. I'm just going to take a break for a while till I figure something out...again...

I really hate it when I just really want to draw something, but I just can't get to anything I like to finish.

I also have 4 pending trade parts to do. gaaah.

I guess I'm in need of art block remedies. :p

There are days when I love the rain, and other days when I hate it.

Today is a situation of the latter.
I'm bored and can't get to the computer. Anything interesting going on right now?

I don't know how everyone else's experiences are like, but since I'm in a bit of a writing mood I feel like writing something about how it's like to just learn on your own, and still be learning. When you start you can be overwhelmed with what you have to do and then as time progresses you don't notice your advancement. I think it's worth reading, I guess. I may not be totally professional, but it's been a pretty long way.

It begins in the first stage, when you’re just introduced to the artwork done by others. Let’s say you found out about the fandom while you were browsing around a forum where a friend or members shows a bit of his love for his fursona, which would lead you to art sites like deviantART, SheezyArt, Newgrounds, etc. You're fascinated, you're curious because you've had this interest hiding inside you. The one little thing that whenever mentioned you would instantly turn your attention to it. You go around the site, even make an account, and probably come up with an identity that hints at your interest or the hiding imaginary friend you will soon have. As time passes you discover this entire interest has a name: Furry Fandom. Something clicks, something tells you this is something about you, you have some kind of way to express yourself completely differently than you could ever imagine. You can express yourself as some kind of animal, as something completely different from you, but that is so much more about you than you can express in your real life. You come up with an identity, a fursona, an imaginary expression of yourself. Sadly, all you have is a description. So you go around looking for pictures on the internet, for anything that can look remotely similar. However your efforts mostly end up fruitless. After browsing so much artwork, you realize how amazing and how lively some artwork looks. You discover how some great artists can draw for their friends, yet your attempts to befriend an artist doesn't turn out as planned, nor do you have a way to pay them to draw what you want. You get frustrated, and you're angered at how you don't have the skill to develop such artwork. Your fursona yearns for coming to light; for getting out there in the world, and all you want is to allow that to happen. After all of that frustration, you have an idea, a crazy idea.
Night falls, you sneak to the printer and steal a few sheets of paper, you scurry to your room, you grab a pencil and an eraser from your school supplies and attempt to do something you were told by your teachers you were incapable of doing yourself: You draw. You draw and enter stage two: the real beginning.
As you draw, you find it extremely difficult. You can almost hear the voice of you fursona in your head telling you how they're having a great time, a certain experience they had in your imaginary world. Every trace is slow, yet steady. Keeping focused you finally draw a shape, a shape of an animal. You keep going, and going. Traces are scratched on the paper. Lines are drawn. Yet with every attempted scratch and trace there are 3 moments needed to use the eraser. You probably have a wrinkled paper and your bed is filled with eraser shavings, but you keep going because your fursona is showing you so many great things to you about them. You probably even add color and remark the outline. And then, you're finally finished, you finally drew the picture, you finally drew your fursona. And yet the clock reads so many hours past midnight, so you fall asleep with your excitement.
When morning arrives, you wait for the biggest moment of your artistic history to come. You wait for the perfect moment, and secretly snatch a digital camera, head to your room and focus it on your drawing. After several blurry shots you capture the perfect one, and swiftly go to the computer hoping you won't get caught. You wait impatiently for the image to upload to the computer. Once the heartstopping moment surpasses, you quickly remove evidence of the image ever touching the camera by deleting the photos on it. Then the last task comes in, and you do so. You log on to your account on your artsite, and you upload the image. You make it clear that it is your fursona. You suddenly feel a sense of pride pass across you mind. You even feel like your own fursona is proud of you. However, there is still so much to come.
You find you have only had only a handful of views, and not even a single favorite or comment, you try to show it to others in other websites, but still not much attention. You're later told by a more experienced user the countless mistakes you made. You're criticized and ridiculed by your rea l-life friends by your apparently horrid drawing. "What the hell is that?!" you hear the most among them. You feel crushed, you feel like something inside of you just died. All of those efforts thrown away, "Maybe I shouldn't keep doing this..." you say to yourself, until you hear a voice telling you, "No, keep trying. You won't get anywhere if you stop now." So you take the advice, and attempt to draw more every night. Suddenly, you have an apparent sleeping problem, yet that doesn't stop you since coffee becomes an ally. Many of your works never see the light of day, but you still draw. As you draw, you come up with so many possibilities and ideas for your fursona. Maybe they live in a city, or maybe they control a world of their own! Maybe they have a skill? Ability? You try to draw them, yet you still feel so limited.
As days go by, your gallery fills with a couple of new submissions still with the same quality of your first, you still see yourself stuck below everyone else. You see other artists' work with the clean lines, the flawless anatomy, the beautiful coloring, and the amazing shading. Even the cartoony artists have something you couldn't even dream of. "What is it?" you think to yourself, "why can't I have that flawlessness?" All of these artists seem to have some kind of gift of creating such great things, gathering so much attention, and you can't even make your drawings' colors show in the camera. Even your viewcount still sags below 30.
