http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6036029/

Characters for sale: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6024448/

My GoFundMe: http://www.gofundme.com/d5rl4s

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5747658/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5747658/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5747658/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5382171/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5382171/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5382171/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5382171/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5382171/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5382171/

Yep Im holdin another contest so do head over and give it a look will you?

-

Okay Reminder I rarely am Found on this account!!!

If you want to get in contact with me easier please please PLEASE watch my New account






Alos I am holding a contest to design my Sona/Character there is a small prize for doing this.

the details are located here =====> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5061687/

Just posting this here for tho who aren't watching my Main account LastRussianPatient

Well guys I leave tomorrow for Camp and I won't return until Friday.

I will have ZERO access to any form of electronics during this time so I won't be able to reply to messages and the like until I return.

I know I'll have fun since I usually do at this camp even if it is a bible camp.

But yeah I'll be leaving for church (its a shorter trip that way) in the morning and once we get out of there we're driving up to the camp. I may be online a little bit tomorrow but that is doubtful so yeah and once I get my stuff in the cabin I have to turn over all my electronics (even my iPhone, holy shit I won't make it without my music) to my mom so she can take them with her.

So yeah.

I love you guys and I want you all to stay so fuckin epic while I'm gone. When I return you better believe I will shower you with all the affection I can muster in a totally not homo,platonic best pale bro's 5ever sense okays.

*sets off fire works and confetti*

Dont forget I am now at

so yeah this account wont be active much anymore so yeah. I will be there from now on okay.

LastRussianPatient

That is my new main account now it will take a while before I'm completely shifted over. No I won't be unwatching people on here cause that takes so long and it's too much of a hassle over all.

So yeah. If you want to keep up to date with all my stuff watch me there.

I will still come back here occasionally mostly to delete notifications and that till I get some money.

So yeah

Alright its been decided that I will move accounts and leave this as a Character account.

so yeah.. I will slowly but surely re watch people I really like the art of as well as my groups as slow as that may be.

I will post another Journal once the account is up.


I know I said when i moved from Hotaru-Sutcliff that I wouldn't move accounts again but Yeah I have decided it will be easier.

I've been tossing the idea around about just making this into an account just for my Lygrol Zydrate Crow and his ever growing family.

Its just once I have money [that isn't going towards cosplay stuff] I plan on getting his Ref as well as some art done of him. It just seems to me that it would get confusing if I used this as both my main account and as an art account for Zydrate Crow's art.

What do you all think? should I go ahead and move to another account and keep this as Lygrol territory only or keep it as it is and figure out something else?

[I have a name in mind that a few people would know, especially if they really know their Creepypasta]


Edit: For those who don't know who Zydrate Crow is -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9601370/

Hehe I went digging through some of my old files and I found one of my old Glaceon anthro I had based sort of off my lv 100 Glaceon I had in Pokemon Pearl.

So I've decided to rewrite her info and such. I may make her into my other Pokesona/character [the first being Scar a Typhlosion Male] ^^ I haven't decided what I will do with her for now I do know she's unmated but That type of thing won't come forward for a while since I gotta figure out all the changes Im going to do to her info first.

But yesh. I probably won't get a ref of her for a long time since I still need to get one of Walker [another character from my Chaos Story], Nny, my sona if I ever figure out what it'll be, and Micah [my assassin Character]. There are others I want to get refs for too but yeah long time coming.

:3

anyways thats all I really have to say on that.

I can honestly say Im tired. Emotionally, mentally, and Physically. I haven't felt this worn out ever but its just become so strong and its draggin me down. I can't concentrate, my insomnia and Sleep Deprivation has gotten a little worse and its like everything irritates me now but of course I rarely voice my irritation.

I didn't start suffering with this until After my dad moved his mother in. Its like now that she is here my stress and mental aches are doubled and honestly my thoughts have turned darker than before. I can't voice my opinions about here nor my desires for her to leave because my dad would be hurt and then I'd get a lecture about helping family and other christian-y Values as well as that there was no other choice but for her to live here.

