Long story short shelter is wrongfully refusing to return her to me after she got lost. Once.

More details: https://twitter.com/nyvivianv/statu.....49643388100611

Hey Everyone! I have a few new SubscribeStar Perks for you guys the main one being that if you subscribe to the largest tier ($50 a month) you're entitled to a monthly audio commission that can go up to 5 minutes. There is a one-month rollover possible, which means you can ask for up to 2 commissions at once if you dont have an idea one month but have a couple the next.

I'm only taking up to 2 subscribers at a time for this tier. Let me know if you have any questions. I still reserve the right to refuse fulfilling commissions that are outside of my comfort zone.

In addition, all paid subscribers are able to offer suggestions on my personal discord. Thanks guys! I'm moving out in August to Philly, so the extra funds will help.

https://subscribestar.adult/yimyim

Just thought i'd let yall know here in case your submissions are flooded, heh.

Click below to listen for free
https://subscribestar.adult/posts/296495

As per the poll concluded from 4 months ago, I have almost finished the Triste x Doctor audio project. ^^ All lines are recorded and all I have to do is compile everything together and sound effects. Hope you guys look forward to it!

I constantly feel guilty for not being able to balance all my different types of artistic outputs at once. If i write, guilty i didnt draw, if i draw, guilty i didnt voice act. If I voice act, guilty i didn't upload more of my backlog. It's, kinda insane. Plus, idk if i mentioned this, but I was recently diagnosed with bipolar in addition to the adhd, and im undergoing medication adjustments again.

Ever since I had a falling out with someone who tried to say i was "letting my illness become my identity" ive been more than a little upset and hyper anxious about what people must think of me here. It's difficult man, along with my mental issues i have a lot of chronic pain. I threw up once taking groceries up 2 stories.

I have a problem with needing validation for my work too as its in progress and when it comes to niche nsfw stuff, i dont have many people i consider close friends that I can get feedback on it. Twitter is a constant cesspool and drain on my sanity because of all the antis. and Anti rhetoric is everywhere nowadays and it makes me sick to my stomach because the "fucked up" fictional porn helps me cope with traumas ive been through and i feel kinda repressed at certain points.

Add into the mix my hyperfixations that flip on a dime, i feel like no matter what i do im dissapointing everyone. I dont know what to do. In any case, I have a therapist appointment on tuesday for the first time since...2016. Maybe they can help me with this. medication alone has only just made me able to live an actual life, but its still a tangle.

I dont know. Please. If you think I'm just a flaky bitch. Just know that I'm trying, and I want to produce more for you guys, because it makes me happy to make this stuff too.

As an extra note, I guess part of it is also getting very skeeved by people (not the majority thankfully) sexualizing ME as a person Feel free to talk about dicking down my characters, even triste, my fursona, all you want. But the second you bring me into the equation I will just not want to work with you anymore.

I consider myself a Sex Worker to an extent because of my contribution to NSFW, including my voice, but for gods sake- do you guys think I'm riding a radish up my ass when i do the VA moans? No! I'm far too busy being anxious about whether or not people will like it.

I don't mind if people wanna jerk off to my voice either...As long as im playing a character. Because thats enough seperation for me.

This was really all over the place, but ugh, just a lot of things suddenly hit me at once .

CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE DISCORD

So I have opened up a discord for us all here. It is **PUBLIC** and is built upon my previously SFW only server. The main sections will remain sfw but I have already kicked everyone under 18 out (they never talked anyway) and going forward only adults will be allowed.

Everyone is welcome to come, so long as you remain respectful of other people. Subscribers will get their own special role and color and subscribers to the Chocolate Tiers will have access to an additional special category.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MY SUBSCRIBESTAR

One last thing, Please dont be creepy and overtly sexual towards anyone, least of all me personally. I may draw and voice what I do, but that doesnt mean I will accept personal advances.

With that out of the way I hope you join and enjoy!

Henlo I have drafted a few ideas for voice acting skits and I have decided to let the masses decide what I should preform next.

https://www.strawpoll.me/42459633

The poll includes the kinks and whatever else is involved.

PLS VOTE! I will give you a spiritual i voted sticker as a reward.

