I don't know WB's passwords anymore... so after the move here will be the last thing posted to this account. So, goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

This is Matt and well I'm posting on my dear Wolfebyte's because he, well as I'm sure he's want it to be known, so I guess I'll just say it:

Wolfebyte, or Gary as he's known in real life, has died. He's no longer with us as of December 12 2009. He was 31. Two days after my birthday. It's been really hard on me, he was my lover and my best friend and I'll never meet another like him. I'm just making myself cry by even writing this. He'd hate that.

Well, that's the short and sweet version. I'm only doing this because I know some people we know online and in real life need to know. I'd log into his msn account if the password was saved, but alas. For anyone who wants to reach me I guess I'll out myself.  zan3 (Matt is my birth name for those who know us) I'm putting in this stuff so the folks out in internet land can know that I'm not spinning shit. Something the internet is really bad for.

I'm going to keep this account open as I'm going to do some fund raising in his name after the holidays. They say doing some good karma in his name will help his soul reach it's destination. Hopefully he'll be reincarnated as a coyote like he wanted.

I edited this message for swears and my rambling. I'm not ready to deal with any of this yet and I'm sorry.

I swear these fucking whiners are going to make me draw more cub porn, just to make them feel icky, or whatever the hell it is they're afraid of.

Better yet, I'll draw perfectly-innocent-yet-highly-suggestive stuff, so it'll be G-rated and even their grandmothers will have to chance looking at it while browsing the net.

Teach the bitches to cry wolf about every vaguely child-like character that happens along.

(Ye Gods, I'm bitchy. I had a great day, wtf happened?)

So moved into the new, smaller, cheaper den. Just got hooked back up to the real world.

Looking for a new job, looking for a new life. Still looking for meaning in an indifferent universe.

Should have some arts heading your ways, but nothing that's too exciting. Maybe a finished story instead. Or as well.

Spending too much time a lone these days. Sleep, and work, and casual contact with the folks I love... Too casual, too slight. Makes the significance of everything seem frail. Makes me sad.

Winters here, which makes me sadder. Too cold, too much baggage. Still, there's folks worse off than I, way, way, worse, which makes me even sadder than that.

Sometimes, I really can't cope. Should drop by ASH again, I guess.

Just started a new pill, supposed to be the next greatest thing to make me feel better. We'll see.

Went almost 10 years since I was last on government-sanction happy pills. We'll see.

Side effects include 'possibly fatal' things 'in rare cases'. Fucking heroine has that same problem, but hasn't got the billion dollar pharmaceutical industry behind it to write it's PR.

But hey, even the worst case scenario works out for me. Win-win, that's playing the odds, eh?

So, whatcha all up to these days, ya furry folks?

The next time I'm online there better be folks chatting. 160 folks on the contact list, and nothing but silent noise.

I'm too scared to make the first move. But at least I can admit it. There's honestly a lot of peace to be found in admitting our limitations, even if only to ourselves for the most part.

I've been coming to realize that I'm not half the man I thought I was, not in any way. I guess i'll have to get used to that.

Peace out! Shit, i gotta be at work in 4 hours. G'night!

PS: Thanks for all the watches and favs and stuff. I'm not near grateful enough to you guys, but I'm trying.

So I just watched an Anime where the horn-dog main character took 15 episodes, with the first 13 being the entire first season, to get laid.

And people think some of my porn stories have to much lead-up. Huh.

So, NaNoWriMo's coming up again. Time flies when your wasting your life for no real reason at all, I guess.

I think I'll get started writing a little early this year, because arbitrary rules never served me very well anyway.

Besides, writing useless shit beats sitting around watching season after season of tedious anime, right? At least on someone's measure of worth, I'm sure.

Woof and such. I shouldn't post when tired and depressed, which is why I haven't been posting. Meh.

...it can get the internet-access turned back on.

Internet got cut off for about a week. And a few other things as well went by the wayside to free up funds to pay the actual neccessities in my life.

Unlike some folks, I don't joke when I say I'm in financial strife, and I actually know what being broke/poor is like (anyone else who's family lived in a 1976 GMC van for a year, please raise a paw...).

You'll understand if I don't pity the OMG-too-poor-to-go-to-a-convention folks.

