So have not drawn in a while because my mother effectively had me feeling trapped , emotionally and mentally abused and in a general spiral of self doubt and destruction. This has been going on since about I was 18 so a good 20 years of my life. I would get tired of what she was doing , escape to a friends but then she would act nice , act changed and pull me back in. Growing up I assumed she was helping me. When younger I was never good with money so she always controlled it and never saw she was using me to pay all the bills and then do what she wanted with her own money. As I got older she began to do things like demand I be a man , That I will never amount to anything , I am trash , a bastard , worthless , Not worth being called human. I got to where I just could not say no. If I tried she would go on about how dare I even say we should split the bills , it was my fault when I lost a job (some yes others she would call and make trouble , take away her vehicles or call police and say I stole the vehicle.) jobs did not want to deal with that stuff and they should not have to.

Fast forward to when she got disability they deemed she could not handle her money I was her payee and her money was used to cover 50 percent of the house bills , her own food , her needless spending on amazon and walmart and her almost daily stints of eating fast food. Needless to say she would burn through her money. When she found out I was having her split the bills and that her money was going to her own needs she told disability I stole it having me pulled as payee , turned the family on me and began treating me even worse. Fast forward a bit more I was in a deep depression , walking on eggshells and no longer knew who I was and felt I could not be myself or say anything otherwise she would go into a rage , threaten me and then say more things to the family. I left but came back cause I was afraid she was going to kill my cat who I could not take with me.

Coming back made it worse. She became more abusive it got to the point I would only want to be awake when she was asleep. If I was drawing or trying to play a game to ease my mind the minute she heard me moving around the abuse started again and I would just shut down and go to bed. During all this she lost her ability to walk as she would just stay on the couch 24/7 and not go to a physical therapist or do anything to help herself. When I spoke to her about bringing in a home health aide to help me with her she would deflect and tell me I am her son that I am better then a aide and it is my duty to take care of her as she did me. She had me believing this until she started getting deeper into emotional blackmail , tearing me down and I felt horrible.

I felt trapped , useless , less then a man , angry , had constant anxiety and panic attacks , her doctors and no one would see what she was doing. She would refuse to go to the doctors when sick with a UTI because she refused to bathe at all. She wanted to eat stuff to spike her blood sugar. She would start yelling at me every couple hours. I honestly hit a bad place and felt that I was going to probably have a heart attack over this. My beard and hair started going white from stress. I became so dragged down I could not handle outside stressors properly.

To top all of this off I am also autistic and she knew I was sensitive to loud noises and would yell at me on purpose. I honestly felt like I was in a train wreck.

But it got worse she began to treat me like I was a 10 year old. Police would come to the house when I called an ambulance from her constant falls and tell me look you wont get charged for leaving your not her poa you need to get out of this situation but still I was afraid to leave.

Finally I broke I could not take it and felt like I needed to go to a mental hospital. Police talked to me for an hour and I told them everything. Older policeman told me look your being mentally and emotionally abused you need to leave do you have somewhere to go. I told them maybe my friends. They came inside and had me grab some stuff , was just grabbing my clothes and police officer unhooked my console and laptop and said your not leaving stuff she can sell or use to upset you. Left with them and friend has been highly supportive. I am seeing a therapist to just deal with everything and well...just heal.

I am rediscovering who I really am. I laughed for real for the first time in years watching a old 90s comedy. Playing a game or retro game feels like im playing it for the first time. I am losing weight and sleeping normally. I am hoping to get back into drawing as part of the healing process it's something I loved since I was 4 years old and it's something I wish I never stopped over my situation. It's a long road but I am currently being treated for trauma and mental and emotional abuse via weekly sessions and there nice enough to just talk to me if I feel I need to talk outside of the session and schedule me extra appointments. Even now my mom is trying to hook me back in but have been setting boundaries and just staying away thanks to a support group I now have and just anytime she calls my friend to make demands of me I just say I am an adult and it is not my responsibility to do everything for you.

