Fooooooh.

Didn't want to have to make this post but, things have gotten enough away from me that I can't tell myself "oh you'll catch up soon, don't worry about it!"

Without getting way too personal for a public internet forum, I've been alternatingly busy and in a depression hole. Have been tapering off my old meds since August and starting new ones this week, but that's meant I've been undermedicated for almost a month, and it's been very noticeable. Didn't even make any attempts to pick up the few threads of things I was writing. Before that, for most of the summer, I accidentally crashed my hormones - testosterone supposed to be low, for cis women and for trans, but in neither is it supposed to be *zero*. Turns out that means fatigue, brain fog, complete loss of libido and ability to orgasm... fellow trans femmes, keep your T above 10 at least, or, look out for symptoms now that you know em.

So more or less since June I've been out of whack, flitting from a hormone crisis to problems with my psych meds. At a time when my life is a little crazy too! Got a new job in May, which affords me much less time to write. Figured out I was demisexual about midway through summer, so that's been interesting, finally having a label for a specific way I feel. Got with a girl who lights up my life, even if neither of us are romance types, who's moving in soon. Slowly starting to be less visibly trans, hair growin' out finally. Life isn't *bad*, not a bit! It's just been COMPLICATED. And in the fracas I've let things here slip. My libido has been back, just in time for my energy to leave me. Have kept my wits sharp doing a spot of ERP but finding the spoons for structured writing in the little time off I have has been difficult, even if I have ideas in my head I want to get out.

So. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm still alive, for sure, and I haven't just lost interest/abandoned this page. I've just alternated between "having the energy but having so low libido that writing sex feels gross" and "having a new crazy estrogen-fueled libido but having no energy to do anything useful or fun with it", all mostly while busy.

Considering commissions on hiatus for... well until I come off of hiatus.

I haven't forgotten things I already have on my to-do list, things I want to write when my brain libido and free time can work together again. Not forgotten:

Chapter 2 of Thawing Passions, 9k words already written but didn't want to release it till it was perfect. If you're on Evi's Exusia discord, you've seen it already. Also if you're from there, reading this, but haven't talked to me on discord, that's where I went, not dead, promise.
A proper second half of Thousand Subscriber Special. There'll be peril, but I don't like just leaving what readers I have not knowing what happened to drone-Sunny.
A short gentle fdom older-woman piece for the lovely fellow who commissioned Rock and a Hard Place. Thanks for being a friend.

Not giving ETAs on any of this, but hopefully by beginning of year everything will line up right again and I can do the things I want to do. I'm psyched to write again, because I really do miss being able to just *do it*. Hopefully y'all will stick around to read whatever I come up with, once I'm where I need to be again. Thanks so much for reading. Especially if you're reading *this* mildly-depressing screed.