At this point, you find yourself frustrated. You try to draw regularly, but you can’t keep up. So you think of anything. After all, you need to make your profile grow. So you take photos, you make random things, you even take photos of things that you could call ‘abstract art’. You upload them to your account, thinking that new submissions could mean more attention. It only works a little, giving you 1 favorite in total, and a few 10 new views.
Then comes a special day, as you have been attempting to draw, to show your fursona, to show yourself in the form of artwork, you have suddenly become a fan of an artist. Surprisingly, they have such great work, and yet they have made so little attention. This artist has the time of talking to anyone, and has even taken the time to have some conversations with you. Without realizing, you gain the luck of knowing somebody with experience. You shy out from selfishly
asking them to draw something for you, but instead, ask for advice. You ask them why they draw so great, why they have such great things, and they tell you the echoing advice from every artist, “practice.” However, they even point to you to avoid pesky “How to draw X character” books and tell you to learn real art: Anatomy, perspective, figures, shapes. You disappointingly take the advice expecting they’d have said some sort of secret that there was to learn.
One day, as you pass by a bookstore you find a number of books about drawing anatomy, about drawing animals from a detailed point of view. The artist’s advice echoes across your mind, and with the little money you have you buy them. At this point you hit stage three.
You read through the books, you find so many useful tips, and you learn a lot. Many days pass by as you attempt to practice the many things you learn from the books. The books suddenly become your go-to reference. They hold so many mindblowing lessons about drawing: How a tree’s branches can be drawn, how perspective can simply base itself on a single point on the set horizon, how characters can be drawn with guidelines rather than from the outline. You slowly advance, you messily draw, but this time you have more of a clue on what you are doing. You look now at actual photographs of animals, specifically the species of your fursona. After countless attempts, you suddenly got it. You drew the animal that is much more recognizable than any other time you have ever tried. You gain another sense of pride and you get more ideas.
You still however, consider yourself in your learning stages. Your artwork rate can be counted at 1 submission per month or even 2 months, due to so much tediousness from working the camera. As you keep drawing you still can’t get past the fact how bad they look when you upload them. Even when the day comes that you obtain a scanner, sure you’ve gained much more crisp images, but somehow they still don’t have such vibrant colors like other artists. Oddly though, you gain a few unexpected favorites from strangers, and your fursona now seems to have become more of a real person rather than just an imaginary talking animal.
As time progresses you draw more, you learn more, and you even have an entire world constructed in your mind for you to pick and place what you want. Sadly, not everything is drawable, even with your hardest attempts, and your great artist friend has become too popular to help you anymore. Yet, you’ve discovered something new that you could use. Something absolutely amazing and that every artist seems to possess: a graphics tablet.
More time goes by as you save up money for a decent table you have been keeping your eye on. You are absolutely certain that you can draw much better once you get it. All of that excitement accumulates to the very day you obtain it. Once you do, you think of all of the possible things you could do. So many ideas, so many drawings, you can finally have that amazing clean looking style you’ve been wanting! “Drawing on the computer with a mouse was a nightmare, but with this, it’ll be a breeze!” You say to yourself.
After some painstaking setups, and installation of a number of drivers and software, you break out the program, and your first thoughts about the experience: It’s weird, it’s different. After a number of efforts you draw a head, or maybe a face. You color…rather messily. It’s such a strange experience but you find your way around. You make something simple, and it feels like you just made something so much more professional. It makes it on your profile, but as you look at other artists it still looks like it doesn’t match what you want. However, you set out to figure out what’s wrong, and so you look for resources, entering stage four.
You read tutorials, you find software that’s more suited for your needs, you even set your tablet to work more efficiently. You realize how different it is to work digitally than it was with your pencil and paper technique. You discover the magic of layers, the ways you can use a few brushes and how some simple options can help you greatly. All of this learned from streams and speedpaints of the handful of experienced friends you’ve made, or of the bigger artists you’ve become a fan. All of this in the same time as you practice these very skills. Your workflow suddenly moves more swiftly, yet as you progress you can’t seem to fight off the idea that you aren’t as good as you want to be. So you draw more, and more, and more, and more. You continuously draw, learning different techniques, different ways of preparing sketches, new ways to draw figures, new types of anatomy, you even learn how to draw anything other than your own fursona. You join in trades, you participate in live collabs, you even sometimes take requests. During this time you suddenly gain friends, you suddenly don’t care at all about popularity. You just want to show your best side. Yet there is still the same thought that lingers across your mind: you’re not as good as you want to be. You still don’t think you’re a great artist. Sure, you’ve increased you pageviews way past 3,000 and yeah, you have more than fifty followers, and ok, your last submission just got 8 favorites, but still…you can’t really call your own art amazing. It all progresses all the way until hitting stage five.
More time passes, you draw more, you fursona loves you, and you love your fursona. From time to time, you fall into an artblock but somehow escape it. You keep on going while balancing the many things going on in your real life. You know how to draw, you can even draw something quickly right out of your mind. You’re followers are increasing, you do understand that your artwork is nice. You’ve even had quite a shock when you looked back at your first drawing. You know your way around the fandom since you’ve been there long enough….