The thing is when my parents discussed it when we were down in Florida over my fall break they never asked me what I thought and how I felt about it. Then again my dad and his siblings basically made the decision without ever really taking in account how me and my mom felt.

*sighs and sits down drawing my knees up to my chest* With my grandmother here Im under so much stress because I can't say what I want to because I love my dad too much to hurt him like that, and with school I just feel like im drowning in problems. Some days I just want to pack some clothes in a bag and just take off for a few days driving with no real destination in mind, just because im suffocating in this house.

Its like with Bea living here I just can't be myself, I have to smile and pretend to be a happy young lady when all i am inside is a broken hateful guy who just wants to be accepted as he is. She doesn't know I identify as Neutrois but express as Male, nor that Im not straight or a good little christian.

Its just too much sometimes. I mean I have college to look forward too in about two years [junior in HS now] but because I can't really afford to travel super long distances Im planning on going to a local Mortuary College if I possibly can so Im still going to be living at home.

And as it is I can't talk to my therapist for a while because we don't have the money and I really really need to because Im honestly afraid if things keep up the way they are Im going to hurt someone and not emotionally or mentally and honestly enjoy it.

Bah im just whining again, I'll probably end up deleting this in about an hour..

Male side:
[x] You love hoodies.
[x] You love jeans.
[x] Dogs are better than cats.
[x] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture.
[ ] Sad movies suck.
[x] You own an X-Box. (image doesn't work on it anymore)
[x] Played with Hotwheels cars as a kid.
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
[x] You watch sports on TV.
[x] Gory movies are cool.
[x] You go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own, like, a trillion baseball caps.
[] You like going to football games.
[ ] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[ ] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[x] It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[] Sports are fun.
[x] Talk with food in your mouth.
[] Wear boxers.
Male Points Total = 14


Female side:
[ ] You wear lip gloss.
[ ] You love to shop
[ ] You wear eyeliner.
[ ] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[ ] You wear the color pink.
[x] Go to your mom for advice.
[ ] You consider cheerleading a sport.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[ ] You like hanging out at the mall.
[ ] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[] You like wearing jewelry.
[ ] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[ ] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[x] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance. (dance and Gymnastics)
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories. (just showering alone thats mostly because I talk to myself and my hair is impossible)
[ ] You smile a lot more than you should.
[] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[] You care about what you look like. Guys like to look good too
[ ] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] You wear girl underwear. (sadly)
[ ] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[ ] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Female Total Points = 5

What do you do when your trying to design/make your permanent sona and you make one and stick with it for a few months and then suddenly just absolutely hate it and its like you make some edits to it to change the things you hate about it and it just happens again. So you go on to make another of a different species and the same exact things happen again.

I have found that if my sona is basically me with Fur and what ever other kind of appendages there are on it, I come to hate it like I hate myself. It just seems so terrible to me and honestly I really do hate myself and I have changed a bit since I've gotten put on the medication for my physical issues but its like even that doesn't stop me from hating myself so much.

Right now I just have myself as Just a something but Im really tired and sad about not having an actually sona/OC that I can say "Hey thats me! I made him/it/whatever" and be really proud and feel as if thats my sona.

In the last 2 1/2 years I've gone through about 100 different sona's and have created about 100 more characters I hope to use as my sona. Yet I don't stick to anyone character of mine. *sigh* I went from a wolf/AWD mix to a dragon to a bunny [and so on and so forth] until now.

*flops* I wish I could figure out how to make a sona that is kind of like me enough to where I can say "yeah thats basically what I'd be if I was an anthro animal" yet different enough I don't begin to hate it or treat it like just another Anthro OC.

Im makin a new Id.

Mostly because I want one and It gives a chance to show off my new Goggles too haha

* lays down and sighs*

Today well this afternoon after school I started feeling really alone. like majorly, I was also quite Pissed and annoyed but the feeling of loneliness had really hit me hard. Its like I was invited to go over to Gaming Utopia with a group of my friends and I said sure but when I got there I wasn't allowed to game since my mom had to fill out a form or two and problem is she can't get off work and there is no chance for her too get out to fill them out. so I left a few minutes after we were allowed into the arcade part of the store since I had gone mostly to play the games I don't have access too at home or via the computer.

