The venting is really good. I really need that. I can think clearer now.

I just want to make sure who I am or still is. Ben carried away too much I have lose sight of what I want and who I am. Like a song that never reach crescendo. The pressure just built in. Too many voices telling who I should and should not be. Or maybe not enough that I heard. Still in the end I still am the one who hold the rein. Why to be sway by the shadows which will gone in a moment. As memories of man are just like the morning mist *laugh*

Yet I know they said it because they too are worried about me for that I was really grateful. As long as I am happy.. I don't think people will need to tell me what I should do. I am sorry. I had overslept. But silly things is that I thought I should be with friends when i had free time. To stay with them to be there for everyone. To show them how each of them meant to me. Yet also because of that I was suffer in my own meaningless guilt. I was truly an idiot. No one need anyone. We all are just a person. I just had to do my best and wish the smiles always be on their faces. I really love you guys.. Thank you. Without any of you. I don't think I could ever truly know myself.

and in this occasion I would like to say that what is emo? is being able to cry as we want and laugh as we like is it? or the one that cannot get out from the sadness and despair is? How frivolous to have given someone a label. I don't judge anyone and I don't like to be judge. At least I try to my very best haha. I love you all even though you sometimes don't talk, you act rude or just being yourself. I just sometimes ask for the same treatment I had given people. Well when we are nice to people don't we ask for some too? hehe

I really like to bear upon stuff which isn't my fault. Even when people seems cold to me I always thought if it's because of me.

I wish I can always feeling like this and remembers all I had learn here... my next test in life is now at hand. As I had chosen life I wish to truly live it. I wish to say more but due to my limited brain that will have to be next time.