If it wasn't for : Swampwulf: (thanks again, man. I owe you more than I can give, honestly) and a a couple of very special women, I would have been a very hungry coyote, and would not have been able to make it in to work for that same week (commute=gas=money=oh-sh*-).

Which means I'd be unemployed, and in very dire straits right now.

As it is, hopefully things will be looking up, but my optimism bone is broken, so it's hard to convince myself of such. At the very least, I'll be able to pay down some of the other bills that have built up, and keep the humans out side the door (heh) for awhile longer.

Assuming I can keep my shit together for a few weeks/months (it's hard, sometimes, no joke), and assuming my boss isn't a lying c**t, then after that, things really might start looking up.

Still have to move to a smaller den (unless someone totally awesome in Calgary happens to want to room with a couple of fur-fags for about $500/month), and still have to cut some corners in the what's-nice-but-not-needed category, but eventually their should be smooth sailing somewhere in my future. Hopefully before winter.

Ye Gods, I hate winter. I'm a 'morose motherf***er' (to quote a friend) at the best of times, and add to that financial troubles, a job transfer and a death in the family, and winter will be way too much for this dog to handle.

It's a shit deal, and might sound melodramatic, but at least I know my limitations. Sometimes, I really can't cope, and there's nobody left to help me much these days. :P

Oh, and there's still a couple of sketch commissions I'm willing to do if anyone wants to help a dog out. If not, well... Meh. Anyway, peace-out fuzzballs. Hopefully you're having a better time of things than I.

I have a Day of Nothing tomorrow.

Usually, I waste these, sitting around on the internet, watching TV and touching myself inappropriately. This time, I'd rather do something more useful.

So I'm offering cheap-ish sketch-commissions, much like the akita and the gnoll pics that I've done recently.

This is an LTO, and I'll start easy, with 3 slots, and work my way up if those go well. Honestly, I'll be impressed if I get those 3 filled, but meh. Worth a shot.

$15 gets you one character doing whatever you like, wearing as little as you want, and doing so in a half-assed background of some sort.

But to be honest, I can really use the money (I'd explain why, but hate whining - ask if you really want to know), so $20 will make me care a whole lot more, guarantees I'll shade it up nicely for you, and will also be greatly appreciated.

I'll send you out a nice scan of whatever size you want, and if you really want a hard-copy, that can be arranged later too.

Preferred payment is PayPal, but I'll take suggestions for anything that'll make sure I get the money ASAP.

PP address is 'wolfe byte at hot mail dot com', with no spaces anywhere.

Also in the spirit of oh-shit-I-owe-who-what-now, donations are accepted at the same paypal address.

Here's hoping tomorrow is fruitful. I should be online while drawing if anyone wants to hit me up on MSN as well, eh? :)

We'll, if I compiled all the bits and actually updated my word count, I might have 5K. Maybe.

Ah, well. As usual, it looked good in October, but life went in the shitter by the second week, and that was that.

I suck. :|

Okay, I'm over it. I guess that's the upshot of life=shit equations, things like failed novel writing assume lesser importance. :)

BAAAAAAAAAAWWW!

Get over it.

In other news, I spent $220 on Acupuncture for my dog today. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but hey, it's better than spending the same amount on cocaine. Right?

Right? :(

To porn, or not to porn? I usually try not to write porn (oh, fine, if you must call it erotica, then do so...) for NaNoWrimo, but usually what I write wants to be porn, and resisting that inclination generally leads to resisting writing, period.

But not always.

Sometimes I write stuff that is supposed to be porn - or rather, is supposed to be the prelude to porn - but the porn never happens, or doesn't happen right, but then I try to force it and it ends up stopping the writing because writing porn when your mind is on other things (like plot and characterization, and the characters psychological angst related to the porn he's supposed to be participating in but isn't anymore, etc.) is really quite tedious.

I have a 15+ thousand word story involving a certain wolf handcuffed in a mall washroom, and the porn just aint happening. Too much lead in, no finish. C'est la vie.

So what's your opinion?

I'd call it a vote, but honestly, if I could be easily swayed by the whims of the masses, I'd be a creative dynamo by now (because my fans and friends are totally awesome. No, really. Way more awesome than I merit, I'm certain).

