My love,
you do not love me,
quiet lying to my face.

I see the way you look at me,
Your face filled with disgrace....

Who knows me better then you?
for your sapposed to know...
My reactions to you seem more in jest,
you make me made but I digress.

I understand you don't see what I do,
The world beyond the door frame you clearly can not see.
this world is filled with many things,
Both loved and laughter filled.

But you do not see what I see,
This world full of disgrace,
I love it very dearly,
expecially the sun upon my face.

My actions are ruff,
you do not agree,
my words you missunderstand,
To bad,
oh well,
we'll all learn someday,
the world, they say, is growing still,
And we're just along for a ride....

Come find me....

Come find me in the silence,
you'll find me there alone...

Come find me beyond the darkness,
searching for the light...

Come find me in the ocean,
gasping for the air....

Come find me in the forest,
Where my toes dangle over the edge...

Come find me in the city,
the knife against my neck...

Come find me in the sunshine,
where danger cannot be found...

Im tired...

Im tired of many things...

Im tired of saying "I'm sorry..."
its annoying by far...

I'm tired of not fighting..
and just going with what im told...

I'm tired of doing the same thing..
over and over again...

I'm tired of speaking...
the words I say have no effect or use...

I'm tired of not doing what I like..
I like speaking, fighting for what I like and want,
I like running, swimming, riding horses, flying kites,
or even just watching the sun fade behind the hills...

Im tired of not doing all these things...


But most of all I'm tired of not Living...

It doesn't matter any more...
nothing I do is worth it...
death would be easier...
Perhaps...

Yes perhaps that is the answer to my problems...

Death.....

Simple,
easy,
all it takes is a little slip of the hand,
or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time...

So many ways to do it..
all of thek right,
sliting the wrists,
Slow about 5 minutes if done correctly,
same with stabbing...
if u do it right...

Hanging can take up to 5 minutes,
if not more...

A gun...
yes that can finish it quickly...
one bullet..
just wasting one bullet to end it all...
just don't miss...

I guess it doesn't matter,
Not really any more.
Perhaps its best for me to leave,
For me to be alone.

Don't break through my darkness,
Don't break through the silent sound.
Let me linger here in thought,
While no one elses is around..

Perhaps the laws of science do not tarry here,
Falling down is now going up,
When noone else is around...

But then again science doesn't matter,
Nor does common sense,
When left alone in darkness your will is all that's left...

I'll take you on a journey,
Across the barren ground,

cold and weary we listen to the wind...
It tells us the way of the winding path,
And the way back home again...

You try to turn and leave,
I stop you dead ahead.
We're on a journey continuing forth,
Across the barren land...

We started out our journey.
Normally alone.
I found you on my journey,
And soon became a home..

We'll continue on our journey,
Perhaps far apart,
Who knows where our feet will take us,
The future is quiet dark....

Here or there,
Where ever I wander,
Where ever I go,
My feet will always bring me back to you....

I might have to stay I might have to leave,
Where ever I go I'll know your pleased...

As long as I am living,
As long as I may see,
Your face smiling back at me....

The man that carried the axe stole...
He stole my heart,
He stole my soul....

I'll follow him to the depths of hell,
The weary trail we'll wander...
The man with the axe stole my heart,
My soul..
And with that man I'll wander...

We'll wander to the forest,
Away from sweeping eyes,
We'll wander in the forest,
Where the heart of steel lies...

The thoughts we think,
Are clean and clear,
Like freshly fallen snow..

They lead us in our actions,
Away from awful place....
From people with their prying eyes,
A cruse upon our place...

Their little thoughts and actions,
Drive us to the edge...

The man that carried the axe stole...
He stole my heart,
He stole my soul....

I'll follow him to the depths of hell,
The weary trail we'll wander...
The man with the axe stole my heart,
My soul..
And with that man I'll wander...

We'll wander to the forest,
Away from sweeping eyes,
We'll wander in the forest,
Where the heart of steel lies...

The thoughts we think,
Are clean and clear,
Like freshly fallen snow..

They lead us in our actions,
Away from awful place....
From people with their prying eyes,
A cruse upon our place...

