I'm single again. This actually feels a lot better than I expected it to, because this has been coming for several months. Kevin and I just weren't clicking anymore, and thank god we were both adults and ended this thing now before things got any worse. Before someone did something unforgivable. We're still friends, and probably always will be. I don't know what the future holds, but it's different for both of us now. I'm just moving on with my life, and a lot quicker than I expected I'm actually doing fine.

Sorry for the delays in comments and whatnot, as well as the sudden burst of uploads and then nothing. I broke the power cord to my laptop with the footrest to one of my recliners somehow, and it took me a over a week to replace it. I'm back now, though, so if you want to talk to me I can actually talk back now.

I got off my ass and did yardwork all day. I'm sweaty and tired, but I feel so damn good. The weather has been beautiful, and now my yard is as well. I finally got the fire pit done up, I made the compost pile and put all the waste into it, and did some gardening. I even yelled at myself to man up and inserted my father laughing at me and scolding me over my fear of bugs into my thoughts, put on some gloves, and cleaned my garage. I'm so proud of myself.

Soon, you shall all see a lot of new artwork from me. I'm buying a scanner next week, and have been slowly buying new art supplies. My office room is finally done, so now I have somewhere to do it at, and I've been working my tail off trying to improve where it needs to be done and scouring my life for inspiration.

I'm back from wherever that dark place I went about six months ago was, and I promise, poppa isn't leaving again anytime soon.

I will not be sharing too many details so as not to spoil any surprises, but I am working on a massive film project right now that will become a weekly Youtube series meant to run indefinitely. I haven't started filming yet, we are currently in preproduction, but it will be amazing. It is unfortunately eating a lot of my time, but it's worth it. I mention it because I am trying to get things to use as props in a way that can be worked more easily into my budget. I am trying to get my hands on a number of things right now - crucifixes, religious imagery and trinkets (not just Christian), cloth that is either black or white or green, old books (mostly pertaining to religion, the paranormal, and linguistics), convincing-looking fake guns, medieval weaponry, clergy outfits, Vietnam-era war memorabilia and equipment, strange or unique antiques, a Geiger Counter, a fog machine, old jewelry (the gaudier, the better), and just about anything else anyone can spare or knows where I can find it cheaply. I don't want to sound like a beggar, I am buying a lot of these things as I can afford to and have the time to search for them, it would simply make my life easier if I had more means of acquisition. I also will need lots of extras, despite already having many, as I would like every extra to be a different person. Once things are more developed, I will be making a website for the project. Hopefully, shooting will begin around the end of this month. If we stick to the schedule, maybe there is a possibility of uploading videos by the end of next month or the following one. Any help is appreciated, and if you have something on this list you can send me, let me know and I will PM you my address. Thank-you in advance to anyone willing to help in any way possible, you are helping me realize an old dream that thankfully never died in me.

I love Aerosmith, but there really isn't any way to type out those sounds Steven Tyler makes between verses.

Anyways, as the title says, I'm finally back. (PERFORMING FOR YOU IT'S THE FIRST MEMBER OF THE DK CREW shit I have that stuck in my head now)
I'll probably be really slow uploading things knowing me, but I promise you, I am trying to get better about that. We moved into a new home last year, so now I have land underneath me instead of a family of alleged illegals and a drunk. I miss the old apartment, but it doesn't compare to our house.
Let me know how you've all been, god knows I've missed you all.

I'm back. Maybe I'll be around for a minute this time. I miss you, FurAffinity. I miss my delightful furfags and fursons and etc. Howdy doody.

Indeed, that I am.
Craziness is life lately, so sorry about not updating in a long time.
Much love.

I had a follow-up today with the doctors.

I got the results of my blood work and X-rays yesterday. I have a deficiency in vitamin D and high potassium levels in my blood. My bones in my legs and shoulders are normal, which is puzzling seeing as they cause me so much pain. Apparently, I've had spinibifida (not sure if I spelled it right) and spinal arthritis my entire life and never knew. I go in for an MRI and an MRA on Friday the seventh. I'm hoping things look a little better than they have when that happens.

Oh yeah, I uploaded a bunch of new stuff. Enjoy. Or whatever you folks do in regards to my stuff.

I'm running on empty these days.
I haven't even been online much in the last month. I haven't had the energy for even that. Somehow, I'm still working myself to the bone.