So I'm just curious what you folks think - Porn, or no? And I know you may think that 'write what you want' and 'stop caring' and 'go with the flow' and all such sentiments might be helpful, but they aren't really. If I was capable of such, then again, I'd have no need to ask, or angst, or even try writing. It'd fall out of my head fully formed and ready for consumption.

Then again, someone once said only dead fish go with the flow, so there's that to think about.

Porn, or no porn, that is the question, etc. Just over 25 hours before the writing commences, and I'm still ambivalent.

(Oh, and I'll have at least 7 hours to write after midnight, Nov. 1st, because I'm committed to babysitting children all night at the shop. Kill me. Please.)

Start and end link:

http://www.nanowrimo.org <--Do it!

I think everyone should step away from the internet for a while, from time to time, because when you get back all the cool stuff will be sort of fresh and interesting again, and all the stuff that pisses you off will... Well, still really piss you off.

Okay, well, maybe that's not so good, but yanno...

Of course, people might not want to fill their not-filled-with-internet time with what I've been filling mine with, but a change will do some folks a lot of good, I think.

Anyway, I thought I'd stop by my FA again, and say hello, and get some stuff out of my head. Stuff that isn't mucus and phlegm. <-- Take note, that is the correct spelling. Not that anyone cares about spelling these days, especially really hard - as in non-phonetic - words like that.

"Phonetic" is one of those ironic words, now that I think of it. Like dyslexia and abbreviation.

I have two things on my mind now that I've been trying to browse the wonder of FA again more regular-like, and one is face-book-ness - Wasn't there a sort of anti-face-book-ness type movement going on at one time, here?

And now there's entire galleries of nothing but spam photography of my-PlayStation-game-collection and this-is-me-in-bad-makeup-making-witty-upload-titles, like WTF?

I reported the pics-of-my-games gallery months and months ago via the proper channels, and the trouble ticket just got closed (due to old age) with the gallery still there. That's almost as awesome as all the unaddressed age-14-but-faving-porn accounts that get reported. But not quite.

On the bright side, the internet-as-pseudo-anarchy thing is part of it's charm, eh?

The other browsing-FA thing on my mind is: Holy shitting-dick-nipples Batman, bad-porn ahoy! That's pretty much all I can say about that without making a whole new journal entry just to rant about bad your-8-years-old-you-shouldn't-be-drawing-that porn.

I really have to start watching/faving more decent porn, just to show support to people who make an effort to not look like a retarded baboon with a pencil up it's ass before posting their smut anywhere but mommy's fridge.

Hmmm, I think I failed at the all-I-can-say bit, eh? Ah, well...

I fail as an art whore too. I literally haven't even doodled anything in months.

In other news, I'll be doing nanowrimo again this year. So should you. So should everyone.

C'mon, all the cool kids are doing it!

http://www.nanowrimo.org <-- Do it!

So does calling these furry-porn staples 'futa' or 'futanari' suddenly make them fresh and new or something?

Because using Japanese terms makes everything better, and trendier!

Seems like the new millennium is pretty much about repackaging the old millennium with a "ZOMG Azn!" label.

(And does three lines of rhetoric qualify as a 'rant' I wonder?)

I also wonder if kids in Japan are sad, because after the initial 'borrowing' of Disney influence into Japanese Animation, there'd really not much left of Western culture for them to appropriate.

I'm thinking as part of my rigorous "when-I-have-time" art-whore boot camp training, I need practice at the 'generating undeserved attention' aspect of things.

Should I:

a.) Change my account name, and thus reupload all my art in the new account out of necessity. As an added bonus, I can use a 'fursona change' (from vague canine-thing-that-was-a-wolf to coyote if anyone wanted to know) as an excuse.

b.) Delete everything, then re-upload it all 'because my fans demanded my glorious return'. I'll be sure to append every upload with 'reupload' somewhere, just so folks don't mistake me for an actual attention whore employing a cheap gimmick.

c.) Generate retarded levels of drama 'accidentally' - Bonus points for showing up on ED and/or wikifur with drama laced entrires that I can generate more drama wangsting over. Win-win FTW!

