I'm just gonna be honest and say it bluntly; I don't care about this account and its content anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still a regular on this site, even for the NSFW things; but only for certain users and their works now. I don't even care as much about these kinks of mine anymore, or at least I'm tired of being turned on by certain stuff with them. It's to the point where I actually hate how this account is enshrined as a "wacky kinks" one.

Also, no offence to any of you, a lot of you are pretty decent; but I just don't want to interact with any of you nowadays, especially the guys into the same things I've now lost a lot of interest in.

More importantly, I did try to get my motivation back and get active here again, and I really wanted to get some more art done. But, long story short, that constantly nagging procrastination, alongside my job and other offline stuff, had only gone and driven me to severe anxiety; as in the full-on, physical-effect, medication-needed level of anxiety. Yep.

And frankly? I've felt a lot better now that keeping this place alive isn't in my top priorities anymore.

So, is this actually a goodbye? Not really, more of a "see you again sometime". Like I said, I'm still using FA, but only for checking out certain stuff right now.

Will I ever get back to doing art again, whether here or elsewhere? Oh definitely, I do still want to create stuff and have a load of ideas waiting. Just don't expect too much more inflatable, deflation and other shit like that when I do. In fact, expect more trains than pooltoys. Also more 3D works.

With that said, I'm off to play games and relax. Peace.

Just in case anyone hears something negative going round about me soon, namely about supporting "gr***ers", it's because I support trans rights and someone here's taken offense of that. I don't blame them of course, hence why I'm not naming them.
I just wish they hadn't fallen for that hateful nonsense.

And no, still nothing new yet. It's been a hectic six months, and doing art and managing this account have both been near the bottom in terms of importance.

Well, it's now over a year since I last uploaded something. I've been trying to think of how to say what to say here for months now, and finally, I'm tired of taking so long and don't care how it comes out; I'm just saying stuff and putting it down as is. This is all mainly why I haven't done a lot, and what I want from this account from now on.

> Autism + perfectionism + ADHD + work = fuck.
I know I can do art well, I know details and accuracy don't matter, I have the time, resources and ideas; but work still takes a bunch of my hours, and my brain is a fucking moron, and that's a big part of why I've not uploaded anything for so long. To be fair though, I do now understand why some other artists take so long to bring up new art.

> I'm sick of being really "into" the weird stuff I draw, especially the dark shit.
I do still like those things, but basically, another part of the lack of art; I'm now tired of being super "into" that stuff and dealing with the "response" as I try to do the ideas justice. Doubly so for the darker shit my other account was meant for.
I mean seriously, it's to the point where I've gotten back into certain train-related works and shit just to get away from that. It's ridiculous.

> I wish I hadn't turned this into my weird stuff account.
This had always been and was meant to be the account I mainly use, the same name as nearly all the other sites I'm on, and when I finally started doing art like all this, I should have made a seperate account for it; now it's firmly tied to all the weirder things, and when I do more normal stuff, I have to deal with it being alongside all that.

> On a more important note I've needed to say for a while; I don't care for my mutuals as much as I used to.
It's not your fault, and I am sorry, but it's the honest truth and the best way I can put it without being a huge dick; I've simply stopped seeing many of you as mutuals or even friends. I appreciate comments, but I don't want to continue them into conversations and talk about ideas and stuff anymore, I just want to do my art now.

There's probably more to say, but I can't remember right now; I'll update this if I do.
But to put it bluntly; I want to do art regularly again, without my BS getting in the way. So the plan from this point on;
> Just straight-up abandon my dark account; art's still there, but it's no longer getting anything else, and I'm leaving it locked.
> Finish and upload the handful of art I have actually done and nearly done in all that time, just to get it on here.
> Get the ADHD on a leash and kill the perfectionism outright.
> Keep up with the weirder ideas, but try to dropkick how "into" them I am now.
> Make more normal, non-weird stuff, including new art and things with my OCs like Greta.
> Decide on what to do to all the older weird stuff I've done up to now. I frankly don't care about the favs I got for it all, especially the TF-related things, so either I leave everything here for the sake of convenience, or I just clear out and reupload them on a new account, and turn this back into my main.
How this all goes, we'll see. Otherwise, I have other things I'm doing elsewhere that can fill in any gaps in the meantime.

I think that's all for now, until next time.

And once again to those I'd talked with a lot before now, I'm sorry. It was good chatting to you, but as I said, I'm just not up for that anymore.

