I've been done my very best to struggle through college and i end up not being able to graduate as it's been 6 years that i've been attending to school. I tried my best to do what my instructor asked me to on presenting on what they want so i can progress onto the next, but things went unexpected to the way i had planned out as my hopes and dreams are slowly falling apart. Kinda sucks that i have to wait even longer just to get back to my current job at a local ice cream shop, along that I've lost a lot of connections with the friends that i have back at school and outside of school. I tried make a connection with other people online like joining a few discord servers, yet it doesn't seem that i don't fit in the crowd where i don't belong. I wonder what was wrong with me when it comes to making friends, is it the way that i couldn't be able to trust them, what about the way i talk to them because i'm certainly sure that people don't respond to the way i say, or is it that my appearance isn't similar to theirs.

Beyond that thought on how many friends i still have left, i'll cherish having them by my side. Eventually things will turn out okay even if i couldn't afford to go to college no more and it will take time for my boss to ask me to work with them again. Not only that, but urges on working out just to stay fit again ever since that i left high school.

I always thought that i could never felt more happier to be in a relationship with someone. From the very start that i become a relationship i had a really nice and long conversation that i could carry on throughout the hours of day and night. Months has passed where i had to struggle on focusing with life of college, club activities, work, and a loving boyfriend to attend to. Moments of time has passed were i have seem to noticed that my boyfriend has stopped a conversation every time i wanted to talk to him. Suddenly that attention from him started to fade away as i realized that he has no longer have feelings for me at all as he grew attached to someone else. All i ever loved turned away making it into hatred and sadness corrupted my mind for awhile as i started to become undone not knowing what the mistakes that i caused him to drive himself away from me. I wish i know what i would've done to prevent from that mistake to happen, if only i could understand how he felt about me. Maybe i just don't deserve to be happy at all, maybe i just don't deserve to be love like how everyone else treats their loved ones with love. I could only love myself and respect myself for who i am, but if i could have someone accepts my daily life of what i am then I can live my life happily as i can ever be from this nightmare i'm having.

Ever since that time flies so fast and i'm witnessing a shit loads of rain all over the islands of the Aloha i've been slowly gathering my strength to fight back and getting my shit together. Yet shit still kicks me all around just waiting for me to fall down to the grounds again, but i don't know why that i'm still standing.

Although... why think about it when i can resume to where i was left off. The problem is that when someone gives me this situation that i could not solve and couldn't do shit about it until it pummels me to the ground I just somehow handled problems with an ease not even knowing how i even do it. I don't even know if i'm luck or how far that I've been surviving from all this madness that is happening on the islands.

For now i'll just ignore it and move on until something happens later...

I knew this day would come and i was slowly getting to enjoy going to work 10 miles away from home just to earn some cash and find some hot guys... and some pokemon...

Debating if i should get ready to clean up my bedroom so that way i can be prepared on stacking more stuff with college work... either that or STAY HOME AND PLAY MORE MONSTER HUNTER GENERATIONS!!!

(Definitely gonna play monster hunter until school starts because fuck it.)

i'm going to try post this within 15 minutes just because i wanna kill time in class. so here we go...

4. Collecting Hobby: Since the Animal crossing Amiibo cards and Figures are out, I've suddenly have the crave to collect them all which is gonna hurt my wallet quite a lot.

3. Being Occupied: I really wanted to do my own things that are enjoyable and also learn-able, but i fucking hate college so much just because my parents keep on pushing me to the limit where i crash and or burn out. I know that i'm trying my best to graduate as soon as i can so i can find a good quality job, but fucking hell mom and dad please they gotta give me some time to do whatever the best i can so i can make them feel happy.

2. Hating my parents: I just hated them just because they bother me non-stop so i can try my very best to finish my homework and take a break. also i'm trying to do absolutely everything that my parents that are trying to tell me what to do in my life just because "They own me" such as finding a job or something like that or whatever i just want them to stop bothering me that's all!! i know i wanted to move out of the house, but i couldn't because i'm too careless to take care of myself!!

