Just kidding lol! It was about other, worse things. But now that I'm officially one year old, I am legally obligated to write an indulgent anniversary journal about the past year. I won't talk about my metrics though because I think it's boring.

Instead, I'd like to take a leaf from FakeMan's book by sharing some of the things I've been thinking about and ask you what's been on your mind as well. Most of the things that are on my mind right now are fatfur-related, but you can have other thoughts as well. That's what the mind is for. It's for having thoughts.

---

Do you feel like you "belong" in fatfur? I started engaging in fat kink on BellyBuilders, which is this old phpBB forum with decades of discussion about big human men. It's pretty great. But the stories subforum there essentially consisted of 2-3 40-year old guys writing similar stuff. I joined fatfur proper this year and it was like, BOOM, holy SHIT, people are really horny! My story Kevin Gets Big, which was my egotistical response to how bored I was with the smut on BellyBuilders, now seemed weak in comparison. The story doesn't have to end at 300lbs! You can write about fat guys who are bigger than houses and who hypervore other guys with their hyperschlongs, and stuff! Crazy.

The thing is though... I feel more dwarfed and alone here than I did on that old insular forum. When there are so many different interpretations about what makes fat interesting, horny, and worth thinking about, and when there are seemingly no places where everybody gathers and speaks on a level playing field, it's hard for me to feel connected to any communal purpose. As antiquated as forums are, I think they did a better job at creating stability than places like Fur Affinity, Twitter, and Discord. But were things really different before, or am I just nostalgic for a time I never fatfurred in? My dream place on-line is a forum where fatfur writers can commune and indulge, elevating and critiquing each other's work for the greater purpose of horny expression... How do you want to engage with fat kink? And on what platform? Do you feel a sense of belonging?

---

Art is Pain? I've been thinking a lot over the past year about what I want from my creative process and from the art that I make. I've come to the conclusion that I have no fucking idea!

There are two wolves inside of me: one who wants to drool over the things he loves because it feels good, and another who wants to howl and whine for people's validation because it feels good. These are two hopelessly stubborn wolves. Their names are Stupid and Fuckup, and they are stubborn because they have retreated so completely into their separate dens that they can no longer reconcile with each other, like a married couple. Feed one and the other comes for my throat. Open or close my work to interpretation and my whole sense of self implodes. It's like The Beginner's Guide.

I'm convinced there's some way to grab these wolves by the tails and force them to cooperate. Maybe they won't ever be civil, but at least they won't sic their fangs on my jugular and eat me like a kebab. Are these two wolves inside you too? How do you react to their misbehaviour? And how do you feel about making art?

---

What social issues have you been learning about over the past year? I've been following the IndigenousX Twitter account and reading about the history and experiences of Indigenous people in Australia. Did you know that there's been over 400 Aboriginal deaths in custody since the 90s? The police and prisons are very racist here in Australia. There's been a big push over the past four years to institute the Uluru Statement of the Heart, which is a 3-step process to give Indigenous people in Australia autonomy over their lives and land and future. It's a really direct solution that prominent Indigenous elders, academics and activists support, but even our most left-leaning party doesn't respect it, and our prime minister is more interested in symbolic gestures that don't really move anything. Isn't it awful? Follow IndigenousX, it's run by a new Indigenous Australian person every week!

Directly relevant to this kink, I've also been reading about fatphobia. I haven't read enough to comment, but I think it's important and interesting to think about this stuff when engaging with fat kink, if you haven't already. What stuff have you been learning about? What's important to you and what do you find interesting?

---

What's some cool fatfur fiction you've read over the past year? I've read a shocking amount of stuff I enjoyed! Like...

* Kill, Marry, Fuck by Rangavar, which is maybe my favourite thing ever. Cute burgeoning gay dragons, one's fat, the other's a bean, there's WORLDBUILDING that doesn't make me want to sleep and a genuinely captivating conspiracy about a strange laboratory. Please read this story. It's a great story.

* Heroes: An Interactive Story by Draconis Stormdancer is a choose your own adventure mystery about a fat superhero in spandex that is currently ONGOING. You could vote for what happens next RIGHT NOW if you start reading. Get on this. He writes decadent, plump bellies that you just want to KISS.

* Ordering Out, Eating in by Doran is just big hungry wholesome bliss. Imagine having a bunny boyfriend so cute you just want to TASTE him and put him in your BIG BELLY. That's what this story is. Doran writes gentle, intimate, creative gold that gives me life and you should read him! Read him NOW!

* Harker's Breakfast by Jarby makes me melt into a puddle and blush so hard that I evaporate, my water vapour ascending to the heavens, then raining across the countryside and giving life to grass and flowers and bees. That was a metaphor. A metaphor for Ejaculation, because let me tell you baby this story HAS IT ALL. And by all I mean a fat guy who drinks his fatter bovine friend's milk in bed for purely straight bro friendship reasons in a magic university. Can you smell the petrichor? And by the petrichor I mean the Cum? Read this story? Read this story.

* Have you read Rehabilitated by Tonykat? Because holy shit, sib! IMAGINE: a reformed pred comes back from pred rehabilitation, only to live with a 600 POUND HOCK OF HAM who leans into his preyness out of loneliness and desperation. What could POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Imagine reading this story. Then, imagine liking it. You can make that dream into a reality by physically doing it in real life!

* Read Kill, Marry, Fuck!

Wow! What have you read over the past year that you loved, fatfur smut or otherwise? Tell me this if nothing else.

---

Thanks so much for reading this massive thing, and thanks so much for reading my smut. What's on your mind? What are you thinking about right now? Write it in the comments or DM me!