I know it's been a while since I made any updates here, or pretty much anywhere. Things just have not been good overall. While nothing serious has happened to me personally, it's just been collectively poor. The way things have been going made me feel that I am meant to be alone and that general isolation was best. Little has really done much to change that aside from feeling mostly miserable and tired. Honestly, I cannot stand how negative it all feels anymore.

I'm back "home" near most of my "family" currently, and it's not been much help. Aside from my last living grandparent, who is not far from their time, the rest have written me off or pushed me away. Once that one relative is gone, I will be completely on my own. Tbh, I have the same dreadful feeling I did with my grandpa before he passed that this will be the last year with grandma.

While I am able with the extra support I can get from my grandma, I am trying to get myself together and rebuild what I can of myself. I've already accepted the other ties to my parents and the rest are gone, not that it makes me feel better. Now it's a focus on pulling the pieces of my spirit back into a working whole and saving/earning what I can to be ready to find my own place. It's going to be rough and hard, but there isn't really much choice. After grandma, I will have no family left to turn to.

I am at least starting with some big positives this year. The massive bulk of my student loan pains are gone. Between a massive dismissal on federal loans and aggressive paying into principals, not much of that debt remains and is well under control. Everything else is well managed, though I still need to do what I can to tighten the metaphorical belt on what goes out better than I have been.