…and then a young user comes to you asking for advice on drawing.

_{TL;DR: It's all about practice and enjoying it. Improvement almost feels invisible.}

I'm planning to open commissions once I'm done with my current trade queue. Basically, get your taur character drawn, or get your non-taur character taur'd. How 'bout it?

I'm thinking of doing $10 single character full body, colored and shaded on 500x500. Simple or no background, like: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13624171/ who's up for it when they open?

Five words that describe the Silhouettes canon...unfortunately I haven't been able to show off enough about it.

There are times in which I mention aliluks and velokins from time to time, but not many know of it. Since actually writing the story seems to be kinda delayed by...a lot. I want to explain a few things.

The Silhouettes canon revolves around this stuff:
Velokins: a type of shapeshifting species
Aliluks: a sort of interdimensional universe travelling creature capable of almost anything. That has glowy quills too.
Silhouettes: a fearsome dark and shadowy creature that seems almost invulnerable, humans are told stories about them.
Nabla: An advanced technology/computer/software company founded to aid in a significant mark of the future history of humanity.

Only very few know the actual connection between these concepts I've made, but I want more to know of the story I want to tell of it. Unfortunately, the story is scattered and cluttered all over my notebooks, computer, and a few tiny parts of my gallery...


how do I do this? .-.

Gah, I'm finally glad I can catch a break.

So, today I had to head out early to pick my grade for my Electricity&Magnetism class. Once I got there, I realized there was nobody there, only to find that I had noted the time wrong since it was actually supposed to be at 3:30. So I waited until 11:30 where I would pick up my grade for my Algorithms class where I found out that the teacher just wanted us to come in for no reason. He then told us that we can see our grades on the platform.

So... I joined my friends to find the Systems&Signals Analysis teacher who actually has the hardest to find office in the campus. So we spent some time to find it. We went in a giant circle, and then later found it after I think about half an hour. So we went, and it turned out that I passed pretty well! :D
Afterwards I was just having a nice conversation with my friends and then headed out to my economy test. Main problem: The economy test was set to be at 2:30, while I was supposed to show up at 3:30 for my E&M grade. Bigger problem: the teacher didn't show up until 3:00, so stress levels began to build. Once he did show up, he just gave a chit-chat to the class, so there was another 15 minute delay. Luckily the test was quick, and I finished it in about 15 minutes. D:

Once I turned it in, I ran towards the nearest bike rental station, since the place where I was supposed to pick up my grade was across the campus. I made it a little late, but I made it. I checked my grade and got an 8! :D

so that ended the adventure across the campus, but there was still a group project I had to finish with a group of another class. Surprisingly, I made it home earlier than what I would with my current schedule.

Though I'm tired. At least I'm happy to know that I'm doing well in school. :3

I think the exercise made me feel better, actually. I think I'm just going to doodle now that I'm more relaxed.

The downer, the low mood, the heavy hitter.

It's almost cyclical. but when it strikes, I just don't want to get out of bed, go outside, or even talk. I cann't really say if it's depression since i've never been diagnosed, but...it still really gets me hard. I once got anemia from it.

It's that feeling of realizing you won't be able to do anything what you really wanted to, the feeling that you could be better but you know that you won't be willing, the feeling that you just wish somebody could understand what your feeling and just tell you exactly how you should fix it.

I'm not alone, but I feel lonely. I'm supposed to be happy, but I feel like I shouldn't allow myself to. People have forgotten about me, and I never did anything about it. I just really wish this could stop. I really do. I feel like people don't really like me, but just pretend they do. I want to be willing to be social. I want to want to be with friends. I hate the way I think, I hate the way I worry how people judge me.

