On a recent echocardiogram, doctors discovered that my heart is moderately impaired. Right now I'm waiting for further tests and a consultant cardiologist appointment so I can find out more. All I know is that the whole heart (as opposed to a blockage etc) is impaired or damaged. It could be something I was born with (though it seems weird this has been missed for decades), caused by an infection like COVID, autoimmune, or any number of things.

I had the echocardiogram due to a possible TIA, but after multiple MRIs and CTA scans, it seems I'min the clear for that. Unfortunately, I won't get cleared for this heart problem as it has already been confirmed. It's just a case of finding the cause.

Bloody hell that's a long time!

I've been re-reading the chapters that I've already finished, and the writing feels very rushed. Unfortunately, this was always in an attempt to give a brief backstory for Mirabilis without committing to an entire novel... It's just, that I'm not sure that it represents my best writing or if it does justice to his backstory, especially when it's a character so close to me.

I'm unsure of how to or whether to continue it or just leave it be :/

Find me here:
https://bsky.app/profile/mirabilisz.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/mirabilisz.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/mirabilisz.bsky.social



I'd appreciate a follow :)

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10487178/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10487178/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10487178/

I'm joining Raxrie's art raffle. Click the link above to participate :)

Hey,

Could I ask for some advice from artists? I'm looking for recommendations for art/drawing/painting books for absolute beginners. I know DrawABox is useful but I'd prefer to have a physical book. Ideally, I'm looking for books that focus more on digital art, though I can see that those are quite rare.

Basically, I'm trying to learn to draw and paint furry stuff. Any advice would be much appreciated :)

 JLX_NL


Hey, go watch him, he's new to the community :)


 JLX_NL

Hey everyone,

I'm taking a break for a few days to a week from FA and Twitter.

TLDR:
I shared three AI images on Twitter and after defending that I have been receiving death threats, harassment encouraged by artists with large followings, bullying, and stalking, which is continuing even after I withdrew the posts and changed my position on AI (in response to kinder messages).

As someone on the spectrum, I have found this hard to deal with. It has really destroyed my mental health and dented my love for this community. As someone who has been in the fandom for 16 years, supporting people, being supported in return, and having spent thousands on art, I'm extremely hurt that a single opinion/mistake has led to a sustained harassment campaign.

I think that some artists in the community and their supporters want to ask themselves if it is healthy to encourage bullying in the community against people they disagree with, especially at a time when some of them are claiming that they are losing income. Having run a business myself, I'd say it isn't a wise business decision to push clients that they need out of the community.

Dozens of people have come to me saying that they have been victims of harassment campaigns, so I'm considering setting up a support group when I return. It would be a group for people regardless of the reason they were harassed. People can make mistakes which lead to harassment, but nobody deserves to be bullied or intimidated. The group would aim to support victims of bullying and harassment in the community, as well as encourage owners of websites like FA and social media to act on harassment and bullying.

If you're interested in joining such a group, you can note me, leave a message here, or contact me on Twitter.

Hey everyone,

I'm having a bit of a block when it comes to creating anything for FA. I genuinely have no idea what to write or make next. It's understandable that some people might want sequels or continuations of some of my existing stories, but I'm honestly not feeling it right now.

The academic year is in full swing now, so I'm focussing a lot of my effort on work, although I do have *some* free time.

Basically, I have no idea what to do :D

Henlo little beans,

I'm currently working on a novella that will explore the origins of Mirabilis and some of the key moments from his long life. I was hit with an inspiration particle whilst on for a walk, and I'm hoping that this will be an interesting and unique read for anyone, not just people interested in Mirabilis's background. The story will be based around 12 chapters, each with a particular theme (and name) that links a frame story with Mira's background, before culminating in the (for him) present.

Unlike my previous novellas, I plan to finish this one in its entirety before I publish any chapters. I am doing this because of extensive rewrites I was forced to do on other stories, which included retconning, which isn't ideal when you have already published chapters. So, I'm hoping that this will take a few months to write, then I can start posting :)

What else am I up to? Anyone following me on Twitter may have spotted me posting a very rough, almost dragon-looking, 3D model. This is an in-progress model of Mirabilis that I'm making whilst learning Blender. I'm hoping to use Blender to explore some ideas that I have had for art. So far, it feels quite intuitive, and I find it far easier to make what's in my head when compared with 2D art, which I'm rubbish at!