Their little thoughts and actions,
Drive us to the edge...

My silence goes unheard,
Though my lips move,
Forming words,
Unrecognized...

Find me,
Find my meaning,
Find the thought in the silence,
And follow it home...

Home over the barren feilds,
And snow filled forest,
Where the trees tell u the thoughts I tried to speak...

Silence echoes there,
Makeing everything u hear loud,
And clear...

Youl understand my thought there,
And my silence...

I am a shadow...
I follow u around and hold fast to ur every move.
Captivated I follow unannounced unproclaimed...
Some find me and my silence a nuscence,
But ud miss me if I dissapeared...
Right?

I wouldn't follow u,
U wouldn't see me...
Even in my silence I'm worth something,
Rather then nothing...
Right?

Would u miss me if I were gone?
Would u even notice my dissapearence?

My silence would go unheard....
Your thoughts would never wander for me.
No curiousity to be reached...
No solice to be found...

Tell me your thought...
Tell me your lies....
Its alright if you lie to me,
Nobody really cares...

It runs in life,
These little lies...
Unconcious,
Yet still fully aware....

Interesting little whispers,
I'll listen to you speak,
Admiring the stories I'm being told,
Perhaps the voice that speaks them...

But then again the little river of lies,
Lays miles wide,
My boredum might take ahold,
And we'll reach an impass...

Your little lies,
Will cease,
And my boredum will resume....

My boredum inspires.....

I can never write about love...
To describe it,
To let the thoughts I think about it flow,
Its impossible!

Love...

What is it?
Its a feeling right?
I can write of joy, blue sadness, and grey disspair...
Of red anger and colorful life in general....

But not love...

Why not?
My heart knows love,
My brain knows it too!
But why can't I write about it?

I know the little whispers,
I know the little lies...

I hear them in the hallways,
The truth is in ur eyes...

Let them think,
Their thoughts are true,
But let no reason come to you...

Know my truth,
beneath the cutting stares,
Know the pain that I bare...

let them walk in my shoes,
Let them feel the pain I choose....

let them walk into the snare..
Closing tightning ever fast,
Their wicked sin wasn't ment to last...

Devils know the light of day,
And angels need a place to stay...
Far behind the wicked glares
Far away from my wicked snares....

Grant them sanctuary,
From my wrath...
Keep them off the crooked path...

Children know no way to go,
Keep them pure as fallen snow....

I know youl never listen,
I know youl never hear,
These little words I say to u,
I hold them very dear.

I love your little whispers,
I love your little lies,
Little thoughts I send to you,
No more sins,
Then lies...

The words I usher,
Plain and clear,
Enter and leave through one of your little ears...

Mommys little darling ,
Isn't any more,
She's all grown up now and looking like a whore...

This is who your dating this is who I see,
What the hell is wrong with u?
Don't come crying home to me...

Since bordum inspires....
Not many know how I act when I'm nervous or frightened or how I act under many situations so just u don't missunderstand me this is what I'm like...
When I'm nervous or understress I will laugh alightly and smile. I will also yell if u start yelling at me...
When I'm uncertain of a situation I will smile and either act chillaxed when I'm on edge, I will go with it, or I'll panice slightly and stay standing.
When I'm scared like terrified I will either run or get ready to fight for my life unless I'm with people that I don't really know then I will be calm and collected...
If I'm meeting people that I have never met before or going somewhere I've never been I'll be quiet if I can't connect and talk to them easily. If its a place I've never been if I can't get a read on the place immediatly or there are to many people and I don't know who any of them are I will be quiet and not really talk and get what I need to get done before leaving.
I don't know if anyone has ever seen me when I'm shy or flighty which is when when I meet someone scares me. Or I'm scared.... if I'm shy I'll be quiet again and I'll be either ready to run or fight.... I used to get this way a lot when I was little if someone was mowing their lawn or if someonedropped something or even a vacume cleaner I would run and people wouldn't be able to find me....
If u ever see me angery which I hope u never do I get loud like not like calling u from accross the room loud but like u can hear me over all the noise in the hallway kinda loud which is hard to do....
((Thought it'd help u if ya knew me )))

