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I don't know what i'm doing anymore...
Posted 3 years agoi havnt been around on this account for awhile, i know. sorry to all of my watchers and friends ive made here, i felt i owed some kind of explanation, so here it is, even if it isnt really a good one...
i dont really know what im doing anymore, my life kinda went to shit last year and it made me step back and take a look at things, like a serious look.
ive felt more and more dissociation with this account and many of the characters ive created on it as time went on, as well as just going over how much money i've spent trying to get art of everyone in my OC collection without abandoning any characters. meanwhile making money and just living comfortably has been a huge neverending shit-storm since Covid hit in real life....
i took what i intended to be a short break from all this, and months later im still not sure i want to come back to this... however, i still love the little worlds i created and the characters in them, and i spent real money won by hard work in the real world on the wonderful art and stories i commissioned. so this account is here to stay.
i'll check back here every now and again, i dont know if i'll ever fully come back to this account and make it fully active again. i cant even really fully explain my feelings correctly either, i'm not a psychologist... i dunno. i just dont know
i dont really know what im doing anymore, my life kinda went to shit last year and it made me step back and take a look at things, like a serious look.
ive felt more and more dissociation with this account and many of the characters ive created on it as time went on, as well as just going over how much money i've spent trying to get art of everyone in my OC collection without abandoning any characters. meanwhile making money and just living comfortably has been a huge neverending shit-storm since Covid hit in real life....
i took what i intended to be a short break from all this, and months later im still not sure i want to come back to this... however, i still love the little worlds i created and the characters in them, and i spent real money won by hard work in the real world on the wonderful art and stories i commissioned. so this account is here to stay.
i'll check back here every now and again, i dont know if i'll ever fully come back to this account and make it fully active again. i cant even really fully explain my feelings correctly either, i'm not a psychologist... i dunno. i just dont know
Signal Boosting for a Game Designer
Posted 4 years agoalrighty, i havnt really done this before but Fertifo0, the awesome artist who i commissioned my two most recent pics from, asked me for some help in boosting a friend of his who designed a little dress-up game and is currently looking for clients!
his name is
Piber, and he designed this game: https://piber.me/games/pibdressup/ as a clothing dress-up simulator!
he's looking for more clients to build this type of game for, basically a clothing-selection game!
i think its a lot of fun messing about with the randomizer on this game personally, but i think this works out pretty well for characters who have a lot of potential clothing options, the art style is nice and simple and has that old-school-game graphic vibe. basically i like it!
other than that, would like to also mention that
Fertifo0 is also open for art commissions as well! ^w^ he did those AWESOME Arcanine and Mightyena TF's for me, and i love his artstyle and pricing for it! give him a look-see as well!
his name is
Piber, and he designed this game: https://piber.me/games/pibdressup/ as a clothing dress-up simulator!he's looking for more clients to build this type of game for, basically a clothing-selection game!
i think its a lot of fun messing about with the randomizer on this game personally, but i think this works out pretty well for characters who have a lot of potential clothing options, the art style is nice and simple and has that old-school-game graphic vibe. basically i like it!
other than that, would like to also mention that
Fertifo0 is also open for art commissions as well! ^w^ he did those AWESOME Arcanine and Mightyena TF's for me, and i love his artstyle and pricing for it! give him a look-see as well!Doing alright since the foot injury
Posted 4 years agomy foot's in much better shape now, thankfully wasnt broken, but it was so badly bruised that i needed physical therapy to get it right again. but im back to work at full capacity now and im happier.
all things considered though, this year has kinda sucked for me, but i refuse to let it get me down for too long. i got too much shit to do to allow myself to become angry for too long.
hoping that the cold weather brings enough of a slowdown with work that i can just take a damn week to myself, a week where i'm NOT stuck immobile, nursing an injured limb like a few weeks ago. i never got that real vacation i wanted yet, and that time off work for the injury was so damn irritating, like knowing i cant walk makes me wanna go outside and do stuff, though i cant....
anyways, just letting everyone know im doing better since the injury and am getting back to normal... if i even know what the heck normal is at this point lol! rock on ppl!
all things considered though, this year has kinda sucked for me, but i refuse to let it get me down for too long. i got too much shit to do to allow myself to become angry for too long.
hoping that the cold weather brings enough of a slowdown with work that i can just take a damn week to myself, a week where i'm NOT stuck immobile, nursing an injured limb like a few weeks ago. i never got that real vacation i wanted yet, and that time off work for the injury was so damn irritating, like knowing i cant walk makes me wanna go outside and do stuff, though i cant....
anyways, just letting everyone know im doing better since the injury and am getting back to normal... if i even know what the heck normal is at this point lol! rock on ppl!
Dammit, almost got my foot broken (rant)
Posted 4 years agoyeah so, my idiot co-worker cut a strap holding a multi-hundred pound metal column for a 12k pound capacity truck lift onto it's pallet on Tuesday, without checking the area first to make sure it was clear. if he even called out to let me know his intentions, i didnt hear it, and he never checked to make sure i or anyone else was out of the way heard it before cutting the strap...