Anyway, that's it! :D

If you haven't already, follow me on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/MirabilisZ

Henlo little beans,

If you're wondering why I've been a bit quiet, my health is not great at the moment. I have severe fatigue that's been hampering my ability to do... anything, problems with my eyesight, pain, amongst other things. I doubt I'll get any writing done any time soon, and I'll be limited in how much socialising I can do.

I'm currently undergoing a lot of medical tests to try to find the cause, but so far no luck. Hopefully, they will find the cause soon.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is okay. The world seems to be falling apart right now, so I hope everyone is coping

He's a fascist, a despot, a tin-pot dictate who seriously underestimates* the strength of the people of Ukraine. I hope that this tragic mistake is his downfall, for everyone's sake.

To Ukraine, my heart goes out to you. It feels like we're abandoning you right now and I wish I knew what the answer to that was :(

Please a note: do not DM me, contact authorities, or FA staff. Whilst I genuinely appreciate that you care, I don't have the energy to deal with that, and I am already in contact with all the psychiatric help available in my country.

Things are very bad at the moment and I'm struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been considering suicide because I basically can't face a lifetime, however long that might be, of feeling like this.

For most of my life I have battled severe depression and anxiety, and cope only with a cocktail of medication and semi-permanent therapy. One important detail is that I can't stand being a human and would do anything to be a dragon, like anything. I have dedicated my life to science and any hope there is of making that happen, but that hope is slipping away. Now, I don't know if I'm so desperate to be a dragon because I'm so miserable or I'm so miserable because I can't be a dragon... I suppose it doesn't matter much. At the end of the day, if I had to face a lifetime of being like this and then death at the end, I'd rather just die very soon.

About a year ago I started getting very bad fatigue, but it went away for about three months. Then, in late October, it came back with a vengeance and has been getting worse over time. Before Christmas I was averaging 90% in my chemistry module, but now I can't even maintain a pass. Literally every day is a slog and I have to budget what little energy I have.

At first I thought this was chronic fatigue, it fits the bill, but it turned out that I had very low cortisol levels: great! I thought, finally an answer. However, after stopping some of my steroid medication for allergies, the cortisol levels went back to normal, but this wasn't the end of it. After another test, it turned out I have proteinuria, and this signals issues with kidneys. BUT after another test, the proteinuria has magically vanished! Is this good? Bad? I don't fucking know because it takes months to get a doctor's appointment here and haven't been told my options.

IF my kidneys are fine, I'm stuck with chronic fatigue syndrome which won't go away. The major downside to this is that there is no treatment for it and I just have to wait until it goes away by itself, which can take anywhere from months to years. The 'upside' is that I can't die from it, but for reasons stated I couldn't give care less about that.

Now, I'm not at immediate risk of killing myself. I won't drop dead tomorrow, but it's something that I am contemplating. My life up until now has been mostly miserable, and it basically looks as though this will continue for the foreseeable future or even get worse, and I can't tolerate that.

I just want to say that the friendship I have made here has meant a lot to me, given how lonely I can get, that and the wonderful art and culture here has been a light in an otherwise drab existence.

Thank you everyone for the support and love, it is so very appreciated

Any suggestions? There seems to be a drought of games like this :)

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure how exactly to do this, but here I go.

I have struggled with mental health issues for over a decade, and in the past have attempted suicide. I'm in a marginally better place at the moment, but struggling with chronic fatigue. Generally, I don't really like to talk about these issues openly as I have had an extremely negative reaction in the past on here (from one user in particular).

What help am I getting? I currently take a cocktail of medication to manage low mood and anxiety, and it definitely helps. I also frequently see a psychologist and psychiatrist, which also helps a lot. Don't be afraid to contact professionals if you have low mood, it will help.

How does the future look for me? Honestly, I try to take things one day at a time, but I have unresolved issues that make the future look pretty bleak at times, and I can't see myself overcoming them.

Some people say that I'm pretty cheerful, but the truth is I have battled severe depression for a long time. I guess you never know who might be struggling without your knowledge, so my philosophy is to be kind where possible and to not tolerate hate; life is too short.