1. Hating Math class: BECAUSE I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT MATH AND IT'S QUITE CONFUSING TO REMEMBER ALL 3-5 FUCKING STEPS TO SOLVE DIFFERENT KINDS OF MATH PROBLEMS!! Like i don't even know how these Math wiz have the capability to do all of these kind of math problems?! i just wanted to learn how Hospitality-n-tourism works D:

I hope you guys had fun reading all of that. i don't know what i'm going to do next in my life, but for now i'll just try enjoy hanging out with my favorite streamers on Twitch.tv

thank you and bye for now. o/

All this time i tried my very best to endure the most difficult and confusing tasks that i had faced so far in order for me to enjoy my wonderful time doing my own thing. Until problems keeps coming back and even more bigger than the previous.

I kept my stress under control as i work my way through the problem, yet no matter how hard i try and the problem keeps getting bigger a piece of my sanity starts to collapse a little.

I wanted to cry, i wanted to scream, i wanted to call out to someone other than death to take me away from the madness that I was being buried in.

No matter how much i pleaded for the pain to be gone, no one came to the rescue.

All of the sudden, i had this energy coming out of no where and it filled me with determination as i tackled through all the problems and stress and hoping that i will never come back again.

Once that it's over I can do the things that i wanted to do in my normal everyday life is putting myself at peace.

If only i could make that happen, yet it never will...

So throughout the semester, i think i may have manage on finishing Hospitality-n-tourism class once i set up my Designation plan for the presentation later on in the Final exam. English class is being such a bitch just because my teacher is being so critic on all of our essays. especially when it comes to MLA or how i wanted to write about.

ugh i literally hated my English teacher for loosing my paper work and just give me a crappy grade for missing work. it wasn't my fault!! it was the teacher's fault because it was the teacher's responsibly to keep their work safe as she graded one by one until she's finish and ready to hand it back to the students.

i'm literally disappointed at myself for not making any progress with math just because i was busy with HOST and ENG class. and i could tell that people won't accept that kind of excuse, well how do these students manage to handle three classes in one semester?

No matter, i'll just try my best to finish where ever i can in order for me to catch up with everyone else and graduate.

Ever since Nintendo made an announcement about shipping the New Nintendo 3DS XL and the Regular size N3DS to North America i was very excited to buy those two for my DS model collection. Days passed and i'm starting to hear rumors that the US will only be receiving the New Nintendo 3DS XL my mind turned off for a moment and i refuse to believe the rumors. Until the day arrives as i headed to gamestop and picked up my pre-order for the New Nintendo 3DS XL: Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate edition i returned back home and research online for reasons for the Regular size N3DS not coming to the US.

Turns out is that people got confused between the names on the N3DS. Sounds pretty random at first, but it was really stupid for how they get so confused on the name pretty easily either that or they can't look at it carefully. i know that their are other people that really wanted to buy the regular size N3DS and a few of DS collectors like me were looking forward on getting our hands on that model.

Also when i looked around on the internet i just discovered that their selling the Blue N3DS-XL to the US through this online site called "Play-Asia", i was shocked that it finally happened because they only sell the Blue N3DS-XL only in EU and JP.

So hopefully Reggie will decided to sent the regular size N3DS to US... just gotta put my faith on him and see what will happen in the future... well right after i survive this hurricane season over here in Hawaii...

oh dear lordy... i might make another journal about this because i need to describe the reason why they didn't sent the regular size N3DS to the US, but i'm really tired and distracted from College.

I was really nervous that i was going back to college without a laptop for the rest of the summer until i had an idea and use the emergency savings that i was holding from like idk i totally forgot about it until yesterday.

So for this semester i decided that i was going to take three classes which is Hospitality-n-Tourism, Math, and English. Hopefully i'll come up with a Poetry or two... or probably i'm gonna get distracted with school and playing video games again lol.

a week ago I did something terribly stupid on my laptop and caught a virus. now I got to wait another week or two as I lend my laptop to my older brother as he takes it back to Honolulu to repair it since his tools and junk is over there at his apartment.

