This is mostly just a place holder journal (as if anyone were interested in reading my journals anyway -- not complaining, just saying because I certainly wouldn't read my journals either) to displace the previous journal entry that was up as I have just realized that journal is momentarily not really true, so it shouldn't be left up as if it were still active. I still technically am looking for artists to do paid work for those roles as specified in said journal, but at the moment and for the nearer-term foreseeable future I am lacking the emotional fortitude, good will, and blind hope necessary to even try to start the commissioning process again.

I only noticed the issue yesterday when I found out that  AlabasterLion was open for formal commissions again. Alabaster, has been nothing but great to me, I highly recommend commissioning him if you have the idea and the money ready (better hurry, he is popular), and I have been waiting almost two years with abated breath for him to open up for formal commissions again. So when I found out yesterday that he is open for formal commission I practically jumped for joy and started mobilizing to get in on the action before this opportunity disappears. But then, even though Al has only ever been 100% wonderful to me, as I was readying things: typing up the intro email, notes/instructions, readying the funds, I was just filled with an overwhelming sense of depression, exasperation, frustration, dread, and fatigue all very clearly associated with the act of thinking about commissioning. I ended up laying down waiting for this to pass and ended up sleeping for 16 hours in a restless unsatisfying sleep. Now that I am awake again, and still feeling slightly lousy, I conclude that I may have been Pavlovianly conditioned by numerous other artists to have a strong negative response to anything associated with commissions. As such I can't really proceed with any commissions at the moment, not even with wonderful artists like Alabaster whom I have been actively waiting to commission again, until I can get over this instilled funk. And thus I need to displace the previous journal about seeking artists for commissions until it is possible for me to go through with it again.