Just something to say I’m still here. I just haven’t done a lot of art since April, and honestly I haven’t felt like uploading the few things I have actually finished in all that time.

Still trying to get my head around some stuff and get my motivation and focus back, so there’s still no new art coming here yet, and I’m not saying any important shit until I know what to actually say. Same with any comments here, I just won't be responding at the moment.

The only thing I can say right now is; I’m still into the same stuff as before, but I don’t WANT to be into some of it anymore, or be “into” the rest of it as much. Take that as you will.

Back again, finally with several pieces of art actually done; the first one'll be up in a few minutes.
Before that though, here's an update on what I'm up to. I was going to elaborate and go all info-dumping, but I've decided that's dumb, so I'll just keep things simple.

1. I'm working on my drawing process to get more art done.
I wasn't getting anything done earlier because my focus on doing the lines and stuff just right had turned it into an annoying chore. Since then, I've found it better to just do it without in-program stabilizers and basically care more about getting it looking decent than making it perfect; even stuff like hands have turned out nicer this way. So far it's helped with these pics, so hopefully it'll help with later ones.

2. Even so, new art may still take time.
It's not just because of my job now; I've gotten myself caught up in one, maybe two personal writing projects. I don't know how far I'll get with them, or what to do with the one, but it's starting off well so far and I might stick to it for a bit. Because of that, and until I either give it a rest or actually finish it, my art might still be less frequent, and maybe in groups like this time. Otherwise, it'll be other quicker stuff like Gmod.

3. I'm not doing requests or commissions at all for now.
With all that said, and all the personal ideas I still want to catch up with, I currently don't have the time or desire to take requests, and especially not commissions. Gift art, maybe, but I'll have to see about that.

4. I also want to do more than just inflatables.
Yes, it's what my gallery's been all about, the reason I started doing my own stuff, and I do already have non-inflatable works. But I want to diversify more and do other subjects too, like my Swordmaidens.

5. I'm still not up to chat again either.
Yeah, sorry. I just don't feel like it or have anything I want to talk about. So if I'm on Discord, I'm just checking some servers and things, that's all.

I think that's about it. Right, now to the uploading!

Hey, so it's been a while since I've posted any of my art, or even talked to anyone outside of a few notes and the occasional "thank-you-for-faving/watching".

Basically, like I said on my last pic at Christmas, I just hadn't been motivated to draw and finish pics, at least the digital stuff anyway. Either my perfectionism was getting in the way, I was too tired and distracted by work, other hobbies and life in general, or I was simply not happy enough about the way I do digital art to actually do it; I've even been wondering if I have some un-diagnosed ADHD acting up.

As for the lack of communication, here and on Discord, I've just not been in the mood for chatting at the moment, especially with my job going on. Plus I don't really have anything I want to talk about.

I have been working on how I do my art now though, and I'll have something done sometime soon. When that comes, I'll do another journal about what I'm up to.

I had my birthday yesterday, the big 30. To sum the day up;

-Woke up and spent the whole morning with irritating pain in the abdomen. (Went away around lunch, though)
-Had a very brief worry about the washing not washing properly.
-Made up excuses to not spend the evening with one side of my family, just because I wanted a nice quiet time to myself in the middle of a real busy week, to try to draw something and play the games I still need to finish.
-Instead, and for most of the afternoon beforehand, wasted the entire evening snacking, watching YouTube and exploring dead Roblox projects.
-Got money as gifts that will most likely end up being spent of either snacks and drinks, or other's Christmas presents.
-On the plus side, I got some nice stuff, including canvases of some of my own photos, and the dinner I made myself was pretty good too.

So, not a bad birthday, just a bit lackluster on my part. Plus the fact that I'm 30 now and feeling it. :l

Me yesterday: Damn, only an hour before I have to get ready and set off for work, and I don't feel like more games or YouTube right now. Hmm, might as well see if I can draw a quick thing; something using this MLP vector pic as a base. Maybe I'll get a bit of it done before I go?
The art 40-45 minutes later: *All of the main lines finished and ready for coloring and detailing*
Me looking at that s**t: .......Alright, one: I guess the sort-of haitus is sort-of off now; two: what the f**k was the problem before?

Sooo anyway, yeah, I'll have some art coming a lot sooner than expected. :l

Just saying, aside from one quick piece for my other account I've already done, I probably won't be doing any art at all for the next month or so.

My new job has just started today, and since the location I'll be at is still under construction (it's a whole new building), for the next 2-3 weeks I'll be in a different store with a longer commute. Add in my shifts ending after dark, and a certain season being on its way, and I honestly don't think I'll be in the mood to draw until things have settled in.