I got nothing to do besides wait until school starts and I can get started with school work, the bad thing about is that most of my class that I took might requires a laptop for Microsoft Word so again that was very stupid of me for having a virus.

Until then I'm going to enjoy the rest of the summer doing absolutely nothing or going on Twitch.tv by Itouch lol.

i've been doing some relaxation until i realized that i have like almost 2 weeks left to go until this semester is over and i didn't made any progress throughout the week.

at least i manage to recover myself a bit so i can get my butt out of bed and start doing homework starting with either math or Hospitality-n-tourism.

i only have one huge project to manage for HOST class along with finding myself a news minute to share about to the class any hospitality news related.

Math is really annoying as fuck due to falling and my schedule is out of whack, so i will try manage to make some progress and see how it goes.

once this semester is over then maybe i can try find a part-time job somewhere around maui because i don't think i can handle being all stressed out from last time and i don't want to end up back to the hospital again.

https://twitter.com/Wolfhandle/stat.....06538957697024

I just cannot believe for what happened back there... just click and read... :/

I totally can't wait to get my butt out of college for one day just to do whatever what i want besides doing homework (please don't make me do homework during spring break... plz). I can finally play monster hunter 4 ultimate with the people on twitch or go cruise around maui just to get laid (maybe hehe) or even do... homework (UGHHHH!!) all that matter is now is that i gotta focus on passing that math midterm so i can finally do my hospitality homework (PLEASE LET ME DO THAT, IT'S SOUNDS KINDA EASY WHEN I READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!!)

until then, wanna know where i stay on twitch? well i did tell you guys the other journals about them being cool and stuff.

Just for anyone who likes to read anger twatts, then come and see me talking about my rage at things.

if not then FACK YOU!! lol it's up to you :P

I've been facing with depressions and i am literally beating myself up just because i'm not perfect like everyone else at college. There is no way that i could talk to anyone with this kind of feeling because i don't want them to use their valuable time to help me, it's pretty useless and i can just walk it off (eventually it'll come back to haunt me).

ugh where is this weather coming from?!? it's driving me nuts, i can't sleep, i can't eat!! all of those three is giving me a hard time with school and video games...

also i'm working on another poetry. i don't know what kind of poetry i'm trying to make, but once i double check it out i can tell you guys what it is... sadly i can't beCAUSE OF THIS STUPID FUCKING WEATHER, HOSTPITALITY-N-TOURISM, AND GOD DAMN MATH!! AAGGHHH!! STOP GIVING ME HOMEWORK SO I HAVE THE TIME TO FINISH THIS POETRY!!

i almost get caught by my mother right after i came... really uncomfortable right now so i'll just... go to bed :/

so it's been the third week of this semester and i'm just hoping that i can post something just for the fun of it, i don't even know who's looking at it or what. i just thought that i was enjoying myself sharing my work from school on how much improvement that i have become, then again i need a lot of training to do before calling myself a writer...also when i want to put all of those writing stuff away i could enjoy playing monster hunter with the people i love on twitch or on Maui, either way it works fine now that we can go online in the next game which is MH4U.

I didn't noticed that today that the straight guy that i fell in love with is leaving maui and heading to oahu for college because it starts tomorrow (Monday). So i'm just sitting here in my bedroom getting ready for class as i wait until time pass by waiting for school to start. While i'm waiting for time to pass by i can get the chance to get started taking notes and doing homework so i can get a head start.

Turns out in math class they don't give me the powerpoint during the video tutorial for each Math Module. I never really enjoyed sitting in class doing nothing but watching videos as i take notes, it really makes me wanna punch a wall... So what do i got to lose because that's my only option on taking notes before doing my homework or taking the test.

Through out the hunts online for MH3U (Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate) with a friend of mines name Virtue and our hunts went poorly. I was slowly loosing confident on hunting with Virtue again, but I gave myself another chance to redeem myself as he picked out a quest for the two of us to bond which is called "Descent into Hades" which we only have to do is beat Stygian Zinogre.