In other news, I've got pics in the works for 'Swampy' (pet name not endorsed by the designated person being signified, nor by WolfeByte, really. I swear!) and  thehyenagod and Spawtz  SpottyPup, so the time is ripe for me to cash in on my art-whore-ness... ;)

(Disclaimer: Drunk, not serious, duh...)

So  SpottyPup gets free art, for screen capping my 1001 page view. Yay! He's the best!

Plus, nobody else even tried, so I had to emo-cut myself tonight before making this journal entry. I'd be a sad panda, except I'm not a panda, so I guess I'm a sad canine-thing, which makes the saddest pandas look perky in comparison, or whatever... :(

Okay, I'm over it. Moving on...

I figure I'll get to moving all my sad shitty sketch stuff to scraps, as soon as I make something that isn't a sad shitty sketch. Don't hold your breath, though, because I can't be responsible for the headache you'll have as a result.

On that note, I posted a new sketch to scraps directly, if anyone cares to view my sketchy cock-free doodle. (Do folks get notified of scrap uploads here? If you do, I'm sorry to be redundant.)

I love you all, still, even those of you who don't care enough to even try to get free art from me. Take care, all!

I'm almost there. I'm practicing being an art whore.

So therefore, the person who screen caps the thousandth page view (or nearest to) and sends it to my gmail address (same user name everywhere, i swear, it's crazy) will get free art from me, with the following stipulations:

1. I promise no set time frame. I'm sorry, but my life is chaos in a box, so saying I'll get anything done by X date is literally impossible unless it involves a lot of money, is terribly simplistic, or is requested by a government agency that can really f-up my shit if I don't do it by the deadline. The price of yuppie success I guess. (This is also a sort of opt-out clause, because if someone wins and has a completely lame idea, then a death-bed sketch isn't out of the question, eh? ;) )

1a. If it's relevant to my interests, it's more likely to happen before I need to scrawl it in my own blood on the floor of the room in which I was murdered. You know how it is, you just manage to do things you like more than the things you loath, unless the things you loath pay the bills, plus bonuses, plus make your parents quit looking at you like a failure. Right? You know that feeling?

1b. Things involving hyenas are more relevant to my interests. And rats. And sex. Just sayin'.

2. It must fit in a box. Like a frame-box. I dunno, I got a thing for making my art fit in boxes these days. So sue me.

3. It will at least be a fully-finished sketch, with extra stuff (colour, BG, etc.) dependent upon my interest, time, and the appropriate phases of the moon. Gibbous is favourable to creative endeavors, yanno?

4. I accept bribes.

4a. Cyber-sex is not a bribe.

4b. Well-aged scotch is a bribe. (Oban, for instance, would win you a kidney, regardless of page-view screen caps.) As are the finer Whiskeys, and even a few rums (dark, spicy). Tequila is good, but only white, and only if it's a good brand. (Patron is acceptable, haha!)

5. You don't call me a drunk. :(

That is all. :)

Go!

Well, except maybe one, unless I'm too lazy to get it out of my head.

Anyway... So does anyone else want to make a 'shout out' meme submission that's just "STFU, plz." in tiny white text on a vast, black background? A qualifier of "I'm trying to make ART here, assholes." might go good with that too.

Or maybe "I'd write more, but I don't need a f'n meme to be honest with myself or anyone else." that might be a bit less funny, tho'. Too pedantic, most likely.

Maybe I should do more memes. Effortless submissions = more page views = more fame? Attention whoring is certainly not beneath me, I admit. Hmmm.

Now I have an urge to do a shout out meme that's just 'feed my fame, bitches!' but that's a mixed reference that will be half missed by almost everyone, I'm sure.

Ah, well.

Everyone have a good Xmas? New Years? Lot's of exciting calendar openings and present flipping? Or is that the other way around, I always forget...

PS: I promise art soon. Sketches at least. A rat, most likely. I know, I'm sad, aren't I? *sigh*)

Might be relevant to some of your interests.

http://www.strangehorizons.com/2007.....210/R3-f.shtml

Just sharing, I had nothing to do with it.

Oh, and I hope everyone had a far merrier Christmas than I did. (The upshot for me being is next year will have to be better than this one was... right?)

So I figured I'd upload a couple stories, in case you want to read them. It's not Harry Potter, but hey, Harry's not that furry or sexy in that non-pedo way, yanno?