EDIT: That's not to say I won't still try to do some art during this time! It just depends on how motivated I feel, both in general and before/after 90+ minute journeys by train and foot.

1. I have some more art on the way; one's nearly done, and another is finished, but it's not time to upload that one yet. :P

2. The one that's nearly done is also going to have a sort of story thing in the description, from the main subject's perspective. :)

3. There's also a grimdark one coming to my other account for Halloween; that one's about halfway there, give or take. :P

4. As for other art, I'm going to try and get things done faster, and do more stuff with my own OCs and ideas. :)

5. Finally, a friend has started doing Gmod and story commissions here and on DA; if you're interested, go see him! ;)
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10014774
https://www.deviantart.com/ltcolone.....omms-894678080

My focus and motivation on actual full pieces of art I've already had in mind and want to actually do, based on my own ideas and interests that I want to get into visual form:
Do a few lines several times until they look 100% perfect, fret over getting the proportions and anatomy good, get distracted by YouTube, Tumblr and other online nonsense, give it a rest after 20-30 minutes for half or even the rest of the day, repeat all that again, and end up taking a week or two to get that single picture done, along with several other WIPs I want to get finished under that same focus.

My focus and motivation on, for instance, a stupid meme thing done spontaneously without a thought:
Crack down hard on it within an evening and morning even with distractions and perfectionism, finish the thing completely, then go and make a fucking little video with it and accompanying audio, also within that same morning.

Me, being fully aware of this bullshit:
>:(

(And yes, I'll upload the meme pic and video later.) Okay, they're uploaded now!

1. More art is coming, I'm just crippled by perfectionism and distractions at the moment. :l

2. Saying that, I've figured something out about doing my art, and while it's basically a good thing, I'm now annoyed I didn't realize it sooner. >:C

3. Now this is a big one I have to say about my content that I should have said earlier. I've already explained it to someone on Discord, so I'm going to paraphrase it here now.

About my TF stuff, especially actual mid-TF pieces; all the ones I've done so far are just requests people have asked for. I'm fine with doing TF as those and as commissions in the future, and a lot of it I've seen about here and on DA is pretty good, but the point is, I'm actually not super-into TF myself.
The only ones I'll be doing as my own thing will be for Swordmaidens' and Destrier's settings, and even then that isn't the main focus for either of them.

In fact, one thing I absolutely don't want is to be known mainly for TF; I don't want people to look at my art and go, "Oh yeah, this guy's a great TF artist!". It's not what I want my work associated with.

So yeah, long story short, I'm not a big TF guy, and I don't want to be one. So, sorry if you watched me just for TFs. :/

1. 15.ai reopening this month and staying up for a good while.

2. More nice custom Serious Sam levels popping up, across any of the games' Workshops.

3. Sonic Rangers getting an actual trailer and info soon, and it not looking stupid.

4. Lower prices for graphics cards that'll actually be a big upgrade to my current one.

5. A better focus on doing more art without getting distracted by YouTube and other bullshit, without other stuff taking up my time, without just doing lazy self-indulgent edits of other people's stuff that'll never leave my HDD, and without my rampant fucking perfectionism keeping me from even starting off a simple doodle for any of the ideas I've got stuck in my shit head.

EDIT: Okay, the fifth one isn't as bad now, and here's why! :)

Yeah, I'm back from holiday now! :)
I'll have some more art coming soon, for now I'm catching up with stuff! ;)

I'm going away camping tomorrow for a few days, and considering it'll be up in the Welsh hills, I probably won't have much of a usable signal over there for internet stuff. :P
So, I'll upload one more doodle for now, and if I can't get online, I'll be back in about 4 or 5 days! ;)

UPDATE: Woops, running low on data too, so I'll be offline either way now! So like I said, see you in 4-5 days! ;)

So yeah, like my latest submission shows, I'm off my break again now, and back onto digital art! (There'll still be doodles, of course.) ;)

Now, to business. As some of you might have seen, here's my basic to-do list for now, with a tiny snippet of people I want to make gift art for. :)
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43037385/
I say a tiny snippet, because the list is already pretty big, with 12 different people I'm planning art for so far! ;)

Before I get to work on them and this to-do list in general though, I've now gotta do a piece of gift art that's a lot more personal and important first. Can't say what it is, and I won't post it immediately when it's done, but I will when it is the right time to! ;)
The point is though, I'll be going all-out on that piece to make it as perfect as I can given the context, meaning it's gonna take a while to do, meaning the next digital piece that will be made for here will take a bit longer too. :l

