You know that girl I had sex with? :\ Um.. she's kind of a total dick. She let me fuck her.. and now I come to find out that she really just wants to get with my ex.She feels like they "connected"......... heheheh.....hehehehe...

FUCKING SHIT MAN! I hate my life sometimes.. Oh where in the world is my Lesbian match? WHERRRRRRRE?! *SCREAM*

Zabeth ;_;

Man, I really needed that :D She was fucking hot too!

The End

Omg.. I am so stoked about Florida *_* I'm a little nervous too though. Hehehe I hope  smokeforears and  batteryoperated can handle me XD I can be hyper and shit sometimes, and a little WEIRD heheh.

Anyway, I just bought my plane tickets a few minutes ago.. It looks like I need to be at the airport by 7:15am Monday the 25th, and I should arrive in Florida around 8ish. Heeheeheeeeeeee~

I've been eating lighter meals so I might have a chance of squishing into that fucking bikini I got at pac-sun last year.. rainbows hehehe I'M SUCH A GODDAMN LESBIAN! (ahem) I've been eating pretty much nothing but eggs fried in olive oil and green vegetables lately. I'm drinking lots of water.. and.. I did drink some tequila XD; I've been doing lots of crunches and small weights-related exercises. I gotta prepare!! Oh fuck who really gives a shit XD we'll all be so drunk everybody will look sexy!

Blah, I have to go hang with some friends tonight :\ I'll post a cooler journal later maybe XD!

Zabeth~

Yay :D I'm gonna fly down to Florida on the 25th to visit  smokeforears and  batteryoperated I can't waiiiit to dork the fuck out with them! I dunno' if my pale ass will be able to handle the sun down there but I'll give it a go. I really meant to visit them a few months ago for Smoke's b-day but it didn't work out as planned. Oh well! I'm seriously excited though XD I've been needing a small break from Georgia for moooooooonths.

I hope they don't get sick of me too quickly XP kyahahaha I'm fucking dorky and laaaame! Fuck man O_O I gotta bust my ass to slim down a tit so I can look decent in a bikini XD My skin is like.. dead catfish bellyup color O_O I'm gonna get crispy.

Whateva' I just wanna hang out and have fun and I'm sure we will :D CAN'T WAIT GYAHAHAHAHAHAH DERPITTY-DUR-DAH-DOO-DAH-DEE!!!!

Zabeth~ *farts*

Yeah, just saying hello. *picks nose* Missed you guys and shit :D Oh yeah, my vagina is bleeding again.

Zabs~

hahahaha.. i'm bored so I'm going to spam my page with senseless recordings. Don't be surprised if a few of YOU end up in some *__________*

Lol, he called me Leon~

Hm.. I guess I've mentioned this in an earlier journal before but I have "gender issues" and that's the only way I know how to word it. It's one of those aspects of my life that I don't fully understand but it is definitely present most of the time. I try to get to the root of it but I just can't seem to figure it out. I've spoken to shrinks about it.. they like to talk about other things pretty quickly and we never seem to get back on the subject.

Like I said, it's been there my whole life. I always wanted to hang out with the boys in the neighborhood, play with ninja turtles, run around with my shirt off. Those were the good ole days, when gender didn't define you as much. You were just a kid. But then there comes a point when your mother tells you that you need to start wearing a shirt, GIRLS wear shirts. Then you have those sex ed classes that try to explain how your body is going to "change" as you mature.

When I started to develop breasts I got very angry and depressed. I fought having to wear a bra until middle school.. then they made you change out in gym class and you had to face a corner BECAUSE SHOWING YOUR CHEST IF YOUR ARE A GIRL IS TABOO. So in the end I opted for sports bras. I hated having to wear them but whatever. I cut my hair off around that time too. I didn't know how to braid hair and my ponytails were sloppy. I was called a lesbian before I even knew my sexuality. Apparently girls with short hair are gay.

Time went on I and I decided I wanted to start weight lifting. I had this idea that if I got somewhat buff that my chest would shrink down.. and I always wanted to be cut, have a nice set of abs, you know? I became a exercise addict at boarding school and my gym teacher was curious about me always using the pec-deck religiously. She was the one that told me I wouldn't be able to get rid of my chest and that crushed me.

I started to hate my body even more. What the fuck are you going to do with a female body if you don't want kids, you HATE your breasts.. really what? I get bitter about the fact that it's NUDITY if a girl is seen topless, but boys take their shirts off all the fucking time flashing their little boy-titties and nothing gets said.