Voice acting, I might be ready to start coming back, but I want to do it on my terms. As for why I was gone? My confidence was really in the toilet, and I got overwhelmed with a lot of things, hence me refunding everyone. I'm wondering if any of you have any suggestions for scripts or scenarios. Perhaps something with one of my OC's? Check out any of them here

Also, please don't give me your hyper specific kink with my characters.... Stick to things on my fav, yes or "Strange Kinks" list here

25! Quarter of a century. Murderers in 1995 are getting out now! But in any case, I'm here!

Hi there, Viv here, been a while hasn't it? Life has been okay, I'm here and things have been stressful but good. I'm working on getting disability and I have my rent, internet and phone paid off until late 2021. Plus my birthday is in a couple weeks. November 1st if you wanna get me something! ;3


With that being said, I have a cool announcement to make. A secret project that I've been working on with some friends, A Webcomic called Hell's Carousel

Hell's Carousel already has the first chapter of it done, and we will be uploading 4 pages every Monday on both Tapas and Webtoons!

To put it quite simply, Hell's Carousel is about a motley crew of demons organized in the unlikely circumstance of trying to maintain a functioning circus in hell! Can you imagine that?

The direct making of Hell's Carousel is characterized by 4 people. Bones, Leader, Writer, and Inks. Vile, Colorist, me, Vivian, Lead Shader and Nyvz, Additional Shader. But that's not all! We wouldn't have had Hell's Carousel's colorful cast if it wasn't for many others lending us their own personal character's likenesses for us to utilize as other staff members of the circus. Some of you may remember my two headed character, DaMalo. He was created for this project. I'm really excited to see where this will go.

I'd really appreciate if you'd give either of the links above a click and check out what we have so far! If you're interested in more than just a taste of the action, have no fear, We Have A Website you can go through to imbibe Bones' fountain of lore regarding the world of Hell in the universe of Hell's Carousel. Don't forget to Follow Our Twitter! to no doubt get the juicy deets. And if you want to make fanart or merely comment about the piece, please use the #HellsCarousel tag! We'd love to foster a community around this passion project of ours.

++++++++++

Alright, so shameless self promotion aside, I've actually been doing pretty well. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it here, but I have an official Emotional Support Animal. She's a cat of course, and her name is Inker. Here's a pic. Those of you on my discord have known for months, so oops.

As far as art goes I've still been posting, mostly in my discord and on twitter, because updating everything else, even with postybirb can be a little exhausting. I'll try to get them up to date though.

I'm taking voice acting classes from castingcall.club and I've been doing great! My confidence is going back up and I feel like that's a good thing.

Anyway, I'm really appreciative that you took the time to read this. I adore you all, and it would mean the world to me if you gave our comic a peek okay? Heheh.

Hey all, just another update. If you'd like to commission me for voice acting, please fill out the form on THIS PAGE and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

You can also use this same page for Illustration commissions. Just don't try to fill out both at once, it won't work.

https://yaoimeowmaster.com/commissions/

Filling out the form will help me get back to you faster and allow me to be more organized. Thanks for understanding.

People were always kinda confused about my middle tier, since I offered both soft and cell at the same price.

I also noticed that as of late, my style doesnt really lend itself well to flat colors, in my personal opinion, at least in the way I've been drawing and the subjects I've been focused on. I'm also a lot happier to work on shaded pieces because I feel like they better reflect my current skill level.

It's not that I disliked doing flat colors, its just that I noticed when I had a lot of commissions and little time to work on my own pieces, it made my portfolio just a bit lacking compared to what I wanted to show off.

So for now, flat colors are going to the wayside. I may open them up again in the future, but for now soft shading is the minimum.

Let me know if you have any questions about the current commission sheet.

As quickly as things got better, they spiraled out of control from just one thing it seems. I would really appreciate it if you guys could send me some extra money I'm way. I'm incredibly anemic. My iron is ridiculously low. Proof: https://i.imgur.com/8LP2l8F.png

I plan to spend the money on some iron rich foods such as spinach and vitamin C to help absorb it such as orange juice. Since I'm going out on the 4th to go to my psychiatrist, I'd really appreciate some extra money so I would still be able to cover rent and transportation since my food stamps dont come in until the 10th. I'll also probably get some iron supplements in pill form. If you know of any other ways I can get my iron and restore my health, let me know.