But like I said before, I can still upload my doodles and sketches in the meantime; in fact, I still have a couple recent ones to upload. :)

Well, I think that's everything, aside from the news that I've had my second vaccination today; still going to wear a mask in town, of course. :P

Anyway, journal's over now, thanks for reading! ;)

While I'm still on my break from digital art, I might as well show off something I remembered I did over a year ago, months before I started my art in the first place; my first ever music mod for a game! :)

https://gamebanana.com/sounds/46806

Basically, it's a huge chunk of SADX's soundtrack replaced with appropriate tracks from Undertale and Deltarune Chapter 1. I went through the whole of both soundtracks, picking the best and most fitting replacements for each of the original songs, both for the locations and the story.
Granted, it's not every song in SADX, but it is nearly all of the menu, stage, boss, cutscene and power-up music; basically, everything in the main stories and gameplay except the character themes!
(Oh, and the main Chao Garden theme is also changed. The other Chao stuff is untouched though.)

So, give it a try! Best experienced in a full playthrough! ;)
Also don't worry about dealing with Big, just use BetterSADX's "All Characters Unlocked in Adventure Mode" code to skip his story; only after you check his fishing tune though! ;)
(Oh yeah, you'll need BetterSADX too. It's kind of necessary for mods.) :P

Anyway, hope you enjoy it! ;)

Well, it's taken a long while, too long perhaps, but I've now finally done all of the requests and art trades on my list. My schedule is a whole lot clearer now.

So, with that, here's what's happening next, in order;

1. A Big Ol' Break from Art
Now that I don't have as tight a schedule as before and more of my own time, I'm taking a break from doing art, partially to rest and relax, but mainly to catch up on a bunch of missed exercise. I'll still be on here of course, and there's a few more little traditional drawings to be uploaded, so there's at least something coming here in the meantime! ;)

2. Doodles to Digital Art
When I finish my break, first thing I'll be doing is taking some of the sketches and doodles I'd done and giving them the whole cleaned-up, full color .png treatment, from pencil to pixel! And don't worry, the original ones will stay up! ;)

3. A Focus on my Personal Work
And once they're done, it's onto a load of my own original stuff! More inflatables, more robots, more of Greta, more of Bonna, more of other characters and series, more for my other account, etc, etc! Expect a variety of things, really! :)

4. Beyond That...
Eventually, I'll open requests again, just not for a good while. I'll still be doing gift art if I feel up to it though, so that's something! I'll also look into YCHs and commissions, see how to go about them. :P

I think that's everything I needed to cover here. Guess I'll finish this journal by giving a big thank you to everyone who requested art from me for your ideas and your patience, and to everyone who enjoys my work for, well, enjoying my work! I hope you enjoy what's to come too! ;)

-I've finally had my first of two Covid vaccinations. My arm's sore, but I think I'm fine so far, and it's not my best hand so that's good. ;)

-I'm almost finished with the first two bits of  elgato12's request, and I'll upload those two so they're here while I do the rest. (Couldn't upload the first without at least the second one.)

-The other stuff for  inflatablecatgirl,  d3c0de3301 and the anonymous requester are also coming as soon as I can.

-As soon as they're all done, I am ABSOLUTELY catching up with the walking and exercise I've been missing.

-Most of the doodles and sketches I've done in the meantime will be getting the digital treatment.

-I'm also working on a mature piece on my laptop. ;)

-Plus thanks to that, I'm now considering YCHs before actual commissions. Not yet though, a little later! :P

-Speaking of art, I've now realized I don't need 7-8 layers to do good lines for a single character or the same number for their colors, and now I'm mad that I wasted so much time before. :l

-Finally, I made this! vvvvvvv :3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPPYoZ-_rAs
(And no, 15.ai's not back yet. Sorry.)

I'm really sorry it's taking so long!
I'm doing them, It's just that I've been real busy outside of art lately, plus for the art itself there's my own dumb habits of focusing on one at a time and wanting to draw stuff for other people as perfectly as I can.

So, a Things to Do list in no particular order;
-The last part of the art trade with  inflatablecatgirl
-A multi-image request for(and an apology to)  elgato12
-A now massively late art trade with  d3c0de3301
-An anonymous MLP-related request

Hopefully, I can get a bunch of this done sooner rather than later!

EDIT: Also, I won't be taking any more requests for a while, I want to focus on my own original stuff.