I think I need a doctor.

just another week and a half for vacation! D:

Also, I'm working on a new ref sheet for Vix since he's needed a new one for a while. It's taking a while though. There are a few poses that I'm totally new to, but the coolest part is the fact that I'm actually taking pretty correct proportion into account now rather than eyeballing and guessing sizes (yeah...). I also even calculated that Vix in taur form is about 1.55m tall.

On a random thought, there should be a TF comic/story that just teases the reader with showing a bunch of common triggers or moments that just end up being nothing, until after a bunch of desperation, the TF finally happens unexpectedly. Whoever does comics, please do it. xD I'll save money, and commission it if I have to, or...make it myself....if I have the time.

I drew taurs last night, and I feel like Vix is, in a sense, my closest fursona again. :D

I'm glad I'm getting back to this, and I sure do hope that vacation will let me do even more. I want to draw more taurs! Hmm, I might even offer taur requests again! Soon, very soon...best wait 'till June!

So my profile is back to normal. In case anyone missed the disabling for 1 and a half days I think.

I was frustrated, stressed, depressed, and a little self-destructive this past week.

I think I may be feeling better about myself, although I really need to try and control myself when this happens.

I'm not totally free though, I still have a lot of homework and studying to do for the end of this semester. At least it's really really close to vacation, so I'll be able to do whatever i want to soon.

I think I'm feeling better.

I'm going to try to draw again, possibly a little more often. There'll be a few sketches that may not be seen but I want to try again. Maybe start over as a friend suggested.

As for the Silhouettes project, I might continue a little bit on it, but it'll be in pieces and it might not even make sense, but I want to get some things out there.

It's just so much stress I've been getting under and well, an art block really doesn't help at all. Can't promise anything soon, but I will try.

I really don't think I was meant to be anything near an artist.

Honestly, I look back at what I've done and now I feel like I'm nowhere close to what I've wanted to do. I'm not even part of an artistic career and yet I just try too hard to look like I know what I'm doing. Yet the truth is that I really don't.
I don't know anything about anatomy, colors, or anything. I don't have an artistic eye, nor am I even capable of making anything that's worth buying. I usually pass the time to draw, but now it just makes me depressed seeing how lately I haven't advanced on anything and I've just been drawing in the same style. The main problem is that I really feel like quitting in being an "artist" and just move on with the other little things I like to do. I'm a bad artist and a bad writer and I'm glad I never actually engaged in a real commission because that would have made me feel more like a fraud. I'm not creative, and I'm not artistic, all I know is how to draw foxes, and a few other animals while real artists know beyond that. I used to draw to express the little world I created, but now I'm just either dry of ideas, or I simply can't do it. It's something that's always tormenting me and will never leave me alone, that desire to have something that you had an idea of, but that you can't even do. I want to do everything myself, but I really just can't. I'm not saying that I'm sick of this fandom, I just feel like I'm a fake and that all that I've wanted to do this whole time was to belong somewhere. I;m just going to end it here because I feel like crying.

P.S. I'm scrapping the Silhouettes project. There's no way I can ever do it.

I'm trying to force myself through an art block. I'm a bit more relaxed now, though still a little moody.

I guess the hiatus is lifted now. I'm moving on to some of the trades I owe.

Declaring it.

I'm a little stressed out, busy, and well...yeah. I need to get some things done and a few others fixed.

I just need a bit of an art break.

Twenty-three!

Wow, I'm getting older. It's 12am and stuff is pretty calm. Currently recieving birthday wishes from many. Goodie. :3

I like how I'm not as lonely as I was last year. I'm happy I decided to branch out and make friends outside of school. It's great. I really have to thank you all for that. It's nice to be around now. I actually enjoy life now. And that's the most important thing.

My birthday is coming up on the 16th! I'm excited because 1: I'm getting new skates around that day, and 2: I'm getting a new phone! :D Cant' wait!

Ok, now I don't want to be selfish so onto other nightly ramblings.

I've been busy lately with uni and skating. I haven't abandoned my dues, I've just been a little everywhere lately.

Recently my brother, sister and I had a this little discussion on the thing about how your body's cells are constantly replacing themselves. They go from your skin, to your bones to well everything. You're practically a reborn body of something that is no longer alive from the past. However, being the awesome med-student she is, my sister mentioned that the heart doesn't replace its cells. It's the one thing that's always you. I found that a little nice. Almost metaphorical for something. heh.

My legs are sore from skating.

I've got a lot to do tomorrow, and the day after...well basically the whole week. I'm going to have to put my owed art on hold for a little bit. Because, tests. I guess that's all for now, cya!