You can give money the following places

https://patreon.com/nyvivianv
https://ko-fi.com/nyvivianv
https://paypal.me/yaoimeowmaster

This is why I havent been doing much this past week, I've been so dizzy and out there. Please consider helping me out.

I wanna thank everyone for their support for me with my last, emotional journal. It's been really difficult trying to get everything together. Having to deal with medication adjustments, chronic pain and looming deadlines for rent and bills around every corner. But I am so thankful to have the support of you all that I've amassed over the years. To have such a good community fostered here that can relate to my struggles, that can enjoy my art for the sake of enjoyment, and is always around to encourage me when I feel alone.

I recently got one of the medications they have been lowering slowly lately boosted back up again, and I've been able to have a more renewed focus and less executive dysfunction. Sure some things are still tough, but with the support of my friends on discord too, I'm making it.

Not to mention I got my cpap machine at last yesterday. (I have sleep apnea, have for years since I was a child) and while I must say that I dont feel like, euphoric or nothing. I am very proud of my ability to keep focused on things I have to do, like for example finishing a commission in one go without feeling that bad brain vibes that I usually get when I force myself to work. More energy, hell, even less pain, even though sleeping last night sucked because of back pain.

Of course I am dealing with some mild anemia because of a haywire period and I'm going to have to deal with more med shortage for a couple of days to save money (picking up rent money, grocery shopping and meds all at once) on the 10th, but it shouldnt be too horrible I'm hoping.

Anyway, I just need $100 more have my rent assured for me,. I'm going to try to work on my queue before I make even more YCH's and fill it up even more. o_o so please consider helping out if you can!

Donation Links
Paypal: http://paypal.me/yaoimeowmaster
Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/nyvivianv
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nyvivianv

Heey I've almost got enough money for rent this month, I just need to sell these three YCH's at the very least starting bid to do it! Thanks!

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34452113/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34465748/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34473705/

Sometimes talking about suffering publicly is weird, especially when you want to stay brave or positive. It's even more true when you were supposed to stay silent about your own negative feelings when growing up.

When I was a kid, saying "I feel depressed" was met with a lot of pushback. First it was "no you're not, it's just a phase." Then it was "Stop saying that. You're manifesting it into your universe."

People even told me that "Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is depressed." For years, I've been convinced, even when proven otherwise, that talking about your negative feelings is only going to alienate you from your friends.

My mind is swimming with lots of things I'd like to say and none of it feels poignant enough to separate into easily understood ideas within 1 or 2 sentences. All I know is that despite my attempt to just be honest, I'm trying to detract and turn this into a "lesson" for you all.

And I don't really want that. My intention is to get this out, in as healthy and freeform of a way as possible, so people can understand what I'm going through. Understand that I'm trying. Understand why I am beyond exhausted all the time. Why my PTSD holds me back so much.

As I type it feels like every bone and nerve in my body is screaming at me. "Stop." "Don't say anything else." "You're committing career suicide" and can you imagine that? For DARING to talk about how I'm suffering. How Im not always as chipper as I like to present myself.

Because in my past, being upset was met with more animosity. I'm sure many people have heard things like "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." or things like "I should be the one crying, not you." And...it brings up so much pain in me right now.

Anyway, my whole thing is that I wouldn't be in this situation that I am right now, that is, working from commission to commission. Struggling to make ends meet. If I didn't have such a shitty family.

Fuck those "life hack" books and podcasts that tell you to "stop blaming others for your shortcomings" NO. IT IS NOT MY FAULT. It is NOT my fault for being abused and in turn having low self esteem, a bad knee and anxiety issues because of said abuse.

Hell. I wouldn't even have to panic so hard about working and getting enough commissions to pay rent and bills if I hadn't been a victim of abuse and therefore had to escape to avoid possibly getting killed. And sometimes, it's hard not to dwell on that.