The challenge part of fighting Hell Zinogre is that his Heath and attack is slightly increased which raises more difficult and all i've got is my Shakalaka and my Healing Materials to keep myself and Virtue alive through out the hunt. in the end, we killed Zinogre with two minutes to spare, Virtue's viewers were surprise that we never going to make it.

I couldn't believe that we made it out alive and neither does Virtue, but i was really happy that he told me that he gave me a compliment. It was a bit accomplishment and hoping that i could do better but right now i'm under lock down due to this storm brewing here in hawaii and once the storm is over i can continue on raising my HR to 200-300 before Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate comes out which is in March.

I was playing Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate with a friend of mines (My lovely Noobert <3) and this hunter who is an HR 5 (which is in High rank) came to hunt with us. I checked out his Nintendo ID which is Topherdoo and i was checking out his armor cause it looked so familiar. I checked back to see if i have one of those armors and it turns out that he's wearing an Alatreon G rank set and it's extremely hard to obtain those sets. i'm just a little disappointing that this hunter just fricking cheated... so here were my reactions to this cheater...

Ahem... *opens up a piece of paper*

"YOU LAZY FUCKING CHEATING SKUNK-BAG-DOUCHE ASS SON-OF-A-BITCH!!

I cannot believe that you just come in here asking for our help raising your HR and expect us to be dumb enough not to know what Armor your wearing?!?

WRONG SIR!! cause i've been working my fucking ass off hunting with strangers just to kill Alatreon just to get his armor, i fucking recognize that damn armor.

Now that i caught you red handed, i can finally slam your fucking face with my BAN-HAMMER!!

If i ever get to see your face again, i will ruin you."

Ugh this is the reason why i hate winter, is because of the heavy rain and the flash flood. also i'm quite nervous right now because my neighbor went adopted two Labrador Retrievers and somehow two of them wondered off somewhere around my neighborhood. i can't just sit in here play video games and watch videos on youtube i should be getting my ass in my car (even though i don't have a drivers licence, BUT I STILL HAVE MY PERMIT!!) and look around one more try before it's to late.

When i look back and just thought, hey i want my friends on Maui (or a couple of pals on Twitch) to celebrate my birthday. sadly i just can't for this year because i don't even know if anyone could even remember my birthday, so what's the point of celebrating my birthday if no one on this island could ever remember... when it's getting closer and closer to my birthday, my happiness is just starting to fall apart and i just gotta accept it because it's hope for the best.

it all began on the day that i wanted to find a job so i can earn money for myself and i was hoping to meet the new neighbors that just moved in.
My friend suggested me that i should work at Foodland because they lost either it's 13 or 18 Courtesy Clerks.
So i applied a job and received a call for an interview, I never realized that i was gonna be interviewed by the boss.
we had a few conversations and a few discussion that he's really serious on hiring people and he thinks that i'm not suitable for this job because it's the holidays.
along with the limited of availability just because i was literally 10-12 miles away from my home to foodland.
I told him where i live and he was surprised because it turns out that the boss of Foodland which happens to be my new neighbor.
Today i texted my friend that i didn't got the job and also told him that i found out who's my new neighbor.
He replied to me that it's a very bad thing i didn't even understand why though.
and then the next messaged said that he can't come over and hang out with me no more.
I questioned why, and he replied "MY BOSS IS YOUR NEIGHBOR" i replied back with an 'oh...' and couldn't think what to text him next.
My head was filling with sadness and loneliness because he was the only friend i have who can come over and play video games and now he cannot come over just because his boss is my new neighbor...

I just can't wait for the cliff at the end of the river...

all of my online friends on Twitch, NintendoPlus, Kik, and maybe Skype are sending me birthday shout outs to me and i really love that.

the thing is... i don't know what to do on my birthday actually... probably i'll just stay home and do nothing :/

Finally i'm so over with Math and english and i will never ever want to take them again!! so i can finally take the class that i always wanted to take and that is Hospitality and Tourism but the bad thing is, i still don't know if i have the requirements to take that class yet. My solution is to wait until Monday so i can walk in and ask my consular.

So i hope for the best because in the next semester i was thinking about taking other elective classes on campus like Intermediate voice class or just Choir class.