I know I don't write many of these (in fact last one was back in 2023) but i've been going through a lot lately and need some sort of cathartic release;
it boils down to this basically, feeling like my soul and heart are being torn asunder as an individual whom i care for deeply, and probably always will. does not return the feelings (we were never in an actual relationship aside from friends), I have accepted this and wish them no ill will, however the result of knowing them for so long and developing the connection that I feel to them has been tearing me up inside as I try to let them go, to the point where things I have said to them have come out wrong, and done unintentional harm, im hurting a lot as I try to move past this, because It feels like im ripping out a part of me, a part of me I can't live without, even though I know it's better for me to move past, but I keep falling back, not wanting to lose them, I know it's likely irrational but I still can't seem to break down the walls of the past and build anew, I want to but the pain of doing so seems too much to bare, I need help I need an outlet, and friends who understand this, these are the times I wish I could find fellow furs close to me that are open to such feelings and be able to build a partnership, a relationship with them, but I seem to be getting too old, and all those paths are closing up, I hate being alone, and want to move into the future, and experience true companionship.