...and having the damn lift column drop right onto my boot-laces of my left foot, missing the steel-toe entirely. my entire world was pain for a few minutes.
i wouldnt of even cut the strap like that in the first place, cause i wouldnt have wanted to let the lift column roll onto the ground like that, possibly damaging the concrete floor and the paint of the brand-new lift, but this idiot was rushing as far as i could tell after-the-fact, and it could have cost me my damn foot if i hadnt been lucky as fuck. his head hasnt been fully in the game for awhile, but i frankly dont give a shit about his personal family problems or whatever the fuck else is going on to distract him, i dont need his fucking negligence making me sit out of work for a few days cause his damn head wasnt in the fucking game.
worked through the day out of sheer fury and stubborness cause the job had to get done that day, and honestly, because focusing on the job made it easier to focus on NOT punching the idiot who did this to me in the fucking face... so limped around all day like the psychotic workaholic moron that i am and got it all done.
but this morning my foot still hurt like a bastard and was swollen like a damn grapefruit, so i relented and went to the hospital to get it x-rayed.
no broken bones or fractures, it landed just right to make my entire left foot into a bruise basically, but no breaks. still was ordered not to walk on it and i'm popping tylenol like fucking pez, and i cant wear any of my shoes except for this one old destroyed pair that's wide enough for the swollen top of my foot with the laces pulled out. walking on it without limping noticably to avoid the swollen parts hurts like a motherfucker though...
at least this shit is what workman's comp is for, if i had to rely on my own insurance for even just an xray, i'd be out some seroius money i'll bet. and i'll only be out of work until the swelling goes down enough where i can walk and lift things again. but still, this shit shouldnt have happened in the damn first place...
i'm okay, but i'm pissed off, this is NOT how i wanted to take some days off... sorry about the ranting i just needed to get this off my chest...
...and having the damn lift column drop right onto my boot-laces of my left foot, missing the steel-toe entirely. my entire world was pain for a few minutes.
i wouldnt of even cut the strap like that in the first place, cause i wouldnt have wanted to let the lift column roll onto the ground like that, possibly damaging the concrete floor and the paint of the brand-new lift, but this idiot was rushing as far as i could tell after-the-fact, and it could have cost me my damn foot if i hadnt been lucky as fuck. his head hasnt been fully in the game for awhile, but i frankly dont give a shit about his personal family problems or whatever the fuck else is going on to distract him, i dont need his fucking negligence making me sit out of work for a few days cause his damn head wasnt in the fucking game.
worked through the day out of sheer fury and stubborness cause the job had to get done that day, and honestly, because focusing on the job made it easier to focus on NOT punching the idiot who did this to me in the fucking face... so limped around all day like the psychotic workaholic moron that i am and got it all done.
but this morning my foot still hurt like a bastard and was swollen like a damn grapefruit, so i relented and went to the hospital to get it x-rayed.
no broken bones or fractures, it landed just right to make my entire left foot into a bruise basically, but no breaks. still was ordered not to walk on it and i'm popping tylenol like fucking pez, and i cant wear any of my shoes except for this one old destroyed pair that's wide enough for the swollen top of my foot with the laces pulled out. walking on it without limping noticably to avoid the swollen parts hurts like a motherfucker though...
at least this shit is what workman's comp is for, if i had to rely on my own insurance for even just an xray, i'd be out some seroius money i'll bet. and i'll only be out of work until the swelling goes down enough where i can walk and lift things again. but still, this shit shouldnt have happened in the damn first place...
i'm okay, but i'm pissed off, this is NOT how i wanted to take some days off... sorry about the ranting i just needed to get this off my chest...
alright, gonna try for normal again!
Posted 4 years agoafter a soul-crushingly bad month, and weeks of wresting with the constant back and forth of "i'm okay/i'm not okay" i'm making a serious effort to get back to my version of normal once more!
forcing myself outta the house to play some airsoft, putting money aside for commissions once more, my work is at least leveling out in it's craziness lately, and basically moving forward in my life instead of running in place.
hopefully, i can take that much-needed vacation i've been thinking of this autumn... still got no solid plans. but i need some time to myself to just cut loose in some way. hoping i can find an airsoft event to plan some time off around before the seasons shift to cold. either that, or just camping somewhere with no-one to bother me would be nice. i've been craving some true solitude a lot lately, and i really miss living alone in an apartment.
anyways, update on my life and stuff.
i want to thank everyone once again for the support, well-wishes, and sympathy you've all given me in this crappy time in my life, you all are the best! and it makes me proud to be a part of this community! ^w^ thank you all!
forcing myself outta the house to play some airsoft, putting money aside for commissions once more, my work is at least leveling out in it's craziness lately, and basically moving forward in my life instead of running in place.
hopefully, i can take that much-needed vacation i've been thinking of this autumn... still got no solid plans. but i need some time to myself to just cut loose in some way. hoping i can find an airsoft event to plan some time off around before the seasons shift to cold. either that, or just camping somewhere with no-one to bother me would be nice. i've been craving some true solitude a lot lately, and i really miss living alone in an apartment.
anyways, update on my life and stuff.
i want to thank everyone once again for the support, well-wishes, and sympathy you've all given me in this crappy time in my life, you all are the best! and it makes me proud to be a part of this community! ^w^ thank you all!
turned 29
Posted 4 years ago29 years old as of last Thursday, forgot to post or maybe just didnt feel like until now, i dunno...
everything else that happened last week, last few weeks, kinda made it less of something to truly celebrate and more of something to do to get my mind off of everything else. kinda worked i guess...
grandma's funeral was last tuesday, and it's hard to truly celebrate something like my birthday so soon after. it was a beautiful service and i didnt cry, but i just... i cant describe it properly, still working through it i guess is the best description i can come up with.
i need a fucking vacation from everything i think, cant even truly be alone to recharge since my parents are always home when i am. downside of having to move back in with them... i need a week where the weather isnt constantly 90+ degrees F and humid, and where my work isnt so crazy with critically important crazy big jobs that they can afford to have me off...