I went to the clinic last week for a headache so bad I couldn't see. I've had a mild headache pretty much constantly since I was twelve, so it didn't really surprise me. But now, for the first time in a few years, my health is really beginning to be a limitation. I'm on medications again. I had two jobs up until a couple of months ago; my body couldn't handle it. I'm not nineteen anymore. I have a follow-up with the doctor on Tuesday; let's see if I can't finally figure out why my body is failing me at twenty-three. I can hardly speak a proper sentence anymore, which is odd, and that's just the mildest of a good dozen strange maladies afflicting me currently. Many of them have been around for about a decade. I'm terrified right now, in all honesty. What if I can't work anymore? What if I'm dying? I've been a nervous wreck all week, and I won't know anything conclusive until Tuesday at the earliest. My medication is making my stomach twist, and I haven't had much of an appetite in months.

I don't mean to whine and complain, I just need to vent to someone, anyone at all. It helps me.

 qase was pimping this survey, and I just had to take it:

http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/th.....-analysis-test

It's a test of your kinkiness, and it's kind of long, but hot damn is it entertaining. Kind of sounds like me, heh. Anyways, you guys should all take it and let me know how you did. Ironically, it makes me sound more submissive and somewhat-less-kinky than I actually am. God knows I know exactly how to get what I want. Even if I have to take it. And I just so happen to want a lot.

Here's my results:


Your result for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test ...

Blue (450 nm)
You scored 79% self-confidence and 71% bandwidth!



Wow! You have quite a big repertoire when it comes to kinky sex. And you're probably also willing to play on either side of the fence. You should look for another Blue, or an Ultraviolet if you want to broaden your horizon. Greens may be okay as well but will probably bore you after a while. Reds are too vanilla for you.

But I promised you a more detailed analysis, so here it is. Note that most scales are twofold: There are separate values for giving (active) and receiving (passive). If you scored high on one of them, you should look for a partner who scored high on the other. If you scored high on both of them, go for someone who is similar (or for multiple partners if you're into that). If you scored low on both, this probably is not your kind of kink.

You scored 72% giving and 54% receiving on oral.

You scored 67% giving and 90% receiving on anal.

You scored 62% giving and 86% receiving on bondage.

You scored 59% giving and 57% receiving on humiliation.

You scored 50% giving and 45% receiving on pain.

You scored 64% dominance and 43% submission.

You scored 58% voyeurism and 81% exhibitionism.

Besides that, you're 56% into fetishism and 60% polysexual (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You'll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 54% on autoerotic - a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It's not exactly a matching criterion, but it's good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

Rate my test!
Currently quiz/5 Stars. 1 2 3 4 5
Can't tell
click away Compared to other takers
95/100 You scored 71% on bandwidth, higher than 95% of your peers.
92/100 You scored 57% on humiliationr, higher than 92% of your peers.
89/100 You scored 59% on humiliationg, higher than 89% of your peers.
91/100 You scored 86% on bondager, higher than 91% of your peers.
71/100 You scored 62% on bondageg, higher than 71% of your peers.
70/100 You scored 45% on painr, higher than 70% of your peers.
76/100 You scored 50% on paing, higher than 76% of your peers.
62/100 You scored 56% on fetishism, higher than 62% of your peers.
60/100 You scored 60% on polysexual, higher than 60% of your peers.
58/100 You scored 58% on voyeurism, higher than 58% of your peers.
99/100 You scored 81% on exhibitionism, higher than 99% of your peers.
89/100 You scored 54% on autoerotic, higher than 89% of your peers.
63/100 You scored 54% on oralr, higher than 63% of your peers.
74/100 You scored 72% on oralg, higher than 74% of your peers.
86/100 You scored 90% on analr, higher than 86% of your peers.
70/100 You scored 67% on analg, higher than 70% of your peers.
86/100 You scored 64% on dominance, higher than 86% of your peers.
68/100 You scored 43% on submission, higher than 68% of your peers.
96/100 You scored 79% on confidence, higher than 96% of your peers.



DOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Seriously, not at all in my usual sarcastic way of saying it, life is wonderful. I finally got my car back after it being broken for a month, I'm ahead on my bills and my money, I got most of my life back in order, I've been shopping for a trailer to move into once my apartment lease is up, and (most importantly, and my favorite part) I've been dating a wonderful guy named Kevin for just over a week now.