If I'm tired let me sleep... if I want to go let me go... if your going to prevent me from doing something I want to do be prepared for a fight.... if I'm going to get into a fight try to hold me back... if I'm pissed off don't get between my fist and that wall... if you think your doing me a favor by leaving me alone your not trust me...

lets go.. lets run far away... as far as our feet will take us.. i wanna leave... i cant stand this place... its quiet and bitter with its expectations... im diffrent then the others and so are you... so lets run together far from here..the thoughts that they force into my head are dangerous and deadly... not to them but to myself... you have the ability to take me far from here... over the mountains and to the distant seas... dont walk away... please dont leave me alone... the darkness is sufficating... i need some sort of light for the future... its starting to fade... the hope i held dear.. is fluttering and sufficating itself almost out... then... your... gone...

a scent.. something caught on the breeze brings back fast paced memories... forceing you to follow it down that crooked trail... bringing you somewhere cold and warm... back into that moment making you see it all over again.... i hate that... i dont want ... morea scent.. something caught on the breeze brings back fast paced memories... forceing you to follow it down that crooked trail... bringing you somewhere cold and warm... back into that moment making you see it all over again.... i hate that... i dont want to relive anything else...

the day you give me a knife is the day you tell me to fight... the day you give me a gun is the day your bassically telling me to shoot myself.... less you can teach me how to shoot please dont give me either....

i figure that death wears white and life wears black...
i figure this because death is welcoming a old friend where as life is saying goodbye to its new born...

the night does not treat me kindly, my soul get battered and bruised in these dreams of mine, making me more tired then before sleep befell me... a terrible darkness surrounds my soul even though im in a feild of the greenest green with flowers as bright as the sun... i stay silent and walk these beautiful feild of crimson flowers and olive tone grass... waiting for the danger which waits up ahead... lurking waiting for me to do something... anything... moving slowly yet never moving at all... no one else stands in this feild of flowers and grass except me and this darkness... it waits and learns silently about me and i learn of it.. i feel its presence... dark and menecing knowing the truth behind its honey coated lies that the wind carries to my ears... ignoring it the silence that cuts through that perfect feild i walk farther... the wind comes and chops down the flowers like a syth, turning them black as death... i walk on my silece golden... the grass turns sharp and cutz my sides... the edges of this demented dream become blurred with reality as the pain cuts through into my arms and legs... screaming i wake up grabbing my sides.. all is whole except for my living soul... its battered and bloodied... i let it rest while im awake... finding a safe haven somewhere where the darkness wont fall... staying hidden in the light till twilight falls over the land and the war starts again in that perfectly bloodied feild...

a sadness... like drowning in silence...not cold not warm numbing... it wont allow you to cry or to smile... its there... in you and in myself waiting.. waiting for us to listen to its sorrowful voice that is deep as the sea but carries the cries of the wind that is allowed to roam... perhaps i'll drift along its river leading to the sea listeing to the little lies the wind wishes to tell me... their coldness will envelope me causeing my dreams to be bitter and terrifying... not the normal darkness which at least holds somewarmth but a new darkness that lets the cold fear and terror rush up to your exposed flesh never allowing you to feel that warmth of happiness and love again...

The water rushed up to tickle my toes. Washing away the sand where I had just stood, as I quickly flitted away from the tide. The sand was sugary and soft benieth my feet. The beach was empty. People never came here. Which, filled this beach with an air of mystery. They thought it dangerous and hypnotizing. Which all beaches are. If you listen closely you can hear the voices of those past calling from the waters edge. Names of loved ones now past, cries unanswered by those who left them there at the shore.

a thought like a passing dream. doesnt stay with me long. it flutters and floats drifting away or at other times a storm comes and washes everything away. its frustrating but leaves the faint warmth of something... something breathing, something beating, something living... soft and knowledgeable yet never letting on to its secerets but staying there non the less.. letting the warmth fill you for a moment before leaving a fridgid cold gap of something there in your heart.. a fragment of the dream... of the thought... of the memory...