PTSD makes things so fucking hard. It sounds obvious, but even without a military cause, PTSD from physical and emotional abuse is just...wild. I get auditory hallucinations of events and when I'm really in a bad spot, I respond verbally, with what I wish I had said in the moment

When I was a child, I often had dreams of figures of authority kidnapping me, or putting me in danger. Such as a policeman stuffing me into the TRUNK of a car, or a fireman trying to put me into a burning building. Now, when I dream of someone hurting me, my dream self goes feral

And I'm not a violent person! In fact, real human and/or animal violence disgusts me. So much so that even when I become lucid in my dreams after fighting back someone who tried to attack me, I cry because I feel sick after hurting someone else, or feeling like I did.

And the reason for that is because of the fights I used to have back home, which again, reason I left in the first place was because I got into a fight where my leg got twisted and I couldnt walk for 3 days, all while being taunted by my attacker that I was being "melodramatic".

These days, I can't even walk to the busstop without having to sit down on the sidewalk and cry from the pain after pushing myself for only 5 minutes. My ankles swell and my heartbeat skyrockets. This is why I've been taking so many ubers, so I can get groceries and visit psych.

And forgive me, but I can't stop thinking, every time I'm in distress, just laying listlessly down on my bed and wondering. "If only they hadn't hurt me, I wouldn't have had to leave." I dont know where to go from here. I've survived for 3 years on my own. But...

Sometimes...I get tired of just surviving. That isn't what life is meant to be. I want meaning within me that isn't just work to keep a roof over my head. I want to be able to take more risks. Do more things with my art. I'm happy doing what I currently do but... I need more.

I fear being successful sometimes, not because i dont enjoy the praise, I love the attention, but sometimes I feel like if I get notoriety for anything, people will think I'm capable of doing 300% all the time, when my body and mind just can't handle it right now.

I'm not sure what else to add here. I'm probably going to go back and sulk in my bed a bit more, feeling guilty that I'm not willing to go through the shoulder pain of using my old tablet to work on commissions, and possibly cry. Did this make me feel a bit better? Not exactly.

It did sort of empty my mind of everything that was weighing me down, but it's only a matter of time before the thoughts come back to me again. But I hope my experience can show a sense of solidarity with someone else anyway.

---

This wasn't prompted by anyone being a dick to me, but was instead a twitter thread vomited out by me after about a week and change of dealing with some serious depression. Yes! Even with all my medication this time. It examines the suffering I've been through, although, briefly, and justifies why I feel this way. At least I feel it does. Have a read.

Need a bit more of a boost for rent money, would really appreciate if you shared or bid :) <3

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34452113/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34465748/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/34473705/

*As long as you're above 13 of course.

Share your (SFW) art!
Make friends with my friends!
I'll probably stream since discord doesnt give me crippling anxiety!
Fun events probably!
And a request board (that yall better not abuse)


https://discord.gg/EE5tRNs

https://gumroad.com/nyvivianv

All my old Patreon Prints from 2016 are available for Download starting at $0. Please consider supporting me by buying my 2017 prints as well, or donating $1 or $2 for the free stuff.

By the way, I got enough money to pay December Rent, so thank you all!

Hey guys, I have 2 weeks to make $350 for my rent, explanation below. I'm taking commissions both in the voice acting and art department. Here are my standard rates for art commissions.

$45 - Flat Color Piece
$60 - Some Shading
$75 - Full Shading

EXTRAS
$15 - Flat Color Alt View or Background
$25 - Shaded Alt View or Background
$20 - Flat Color Extra Character
$30 - Shaded Extra Character

I also can do wing-it commissions in the following format.
$25 - Flat Color Icon
$20 - Colored Sketch
$10 - Refined Sketch

Voice acting Commissions are $12.50 a minute / per 150 words with a 2 minute minimum
https://soundcloud.com/nyvivianv/viviandemoreel

Please DM me if you're interested, please be able to pay by December 3rd.

Donation Links
Paypal: http://paypal.me/yaoimeowmaster
Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/nyvivianv
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/nyvivianv

---

Explanation

I kept it a secret again but I was really struggling for the past month. About a week before my birthday I ran out of my medication, started falling behind on school, and the pile of failure just kept building up. Not to mention I had to spend a lot more money on Ubers lately because I'm trying to get my health in order at last for stuff like appointments, getting medication, going to psychiatrist etc.