...i dont even know where i'd go or what i'd do with a week off right now either... i just need it, even if its do to nothing but just watch anime and recharge without anyone to bother me irl for once...
everything else that happened last week, last few weeks, kinda made it less of something to truly celebrate and more of something to do to get my mind off of everything else. kinda worked i guess...
grandma's funeral was last tuesday, and it's hard to truly celebrate something like my birthday so soon after. it was a beautiful service and i didnt cry, but i just... i cant describe it properly, still working through it i guess is the best description i can come up with.
i need a fucking vacation from everything i think, cant even truly be alone to recharge since my parents are always home when i am. downside of having to move back in with them... i need a week where the weather isnt constantly 90+ degrees F and humid, and where my work isnt so crazy with critically important crazy big jobs that they can afford to have me off...
...i dont even know where i'd go or what i'd do with a week off right now either... i just need it, even if its do to nothing but just watch anime and recharge without anyone to bother me irl for once...
Doing better now, life goes on
Posted 4 years agoi've been doing better with my emotions, allowing myself to cry, working to distract myself and get back to normal. i think i'm okay enough to resume doing my thing here on FA, at the very least. sooner than i expected when i first said hiatus, which i count as a good thing
i''m still not planning any posts here for awhile due to reaching my monetary limit for commissions/hobbies before all this happened, so might be awhile there. other than that... not much to report account-wise
i want to thank you all for the support and the hugs, i'm not the best with emotions and letting them out, and everything kinda gushes out when i lose someone i love. thank you all for being there for me, you're the best!
i''m still not planning any posts here for awhile due to reaching my monetary limit for commissions/hobbies before all this happened, so might be awhile there. other than that... not much to report account-wise
i want to thank you all for the support and the hugs, i'm not the best with emotions and letting them out, and everything kinda gushes out when i lose someone i love. thank you all for being there for me, you're the best!
Update, Short Hiatus.
Posted 4 years agomy Grandmother passed away sometime between 1:00-1:20AM this morning. she went peacefully in her sleep. we knew this might happen given her condition and hospitalization, but you are never truly ready for when it does
i had my time of grief today, and so did my dad. to be honest, theres a sense of relief with the sorrow, we did all that we could for her and so did the hospital staff. we believe that.
i'm working through some things still, i just feel this stress in my chest, like im gonna burst crying at any moment if i lose focus.
i wonder if i somehow sensed it was time. yesterday was when i decided to share my woes in a previous journal, i couldnt get a single second of sleep for most of the night into early morning today. and that is when it happened. i cant explain it, i didnt feel like anything was particularly wrong this morning, i just couldnt sleep, like i was meant to be awake to hear the news.
i'm not good dealing with sorrow, i'll respond to everyone's comments on the last journal as best i can, but then i need time to myself. i just dont feel like doing anything right now...
i had my time of grief today, and so did my dad. to be honest, theres a sense of relief with the sorrow, we did all that we could for her and so did the hospital staff. we believe that.
i'm working through some things still, i just feel this stress in my chest, like im gonna burst crying at any moment if i lose focus.
i wonder if i somehow sensed it was time. yesterday was when i decided to share my woes in a previous journal, i couldnt get a single second of sleep for most of the night into early morning today. and that is when it happened. i cant explain it, i didnt feel like anything was particularly wrong this morning, i just couldnt sleep, like i was meant to be awake to hear the news.
i'm not good dealing with sorrow, i'll respond to everyone's comments on the last journal as best i can, but then i need time to myself. i just dont feel like doing anything right now...
update
Posted 4 years agomy grandmother passed away this morning
i dont know exact details, just found out now
cpuldnt sleep, now i know why, certain i wont sleep now
cant cry, think im still shocked, heart feels like it weighs a million pounds
i dont know exact details, just found out now
cpuldnt sleep, now i know why, certain i wont sleep now
cant cry, think im still shocked, heart feels like it weighs a million pounds
Dealing with depression/family member slowly fading (vent...
Posted 4 years agookay, so in the last month, my Grandmother went into the hospital and from there into assisted-living. she's in her late 90's and suffering from dementia and a myriad of other health problems, and i'm honestly not sure she will last the rest of the year... it's destroying my Dad inside, i can tell, and i cant do a damn thing about it... tearing me up inside too, i'm not sleeping, irritable. i cant even play airsoft cause i was one step shy of beating a cheating little bastard's teeth in with the butt of my airsoft rifle last time i was there right after a bad update on Grandma's health...
i've been trying to deal with this shit on my own, like always, retreating into my anti-social shell and trying to ignore the fucking emotions. not really working... i just feel like i'm waiting for terrible news at every second of every day and i dont fucking know what the fuck else to do... i just bury the sorrow at knowing the inevitability and let it turn into the rage of not being able to do a god damn thing, it's not healthy but i know how to deal with rage more than anguish, been dealing with rage all my life...
oh, and i turn twenty-nine on the 12th of next month, happy fucking birthday to me. at this rate i can only hope that it will be an excuse for my family to celebrate something for a change, a momentary distraction from the slow-burn of pain we're all feeling deeper inside... oh, and i forgot i'll be working on my birthday anyway, installing a vehicle-storage lift...
so yeah... just, not feeling up to socializing lately, be it on the internet or in real life. just a heads up if activity here kinda slows down i guess
i've been trying to deal with this shit on my own, like always, retreating into my anti-social shell and trying to ignore the fucking emotions. not really working... i just feel like i'm waiting for terrible news at every second of every day and i dont fucking know what the fuck else to do... i just bury the sorrow at knowing the inevitability and let it turn into the rage of not being able to do a god damn thing, it's not healthy but i know how to deal with rage more than anguish, been dealing with rage all my life...
oh, and i turn twenty-nine on the 12th of next month, happy fucking birthday to me. at this rate i can only hope that it will be an excuse for my family to celebrate something for a change, a momentary distraction from the slow-burn of pain we're all feeling deeper inside... oh, and i forgot i'll be working on my birthday anyway, installing a vehicle-storage lift...
so yeah... just, not feeling up to socializing lately, be it on the internet or in real life. just a heads up if activity here kinda slows down i guess
Something that annoys me enough to mention it...