Expect some stuff from me really soon. I've been busy. *winkwink*nudgenudge*

On January tenth of 1986, at 3:37 A.M., I crawled out of my mother and into this world. Twenty-three years later, I'm really not quite the man I or anyone else expected I would become. I'm certainly not the man I hoped I would be. But happy birthday to me, I guess - another year older, another year closer to the end, but another year survived nonetheless.

My car has been disabled since Christmas evening, and it has been a bit of a bitch getting around or getting anything done at all. One of my brother's friends is fixing my car. He's so goddamn sexy. It's not fair at all, having a cute guy bent over my engine making all kinds of amazing noises and not being able to act out the thoughts running through my mind.

Expect more new material from me sometime this week... hopefully.

Before we start this thing off, happy new year everyone!

Anyhow, you may (or may not) have noticed a few new items in my gallery. They may be non-furry, but htey are simply the first wave of many. I've been a busy wolf and an exhausted-yet-still-manic squirrel. I'm particularly pleased with the Ledger Joker piece, which was done as a Christmas gift for a friend.

I'm moving to a different position at work in two months or less. I'm going from being in the bakery at Wal*Mart to being a cashier. It'll likely be a slight cut in hours, but I can afford it and frankly I need the rest.

I hope we can all leave the bitterness, lonliness, and just general nastiness that was 2008 behind (for me at least, it wasn't a particularly good year). Good riddance, 2008. You shan't be missed. Be safe, be merry, and be horny, everyone.

So I finally got a new computer. My dad surprised the hell out of me and bought me an amazing HP laptop. Now I can be on more often as well as actually chat over AIM occasionally again! Yay awesome.

And also, since Hex tagged me:
1- I'll answer with something random about you.

2- I'll dare you to try something

3- I'll say a color I associate with you.

4- I'll tell you something I like about you.

5- I'll tell you something I always remember about you / a first memory about you.

6- I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

7- I'll ask you something I always wanted to ask you.

8- If I do this for you, you must put this in your journal.

Both literally and figuratively.
I have no internets right now, so to those of you who still want to talk to me, PM me and I'll give you my cell number. Understand that the only place I can get online is at the library right now, so just send me an e-mail (emo_and_loving_it@yahoo.com) and tell me who you are and I'll send you my number.

The deed is done. I feel better and I feel worse at the same time. I feel numb. We sat down and talked after he got off work at 11:30 last night. We're pretty much broken up, but we're giving it through Sunday just to be sure. Thank the gods we're both being adults about this and accepting it as something necessary. And thank all of you who gave me support and advice.

Tonight is the night.
Tonight I either fix things or go down in flames. Tonight I either stay the course or moor my ship. Tonight I either lock the door from inside or step outside. Enough with the vague euphemisms.
My relationship with Matt hinges on the conversation we're going to be having in a little over two hours. I'm so scared. I'm so fucking nervous. What if it is indeed over? What if it is indeed finished? What if we're not cut out for this?
Oh well. No more waiting. No more procrastinating. No more excuses. Tonight. Tonight is the night. Tonight.

Seriously, I have no idea what to do with myself right now. There's no easy way to put this, and I hate to air my dirty laundry here, but I need some advice on just what it is I should do. I'm thinking about leaving my fiance, whom I've been with for almost two years. I'm thinking about leaving a lot of things. I haven't even had the initiative to do anything for a couple of weeks now and he's starting to notice. I think everyone is. Notice I haven't even been online? I just don't think I can handle this anymore, I never really knew what I was doing to begin with, and I'm tired of my life being one big compromise like it has always been. I may have lived a pretty wild life for a while there, and have dozens of exes, but that doesn't make me experienced in dating. They all left me after a month, sometimes less than that. There was probably a reason. There's just so much wrong and it isn't getting fixed. What makes it worse is that he won't make the same compromises I have to make, and it makes things that much harder.

He doesn't really give me a chance to say anything anymore, and when I do, I'm always wrong, or I'm always the bad guy. And then he apologizes a little bit later and clings onto me, and if I'm not in the mood for it after whatever just happened, I'm a selfish prick and I don't love him.

I can't be gone for more than an hour before he starts calling and texting me repeatedly.

He can't control his spending, which is really hurting us. We paid our bills a week late this week. We haven't been late on any payments in eight months. We were barely scraping by but comfortable on just my income, and he's had a job for a little bit and we're actually harder off now than we were before with just me paying for everything. He's been at Subway for three months now. He was unemployed for six months before he got that job. We used to keep food in our fridge.