I chose these two stories as my first ones on FA simply because I'm writing sequels (of sorts) to them, plus they're the stories of mine that I've liked best/thought were the least crappy.

Also, I wanted to stroke my ego re: the fact I'm one of the few folks on this site that seems to both write AND draw. I'm special, like, totally, eh? ;)

I need to not post late at night while intoxicated, though editing porn stories in the same state seems fairly effective in the sense that I don't get too bored and not bother. As much. Yeah.

In other, only slightly related news, is anyone else out there in furry land drinking a lot of wine these days? Seems I've been drinking wine a lot, and wonder if any other furs are into the whole snobby oh-this-wine-is-fabulous-and-that-ones-cheap-swill shtick.

Does anyone else have to urge to take a ton of snapshots of their room/dog/car/sex toy collection and post it to FA like anyone else is supposed to care?

I'm sure I'm just a pretentious art-fag indoctrinated by the establishment to create art that fits some subjective, arbitrary social-cultural norm but honestly, what would the 'artist statement' about that be?

"My identity is defined by how much shit I have, and how cute/sexy my cat/dog/horse is... See? Look! Photos that have shitty lighting and crappy composition but are possible still through the magic of uber-tech film/digital imagery..."

Since I doubt "ZOMG my cat is SO kyoooootre!!11" really cuts it, and the mangy over-weight specimen isn't all that cute anyway.

Maybe I'm just jealous of the fact that some folks are apparently satisfied with effortless shit, and I'm not.

(And no, before anyone jumps on me about it, I'm NOT opposed to photography as an art, I'm opposed to snapshots of common BS as art. In the same way there's a difference between stick-figure ninjas and work of Frank Miller, there's a difference between a off the cuff pic of your dog looking at the camera with that WTF look on his face and say, the photography of Diana Thorneycroft.. Not all photography is given equal merit, and if everything can be 'art' then why have a term for it at all?)

So, yeah, I know, I suck at keeping in touch, I suck at keeping any sort of regular internet presence, I suck at having a decent level of regular creative out put.

Trust me, I hate it worse than even my biggest fan could possibly hate it. RL is consuming my soul, that's all there is to it.

As anyone who reads my LJ knows, my dad's been in the hospital for a month and a half in intensive care (got out yesterday, might be home by Xmas). Everything that needs to be done in his life (and my mom's) is now up to me, as extended hospital stays typically occupy a lot of time and energy, leaving very little for pets, bills, housekeeping, library boards, etc. Plus, we have relatives coming to town in a week to visit him... Fun, fun, fun.

I've been trying to do NaNoWriMo which I attempt pretty much every year (I'm failing again this year, no doubt).

I got a promotion at work, so I'm full time (plus some - the contract stipulates 'I understand that 'time off' has become a luxury that is rare and valued, which is why I get paid the big bucks' ), and nicely salaried, at a job that I wanted to keep at a reasonable part-time-for-extra-cash level - Who needs ambition to succeed in the modern workplace? Just be reasonably competent, and you're boss will basically black-mail you into taking a promotion. Sad, but true.

And I'm still trying to spend as much time as possible contributing to the internet cafe my brother, a 'friend' (okay, so he's more than a friend, twist my arm, whydoncha?) and I started up last year. It goes alright, but if I don't help out, the 'friend' gets stuck with everything, as my brother copped out on his 'dream business' 4 months into it... Sorta how he copped out on his 'dream dog' which now lives in my care as well. Hmmm...

Even dumping NaNoWriMo, I've got way more on my plate than I can reasonably be expected to handle, yet guess what? If I don't handle it, nobody else is going to, either.

Let that be a lesson to you kids: Life sucks, don't bother growing up. Adulthood is a farce, happiness an illusion, and a good education simply leads to greater debt and a bigger sense of discontent, disappointment and disillusionment.

Venting can help tho'. Vary cathartic. :)

So, how do y'all feel about furries wearing ":nazi" uniforms...in porn? Just thought I'd ask so as not to suddenly alienate a bunch of folks if I happened to upload some... Not that I have any, you understand. Of course.

Edit: Oh, and to not waste a journal-thing in all your message centers, thanks for all the watches and favs and stuff! I love you all, I swear, I just lack the capacity to formulate a decent, personal reply to each of you...