Posted 4 years agoi really, REALLY cant stand people who think that being introverted is some kind of social disease, just because they're hyper-extroverts who have never even considered life without some kind of constant human/social media contact with other people, probably a bit of "self-important, never been told no before,"-syndrome mixed in there too, DEFINETELY a heaping serving of general disrespect added in for good measure...
i honestly believe that the opposite is better, not having your entire being hinge on the opinions and approvals of other people, there is a certain serenity in not giving a fuck about what negative things other people may think of you. and i like the fact that i can do my thing, not bother anyone, and have no one bothering me. i have no real enemies that i can think of, and a few friends, thats a good ratio!
i recharge by getting away from crowds and people, other people recharge by being with crowds and people. i like a certain level of interaction, i'm comfortable with it, but a 'friend-of-a-girlfriend' of my cousin whom i barely know shouldnt be inviting me to house parties with no-one there i'll know, and then jumping on me for being antisocial when i decline. (i think this incident may lead her to not be friends with my cousin anymore too. good, that chick is kinda trash, the dead-on 'stereotypical party-girl' vibe she gave me was reason enough to decline, never mind i dont do parties without good friends or family there, which there wasnt going to be)
very interesting situation i found myself in to say the least... yeah... basically we all glared at her when she told me that "antisocial" line, and she had a pretty good "oh shit" face once she read the room, mask-slipping-off kinda moment. i walked away, cousin apologized via a long text later... but MAN that was awkward as fuck!!
i honestly believe that the opposite is better, not having your entire being hinge on the opinions and approvals of other people, there is a certain serenity in not giving a fuck about what negative things other people may think of you. and i like the fact that i can do my thing, not bother anyone, and have no one bothering me. i have no real enemies that i can think of, and a few friends, thats a good ratio!
i recharge by getting away from crowds and people, other people recharge by being with crowds and people. i like a certain level of interaction, i'm comfortable with it, but a 'friend-of-a-girlfriend' of my cousin whom i barely know shouldnt be inviting me to house parties with no-one there i'll know, and then jumping on me for being antisocial when i decline. (i think this incident may lead her to not be friends with my cousin anymore too. good, that chick is kinda trash, the dead-on 'stereotypical party-girl' vibe she gave me was reason enough to decline, never mind i dont do parties without good friends or family there, which there wasnt going to be)
very interesting situation i found myself in to say the least... yeah... basically we all glared at her when she told me that "antisocial" line, and she had a pretty good "oh shit" face once she read the room, mask-slipping-off kinda moment. i walked away, cousin apologized via a long text later... but MAN that was awkward as fuck!!
Back from my Airsoft Vacation!
Posted 4 years agoahh man i had a freaking fun time! ran myself kinda ragged from hours of lugging my airsoft M-60 around as well as other gear, but my team won the event for points despite having the least amount of people there, (tan team)
had a fun time camping, roughing it mostly in a tent but i had fun cooking my meals over a campfire, but i did forget some stuff, forgot to bring a pillow and forgot to bring (and kept forgetting to buy) butter, but had enough to make meals!
a raccoon stole my bread though, woke me up at 5am the morning after the event after knocking my dry-goods box off the table and despite me literally saying "HEY, FUCK OFF! THATS MY BREAD!" he kinda gave me this look that said "My bread now, Asshole!" and took off with the whole ziplock of my toast-bread and hamburger rolls, also chewed my entire stack of paper plates and paper towels as an extra "Fuck you, human!"
...so i ate breakfast out of the pan i cooked it in (bulk of my food was in a latched cooler) and laughed about it. if raccoons knew how to flip people off, i'm sure this one would be grinning and flipping me off before making off with my bread lol! XD
anyways, achey as hell now and got work for the rest of the week, ALWAYS schedule extra days off to recover and unpack after a physically demanding event like this people! i did and honestly, wish i asked for one extra day to just do nothing and recover more, but i'm glad i at least took Monday off!
had a fun time camping, roughing it mostly in a tent but i had fun cooking my meals over a campfire, but i did forget some stuff, forgot to bring a pillow and forgot to bring (and kept forgetting to buy) butter, but had enough to make meals!
a raccoon stole my bread though, woke me up at 5am the morning after the event after knocking my dry-goods box off the table and despite me literally saying "HEY, FUCK OFF! THATS MY BREAD!" he kinda gave me this look that said "My bread now, Asshole!" and took off with the whole ziplock of my toast-bread and hamburger rolls, also chewed my entire stack of paper plates and paper towels as an extra "Fuck you, human!"
...so i ate breakfast out of the pan i cooked it in (bulk of my food was in a latched cooler) and laughed about it. if raccoons knew how to flip people off, i'm sure this one would be grinning and flipping me off before making off with my bread lol! XD
anyways, achey as hell now and got work for the rest of the week, ALWAYS schedule extra days off to recover and unpack after a physically demanding event like this people! i did and honestly, wish i asked for one extra day to just do nothing and recover more, but i'm glad i at least took Monday off!
Vacation this weekend!