But its like all the while I walked back to my car I started feeling more and more alone. I know I have friends people who genuinely care about be yet I can't help but feel empty or off to the side when I hang out with them sometimes.

The sad thing is I even felt alone when I was talking to my imaginary friends [most of whom are characters from shows, books, Creepypasta] today while I sat in the tub trying to relax and maybe brighten up a little bit.

I guess its a combination of feeling shadowed by my friends as well as the lack of love in my life as it is. I haven't felt this down since I broke up with Raz over my fall break all because I made a stupid choice because I saw my ex [ old feelings are still there for both of us] and yeah... Honestly tho I look back and I know it most likely would have ended eventually. *sighs*

But its like Right now I just want to curl up in a corner in my room and cry or disappear because of the emotional pain I feel because of this loneliness. I just hate this feeling so much and its like there isn't much I can do about it as it is currently.

Sure I can try to not feel so alone but that doesn't change the fact that I am.

Hey if I made a sibling for Hotaru a male counterpart would anyone want to see his written info once I finish it?

If you don't know hotaru is my Angelic Inuma oc. The Inuma are my species and they are currently closed the only people who have permission to make one are my master, and my friends if they want for now.

Also this is Hotaru tho these images are a little out of date: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8381087/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8381033/

Its just I want to have a male Inuma to show what a male Angelic would look like. That and it would be pretty cool to have a male Inuma oc.

Finally after being out An entire week due to some issues I'm going back *sarcastic woohoo* tho I'm so glad I only have four more weeks of school left.

I don't think I got the job so I'm going to try elsewhere maybe the one in town as well as at hot topic. I just really need a job badly.... Right now... At the way it is looking I may have to wait till school starts up again.

Sigh anyways

I hope you bro's and peeps are having an awesome week and

Guten Nacht!!

B-)

Hehe well right now I'm working on a new character he is an assassin/archer and he's a dragon so yeps hehe. I might make him a Sona character of mine idk yet.

Anyways woot I do have stuff together for Pokecon in louisville (if anyone is goin feel free to note me about it :3)

Anyways I'm planning on making a human mightyena Cosplay (male of course) that will mostly be used for raves and such as a backup outfit from my black and red trips invader Zim Tee collar and converse soon ill have a pair of cyber goggles to add to my rave clothes woot lol.

Yes I'm a rave lover I've only been to 1 so far but I'm hopin to go to loads more at the cons and such :3

Also I'm goin to goth prom (I swore I wouldn't go to any prom but this was too beautiful since I dont have to be all fancy!!) yep I'm goin very simple that night and ill see one of my closest best friends there. Hehe I fucking love that woman (no romance) she is so amazing and I've missed her so much since she moved away.

But yeah it will only be $90 at most for all that stuff I want for the mightyena outfit

And to make sure I fit everything right I'm going to be hittin the gym and slimming down in the next few months I have till July to do all this in.

*facewall*

Bah what can I say. The idea of rain in an incest rp is appealing Xp especially a father/Son with forced cross dressing one lol. But meh I really don't have the time to do one right now.

Or one where Rain is on the run from Slenderman and he meets someone who wants to help him unknowingly endangering themselves in the process.

Nyeh the ideas I come up with... When I have no time and already feel that they will ultimately fail XD

Why do I do that to myself?

I go and check out another Creepypasta Author's story and their monster, and I get really down because I don't think anything I'd ever write would be good enough to even garner a slight amount of attention from anyone let alone the good kind of attention.

My dream is to write an amazing and creepy story for Serpentine my CP Monster that I can say one day when its read by MrCreepypasta that I wrote that and that I came up with the idea of Serpentine. that I can come to DA and see art all over the place of my little Monster. just all in all say I did something that im actually really proud of..

But every time I go onto Creepypasta and the Wiki I become more and more depressed as I read the posting rules/how to's/etc as well as the amazing stories about OC characters. Even my friend wrote one [it was short but still] and its on there for all to see.