At this point I started looking at girls differently. I didn't want to be one but I wanted to be WITH one. I used to slouch a lot, and still do sometimes to hide my chest. They embarrass me. And my ex couldn't understand why I hated them so much.. easy for her to say she had a small chest and I wished I could trade with her. Not to say that I have big breasts, but to me they are too big. In my later teens I felt like I was in the wrong body.. I went to shrinks, they told me I had other issues that made me feel this way and not to read into it too much.

My other lesbian friends don't seem to understand either. They have made comments about FTMs awhile back that made me uncomfortable to say anything about my case with them. Not that I want to be a MAN.. I just don't want to be anything sometimes. I have no problem with having a vagina between these legs.. but is the chest that necessary? I want surgery but so many people in my life say that would be DISFIGURING myself. I already feel that way with them.

I think I tried creating the Zabeth character to help me "get over" my breast issues and embrace my womanhood. With that said I don't really feel that she reflects me. She's kind of just a character I like to draw..? Heheh you should see the way I draw myself in my sketchbooks x-x

Oh well, if wishes were fishes..

Liz who once wanted to be Ian~

I've been writing a lot more lately.. not that it's GOOD writing but I do try XD I get stuck sometimes when I write. I never really plan things out ahead of time so I always start out with a complete 'blank' and things get repetitive or fall apart a lot of the times.

I think I am going to start stepping outside of my comfort zone a little. I like to draw and write in fantasy-like settings.. but I've been thinking about other things lately. My breakup has been very hard on me and I am STILL having trouble letting things go. I think I need to write a story based on certain events in my life. It will be good for me.. not to say that the characters won't have horns and shit XD I dunno.

I have been trying to stay away from the net to a certain extent. I feel like it brings me down sometimes. I usually can just DRAW DRAW DRAW and keep going but when I sit on the computer.. I feel like it saps my energy.

Whateva' I'll be around, but hopefully I'll post something worthwhile in the near future. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I'LL LET YOU READ SOME OF MY AWFUL STORIES! XD

Zabeth~

I'm out of place lately.

Zabeth~

P.S.  lizardbeth ROCKS! I love my icon XD

yeah.. I said it :

I spend more time making rough sketches and doodles than actually sitting down, taking a few hours, and FINISHING a piece. I am going to start doing that.. I think I will be a lot more pleased with shit if I can look at it and say, "Yeah, that's complete." I went through a bunch of my art from not too long ago and I keep catching myself thinking "Looks good SO FAR." or "Getting there.."

I'm so tired of that : It's getting to the point that I am not enjoying drawing as much as I used to, and that really scares me. So yeah.. I've been taking a break if you guys haven't noticed. It doesn't help much that I don't currently have the net at my house either XD Oh well, I'll be back again sometime.

On a different more positive note, I've been working on a companion character for Zabeth. I am sexually starved in the IRL so I feel the need to let Zabeth fuck all she wants. Fuckbuddy.. good buddy? Dunno what her title will be for sure but either way she will be a fun play mate for Zabeth.
I've been calling her Beel "Be-El" as a play on my AIM name. I'm trying to make her similar to Zabeth in her design.. you'll just have to see.

I guess the Lesbian in me wants my internet persona to feel loved and shit.. and hell if nobody else is fucking you, YOU FUCK YOURSELF.

Good night folks <3

Zabeth~

Yeah, I was going over to my friends house later in the evening to work on some murals in his basement. I was a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle high.. and I cleaned out the back of my car to make room for my canvases and other painting shit. WELL, it just so happened that my keyboard I've had for years, the musical variety, was in the backseat and we sat it on top of my car to make room..

You know what's going to happen right?

I brought armloads of stuff from the backseat inside the house but I guess I completely forgot about my baby on top of the car. Stoned or no, I am VERY absent-minded about things. Eventually I left the house and went down the road. Things were okay for awhile and then.. I hit a bump O_O and I heard this BOOM-CRUNCH. At first I thought it was painting gear dumping around in the backseat.. but no, I looked back and saw my demolished keyboard laying in the road.

It didn't hit anybody's car or anything, and I was considering leaving it there.. BUT I FUCKING COULDN'T! I turned around and picked her up off the road.

I loved the girl, we made beautiful music together.. I guess I can turn her into a piece of artwork somehow. I owe her that much.

Later Gators

BeelZabeth~

I went to my grandmother's house today to raid her fridge and throw on my scrubs for work.. When I was about to leave I heard this noise that kind of sounded like a hiss. After locating where the sound came from, I was staring down at a baby possum. I was just about to runa dn grab my phone when I noticed two more sitting in the dining room!