Do you folks like the whole 'thanks for the watch/fav' shouts on your user pages, and am I committing a major FA faux pas by not making as many as I can?

I got the impression from some folks on the forums that making a 'thanks for the whatever...' type shout was actually annoying for some folks?

So, do you ever stop and think to yourself, "Man, am I ever a complete asshole!" I've been doing that a lot lately.

I've also noticed that my number of "WTF?!?" moments seem to be increasing a little each week as well. I keep expecting that any moment now some dork of a host on some lame ass reality TV show is just going to pop out a go, "Just kidding! The world really isn't that fucked up, we were just doing it for the lulz!"

And that reminds me, the moments of /b/tardism encroaching into reality seems to be happening more and more. Out of nowhere the least expected person will come out with something that's a complete 4chan-esque meme.

Or maybe I'm just going crazy, and need my head examined.

But on the upside, I'm 90% certain that I'll be drawing werewolf related, possibly-hallowe'en-themed stuff in the near future. Alas, too late to get in on any of that hallowe'en-themed con's publicity stuff.

Ah, well.

Heh... There I go, uploading a bunch of old shit, say i'm going to try to draw more, and then disappear for a whole year. I know, I suck.

And is it just me, or has FA been sort of invaded by lame in the last year? So many memes (can be fun, I admit) and BS submissions and all this little cliques posting stuff that's supposed to be 'funny' but seems to be crude little in-jokes for themselves and a select group of folks 'in the know'... Hmmm, where have I run across that before? Oh, yeah, DA...

Anyway, I feel pretty out of touch with the whole fandom these days. That's what i get for spending so much time in RL land doing RL shit that really isn't that much fun, or meaningful, and certainly not very creative. But I've been carrying around a sketch book with me more often now, and trying to convince myself to start arting it up again, but I seem blocked tighter than a gnats ass these days.

Anyone got any ideas for breaking artist's block? Any suggestions on what folks want to see? Any one even still reading or paying attention to my little turd in the ocean of FA?

Hello? :(

Heck, I'd even take suggestions on what I should blog about... My LJ's been only slightly less dead than here. :P

Anyway, hope everyone's doing okay out there, and stay tuned, or re-tune in, and maybe I'll muster up some doodles or sketches for you all. Maybe.

*sighs*

(Edit: And, haha, my artist profile, the whole "I'm an alcoholic thing that was funny-ish a year ago seems kinda creepy-accurate now - I've been drinking more the last 6 months than I have since my old clubbing-5-days-a-week days. Let that be a lesson to you all, RL Land will drive ya to drinking, mmm-kay? :D)

24 hours and 30 watches, 8 favs... Probably not much compared to *some* folks maybe, but considering I expected I'd pretty much pass unnoticed in the sea of art here at FA, I'm *quite* flattered. :)

I'm beginning to grok why folks like galleries like this, it's like positive feedback without all the tiresome reading and stuff... :D

So, ummm, thanks for the favs and the watches, everyone. I'd do the shout-back thing that lots of artists seem to do, but I really don't have that much free time (would have been easier if I could have kept up on it as they came in, I guess). Rest assured I will try to glance over some folks pages at least, and probably watch some of you back - I assume if you watched me, y'all might do work I'll appreciate as well. Maybe, at least, for the folks I don't already know that is.

Guess I might upload some stories too, when I finish new ones - Swampwuff shoulda clued me in (since I've read some of his stories before) but I didn't really clue in until I saw Fuzzwolf watching me that FA does stories too.

I chalk it up to illness, this sudden dumbness on my part, but anyway... ;)

Between you folks and my mate, you'll probably get me drawing again every chance I get. Even thinking of doing some fan-art again, which is a rare thing for me (at least since 2000 or so) - Maybe some Fender and some Sly. Mmmm, masked skinny dudes.... :9

So yeah... Thanks, again. I appreaciate the attention. Enough to get long winded about it. ;)

So, I've moved in, and uploaded all the 'finished' art, and one 'scrap' from 05/06. A grand total of 4 images.

Yee-haw... My productivity astounds and awes.

I guess I can upload my one Oekaki as well and maybe some of the better sketches.

And it only took me 5 months to start uploading, too. Wow! :D