today is not a special day.

everything is just the way it was before.
my world still turns slowly,
and the bags under my eyes are still the same.
you've become a depressing thought i try to ignore.
sometimes it feels like you're still with me,
yet i'm fooled by my own brain.

it's been long since i've worn your ring.
it never fit my fingers,
naturally i tied it to a string,
where your soul still lingers.

a year has come and gone so fast.
the thought of you still reminds me the good things never seem to last.

today is not a special day.

it just so happened my memory failed to fail me.
funny how nostalgia always finds its way
through the cracks of my mind ever so gingerly,
to remind me that i miss you.

remember that one special tree,
we've visited countless times together?
seems lonely without you beside me.
it seems like forever.

today is not a special day.

i still try to rhyme once in a while,
as i walk under the moonlight.
it never seemed as bright.
unlike your smile

i've crossed the day of my death sixteen times,
without ever realising it.
you only crossed yours fifteen times,
and you never seemed to care about it.

my ego took the best of me that day as i left without a goodbye.
maybe if i hadn't been such a prick you would've stayed for the night.
i blame myself for causing such a plight,
unable to apologise or even to lie.

today is not a special day.

i'm still insomniac,
you never woke back up.
half of what i wear is black,
just like you loved to dress up.

today is really not a special day,
or should i say morning?
'cause i've ran out of things to say
has life without you gotten boring?

today is not a special day,

and if all i can do to remind myself of your memory is to write, ill keep writing as i always have, stumbling through words and messing up lines. its been a year and a half and youre still on my mind.

i dont believe in heaven nor hell, but the void emptiness of death makes me want to believe youre somewhere better by now

[im so sleep deprived i can evaluate the quality of this, but personally it sucks. this is a vent. ive written more of these (better ones) in private. thank you if youve read this far, its really awkward for me to share something like this, specially because of the quality, i didnt even bother to read it a second time because my eyes can barely keep open after so many days without sleeping. thank you]

in loving memory of Chloe

i hope youre all as baked as i am right now, and if you arent, why not!?
i was gonna make some art for today but im so lazy xD tomorrow ill upload it maybe?
blaze it
ignore this if you dont smoke >w< but have a great day anyway!

as most of my friends know, i smoke pot. and lately ive been considering starting a life story channel on youtube! not JUST about pot but about my life in general, most stuff life stories or things i find funny! what do you guys think? wanna hear about my stoner stories? X3

FA blocked me from seeing each and every adult/mature artwork. so to a few of my acquaintances that are under 18 and post/fav mature stuff, beware XD they might block you and delete your mature art. i dont see why this is such a big problem, but ah well, the community has guidelines and we should follow them, i guess!

for a change of pace on my journals! im going to talk the way i should have been talking, cause lifes really short.
things have changed quite a bit since i started hanging out with my bro again! i havent been this happy in a really long time, and now schools starting again, and i am to start it like i mean it this time.

anyway, enough about me, lets talk about you!

youre reading this, which is nice, its cool that you can read things >w<
dont let anyone throw you down! ive had a lot of really hard times lately but it always gets better, trust me! my advice is not to have too many high expectations, simply have hope! makes things simpler. and if everything seems hard, take a moment to actually contemplate how simple and basic life actually is. it is really sobering! never forget the good times, but dont feel bad for not being able to relive them, thats silly. make new ones. youre feeling sad, alright, but get outta bed! do you have free time? go hang out with your best friend if you can. trust me, it does wonders.

so live life like you want to, even if its a little messed up! some things are sorta bad for your health but you like doing them. how good are they? is it worth losing a few minutes of your life? dont allow the 'i wish i did that' to happen x3

as a wise shia once said:

JUST DO IT!

*hugs* have a good day!

