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2020 was about the friends we made along the way 🙂
4 years ago
Just kidding lol! It was about other, worse things. But now that I'm officially one year old, I am legally obligated to write an indulgent anniversary journal about the past year. I won't talk about my metrics though because I think it's boring.
Instead, I'd like to take a leaf from FakeMan's book by sharing some of the things I've been thinking about and ask you what's been on your mind as well. Most of the things that are on my mind right now are fatfur-related, but you can have other thoughts as well. That's what the mind is for. It's for having thoughts.
Do you feel like you "belong" in fatfur? I started engaging in fat kink on BellyBuilders, which is this old phpBB forum with decades of discussion about big human men. It's pretty great. But the stories subforum there essentially consisted of 2-3 40-year old guys writing similar stuff. I joined fatfur proper this year and it was like, BOOM, holy SHIT, people are really horny! My story Kevin Gets Big, which was my egotistical response to how bored I was with the smut on BellyBuilders, now seemed weak in comparison. The story doesn't have to end at 300lbs! You can write about fat guys who are bigger than houses and who hypervore other guys with their hyperschlongs, and stuff! Crazy.
The thing is though... I feel more dwarfed and alone here than I did on that old insular forum. When there are so many different interpretations about what makes fat interesting, horny, and worth thinking about, and when there are seemingly no places where everybody gathers and speaks on a level playing field, it's hard for me to feel connected to any communal purpose. As antiquated as forums are, I think they did a better job at creating stability than places like Fur Affinity, Twitter, and Discord. But were things really different before, or am I just nostalgic for a time I never fatfurred in? My dream place on-line is a forum where fatfur writers can commune and indulge, elevating and critiquing each other's work for the greater purpose of horny expression... How do you want to engage with fat kink? And on what platform? Do you feel a sense of belonging?
Art is Pain? I've been thinking a lot over the past year about what I want from my creative process and from the art that I make. I've come to the conclusion that I have no fucking idea!
There are two wolves inside of me: one who wants to drool over the things he loves because it feels good, and another who wants to howl and whine for people's validation because it feels good. These are two hopelessly stubborn wolves. Their names are Stupid and Fuckup, and they are stubborn because they have retreated so completely into their separate dens that they can no longer reconcile with each other, like a married couple. Feed one and the other comes for my throat. Open or close my work to interpretation and my whole sense of self implodes. It's like The Beginner's Guide.
I'm convinced there's some way to grab these wolves by the tails and force them to cooperate. Maybe they won't ever be civil, but at least they won't sic their fangs on my jugular and eat me like a kebab. Are these two wolves inside you too? How do you react to their misbehaviour? And how do you feel about making art?
What social issues have you been learning about over the past year? I've been following the IndigenousX Twitter account and reading about the history and experiences of Indigenous people in Australia. Did you know that there's been over 400 Aboriginal deaths in custody since the 90s? The police and prisons are very racist here in Australia. There's been a big push over the past four years to institute the Uluru Statement of the Heart, which is a 3-step process to give Indigenous people in Australia autonomy over their lives and land and future. It's a really direct solution that prominent Indigenous elders, academics and activists support, but even our most left-leaning party doesn't respect it, and our prime minister is more interested in symbolic gestures that don't really move anything. Isn't it awful? Follow IndigenousX, it's run by a new Indigenous Australian person every week!
Directly relevant to this kink, I've also been reading about fatphobia. I haven't read enough to comment, but I think it's important and interesting to think about this stuff when engaging with fat kink, if you haven't already. What stuff have you been learning about? What's important to you and what do you find interesting?
What's some cool fatfur fiction you've read over the past year? I've read a shocking amount of stuff I enjoyed! Like...
* Kill, Marry, Fuck by Rangavar, which is maybe my favourite thing ever. Cute burgeoning gay dragons, one's fat, the other's a bean, there's WORLDBUILDING that doesn't make me want to sleep and a genuinely captivating conspiracy about a strange laboratory. Please read this story. It's a great story.
* Heroes: An Interactive Story by Draconis Stormdancer is a choose your own adventure mystery about a fat superhero in spandex that is currently ONGOING. You could vote for what happens next RIGHT NOW if you start reading. Get on this. He writes decadent, plump bellies that you just want to KISS.
* Ordering Out, Eating in by Doran is just big hungry wholesome bliss. Imagine having a bunny boyfriend so cute you just want to TASTE him and put him in your BIG BELLY. That's what this story is. Doran writes gentle, intimate, creative gold that gives me life and you should read him! Read him NOW!
* Harker's Breakfast by Jarby makes me melt into a puddle and blush so hard that I evaporate, my water vapour ascending to the heavens, then raining across the countryside and giving life to grass and flowers and bees. That was a metaphor. A metaphor for Ejaculation, because let me tell you baby this story HAS IT ALL. And by all I mean a fat guy who drinks his fatter bovine friend's milk in bed for purely straight bro friendship reasons in a magic university. Can you smell the petrichor? And by the petrichor I mean the Cum? Read this story? Read this story.