I fear that mine would be too terrible and it would just be tossed off onto Crappypasta or something. That it won't be something Im proud to call my own creation and that it won't ever get popular.

Now I don't want a lot of attention but I've never written or done anything that I can say I was really proud of and have people know me for it... and honestly I know that no matter how many times I write and rewrite Serpentine's Creepypasta that I wont ever get it right to please the need for a bit of fright...

*sigh* I really need to stop this writers depression/inadequacy/envy.. its not good for me at all...

Im just writtin some Artwork ideas down for one of my characters. His name is Rain and he is a Jerboa, He isn't depressive or dreary like his name would suggest but he isn't hopping through fields of sunshine and flowers either. He’s sort of an in-between and he shifts from one extreme to the other fairly often. Around most people he is very quiet and reserved and seems almost angry but around friends he is talkative and out there though even with them he gets annoyed. Rain is actually pretty easy to annoy when it comes down to it as well as quick to anger.
* there is a possibility that he has a darker nature to him that is even unknown to himself. He often finds himself in places he never remembers going too, and when he is under control of this “personality” He is pretty cruel and a bit violent but this “personality” seems to obey an unseen force and hasn't been seen actually killing anyone in all honesty this personality seems like a more broken and subdued version of Rain.

Yep he is going to be an anthro Slenderman Proxy. I mean why not? since we anthropomorphize pretty much everything else from Jedi to Repo Men from REPO! The Genetic Opera. Rain is going to be one that doesn't Know he is being controlled or Called, in that case he usually ends up blacking out and waking up somewhere really weird.

Anyways onto some of the ideas I have for him after I get a couple Ref sheets for him [ normal ref and clothing ref]
______________________________________________
idea 1:
Rain sitting on the floor in an old building his knees drawn up to his chest as tears slip down his face terrified of what he sees [unseen to the viewer] and on the wall behind him is a little phrase (X)nly fear, n(x) safety in something Red.

idea 2:
A Rain Rave Pic. basically him in His rave gear standing as if he were in mid dance.

idea 3:
an all dark/shadow background with Both sides of Rain standing in the middle side by side in a circle of light but not touching as if there was a Mirror separating them. Normal Rain standing on the white half and Proxy Rain [also known as Revelation] standing in a Crimson half.

*hides under a blanket* well peeps tonight is going to be one hell of a night for me... wanna know why?

well there's going to be some pretty bad storms rolling through startin in a few hours and they say it could be as bad as the storms on March 2nd last year...

Im praying to god and hoping that its not as bad and that there wont be any tornado's in my area tonight. I am also hoping and praying that everyone in the path of these storms will be safe tonight too.

I am pretty freaked out right now and I'll probably end up being awake half the night because of it.

apparently my friends think if I was to be any animal I would be a Jerboa owo

Idk how I would be one.. is it because Im quiet and not really there? I don't even know anymore lol

tho i do find Jerboa's adorable.

A confession.

I am Terrified of Bees and Wasps well pretty much anything that flies and possibly stings. I don't know how or why it started but I've been terrified since I was little.

It used to be much worse than it is now, like I used to freeze up shrink down and cry if I saw one close and I'd run away as if all the evil in the world was snapping at my heals and I avoided going outside during the Day because of it. If a wasp got into the house I would jump and flee to the bathroom and refuse to leave until mom came home or found where it landed and killed it. I couldn't go outside alone nor could I go down the stairs without someone there to keep the bees and wasps away.

Now I just back up as far as I can to get away all the while keeping my gaze locked onto it. Once it's out of the way I practically jump down the flights of stairs to get to where ever Im going down stairs or I run to the door and try to quickly unlock it and get inside before the bee or wasp can follow. I still hide if there is a wasp in the house and refuse to leave my hiding place until it is gone.

I know I shouldn't be afraid of them but I can't help it I just can't stand them being within 10ft of me at any time. Its not that Im afraid to be stung really I just hate bees and wasps well bugs in general.

Bah this is one reason I really hate spring and summer. Its Bee and Wasp season again.... * Curls up in a dark corner*