Posted 4 years agogoing camping and going to Evike.com's Bad Blood East 2021 event in New Milford, PA.
first time on a true vacation since 2019, last year was hell, and this year been busy, i NEED this break and this fun
i'll be leaving tomorrow morning, and wont really be back until next Monday, expecting that i wont really have much reliable internet on my phone for the next coupla days, but it's good to unplug a bit now and again anyway.
hope everyone else has a good weekend! ^w^
first time on a true vacation since 2019, last year was hell, and this year been busy, i NEED this break and this fun
i'll be leaving tomorrow morning, and wont really be back until next Monday, expecting that i wont really have much reliable internet on my phone for the next coupla days, but it's good to unplug a bit now and again anyway.
hope everyone else has a good weekend! ^w^
i... hate... printer cartridges...
Posted 4 years agoi dont use my printer for a few months, and the fucking things dry out, clog solid, or... whatever the fuck they do to refuse to print!!!!!!
tried every cartridge cleaning hack i could find on youtube just to get my damn printer to print black for text, the color cartridge is working, but the fucking black ink one wont give me ink no matter how i clean it, soak it, alcohol it, blast it with air through the vent... urrrgh!!! 3/4 full and it looks like i have to buy a new fucking cartridge, and this is the third time the damn thing has done this to me! thanks a whole fucking lot, HP... (hp officejet 3830 for those curious)
i dont often print much other than documents, and can literally go months without even turning the printer on until i have that one thing i need to print that's 12 pages long and all i'm getting are magenta and cyan, zero black text whatsoever. and printer ink aint fucking cheap and ive never run a cartridge out on this fucking printer cause the fucking things dry out and clog or whatever before i use all the fucking ink...
probably not an uncommon rant either... i'll just use my boss's printer at work for this shit, fucking tired of trying these stupid not-working printer ink hacks... perfect frustration to top off an annoying overall day at work lol...
tried every cartridge cleaning hack i could find on youtube just to get my damn printer to print black for text, the color cartridge is working, but the fucking black ink one wont give me ink no matter how i clean it, soak it, alcohol it, blast it with air through the vent... urrrgh!!! 3/4 full and it looks like i have to buy a new fucking cartridge, and this is the third time the damn thing has done this to me! thanks a whole fucking lot, HP... (hp officejet 3830 for those curious)
i dont often print much other than documents, and can literally go months without even turning the printer on until i have that one thing i need to print that's 12 pages long and all i'm getting are magenta and cyan, zero black text whatsoever. and printer ink aint fucking cheap and ive never run a cartridge out on this fucking printer cause the fucking things dry out and clog or whatever before i use all the fucking ink...
probably not an uncommon rant either... i'll just use my boss's printer at work for this shit, fucking tired of trying these stupid not-working printer ink hacks... perfect frustration to top off an annoying overall day at work lol...
slowing down on commissions and uploads for awhile
Posted 4 years agojust a heads-up for my watchers, after this next pic i upload (might upload tomorrow) gonna try to slow down on commissioning art for awhile due...well, quite frankly due to overspending on both commissions and stuff for my airsoft hobby...
i may be doing better financially since moving back in with my parents, but i kinda went a bit overboard the last few months. i need to regulate my spending better cause i got some major bills that i thought i was accounting for alright, but they wound up biting me for more money than i thought and i had to compensate with my savings again... (mostly car repairs where the damn parts cost me way more than i thought they would, and regular payments i'm making trying to settle a pretty big debt, top it off with having to replace/acquire some tools i lost/broke out of my personal toolset for a yard/construction job i was doing)
probably will start commissioning stuff again by next month, should stabilize by then cause i managed to get a significant raise at work (YAY!) that went into effect this week, as long as nothing major happens i'll have money in my general-use account that i can use for commissions again ^w^
i may be doing better financially since moving back in with my parents, but i kinda went a bit overboard the last few months. i need to regulate my spending better cause i got some major bills that i thought i was accounting for alright, but they wound up biting me for more money than i thought and i had to compensate with my savings again... (mostly car repairs where the damn parts cost me way more than i thought they would, and regular payments i'm making trying to settle a pretty big debt, top it off with having to replace/acquire some tools i lost/broke out of my personal toolset for a yard/construction job i was doing)
probably will start commissioning stuff again by next month, should stabilize by then cause i managed to get a significant raise at work (YAY!) that went into effect this week, as long as nothing major happens i'll have money in my general-use account that i can use for commissions again ^w^
dontchu hate rainy 3-day weekends?
Posted 4 years agowhatever outdoor plans i had kinda fizzled when i saw the forecast, i wouldve loved getting some outdoor airsoft done but meh, cant control nature.
tried to indoor airsoft, but i screwed up my planning by not noticing the open/close times for the field were different than the open/close times for the shop, showed up less than an hour before field closing after an hour drive there, so i drove an hour back home and watched anime and porn instead... (field was open till 4pm, shop open till 7pm)
so i spent today as a very, VERY rare do-nothing day! playing Yakuza 0 again and also watching furry porn and anime because why the fuck not? XD
...honestly, still antsy and wanna do something outside though. next weekend then...
tried to indoor airsoft, but i screwed up my planning by not noticing the open/close times for the field were different than the open/close times for the shop, showed up less than an hour before field closing after an hour drive there, so i drove an hour back home and watched anime and porn instead... (field was open till 4pm, shop open till 7pm)
so i spent today as a very, VERY rare do-nothing day! playing Yakuza 0 again and also watching furry porn and anime because why the fuck not? XD
...honestly, still antsy and wanna do something outside though. next weekend then...
recent stress
Posted 4 years agohonestly, been dealing with this since before Mother's Day, been trying to work my way through it, focus on my own issues and problems, and hope it gets better, but the situation keeps dragging on and ive been having trouble sleeping cause of it.
