Furst off, ahd like tuh thenk  eryshefalafel fer pointin owt thuh CAPSLOCK buttin, ah wus wunderin y ahlla muh letturs wur all big ahn stuff. Ah feel ritlee embarrahsid ahbowt et. But yuh live ahn lern, rite?

Secund, et looks like thuh sayme pursun thaht enturviud muh buddee  Lordosis dun ahskd muh sum questshun...

Excuse me, sir, can I have a moment of your time?
Y of cuss yung fellur, whut can ah doo yuh fur?


I'm traveling the area, conducting interviews to better understand the people and culture of this region.
Wus this fur? Like ah noospaypur oar sumthin? Thas cool.

What are doing up there on top of that outhouse?
This es whur ah live curantlee, ahm fixin tuh git a bus dat ahll fix up muhself entuh ah home. Et shood bee ahvailahbul reel soon.

What species are you?
Ahm whut es callud ah Dragoat, whur frum ah playse callud Dragoatia. Ahve nevuh been thur befur.

Who are you?
Muh naym es Christmas Tree, butchu kin call muh Tray.

How old are you?
Ah thenk ahm ahrund twontee five, ahm not entireelee surr

Where are you from?
Ah wus birn ah raysd en Kentucky untell ahbowt too yurs ahgo, then ah moved hurr.

Do you like yaoi or yuri?
Yah oi? Yurra whut? Ah dun thenk ah no thayt langooahge.

Are you a boy or a girl?
Ahm ah boy, boy dragoats dun have wangs. Ah cood see by mah moobees ahn mah big heeps thayt yoo mite be confoosed, but ah uhsur yuh thayt ahm qwite ah mull.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Ahm ahn ohnlee chile. Muh maw wus kulled beefur shay cood hayve ahnuthur kid.

Who's your mate/spouse?
Rite nuw ah has ah purty lil gurlfren naymd  desidragoat. Shays rul spechul tuh muh. Shay cawls muh TrayTray. Shays thuh ohnlee won thayt can. Ah DO luves thayt gurl. *blushes*

Do you have any kids?
Uh hurr hurr hurr... Noh not yet.

What's your favorite food?
Uh likes cheez curls, pizza pockets, weenur wangs, but thuh mayn fahvureets es alla tipes of Mehxicun fud. Vury much so. Und burr. Espayschulee Yuengling.

Have you ever killed anyone?
Nuh.  miz cun bee ah jakahss, but not enuf tuh kull. Thayt Sofi tho, ah wanna keck hurr en thuh kooter.

What kind of music do you like?
Lynyrd Skynyrd, Charlie Daniels Band, Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, Kid Rock, moestlesslee cuntree flayvurd rawk. Sum rawk, an ohcanshunalee sum stuff thayt gits plahyd onna rahydeeoh.

What do you do to relax?
Jus seetin dun an leesen tuh muh rahydeeoh.

Do you constantly get hurt?
Nuh badlee. Sumtimes Harold, muh possum, skuraythes muh bak ah bit an sumtmes huh guves muh ah bite, but eets nuh tuh hard. Hesa gud lil crittuh.

Do you like your creator?
Wull ah dun beeleeve en thuh hyoomin God, but ah beelees en uh Creeaytur. Ahm endifurent

What’s your favorite season?
Uh likes fall alla truhs lees changin cullurs.

Have you ever had sex?
Cuppluh times, evun hayd reelayshuns wifa hyoomin woomin, enturestin tuh sahy thuh leest. Wun bee doon that ahgin ahnee time soon.

Have you been violated/molested/raped before?
Thas uh vury pursonul qwestshun thur. Won guy thot he wus goin tuh an thit he wus funnuh, but wund up gitten hoovs prants en his forehed.

Who’s your best friend?
That wood be  Wilburdragoat, hesa grate kid. We havunt been haning owt seenin hes bisee wif  Slag-derp ahn muh wif  Desidragoat, but wull be ahll hangin owt tuhguhur reel soon.

Got a crush?
Whutchu deef or sumthin? Desi es muh gurl.

Do you like hugs/kisses/cuddles/etc.?
Ahll of thuh uhbove! hurr hurr hurr!

Are you gay?
Yuh musbee deef ifn yuh ahskin that. Taint make uh diffurunce ifn yuh ahr. Muh best buddah es, ahn eets fine.

Play any sports or...anything?
Boulin! Evun ef ah nowt so gud aht et.

If you had a chance to kill your creator would you do it?
Boy, yuh aint makun ah leck of sens. Whut kinduh kwestshun es that? Nuh ah woodnt. Gut ottuh muh face now beforun ah take muh horns tuh yuh buttokc