I have been active in staying in touch with the hospital she is currently at being treated for her own mental issues and told them essentially she is not making adult choices , she is self destructive and she needs help. Since I left she has refused to pay her rent and as I told her I love you and wish you the best but I can not do for you anymore financially. Her doctor even agreed for my own sake I need to let what ever happens happens as she needs to be willing to change and take responsibility for her own actions.

Bit of a vent but thanks to anyone who reads this. Again I hope to draw soon I have a digital tablet coming to my friends and plan to practice on it and start trying to post what I can until I get to a point I can be more regular.

I’m still alive mostly lurking ready to appear and nom your sandwich then disappear back into the blanket kingdom.

Mostly just been busy so you may notice bouts of nothing then a sudden flux of art Scribbles being uploaded now and again.

Anywho I am going to return to my lurking again till I make more art.

Okay I started collecting this cause I didnt have anything better to do. but for the life of me I cant get quite a few commons uncommons and some rares in card pulls. anyone know anyone wanting to sell any of there duplicates off kindly send em my way.

https://www.change.org/p/ubisoft-to.....edium=copyLink

since I haven't seen one done yet lets try a petition for putting an offline mode in the division sure I don't mind online games but if you announce it can be single player why not just allow people to play it offline and be done with it.

sign if you guys want and feel free to share it and pass it around who knows maybe it might influence ubisoft to show that people with bad internet or no internet want games to.

>:3 might have to back the battle chasers game kinda neat seeing it get so close to the goal so fast.

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░░▓▓░░░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░ BALL
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well debating on starting a patreon with various tiers most basic will be a tip and thank you anyone on there will get art not released on my other sites posted be it scribbles and other what nots I think up I might usually tend to hide from the masses as for the other tiers though what do you guys think would be worth figures next tier would be a ink b/w head shot chosen from a number of patreon by weekly working my way up until color with backgrounds.

what your guys thoughts should I give it a go or just do a tip thing and commissions through paypal. patreon i kind of see as a way to give art a semi job status to use the money for computer and tablet upkeep as well as working into possible game streaming if it helps me get the nescesarry softwar.

start expecting some random shit to start popping up around here. definately rusty since I havent drawn in so long but no better time like now to start attempting a come back. As for random shit o w o not telling not sure what i want to pump out it might be furry it might not be furry just depends.

and stuff that is all

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:39813077 >:3 give em a shout out and see what there up to

seeing as there are not that many entries yet lets extend this until friday at 4pm tn time > . > since for the love of all things fluffy I cant remember my own timezone. anywho reply to this journal http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5098143/ ref whether or not it can be drawn how I want with anyone or anything or rules to the character yadda yadda and pimp.

alright been in a slump lately between a deep depression and trying to draw and I need to bust out of it slowly so I can do some owed art which will be free cause x3 im not gonna charge for my meh issues and people waiting. one reason I never take cash upfront is incase I fall into one of my deep depressions anywho.

things started going back up got a great job I love just got a bonus woot then got news that my best friend in florida was shot multiple times and in critical condition on weds then passed on from his wounds the next day leaving behind a girfriend and kid. so yeah hello depression and a good round of drinking cause I cant deal with deaths to well x3.

so anywho trying to keep busy and hoping those two dicks that shot him get whats coming to them so from today until monday at 10am post a character reference whether clean or nude and I will choose people for either portrait style pieces or full body. also make sure to post artistic freedom if you dont mind it comes out as what ever the artist chooses or rules if they have them like not drawn with another or anything.

as for the rules itself. post a reference and pimp out this journal and winners will be notified. depending on my mood I might just pump through everyone or choose so many which ever comes first.

go check out  o-kemono for the details http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5085147/

⁀⊙﹏☉⁀ < w < that is all

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5017188/ go check it out and all that stuff :3

so anyone actually play it or know anyone who would want to start out on a server with the goal in mind of partying up and forming a guild :3.

also on a side note I think ill draw my character in a kind of like in eorzea journal and ask anything > w > randomness a bound.

