Given my other journal is almost two years old (one and a half, let's not be dramatic here), there's cause to update.

I've been uploading the old raoctober art, and I must say, it's refreshing to be reminded that I've grown and my art isn't a total wash. The washiness is decreasing, even. If only I had ideas; I might have a consistent output in art and writing and skills worth talking about. But my dream of being a grumpy hermit who turns down fatcats with fat stacks while claiming to be about art and dead partners is far away still.

Though I imply otherwise, I've BEEN writing, a ton at that, but none of it is publishable (for various reasons.) While I haven't burnt out, I have burnt out on the one thing that kept me writing. I got obsessed wit ha thing, then that thing turned out to be shit and I realized it. When I could escape the feeling of thin air choking my lungs, I stopped. There's ever the pretense I'm quitting for the lack of audience and glazing the rest of the community got, yet I know deep down it's the frustration that I have ideas that need their own space. Space I cannot provide. Original ideas are just not something I can easily explore for reasons I do not understand. I am like rain; I need the tiniest speck of dust to cloud around or nothing can form. Without a drop, there is no rain.
Yada yada.
It's not porn, so I doubt FA would ever care to begin with. :P

Whatever, I learned a lot and it was a fun time. You can't argue with solid experience, refinement, outgrowing the pot you found and dreaming bigger.
Similar to why I've picked up a proper exercise routine and in general have tried to better myself. It comes with age, and it's all for me in the end.
In a way, things are better, in another, things are worse.
Things aren't stable, in that I don't feel like I exist in a comfortable equilibrium. Perhaps the writing and such were distractions.
Eh.

That being said, FA has never been my priority. While I have art envy as much as the next, I don't think I ever considered writing or drawering a goal or profession I'd dedicate myself too.

Either or, it's been fun looking at art as I post it. Naturally, I'll get up to another Inktober/raoctober this year, as ever. Maybe - and it's a snowflake's chance in hell - I'll even post some unrelated art or writings.

I'm still alive, and as long as I am, there's ever a chance that I might actually find some footing and not exist in pandemonium. I wonder if I'd miss it, or if the frothing chaos has become an entertainment of its own.

Remember to take care of yourself. See you in another 1.5 years, I guess. Good ol' September 2028. And with a sprinkle of luck, earlier.