Being forgotten.

Not that anyone pays attention to these really, and my channel is really just a spot where I keep my favorites and the such, but in this lovely whiskey and beer fueled haze that I am currently enjoying, I'll vent off a bit of steam and hopefully that will help me chive on for the next few months.

I've had plenty of friends over the years. I grew up with almost none, only really letting myself get close enough to people to call them friends around the age of 14. This would be the group of friends that were throughout my life all the way up to my high school graduation and beyond. I've done plenty of things in my life, I've worked in a call center more times than I would care to, I've worked in a filthy potato warehouse, I've worked as a shelf monkey for a retail outlet and I've worked on board a commercial passenger ferry until I managed to start a career with the Navy.

Now here is the kicker, I've had friends grow distant before, I've had my little spats with friends as any other guy would. But what stings the most, is that I feel as though I've been just outright abandoned and left in the dust. And for what? I've racked my brain trying to figure it all out and all I can really suppose was that I lived either too far away to be a convenient friend, or that I didn't try hard enough to maintain friendship. But isn't a friendship a mutual thing? Shouldn't it fall on both parties shoulders to maintain communication to express similar interests and life goals to provide both support and entertainment for one another? Beats the fuck out of me, but that's just my drunken mind cranking off.

It hurts because it's the one thing in life I fear most. Sure, I have many fears just like average folk. I'm not keen on enclosed spaces, I don't like spiders and heights creep me out. But for the most part, my biggest fear is to be forgotten. If I was to die tomorrow, who would give a shit about me? Who would mourn my loss and who would just brush it aside after maybe a day or two tops?

Who would be the one to shed a tear and say "Oh man, Daniel was my friend, I'm going to miss him." and who will just shrug and say. "Oh yeah, he was a guy I knew once."

That scares the hell out of me. I know I've changed ever since I joined the Military, it's effected my life in so many ways, but did I really change so much as to be so easily discarded? I don't know, Since most of my old friends who I had known for so long have just dropped me like a burnt out cigarette butt, all I have left in my life is my job and the men and women I work with. They are all great, don't get me wrong there, but sometimes I think back to when I was in school or when I worked at that damned call center and I just start weeping for the friends I had for so long that just forgot about me.

Whatever, this is getting too emotional and a bit too personal now, so I'll end it there.
To whom it may concern, I hope you enjoyed my little breakdown.
Until next time, maybe.




-Out.