Well. Told myself this would never happen. But here I am, ranting on a forum where no one really knows me. Figure I may as well.

I am up for charges against me that will involve life in prison if they go through. These charges are brought about against me by a liar, someone who has bent the truth and managed to take advantage of my mental disabilities to paint me the source of these problems. Im broke. I have a court defender who's over worked and inept. I really don't know what to do or say anymore so I am really just going to say what I feel I can say here as at least one piece of what went on from my standpoint as no one will listen to me but a few people.

These charges are being laid against me from 2003 to 2006. I was thousands of miles away, but due to being so long ago the evidince of this is varied in level and quality. I am being accused of a CSC charge against someone who is related to me by marriage, and the fun thing. I was not living there during these charges against me. The accuser has also lied about the residence they lived in for part of the charges, as well as lied about another person who lived -with- me during a portion of these charges. Their only evidince against me is a statment given under false pretenses but due to my brain issues the court defender is.. wooden faced. These charges have no real evidince, but I cannot afford a real lawyer, my god. I need like ten grand, and Im unemployed and no real hope to find the cash. No real aid, we had to sell our truck to get me out of jail. Sigh. It just gets worse from there, this is a small crooked town with all the lawyers and judges working with each other, we're pretty sure the cop involved in this is a neighbor of the person who pushed my accuser to do this, and has used this knowledge against me. Its a case of small town wnating to get its name on the map. They do not care if i have over a dozen witnesses, I have stubs and stamps and documentation, they do not care that I can contact everyone I know and knew during then.

There are CSC charges already filed and a report, about the person who -actually- molested my accuser during this time. The person who was -related to her by blood- who did this, but becuase he was a minor at the time, it is somehow my fault. I am scared out of my mind, having flashbacks near constantly. I am terrified i will be thrown in jail due to lies and pressure. My defender has done nothing to contact anyone, has done nothing to tell me anything good, has been dismissive and too willing to bend to the prosocution.

I am utterly out of ideas. Ive looked into everything from legal loans to other help, none of it helps. contacted the attourny general. no help there. need a bank loan, we have moeny coming in but not for like another five to six months due to a estate settlement, and that money then wont help us now. Ive got so much to prove i wasnt there, but no one in this small town system will help me. Im at my ropes end and if this goes poorly i will literally be at my ropes end.

Talked to several lawyers who an help. but they need what we dont have right now, money -.-. I was supposed to get engaged on the 14th of feb, instead i was in a jail cell. This accuser is doign this to tear our family apart, becuase she wants to -protect- the people who actually molested her, get my family out of hers so her and her molesters can live together without my family around. All while her and the one who pushed her to do this sit in thier house laughing at the destruction they are causing. Having faith, praying and hoping the system works really dont matter when it comes down to issues like this. Nothing ive ever done compares to this problem as it lays. Its so insane, even if i manage to survive this, and we dont know how i will. we will have to move and we have like no real resources, no real places, we have nothing. we're down to i dont even know. and atop all of this, we're not sure if we will have a place to live soon. due to landlords changing hands and new rental rules about price hikes and changes.

i could have two weeks, a month, two months. either way the money we have coming in wont be here fast enough. its nothing but uncertanties and fear. ive spent so many times hiding in the bedroom afraid that a knock at the door will be the last i hear. and why? because in this society, these charges are big business, big media and big money for goverments, they dont really care who did what, they just want to be paid for catching bad guys.. im not a bad guy, not so much as a speeding ticket. -.-

no real hope, not really holding out for anything but a quick end if i have too. i dont want too. but as its been said, give me freedom or give me death. For now, i am waiting, watching and doing what i can, but feeling fully that the protection i have for this, will not help me, by the gods if i had a friend who was a lawyer, hah.. yeah.

don't really know how to end this. dont really know what to do or say. ive been not sleeping not eating barely breathing, just treating every day like my last meal.


below is a link to our blog and stuff that we have going to detail the horror i am going through..

http://smalltowninjustice.blogspot.com/ not really sure what to do with my life. all i know is we need like 2500 to pay for a real lawyer and im staring down the barrel of losing my mind every day.