Yes, I was selfish, needy, brattish and of course as always a huge bitch who didn't know what to do with themselves if something happened that I didn't plan for. I've had people give me money/spend money on me because I was so damn broke I was lucky I could afford bus fair, I've been known to do this for selfish reasons even if it hurts other, in fact I even made someone I loved a lot leave me because I thought I was so fucking terrible that no force on this earth could change just how truly evil, terrible and twisted I was. Then I met them.

From the moment I met the first one, something in me had changed drastically and this was all in the first conversation I had with him. We talked into the early morning and there was never a moment of silence between us, we had everything in common and then there were differences when there needed to be. He was the logic side when I was the emotional side and our conversations were quite deep. After hearing his voice I could gladly say I was in love, I thought life couldn't get any better... Then I met him face to face. I remember that day quite clearly, I was so nervous especially after an ex mate I had who did a 180 and became a total jerk but I dressed well black jeans, leather jacket a shirt under neath and of course my IV ( Ipod touch) I danced a bit in the subway as I got to his stop and then I saw him. He was beautiful and from the very start he was proud to be near me and be on a date with me, the second time I met this wonderful man we made love and we haven't looked back on anything before each other ever since. He is the kindest, most compassionate man I'd ever met in my entire life. He took me from being selfish to thinking of only him and how to make him happy, I've even learned to think positively and before biting a head off to ask question even rationalize. Without him, I'd be lost.

The second one. He and I met on the worst of terms, we were both dumped on the same day around the same time of day for the same reason and It sucked, both of us healed in the same manner and were both searching for someone but I know I wasn't it. We were suppose to go out, he never texted it sucked. I thought it was the end of us until a month after my current boyfriend and I were dating where one of us had healed the other did not. I met him in real life, he was a sad and hurting guy. I still remember that day because that was the day I told him that I'd be the one he could lean on through thick and thin. I'd care for him always and that I'd be his best friend and help him anyway I could, the both of us have kept that word. I'd be very empty without him. I love him too, in a way that confuses me, a way I have no words for. It may not be romantic but its deep which is why when we fight it seem to cut us both rather deep whether it be in public ( The previous journal I uploaded or Private.)

Through thick and thin.
We've seen each other through tears, rage, pain and sorrow. we've been each others crutch when the other one needs it and have done out best to help each other no matter what. My bond with the second one runs deep and my love, he runs through my veins without them I couldn't survive, because of them everyday I try to be a bit better and be a bit less hateful towards everything. They make me smile they make me laugh, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the entire world. They're my pack through fights, through pain through joy we stay together even when we have moments that are hateful towards each other.

I'm a brat, he's a brat. My love can be emotionally retarded at times
I'm moody, he's moody. My love tries so damn hard I'm surprised he doesn't crumble.

We are water and he is rock.

Through all this rambling I just want you two to know that I love you both very much, one two different levels but the loves still there. I never want to lose you, and I hate it when we fight, The journal was a stupid un needed fight. I'm sorry it happened. Everyone has a moment of weakness that was ours.