my Nana fell and hit her side on the corner of a table two days before we were supposed to do a Mother's Day lunch for her that Sunday. hospital, Xrays, deep heavy bruising but no broken bones, she's in a lot of pain from it that has continued to this day, and the situation is stressing my mom out and in turn stressing me out.
she keeps telling mom she's in pain, mom keeps going over. Nana is frustrated that this isnt healing or going away as fast as she wants it to, but she is 90 years old, she turns 91 this year, bruising that deep will take a long time to heal. basically, i'm stressing cause somebody i love is in pain and i cant do a damn thing about it...
apologies if i'm less socially outgoing than ive been trying to be recently. its always something...
my Nana fell and hit her side on the corner of a table two days before we were supposed to do a Mother's Day lunch for her that Sunday. hospital, Xrays, deep heavy bruising but no broken bones, she's in a lot of pain from it that has continued to this day, and the situation is stressing my mom out and in turn stressing me out.
she keeps telling mom she's in pain, mom keeps going over. Nana is frustrated that this isnt healing or going away as fast as she wants it to, but she is 90 years old, she turns 91 this year, bruising that deep will take a long time to heal. basically, i'm stressing cause somebody i love is in pain and i cant do a damn thing about it...
apologies if i'm less socially outgoing than ive been trying to be recently. its always something...
finally, Finally, FINALLY!!!! (airsoft-related)
Posted 4 years agobecause of Covid, the opportunities for airsoft events since last year have dwindled massively. had multiple major events last year get outright canceled, postponed-then-canceled, or postponed to a date where work picked up so heavily that i couldnt leave my coworkers hanging for even a weekend after having no money come in for months.
finally got a ray of hope, Evike.com's Bad Blood East 2021 on June 26-27, tickets finally went on sale and i fucking need a big airsoft event, last year was supposed to be my first three-event year and i didnt even do one...
to be honest, if the event gets postponed or canceled, i'm still taking time off, i didnt take any vacation last year, and the unemployment time i spent pulling my hair out from extreme stress last year was FAR from vacation time... will i take Covid precautions? abso-fucking-lutely! i will have fun but i refuse to get anyone in my family sick for it. but seriously, FUCK ive been waiting for something like this!!
if it DOES get canceled, which i refuse to ignore the possibility, i'm gonna probably do some solo tent camping, maybe Acadia National Park, or Vermont... somewhere far enough away from Massachusetts that i'll actually appreciate the scenery... working and driving all over my state makes all the stuff i see along the highways get stale, plus i work on the Cape enough to recognize it for the hopeless tourist trap that that entire landmass has sadly become... so, anywhere but here, basically...
finally got a ray of hope, Evike.com's Bad Blood East 2021 on June 26-27, tickets finally went on sale and i fucking need a big airsoft event, last year was supposed to be my first three-event year and i didnt even do one...
to be honest, if the event gets postponed or canceled, i'm still taking time off, i didnt take any vacation last year, and the unemployment time i spent pulling my hair out from extreme stress last year was FAR from vacation time... will i take Covid precautions? abso-fucking-lutely! i will have fun but i refuse to get anyone in my family sick for it. but seriously, FUCK ive been waiting for something like this!!
if it DOES get canceled, which i refuse to ignore the possibility, i'm gonna probably do some solo tent camping, maybe Acadia National Park, or Vermont... somewhere far enough away from Massachusetts that i'll actually appreciate the scenery... working and driving all over my state makes all the stuff i see along the highways get stale, plus i work on the Cape enough to recognize it for the hopeless tourist trap that that entire landmass has sadly become... so, anywhere but here, basically...
Arizona jugs are apparantly Fragile as heck
Posted 4 years agojust finished cleaning up a gallon-sized jug of Arizona Mucho Mango juice from the kitchen floor... dropping them from chest-height causes them to shatter like they're made out of plate glass apparently...
just went for a late-night drink and ended up mopping the entire fucking kitchen lol... saved about a quarter of it in the part of the jug that was still intact though, so not a total loss i guess
honestly dont even know why i'm sharing this, prolly cause i went from half asleep to wide awake and furious in under a second and still riding out the adrenaline from the initial shock of dropping the thing lol. hope you all have a better late evening ^^;
just went for a late-night drink and ended up mopping the entire fucking kitchen lol... saved about a quarter of it in the part of the jug that was still intact though, so not a total loss i guess
honestly dont even know why i'm sharing this, prolly cause i went from half asleep to wide awake and furious in under a second and still riding out the adrenaline from the initial shock of dropping the thing lol. hope you all have a better late evening ^^;
a funny thought i had...
Posted 4 years agojust saw this video on youtube about a man brushing his wolfdog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqGJqH-S-hw
made me wonder about my floofy werewolf-sona, and everyone else's various floofy canine, feline, and other anthro-sonas... in a city of furries, we'd probably fill a sports stadium with brushed-off shedded fur, EVERY WEEK... imagine all the shedding that an entire WORLD of furries would have to deal with lol! ^w^
interesting midnight thought that occurred to me before bed lol, XD
made me wonder about my floofy werewolf-sona, and everyone else's various floofy canine, feline, and other anthro-sonas... in a city of furries, we'd probably fill a sports stadium with brushed-off shedded fur, EVERY WEEK... imagine all the shedding that an entire WORLD of furries would have to deal with lol! ^w^
interesting midnight thought that occurred to me before bed lol, XD
plans for the present and for the future!
