Sup Bitch,

[For any bystanders that read that journal, again, know that a write this so my future self can come back and discover how wrong I was. Who is reading that anyway lol]

Well well, that was a strange year for sure. New position new responsibilities new messes to clean. It started rough, didn't it? A year of covid back-orders to deliver alone with a small team. You didn’t know what to do, and frankly you didn’t think you were supposed to have that position. In the end maybe you were right but you got through it huh are we proud? :/ . Then the economy was in the gutter, the price of transport skyrocketed, and you needed to find a new job.

The truth is that job sucked. It was far, the product and the work was boring, but the people, they were great. That team was MY team. I met new people and made strong friendships. I do not have any regrets working there. The 2 years I spent there I learned a lot. Not about boring career stuff, ugh, but about being a better man.

On the Art side, I didn’t do much. My time melted away, the job and traffic burnt me out. The little free time I had left was spent elsewhere. Well, you see I thought I had no time (well, I did spent 10 - 15 hours per week in traffic) but in the end it was more of an excuse than an explanation.

I started the year with a little exercise that I liked, but I didn’t do for long. I would have liked to do more, but I didn’t continue. It was fine, but I’m not sure I’m going to come back to it. Then in like late February I decided to make one big piece instead of little ones (Sally 2022) but I think it was too ambitious and I really didn’t like working on it. I changed it by the end to post it, but background was supposed to be a lot more elaborate. Eh, better luck next time.

I did start other projects though. I started physical painting, which is cool, I need to continue that actually. I started woodworking, and I sold stuff to people, its not much but its honest work. I started to sell other stuff on amazon and planning to build my kinky empire. It’s almost nothing but sales are sales. I also started things I never thought I would….

Never in my life I would have put a foot in the gym…. But I did
Never in my life I would take the time to cook meals…. But I did
Never in my life I would quit Alcohol…. Yet I did
Never in my life my I would go out there and date women…. Sigh, rough start, but I did, and I am going to continue am I?….

I should talk about her, do I?

This is tough I don’t know what to say here. I am not sad, I am not angry, I’m just disappointed. I met someone that was pretty, smart and if it was just that I would have probably ignored her or not even try something, but she was so much more. We shared interest skills and hobbies. Heck we even shared addiction and criminal records (nothing bad, but still). We are both at the same point in life have the same views on the future. She wants to buy the same type of business as I do?? Who wants that!? She was like me; I did not even think that was possible. The perfect partner I always looked for. Yet, that match made in heaven didn’t work out. I had a still target 25m in front of me and I took a shot (twice) and missed. The thing is she wasn’t cold, she definitely had an interest in me, but not a romantic one.

That rejection did not break me, it might have even kickstarted things I would I never do without her influence. It's irrelevant to think about why it didn’t work out, I need to move forward, but if it's because I wasn’t on the top of my game, I’ll make sure that there is no doubt about that aspect ever again.

Never again ill let a person like that go, and I don’t say that in a creepy way like I will pursue women to the end of the world, but more like I will be my best self when I meet someone, and if it doesn’t work out, there is nothing more I could have done.

She was strange, awkward there was something wrong with her and talking to her was like speaking in front of a mirror. This means there is something wrong with me, I know there is and digging this out I realize it’s a lot more complicated than I anticipated. I have to reach for help, but getting therapy is a lot harder than I thought, it might took months even years…

Anyway, prediction for the year. My last prediction was off by a mile and this one will probably will.
I'll definitely make a couple of pieces for sure now that I have time to draw. I already started on one or two and it’s going well so we will see.
I will continue the routines I started. It's already been a couple of months, it won't be hard to extend it for a year and beyond.
I think Ill start journalling. I have already a couple ones for other aspect but I think ill do one for myself. I starting to see the benefits of it, and I like it a lot.
I do not know what else. We will see.

Turns out I started a new Art piece that is very difficult to achieve,

Myself,

and its about damn time.