I have been doing horrible
I can barely do anything anymore
I have trouble concentrating I can't do much art it takes so much energy to even try
at times I can barely sit and play videogames
I basically have no willpower left or reason to keep going yet I do for some reason I think I don't have the energy to do anything else

Taking care of myself is a chore
A near impossible chore at this point
All I want is to be held to feel safe to not feel so scared and hopeless
Depression sucks add in extreme loneliness and it's absolute torture
It's painful to just exist at this point

I want to feel safe
Yeah I'm supposed to big a big strong man but I'm not I'm a big naked baby who needs help
I feel safe with women I need to be held to be able to feel vulnerable to feel loved I need someone to take care of me as I just can't do it by myself anymore

It's been almost a year that I've been alone
I can't take it
I need to be held and feel like it's worth it
I feel horrible I feel like a burden
But that's what I am
I need to be taken care of
I'm not capable of doing it alone

I need a mommy
Someone who will love me for who I am even if I can't take care of myself someone who will make me feel safe someone who will comfort me and lie to me and tell me everything will be ok

I wish I could end this in a happy or fun way but I can't
I feel completely alone I feel like I'm dieing like I'm already dead my body just hasn't caught up yet