They are VERY young but they have fur. I didn't really know what to do. I got a dish of water hoping they would drink it and warm milk, but that didn't really work. I ended up putting them in a tall cardboard box with towels. I then called Petco and asked a chick what they would eat.. she said kitten formula.

At this point they were getting cold ;_; I was very upset and I zoomed up to the store to get them some milk. I would have taken them to a shelter but it's Sunday and the ones close by are closed.

I got the milk and fed them as best as I could. Their temperatures went up a little thankfully. I still couldn't figure out how the fuck they got in her house. I mean WHERE WAS MOMMY?? I called my grandmother earlier today and she said my dog had killed a possum Friday.. that meant these little babies were inside noodling around helplessly on the floor all weekend while my grandmother was out of town ;_;

Sadly, one of the little guys passed on.. I tried my best. The other two seem to be doing okay for the time being. In the morning I'm going to call around and find a non-kill animal shelter for them.

Wish me luck!

Zabeth~

It all started the other night while we were sitting on the couch smoking a bowl. We were high to the point that the L-Word playing on our TV didn't seem to matter much anymore.

Even though it had been discussed numerous times without positive results over the last six months we began talking about everything that happened with us again. We talked about our relationship over the years, the good and the bad, the sex, things that were said that we meant and other things that were said that shouldn't have been, and people who may have been outside influences leading up to that fucking party that ended it all. Everything.

I told her I loved her still and that I always would. I told her that I didn't need her but that I wanted her more than anything else in the world. I told her I still wanted to try. I just had to say it again even though I knew it was a fruitless attempt at having happiness again, keeping in mind that I also know what happens to people that can't let go of what they lost. It isn't pretty..

She smiled back at me slightly, her eyes were starting to tear up, mine had already spilled over my cheeks. I could tell that she didn't know how to form the words for her response. It would most likely be a 'no' worded in a polite manner once again and then I would have to take it and try to pretend to be strong about it. I wanted to take her hand and rub it reassuringly but I knew that was not my right anymore. I would never be able to sleep with her ever again, never be able to snuggle up next to her warm, soft body and hold her, never be able to kiss her.. never. We were just two people sitting on the couch smoking weed and NOT in a relationship. I wasn't even sure if she even considered me a close friend anymore. It sucks living in a shadow of what was but not knowing anything about the future.

But this time something different happened. She reached over and took my hand into hers and squeezed it. This completely caught me off guard.

"I was driving to work yesterday and I heard a song that made me think of you." she said.

"It must have been a silly song then." I chuckled still a little nervous about the hand-holding. What is happening?

"No, it was kind of a sad song actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but it made me think about things that I have been trying to block out."

I felt myself starting to shake a little. The anticipation was killing me,

"What did it make you think?" I asked quietly.

She paused for a moment and smoked the bowl that we had forgotten a few minutes prior to the conversation. As she exhaled she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand,

"I'm scared to try again, Liz. Part of me wants to forgive and forget and move on, but the other part of me doesn't know if it can trust you anymore." the tears were back again, "You broke my heart."

I hung my head in shame. That is what I always do when I think about October 27th of last year. It was a horrible mistake going to that party and then a snowball effect happened which led to more poor choices that I try not to think about often due to the horrible, overwhelming regret it makes me feel.

"TEQUILA IS POISON TO IDIOTS WHO DON'T THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ACTIONS! DRINK DRINK DRINK! EVEN IF THAT WASN'T YOU IN CONTROL THAT NIGHT, THAT'S STILL THE PERSON PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER YOU AS!" A little voice inside of me chirped. I hate that voice so much.

"I have tried to do the right thing since that night, but it will never erase what happened.."

Before I could say anything else Natalie laid her head on my shoulder. I could feel her breath on my neck.

"Liz.."





And then my alarm went off at 8:00 like it does every morning. Natalie was still asleep in her room next to mine. I took a shower, got dressed, fed the dogs before I left, and went to work.

This is reality but I still dream sometimes.

Zabeth

Gyahahahah, yes... I play GaiaOnline and love it somewhat. I am currently trying to construct my "alternate character" and I DESPERATELY need a Year of the Horse and a Unicorn Horn

If anyone can help a bitch out I'll love your forever :3 <3 GOLD IS WELCOME TOO XD

Fuck man, I'll even draw your Gaia char or Furry char in return!!!

My names on there are Emelius and Beelzeroth

<3<3<3<3<3<3

Zabeth~

Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, I'm starting "MY" own t-shirt line. I basically said fuck having a middle man to have to deal with. I'll be setting up a dot-com soon and I'll keep ya'll posted. I will be making LIMITED prints of the first line of shirts at a kickass price for the new opening of the online shop.

