== BY ORDER OF THE H5ZX VALKY R13 COUNCIL ==

THIS FILE IS SUBJECT TO LEVEL 18+ ONLY CLASSIFICATION!

== LEVEL 18+ CLEARANCE IS REQUIRED ==

== WANTED ==

== DEAD OR ALIVE! ==

2,575,000,000,000 Pogs

Item #: Subject-0307 "Bonk"

Classification: Asshole. Outlaw. Alien. Intelligent. (Debatable)

Description: Subject-0307 is thought to belong to a small, tailed mammalian species. Specifically known as [REDACTED]. Native from the planet, [REDACTED] in the [REDACTED].

Adult male, his age is currently believed to be early 30's. Often spotted on two legs at a height of 2ft 7 inches from the top of his head to the base of his heel. Warning, subject has and can get violently defensive about his height. When confronted about this he simply states his ears should be measured too...Handling of this topic with care is advised. Appearance can be described as big nosed, short furred, long eared, and...height deficient.

Subject-0307 is known for the several slanderous criminal offenses as follows:

Larping.
Macro/Monster Flirting.
Repeated Bonking.
Butchering A Beautiful Language.
Explosives.
Fart jokes.
Failed Hygiene Requirements.
Harvesting and Selling of Rare, Potentially Fatal Weight-gain Honey.
Fat Admiration.
Consumption and Inhalation of Illegal Substances.
Snorting Ass.
Butt Smuggling.
Butt Hugging.
Butt Stuff.
Encouragement of All Things Larger for Squash and Smothering.
Overuse of the Term 'Thicc".
Gross Use of Puns.
Bullying Dragons.
Colluding With Mythical Creatures.
Short-term exposure of self and others to the vacuum of space.
Inflation.
Mishandling of Stolen Classified Tech/Weaponry.