Posted 4 years agohonestly, the whole situation with me having to move was a stressful shitshow. but some good has come out of it i think. i'm finally able to pay off some of this debt ive been under, and can actually put money aside now for my hobbies.
planning on getting more personal commissions this year, wanna get some possession TF stuff with my OC Tenchi, more stuff with my Herm demonwolf form (whom i still need to name and get an official ref sheet for) and also i wanna reach out and get some collaborations done with my friends here on FA cause i was struggling for a long time setting aside money for commissions and collabs!
also my other hobby, Airsoft, i FINALLY got back on the field today after almost two months and it was awesome! i put off a few projects for that hobby as well but i'm planning on fixing/replacing some internals on a couple of my worn-down guns, selling one i dont use anymore, and hopefully getting a HPA tank and setup that i can run with multiple airsoft platforms later. but damn i missed running around outside, FPS games really dont do much for me these days, i gotta get out and airsoft lol!
most importantly though, i'm putting money away to pay off my debt from having to get a new vehicle last year. i'm also going to try to save money to buy a house one day. i'm tired of renting places, had both a decent apartment and a crappy apartment, but either way, i'm dumping money into a property i'll never own and i'm tired of it. i have a decent job and a great boss and i'm gonna do my damndest to make a decent house happen one day. and i'm in a better spot to do it now cause honestly, its fuckin hard to save money as a single working-class dude when enough money goes into rent and utilities that you barely do better than breaking even! : (
i miss the solitude though. one or both of my folks are always home and i rarely get alone time anymore. it's a sacrifice i knew i had to make but honestly i recharge by being alone, cause working with people and interacting with people in my work wears me out. (yes, i'm an introvert, borderline antisocial).
not certain about my plans for getting a pet anymore though, need to run that by my parents. i doubt they want to go through the process of raising another cat, might just end up getting a fishtank if i can figure out where the heck i'd be able to put one in this crowded house. will update id i go anywhere with this..
anyways, feels like 2021 finally stopped kicking my ass for long enough that i at least caught my breath, gonna brace myself for the rest of the year now. rock on ppl! ^w^
planning on getting more personal commissions this year, wanna get some possession TF stuff with my OC Tenchi, more stuff with my Herm demonwolf form (whom i still need to name and get an official ref sheet for) and also i wanna reach out and get some collaborations done with my friends here on FA cause i was struggling for a long time setting aside money for commissions and collabs!
also my other hobby, Airsoft, i FINALLY got back on the field today after almost two months and it was awesome! i put off a few projects for that hobby as well but i'm planning on fixing/replacing some internals on a couple of my worn-down guns, selling one i dont use anymore, and hopefully getting a HPA tank and setup that i can run with multiple airsoft platforms later. but damn i missed running around outside, FPS games really dont do much for me these days, i gotta get out and airsoft lol!
most importantly though, i'm putting money away to pay off my debt from having to get a new vehicle last year. i'm also going to try to save money to buy a house one day. i'm tired of renting places, had both a decent apartment and a crappy apartment, but either way, i'm dumping money into a property i'll never own and i'm tired of it. i have a decent job and a great boss and i'm gonna do my damndest to make a decent house happen one day. and i'm in a better spot to do it now cause honestly, its fuckin hard to save money as a single working-class dude when enough money goes into rent and utilities that you barely do better than breaking even! : (
i miss the solitude though. one or both of my folks are always home and i rarely get alone time anymore. it's a sacrifice i knew i had to make but honestly i recharge by being alone, cause working with people and interacting with people in my work wears me out. (yes, i'm an introvert, borderline antisocial).
not certain about my plans for getting a pet anymore though, need to run that by my parents. i doubt they want to go through the process of raising another cat, might just end up getting a fishtank if i can figure out where the heck i'd be able to put one in this crowded house. will update id i go anywhere with this..
anyways, feels like 2021 finally stopped kicking my ass for long enough that i at least caught my breath, gonna brace myself for the rest of the year now. rock on ppl! ^w^
Move Complete!
Posted 4 years agoalrighty, the biggest part of my move is done, getting everything out of my apartment and cramming it everywhere it will fit in my old room at my parents house. now to slowly sort everything out of boxes and/or into long-term storage as needed.
got my computer setup done finally. so i'm back online at least, but need to set up my TV and Xboxes (i play my 360 for old games, i play a couple of non-compatibles to this day still)
anyways, the worst part is over, ESPECIALLY considering my car broke down last Wednesday as well. thankfully was just fouled spark plugs but goddamn all the bad shit seemed to all happen at the same time as me trying to move, the last time i was that stressed for that long was when Covid initially hit the U.S. and everything shut down...
well, at least i celebrated this move properly, i broke out one of my special cans of Mtn Dew, probably one of the last cans of Mtn Dew Pitch Black that are still around and drinkable. and toasted with my parents lol! (i am a MASSIVE nerd, i know)
welp, back here after a few years on my own in two different apartments. i'm happy that things will work out, yet at the same time i cant help the frustration that comes with knowing i tried my damndest to make things work without needing to rely on my parents or anyone else. i took great pride in living by the fruits of my own labor too, i mean i didnt have much, and i still dont, but i was proud of knowing i got these things on my own. then over the last five years or so, life repeatedly kicked me right in the wallet...
well i'm at a job i love that i know i can make work, i'm now secure in my living situation, and i'm finally in a position where i can save some fucking money. i dont know where i'll be in five years from now, but probably in a better spot than if i was still hopping from apartment to apartment.
got my computer setup done finally. so i'm back online at least, but need to set up my TV and Xboxes (i play my 360 for old games, i play a couple of non-compatibles to this day still)
anyways, the worst part is over, ESPECIALLY considering my car broke down last Wednesday as well. thankfully was just fouled spark plugs but goddamn all the bad shit seemed to all happen at the same time as me trying to move, the last time i was that stressed for that long was when Covid initially hit the U.S. and everything shut down...