I'll be looking for male and female models to wear some of the shirts for pics on my website. If anybody is going to be in GA when I start the shooting, I'll give you a free shirt for your services. YOU COULD BE FUCKING FAMOUS I TELL YOU! I'll post an update when this shit starts going down. It might be roughly a month before you see anything. We'll just have to see!

To start off I will mainly be selling t-shirts, hoodies, hats, bags, buttons, keychains, patches, stickers, and prints. I plan on making goofy-ass commercials on youtube for them too.

This is going to be my new baby project and I'm going to work my ASS off to make it all happen. You might be seeing some of these shirts in stores around Little Five Points and Athens in GA. ZOD WILLING BUT OMFG WISH ME LUCK FOLKS!

Love the fuck out of you guys!!!

Zabeth~

I masturbated to Silence of the Lambs yesterday :3 teeheehee

http://youtube.com/watch?v=pbTa5JsXjtE <---- edit XD


eat my ass!

Zabeth~

EDIT! HAHAAHAHAHA I WENT COLD TURKEY ON MY LEXAPRO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT PSYCHIATRIST-WHORE!? XD

No, not in the sense that I wish a horn would sprout out of my forehead O_O JUST RANDOMLY I became extremely horny.. maybe it's FA??? I haven't really been on here much as of late but OMFG -_-;; what's wrong with me..

Hey hot FA girls, POST MORE SEXY PICS FOR ME TO MONSTERBATE TO! Ahem.. I mean.. post more pics XD;;; yes.. uh..

Bye guys!

Zabeth~

EDIT EDIT EDIT

Yah know what : "fuck" not getting laid.

EDIT AGAIN

Two chicks and one cup? Or Amon eating shit in hell?? I dunno.. shit-eating demons sounds kind of nasty-hot XD

Tuesdays I had my friend Buddy put a DevilMan tattoo on my right leg above the ankle O_O It didn't hurt much going on but now it's all SWOLLEN!!!! owch.. BUT I LOVE IT!!!!

Hey guys at FA.. I FUCKING MISS YOU ALL!! My net got cut off temporarily but I'll have it back soon *is at work* so yeah, I'll be updating shit soon..

Bye for now!

Zabeth~

I've just started a new job designing lines of t-shirts. It's fucking cool so far and we're going to try and start a line through Hot Topic and other companies.

I guess my question is.. WOULD YOU WEAR THEM?? I've convinced my bosses to try to market through the "older kids crowd" and we're making artsy, witty, dark designs for shirts. I want to know how many of you guys are t-shirt whores, so let me know!!

Thanks, love you all!

Zabeth~

I have an awesome job.. omfg I love it.
Tell you guys more about it later ;)

I'm tempted to go to FWA for a day this weekend... IM me on AIM if anyone wants to try to meet up XD I warn you though O_O I'm energetic sometimes heheheh.

Anyway, love you guys <3

Zabeth~

HAHAHAAHAH I'M DRUNK ENJOY FUCKERS! <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjFvUm7mius

Zabeth~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J37B2yhzq4

HAHAHAAHAHAHAAH .. lick my ass :9 I mean-! Have fun!

Well, the art show is going to be on February 1st.. which is also the Valentines show (fuck) I was REALLY hoping they would put up my paintings ASAP but um.. no. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I would LOVE to do some cheapo commissions for people if anyone is interested in me doing some art for them. I can make icons, sketches, inked shit, whatever you want.

My rent is coming up and I'm kind of fucked right now to be honest. If you want to take me up on this note me or catch me on AIM under "Beelzabeth" If you want to do this through paypal my email is zabethjohnson[at]hotmail.com Just be sure to say who you are on a note so I won't get mixed up <3

$5-Icons

$10- Character Sketches (I'll even color them)

I REALLY DON'T CARE, I'll do shit for cheap *_*

Hahahaha, okay this sucks.

Love you guys!

Zabeth~

I'll be bringing all my paintings up to Athens Georgia this tuesday to hang up at White Tiger. Whatever I don't sell will be up for grabs to whomever wants to purchase them, "IF" you're interested. Hehehe, I'm trying not to count my chickens before they're hatched. I've mainly done silly little monsters making silly faces and shit, yay.

On a different note.. um.. FWA anyone? Man.. I wanna' go pretty bad. It seems like lots of people from here are going to go, so that would be double the fun :3 My other show is around Valentine's day though.. I don't have to physically be there though. Maybe I could go for one day at least.

Blagh, I'm bored. Maybe I'll doodle in OC for awhile. Gotta practice my poses and Zabeth polymorphs. If anyone is interested give me a buzz on AIM.

Zabeth~