1. I must think more before I act and consider the feelings of those around me, otherwise I'll end up saying or doing something stupid and awful that can hurt others; my autism is no excuse for poor decisions.

2. Even so, my personal well-being is still very important, and if things in life are getting stressful enough to actually cause that "something stupid and awful", it's perfectly okay to just say no and care more about myself for a while.

3. No matter what I think about my works and what they're like, there'll always be someone who loves them regardless, whether they're full digital pieces, simple sketches, little post-it doodles, decade-old college drawings or even just something done in Gmod.

4. That being said, my work also doesn't need to be done as totally perfect as possible. As long as it still looks good and mostly resembles the original idea, it'll be absolutely fine.

5. Turns out, doing a sketch first and using it as a template does help a lot.

EDIT: 6. I also shouldn't whine and bitch about how tough certain Pokemon must be to draw until I actually try drawing them first, in case they end up being easy, and I end up feeling stupid.

I'm going straight to the point; doing requests has gotten stressful to me.

Sure, it's been fun doing a bunch of them, and The art trade I'm in the middle of right now is right to my interests.

But the fact that I have the idea that I must do art as best as I can if it's for someone else, and because that, having to take so much time working on it so it looks "right", has made it feel more like another chore than something fun to do in my free time. Having fifteen requests in one go didn't help either.

And my time being more limited nowadays, balancing what time I do have for everything, is another factor causing me stress.

And worst of all, with my stupid autistic brain, it's hard to say no to doing stuff because I'm worried about disappointing people, including those who like my work enough to make a request.

But now because of that, I've gone and upset a requester by being a fucking idiot and making that vent pic about it, instead of just saying not now or discussing it with them.

Even though I was still going to try and do their request anyway, and even though I'll now be doing it as an apology for my bullshit as well, I know they probably don't trust me as much now, and I know it's all my own fault for that.

So from this point, I am done with requests and trades for the time being.

I might do gift art if I want, and maybe take simple, basic suggestions some time, but I'm not taking any more full and detailed requests.

It's not worth the stress, it's not worth the time taken, and it's ESPECIALLY not worth hurting others over.

I'll go back to taking them in the future, when I have more time, patience and sense. Until then, it'll be just my own stuff and any aforementioned gift art.

My apologies to everyone else who was considering a request from me until now.

Like I said in that vent pic, I take so long doing art not just because of other stuff going on offline, but also because I want to make my pictures to look as good as I can make them. Even though I know you've been loving my doodles, my old art and even my Gmod stuff regardless of how they look, I still feel like I need to do my absolute best at my work.
And it sucks because it means I end up spending ages on a single piece until I'm both satisfied with it myself and certain that others might like it too.

Like the art trade I'm doing right now; I started it nearly a week ago, I already know a bunch of you will love it just for the content, but I'm still stuck working on the first part of it because I've been trying to get the anatomy and posing looking acceptable to me, plus dealing with that ancient foe of all artists, the hands. Ironic, since the other two parts of it should be a walk in the park when I get to them.

And then there's the other older trade I still haven't got back to yet, mainly because of my tendency to focus on getting one piece of art done at a time.

Doesn't help that the only drawings I've done and actually completed this past week are little pen doodles on post-it notes I did to pass the time at the charity shops.

Saying that, maybe I should look for an art tablet when I can afford one...

So, I've been trying some advice from  thawk, about getting art done in the morning before going to my voluntary work or just going out in general.
Turns out, that's really helpful, and I should have some art finished tonight! Basically, a big improvement already! ;)

Other than that, I'll also be back to uploading the rest of my ancient drawings shortly after I finish this art!  trainmaster185 has also been uploading some of his old art, and honestly, seeing someone else do that's cheered me up about mine! :)

Lastly, I figured I might as well list the next few pieces I'll have in the works, depending on if the art-in-the-morning thing does break the block soon. I know, it's an odd thing to do, but whatever! ;)
--The long-overdue art trade for  d3c0de3301; again, really sorry for the wait!
--Another art trade, something more NSFW.
--My next picture of Greta, going on my other account.
--The actual introduction of this unlucky girl here; https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41799022/
--More intros of one or two other OCs I've been working on. Though I am wondering if I should just start with showing the Hero Forge models I've made of them, and do actual art of them later. :P

After that, there'll be more art in general, the return of Deflation is Magic, more stuff for the other account, and some other things in the future!

And that's all for now! ;)

I'm also moving the stuff I have uploaded to Scraps.

The reason why is in here;
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41863970/