well, at least i celebrated this move properly, i broke out one of my special cans of Mtn Dew, probably one of the last cans of Mtn Dew Pitch Black that are still around and drinkable. and toasted with my parents lol! (i am a MASSIVE nerd, i know)
welp, back here after a few years on my own in two different apartments. i'm happy that things will work out, yet at the same time i cant help the frustration that comes with knowing i tried my damndest to make things work without needing to rely on my parents or anyone else. i took great pride in living by the fruits of my own labor too, i mean i didnt have much, and i still dont, but i was proud of knowing i got these things on my own. then over the last five years or so, life repeatedly kicked me right in the wallet...
well i'm at a job i love that i know i can make work, i'm now secure in my living situation, and i'm finally in a position where i can save some fucking money. i dont know where i'll be in five years from now, but probably in a better spot than if i was still hopping from apartment to apartment.
Moving once more
Posted 4 years agomore of a heads-up than anything else, havnt been on the computer a ton lately as i'm finalizing my move back to my parents house.
should be fully moved back into my old room by this Saturday. got most of the boxes of stuff moved over, need to rent/borrow a van for some of my furniture, and need to cancel my electricity, gas, internet, etc.
once im done, should actually have a shot of saving some money, paying off my debts, and commissioning more stuff for the next couple of years. downside is ive gotten so used to living alone that i'll need to adjust to living with my parents again. but that shouldnt be too difficult.
ironically, this apartment is now somewhat easier to live in right now, with most of my crap moved outta here already, i can actually walk around normally in here lol, was small enough that most of my furniture was shelves to store all my tools from my auto mechanic days, my airsoft and camping gear, household stuff, and my Mountain Dew Collection (i will never throw this worthless pile of cardboard and scrap aluminum away!!)
havnt even reached the fun part yet, figuring out how to stuff (more like IF i can stuff) all of the important pieces into a single small room (TV, Xbox, bedframe, drawers under bedframe, bureau, computer desk with laaptop and printer, comfortable recliner, shelves, and more) time to play Tetris in my room lol! XD
should be fully moved back into my old room by this Saturday. got most of the boxes of stuff moved over, need to rent/borrow a van for some of my furniture, and need to cancel my electricity, gas, internet, etc.
once im done, should actually have a shot of saving some money, paying off my debts, and commissioning more stuff for the next couple of years. downside is ive gotten so used to living alone that i'll need to adjust to living with my parents again. but that shouldnt be too difficult.
ironically, this apartment is now somewhat easier to live in right now, with most of my crap moved outta here already, i can actually walk around normally in here lol, was small enough that most of my furniture was shelves to store all my tools from my auto mechanic days, my airsoft and camping gear, household stuff, and my Mountain Dew Collection (i will never throw this worthless pile of cardboard and scrap aluminum away!!)
havnt even reached the fun part yet, figuring out how to stuff (more like IF i can stuff) all of the important pieces into a single small room (TV, Xbox, bedframe, drawers under bedframe, bureau, computer desk with laaptop and printer, comfortable recliner, shelves, and more) time to play Tetris in my room lol! XD
finally, good news!
Posted 4 years agoCovid Test finally got results today (technically yesterday since its 1am), i'm NEGATIVE! ^w^
honestly, ive been feeling fine since last week, but theres always that chance that i have it and dont exhibit symptoms, and i was not willing to take that chance where my family and remaining coworkers were concerned.
still doesnt help my company much since we got two workers out quarantining, which is literally half our workforce. but ive been isolating and being extra-extra-extra cautious and losing my mind about this thing since last thursday. its good to know with certainty that i'm not contagious!
thank you all for the well-wishes and support, and for helping me keep my spirits and lessen my rage over this whole ordeal, it means so much to me to have people here i can share stuff with! ^w^
honestly, ive been feeling fine since last week, but theres always that chance that i have it and dont exhibit symptoms, and i was not willing to take that chance where my family and remaining coworkers were concerned.
still doesnt help my company much since we got two workers out quarantining, which is literally half our workforce. but ive been isolating and being extra-extra-extra cautious and losing my mind about this thing since last thursday. its good to know with certainty that i'm not contagious!
thank you all for the well-wishes and support, and for helping me keep my spirits and lessen my rage over this whole ordeal, it means so much to me to have people here i can share stuff with! ^w^
apologizing for my frustrated ranting
Posted 4 years agowanted to apologize to my watchers about my last few journals, ive been near-constantly angry inside for the last couple of weeks, and i'm kinda venting on the internet cause it makes me feel just a tiny bit better...
i'm not normally like this, and after cooling off since posting the last journal felt like i should apologize, my situation is abysmal right now and seems to be getting worse by the day.
i just realized a little while ago, that ive been getting more and more watchers in the last couple months, and the first journals they're gonna read from me are me ranting about my personal problems again and again. and i dont want to be that guy. i really dont.
i'll get back to my normal self soon, posting TF stuff and posting innocent journals about music and stuff as opposed to this angry stressed-out shell ive become in the last two weeks ranting about things i have no control over. i promise
stay healthy all of ya! ^w^
i'm not normally like this, and after cooling off since posting the last journal felt like i should apologize, my situation is abysmal right now and seems to be getting worse by the day.
i just realized a little while ago, that ive been getting more and more watchers in the last couple months, and the first journals they're gonna read from me are me ranting about my personal problems again and again. and i dont want to be that guy. i really dont.
i'll get back to my normal self soon, posting TF stuff and posting innocent journals about music and stuff as opposed to this angry stressed-out shell ive become in the last two weeks ranting about things i have no control over. i promise
stay healthy all of ya! ^w^
