Greetings, and welcome to a, uh... Toast thing?

Wow, it's, uh... been a while since I've posted on here. First things first, I'd like to apologize to those who have been waiting on updates from me for their commissions, I truly am sorry for my horrible communication skills. If you don't want to read the next few chunks of text, here's a tl;dr: depression makes it hard to draw, and I dislike my art.

Moving on to what I want to talk about - my lack of any art over the past two years. I've struggled with depression and self-worth issues for pretty much my entire life, and it makes it extremely difficult for me to draw without feeling like shit. I know that people like my art, or at least I hope people do, but I don't like my art. I don't know what about it I don't like, but I just don't. So it's kind of a loop where I know that the only way to get better at art is to draw, but I hate how my art looks, so I don't draw because it doesn't make me happy.

I know the whole point of art is to "enjoy the journey", but I find it very hard to enjoy the journey when the result is something I'm not happy with at all. Which, yeah, I shouldn't care about the result, but that's what my goal is, and failing to reach that goal makes me feel like shit. I find that mentality to also be extremely confusing, how does one not care about how the picture ends up looking? How does one get any satisfaction from making something that doesn't look good? I know art is subjective (I mean, I guess), and people have different standards on what they would consider to be "good", but my standards are higher than the quality of what I'm currently able to produce. Which again, falls back to that loop of knowing I got to draw to improve, but not liking what I draw because I don't like it. For me, it's very mentally draining trying to draw.

I don't know why I try or keep going with art if it brings me this much mental anguish. Like, yeah, I have kink ideas that I wish to draw to visualize what's in my mind, but I'm unable to transfer what I want from my head to actual art. I do have other creative passions, like music, but I'm not even sure what kink music would sound like, especially fat and slob kinks. Though I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it before.

So that's kind of where I'm at. I want to draw and upload kink art for people to enjoy, but I don't like how my art looks, so it makes it difficult for me to draw. Unsure why I felt the need to make a journal for this, but if you did read all of this, thank you so much, I really do appreciate it.