I still have some commissions to do, and hell, some people that have been wanting to commission me that I need to work with, but I understandably have been trying to strike a balance between work and school as school is extremely important if I'm to keep getting financial aid, as the student loan refunds are often critical to being able to pay my rent and other expenses in times of serious illness like what happened.

Not to mention, I said this on twitter yesterday, but these past two days my back had been in such a bad state that I couldn't even stand up straight or walk properly without screaming out in agony. It was horrifying.

Although I must say that experience pushed me to try to apply for SSI *again* so we'll see if this can help prevent this happening in the future.

In reflection of my last journal, I'm down to about 8 of the original 15 commissions, but back up to 10 because of new clients haha. Still, I'm making progress. Thanks again for reading. I would make some new YCH's but...well we'll see. Maybe I can repurpose some homework ahahah.

Hollaaaaaa

I've been memeing it up on twitter these past few days, and I finally passed 100 followers on there! Here's a chance for some free art from me! Ends Oct 25th

Click here: https://twitter.com/nyvivianv/statu.....77059459469313

ALSO, this is my sfw twitter, so please use some common sense and restraint and dont reply with anything lewd or compromising.

WYD for me? ;) It's on November 1st!

Hi all, It's Viv again.

I just want to apologize to everyone who has been waiting on me for commissions, whether they have paid or are still waiting for me to contact them with progress that needs to be made before they are to pay.

I admit, things have been a little rough in my brain lately and I feel terrible about having things pile up to this point. I've always sideeyed artists who take so many commissions and have people waiting for literal years, but continue to take and complete other commissions before working on the earliest ones. I don't ever want it to get to that point. I never wanna be in that position. I still dont condone it.

I currently have 15 commissions in my queue. Here is a picture of them in my (private) trello
https://i.imgur.com/dpdvipV.png

Green is Paid, 9/15
Yellow is Unpaid, 6/15
Orange is In progress, 5/15
Red is not started yet 10/15

I'm just so stressed by all this. I realize its my own fault for taking so many before I finished others, but...I'm constantly in peril of not having enough money for rent anyway. :/ I wish I had the energy to work more than 2 hours per day, hell, some days i barely manage 15 minutes. It's insanity. I hate my brain.

I'm not in any position to be able to offer refunds on existing commissions, and pulling back current commissions that havent been paid for yet, isnt going to relieve my stress, its just gonna make me feel more guilty and feel like a bigger failure for missing out.

This is unrelated, but I also feel so insignificant because theres a lot of people my age and younger already in the animation industry, meanwhile I dont even have time to make an animation portfolio in the first place. But dont get me wrong, I love my freelance work. I just wish I had more energy.

To be clear, I'm not asking for advice on time management and energy conservation. I'm ADHD, so some strategies only work for a short time anyway. How I would describe it is sometimes I feel like my brain starts just screaming like an infant when I try to do things I genuinely wanna do. It's so distracting and distressing.

Again, I wanna thank everyone for being patient with me in these hard times... I wanna be stronger for you all, I wish I could snap out art everyday like the good ol days of 2017. But my art folders have been becoming smaller every year since then. I've gotten technically better, but my fear has put my willingness to experiment into the toilet.

To be clear, what I'm asking for in this journal is your forgiveness and some comfort... Thanks again.

Much appreciated if you donate to either one or both of these websites.

https://www.patreon.com/nyvivianv
https://subscribestar.adult/yaoimeowmaster


I don't really have a strong preference as to what you do decide to contribute towards. Subscribestar shows a lot of promise with creative freedom so if possible I'd love to focus on that. In any case I'm expecting patreon to be more popular anyway so, I'm "assigning" money from patreon as money to exist and money from subscribestar as stuff im going to be putting back into myself as an artist.

If you need a certain incentive before you start contributing, please please let me know and throw ideas at me. The first time I did patreon back in like, 2016 I went into massive panics about what was expected of me, and it wasnt worth it in the end. Please be reasonable and dont ask for like, sketch commissions to be an option at a $5 tier.

Forgot to mention. I dont think I will be paywalling any of my stuff that is public to begin with so please dont worry about that. It's just to support what I do.