Red asked for a break. Few days. That's one of the last things the first friend I lost this month said to me...

its the second time in less than a month. one more and ill beat my record. i havent lost friends in a while until now, and now not only were they friends, but they were also my best friends. my other very important friendship is also looking really dire right now... if i lose that i. i dont know. its the most important one i have right now and its not even in real life. i just dont understand, i always try to do my absolute best for everyone, and yet. they never seem to remember all the good things i did for them.

what happened was basically. well. there is this person that i hate and made my life hell and really is just annoying and stresses me out and she wont stop texting me or talking to me! she keeps stalking me and finding all of my friends somehow! shes friended a lot of them, including the friend i lost today. she got them on her side. and this best friend i have is also really uncomfortable around her. she knows how she can be and. this is getting confusing. ill give them nicknames. Red is the friend i love and the situation is dire. blue is the friend i just lost, and green is the one that keeps stalking me. so. Red decided shed do a stream of her drawings, and she invited blue and i. it was going nice, Red was actually drawing blue, and blue at some point asks if she can invite green in. Red replies '...sure' and i only answered '...' to this, blue went 'i get it jfc' Red replied something along the lines that she wasnt going to ignore her, and blue started being really sour and said things like 'unlike somebody we know' and really talking me down so i stood up and blue kept arguing with me, then threatened leaving, until Red flipped and ended the stream.

i got really angry because all of us have emotional problems, and Red can be insecure and im very protective of her. on one side im asking blue what that was all about. she KNEW we didnt like green AT ALL. and on the other side Red is talking me down saying we cant even try to get along for her (Red).

Blue, Red and i were just like family. one day green came around even AFTER i told both green and Red what shed done to me. both started talking to her and actually friended her. i felt really fucking betrayed! but they still did anyway! Red eventually stopped after another bad event i had with green, but blue kept talking to her more and more! even more than she did to me.

this was the last thing blue said to me:
[21:42:53] blue: The only person I care for as much as I shouldn't is Red.
[21:43:04] blue: You've lost all respect with all the shit you've pulled
[21:43:08] Orion: ...
[21:43:08] blue: Goodbye Orion
[21:43:13] blue: For real this time.

im not letting my self hate tell me its my fault this time. but i really feel dead inside. im sorry for making such a long post, i really needed to get this out somewhere because im not being able to handle it. Red isnt talking to me either. 'fuck this i need a break'
...i cant help but feel 100% guilty but im trying not to...

i mostly do canines, but if you ask any other thing ill do my best to get you what you want!
for now i do:
-icons
-headshots
-full body (up to two characters, three if youre up for waiting a bit longer!)

these wont last forever though! i always wanted to do commissions sometime!
comment your requests!

just looking for an rp buddy! preferably chat form. i do a lot of romance, but also every other kind of things like fantasy, action, sci fi, adventure, horror, etc. anything really! if anyone out theres interested note me!~

im usually way more active on all my accounts, lifes been extra hard for me lately.
problems at home, school going down the drain because i cant focus anymore, anxiety, depression, and now i lost my best friend too... but hey, gotta keep being positive i guess! dont really believe that but maybe if i keep telling myself itll get better it actually will.

Well. The sweetest thing just happened today. I was pretty down 'cause my friend and I almost broke up so I skipped a class. I wouldn't be really doing anything anyway 'cause I wouldn't be able to focus. So I went downstairs in my school to level -1 and sat against a wall right next to a hall, and I drew some more furry doodles to relax a bit. I was listening to music and I only noticed the guy behind/beside me when he said 'Hey I love your drawing!' which was a rare thing as this is an arts school. Almost everyone draws. So I was really surprised and flinched, then I removed my earphone and looked up at him and he smiled at me. I'm pretty shy sometimes and considering how sad I was, I got pretty flustered. I thanked him and he looked through some more of my stuff, but he immediately left to class less than a minute later, sipping on his hot cocoa. I could feel the blush on my face, I think I even stuttered. It wasn't much, but I didn't even like the drawing I was doing and thought it came out wrong, but his comment and good mood really made my day. So I decided to make it up for him. I drew him a little something and signed it with my phone number on the back, leaving a little message on how he made me feel better. I looked for him everywhere but I didn't find him. At the end of the day there was a concert and he was kinda separated from the crowd so I went up to him and poked him. He smiled at me and said hi, but shy little me quickly gave him the drawing and stuck his tongue out while doing a peace sign then quickly darted away. Fuck I hoped he saw that. Then I got a message saying 'your letter made me smile A LOT!' which made me pretty happy and we've been talking since. He's a really nice guy, and he's also pansexual and a side of me is rooting that he's single too... Gah, I'm hopeless. Who even does a peace sign how lame, I never even do that.