And on the fridge thing, all he wants to do now is party. And I'm the taxi cab service because (SURPRISE!) none of his friends can drive either. Just like old times, takes me back. So now he's bringing a party life into our apartment, and I'm not comfortable with parties. There's too much that can and always will go wrong. Last night, haha, well that's just an example of that I'll not get into. And all of his new friends seem to be way more into him than they are into me.

I understand that his father died in a car accident eleven years ago, I really do, but sometimes I wish he'd at least let me try to teach him to drive.

Oh yeah, and I'm starting to think he likes one of his coworkers more than he likes me.

I love him with all my heart. I wanted this to last forever. I wanted things to be normal, to be perfect for once. Looks like it's going to be the way it always is - what I want never matters. It never has.


I started drinking and smoking again. That's how high the stress is, not just from him but from all directions. I'm a mess right now. I'm amazed I'm even alive sometimes. There goes that new page I was trying to turn over in my life. Optimism, heh. I honestly don't even know what that word means anymore.


To the couple of people I am doing pictures for, please be patient with me. They'll be done soon, I promise. And I'm having my scanner serviced, so it should be back up-and-running soon. And If I said I had something to send you, it's still coming; I'm just so broke right now I can't afford postage. Please bear with me. I'm just really overstressed right now.

And I'm sorry that this is such a long thing to read. Please, somebody give me some advice. Please help me.

Well, I have almost a dozen pieces I'm currently working out, as well as almost a dozen more that are almost finished, and what happens? My fucking scanner dies on me.

I actually have some real news though: tomorrow, I find out exactly what I need to do to become a policeman. I finally know what I want to be in life. Wish me luck.

I feel like having not posted some fucking cats during the Katfffffinity thing makes me a failure.


I recently found an old (like maybe a year almost) piece of writing I did on a cigarette break at work, and I really want to finish it or something. I don't even know what to call this:

I'm taking my time
While they're taking my money
But I'll take it all in
I'll even take you, too, honey.
I'll take you to a place
Nobody's ever been;
We'll go somewhere new,
We'll go somewhere clean.
It's the place around the corner,
The place around the bend;
It's where everything will eventually
Wind up in the end.
I'm going to that magic place
Between your thighs.
It's Babylon.
It's paradise.

I just re-uploaded scans of all of my work, and added a new piece to my gallery. Go have a looksy, tell me what you think, then rinse your eyes out with bleach to remove the stains.

More new stuff to come soon, despite me being insanely out-of-practice due to creative block lasting two months.

And if you want me to draw something, pitch me an idea. I don't want to charge for anything for two reasons, one being that I just want to draw what people want and make them happy, and two being that I'm nowhere-near as talented as anybody else on here.

On another note, are there any of you in the Metro-Detroit area? I'm really bored with life and extremely lonely as of late. I only have a handful of friends anymore and I never see any of them. Plus, it would be nice to talk to other furries.

Much love, all you wonderful furfags and shefurs and itfurs etc.

Auf wedersehen.

That's right, kids - I'm back.

My computer, Esmerelda, died on me after seven years of loyal service about a month ago, but I have a new one now, so I have internets once again. Expect to hear from me and to see new work up very, very soon.

Auf wedersehen.

I've been inactive to say the least in the fandom for too long now. I just started browsing on here again recently, and I am in the middle of a handful of projects to leap back into things. I hadn't drawn anythign in a while, but a certain adorable blue horsie drew me back in to make a pun. You may or may not have noticed several things moved out of my gallery and into the scraps section - I finally got my scanner working and will be uploading actual scans (and color-corrected and fixed at that) of all of my work, past, present, and future (WIP's). Also, some thumbnails are being made for my work depending on the medium. Anyways, that's the furry update and I'll give you all the human half sometime soon.

I love you, wherever, whenever, and whoever you are.

Seriously, this shit is driving me insane. I never have any alone time, and thusly, I rarely have any opportunities to do any of the little thigns I consider extremely personal, including draw furry porn. I'm drawing a couple of pieces right now and I haven't drawn anything in months, so bear with me if my processes are moving slowly. More of an update to come on my status, for now we'll just leave it at this.

I know I've been gone for a long time. I'm sorry. My life has just been so... complicated... for the last several months, and honestly, I don't know how much more of it I can take. But I'm alive and for the most part well despite all things. Lonely and depressed, but alive nonetheless. God I'm worthless.