I mentioned it at the start, but I was not sure how to write this, and now I'm not sure how to end the journal either. If you are struggling, you are not alone xx

Happy new year little beans!

What is in store for 2022? Hopefully less covid and more good times. I'm planning on finishing part 2 of Flying the Nest and Mirabilis Chronicles pretty soon, then after that, I'm going to start working on my novel. I've been ill with a cold (not covid!) so the first video for my YouTube channel has been delayed a bit, but I'm hoping to finish it in the next few weeks.

Later in the year, usually around June, my academic year ends and I have a lot more free time. However, this time around I'm thinking about taking a year off from studies to focus on developing my own video game, but it's early days :D

Henlo little beans,

So, I've been thinking about writing a novel aimed at furries/scalies with aim to publish and sell it.

However, I'm unsure of the idea I have for a few reasons. The basic premise for the story is that it follows a scientist in the future who is attempting to make a dragon using science. He is not very successful, until a mysterious Scandinavian biologist turns up with the key to making it a reality, but he is not what he seems.

The only way to gain access to the data and funding needed for the project is through the army, and that comes at the cost of freedom, but the main character goes through with it and manages to make a dragon that he can 'pilot'.

The lead character gets pulled into a lot of trouble on his quest and his attempts to gain control of the dragon's body risks all-out war.

*

Okay so, that's kind of the synopsis. My issue is that I also kind of liked the idea of it being an origin story for Mirabilis. However, I'm worried about this making the story less appealing to potential readers. Would they want to read a story about someone else's sona?

Anyway, what are people's thoughts? :)

Follow me on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/MirabilisZ

I share thoughts, chonky creatures, and story updates there :)

As of Monday, I have been on Furaffinity for 15 years. Welp, that is practically a geological age. Good times :)

Hey,

I was just wondering if any of my watchers live in Northern England? It seems as if my area is totally devoid of furries of any kind :/

Henlo little beans,

My rabbit chewed through my internet cable and I can't get a replacement until next week, so I won't be around online until then.

Hey,

I have hit the pause button on writing for a little while as my mood has taken a dip. I'll get back to it shortly, though I'll be starting my next academic year officially in October.

https://ko-fi.com/mirabilis0026

Henlo little beans,

I have been considering setting up either a Patreon or Ko-fi for a while, and I'll be honest, I was kind of worried about the pressure to produce content when my readers have a monthly subscription. So, Ko-fi it is!

If you like my writing or the lovely art I commission, consider buying me a coffee through Ko-fi. But that is up to you. I'm not planning on producing any special content or rewards, but you would certainly have my gratitude :)

https://ko-fi.com/mirabilis0026

Heno little beans,

Could I possibly ask for feedback from anyone who has read my stories? I'm looking for feedback on my use of language, the plot and characters in my stories, and how they compare with the work of professionals, and how you think I could improve. Plus, anything else you can think of :)

I have mixed feelings about my writing right now. I know that I can improve by using less exposition, but I'm also feeling low on ideas for new stories, and my current ones don't feel all that special or unique. I thought that writing flash fiction would give me a chance to exercise my ability to tell engaging stories, but with a quicker work cycle, but I'm not sure that it's working out all that well.

Also, I feel like I may have dropped the ball on the Dragon and the Steed 'sequel' for some. Although, writing it was cathartic. There are other ways that I could have tackled this story, and perhaps I could have gone more down the fan service route, but I'm not sure if this would have been the right direction, either.

What are my near-term and more distant goals? For now, I'd like to significantly improve both my writing and storytelling. I'd like a develop a more 'professional' voice/writing style in my stories so that they appear less amateurish, and I'd like to write stories in which the characters are more interesting and less wooden. I'll probably do this by continuing to write short stories to publish here. I'm also working on non-furry short stories, mainly in the weird eco-fiction genre, though I'm unsure if I'll publish them here or not.

In the future, I'd like to write a novella in the weight gain genre, one that I can sell, and that hopefully, my readers would be happy to purchase from a store like Amazon. I have also been working on a full-length science fiction novel for years now, but I have absolutely no idea if it will be appealing to people here.

Any feedback, no matter how brutal, would be much appreciated :)

Hey,

Ask me (almost) anything :D