Honestly I will say this first ARR is fun its nice to play and it has a classic FF feel combined in a mmorpg. So far what little time I have been able to spend in its realm has been fun when I am not getting high fived in the face with maintenance.

Yep decided to not wait up for the 5am release so I got up bright and early. Go to log in. Create my character then notice as soon as I long in Emergency maintenance already. Okay I will let that slide kill some time and they say they fix the problem play a little then BAM...more maintenance for the same bullshit.

Hmmmm....shouldn't this have like been cause during all the beta. i'm pretty sure they tested instances when there's level 45 players running around already.

Ahh well let that slide since work will have passed the time come back and lo and behold another maintenance for the same bullshit issue. Not off to a good start square honestly I would of them rather have waited a few months longer of testing before pulling an almost early access. Any who I will be around drawing or playing Metal Gear until square gets there shit together. I mean I don't mind occasional maintenance but emergency maintenance 3 - 4 times for the same bullshit is kinda ridiculous.

Again though it is more improved over the original 14 just its good when its not down.

Been doing early access with my brother. Needless to say I am gonna pvp his ass when I get the chance.

so i'm still practicing but i'm trying to find a decent sized canvas for things like portraits , multiple characters or just ones I can plain stuff a shitload into as well as some recommended pen/brush sizes for sketching and then inking. Any tips O w O?

ill still keep this one active for mainly personal adult works but my commission for clean/adult account and clean tasteful works will be featured here at  drdoomlives

kinda disliking the yiffneko name x3 had it for years but decided its high time I move to a new account and try out new things besides just porn and crap. I need to find my own style to it feels to animeish but if I can blend it into something else that works for me.

anywho see you folks over there faithful watchers. this one will remain updated with porn art or other things but id rather be known under a different name then yiffneko.

at your stupidity I give you an epic face paw on behalf of won dum ho who thought these were real names

http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=L1JYHNX8pdo

If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]

HAVE YOU...

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[ x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex x3 with friends but years and years ago
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[ x] bought porn
[x] tried drugs

TOTAL SO FAR: 9

[ x] taken painkillers
[ x] taken someone else's prescription medicine (with their consent)
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x ] seen someone die

TOTAL SO FAR: 19

[ x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[ x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[ x] been to a therapist
[x ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar

TOTAL SO FAR: 28

[x] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[x] had a spring break in Florida
[ ] sniffed anything
[ x] wore black nail polish
[x ] wore arm bands
[x ] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[x] owned a 50 Cent CD

TOTAL SO FAR: 36


[x ] dressed gothic
[ ] dressed girly
[ x] dressed punk
[x ] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[ x] been too drunk to remember anything
[ x] blacked out
[ ] fainted
[x] had a crush on a neighbour

TOTAL SO FAR: 43

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x ] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped my snow mew
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ x] installed speakers in a car
[ x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush

TOTAL SO FAR: 51

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[x] skipped school
[ x] had surgery two or 3 I forget
[x ] had an injury most recent x3 had to get my leg sowed up
[ x] gone to court
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping I tipped > w > with manopoly money
[x] caught something on fire O w O fire where?
[x] lied about your age

TOTAL SO FAR: 60

[x] owned/rented an apartment/house
[x ] broke the law in the police's presence
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[x ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[ ] kissed a stranger
[ ] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed

TOTAL SO FAR: 68

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test


Total: 77

hmm seems like everyone of these that comes out im slowly getting closer to going to hell O w O oh well

http://www.twitch.tv/drdoomlivesagain come watch people and maybe get some requests or commishies streaming until I state otherwise

http://www.twitch.tv/drdoomlivesagain come watch might do some requests or even a bit of ych pieces up for grabs depending on my mood today x3 haters or problem causers will be promptly punted via a chair highfive to the face

O w O drawing traditional for so long I have learned one thing x x I need to practice like how to get used to my tablet > w > also just realised the damn thing has pressure sensitivity so yay O w O now to master light sketching cause im touching it to lightly right now