* Have you read Rehabilitated by Tonykat? Because holy shit, sib! IMAGINE: a reformed pred comes back from pred rehabilitation, only to live with a 600 POUND HOCK OF HAM who leans into his preyness out of loneliness and desperation. What could POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Imagine reading this story. Then, imagine liking it. You can make that dream into a reality by physically doing it in real life!
* Read Kill, Marry, Fuck!
Wow! What have you read over the past year that you loved, fatfur smut or otherwise? Tell me this if nothing else.
Thanks so much for reading this massive thing, and thanks so much for reading my smut. What's on your mind? What are you thinking about right now? Write it in the comments or DM me!
Instead, I'd like to take a leaf from FakeMan's book by sharing some of the things I've been thinking about and ask you what's been on your mind as well. Most of the things that are on my mind right now are fatfur-related, but you can have other thoughts as well. That's what the mind is for. It's for having thoughts.
Do you feel like you "belong" in fatfur? I started engaging in fat kink on BellyBuilders, which is this old phpBB forum with decades of discussion about big human men. It's pretty great. But the stories subforum there essentially consisted of 2-3 40-year old guys writing similar stuff. I joined fatfur proper this year and it was like, BOOM, holy SHIT, people are really horny! My story Kevin Gets Big, which was my egotistical response to how bored I was with the smut on BellyBuilders, now seemed weak in comparison. The story doesn't have to end at 300lbs! You can write about fat guys who are bigger than houses and who hypervore other guys with their hyperschlongs, and stuff! Crazy.
The thing is though... I feel more dwarfed and alone here than I did on that old insular forum. When there are so many different interpretations about what makes fat interesting, horny, and worth thinking about, and when there are seemingly no places where everybody gathers and speaks on a level playing field, it's hard for me to feel connected to any communal purpose. As antiquated as forums are, I think they did a better job at creating stability than places like Fur Affinity, Twitter, and Discord. But were things really different before, or am I just nostalgic for a time I never fatfurred in? My dream place on-line is a forum where fatfur writers can commune and indulge, elevating and critiquing each other's work for the greater purpose of horny expression... How do you want to engage with fat kink? And on what platform? Do you feel a sense of belonging?
Art is Pain? I've been thinking a lot over the past year about what I want from my creative process and from the art that I make. I've come to the conclusion that I have no fucking idea!
There are two wolves inside of me: one who wants to drool over the things he loves because it feels good, and another who wants to howl and whine for people's validation because it feels good. These are two hopelessly stubborn wolves. Their names are Stupid and Fuckup, and they are stubborn because they have retreated so completely into their separate dens that they can no longer reconcile with each other, like a married couple. Feed one and the other comes for my throat. Open or close my work to interpretation and my whole sense of self implodes. It's like The Beginner's Guide.
I'm convinced there's some way to grab these wolves by the tails and force them to cooperate. Maybe they won't ever be civil, but at least they won't sic their fangs on my jugular and eat me like a kebab. Are these two wolves inside you too? How do you react to their misbehaviour? And how do you feel about making art?
What social issues have you been learning about over the past year? I've been following the IndigenousX Twitter account and reading about the history and experiences of Indigenous people in Australia. Did you know that there's been over 400 Aboriginal deaths in custody since the 90s? The police and prisons are very racist here in Australia. There's been a big push over the past four years to institute the Uluru Statement of the Heart, which is a 3-step process to give Indigenous people in Australia autonomy over their lives and land and future. It's a really direct solution that prominent Indigenous elders, academics and activists support, but even our most left-leaning party doesn't respect it, and our prime minister is more interested in symbolic gestures that don't really move anything. Isn't it awful? Follow IndigenousX, it's run by a new Indigenous Australian person every week!
Directly relevant to this kink, I've also been reading about fatphobia. I haven't read enough to comment, but I think it's important and interesting to think about this stuff when engaging with fat kink, if you haven't already. What stuff have you been learning about? What's important to you and what do you find interesting?
What's some cool fatfur fiction you've read over the past year? I've read a shocking amount of stuff I enjoyed! Like...
* Kill, Marry, Fuck by Rangavar, which is maybe my favourite thing ever. Cute burgeoning gay dragons, one's fat, the other's a bean, there's WORLDBUILDING that doesn't make me want to sleep and a genuinely captivating conspiracy about a strange laboratory. Please read this story. It's a great story.
* Heroes: An Interactive Story by Draconis Stormdancer is a choose your own adventure mystery about a fat superhero in spandex that is currently ONGOING. You could vote for what happens next RIGHT NOW if you start reading. Get on this. He writes decadent, plump bellies that you just want to KISS.
* Ordering Out, Eating in by Doran is just big hungry wholesome bliss. Imagine having a bunny boyfriend so cute you just want to TASTE him and put him in your BIG BELLY. That's what this story is. Doran writes gentle, intimate, creative gold that gives me life and you should read him! Read him NOW!
* Harker's Breakfast by Jarby makes me melt into a puddle and blush so hard that I evaporate, my water vapour ascending to the heavens, then raining across the countryside and giving life to grass and flowers and bees. That was a metaphor. A metaphor for Ejaculation, because let me tell you baby this story HAS IT ALL. And by all I mean a fat guy who drinks his fatter bovine friend's milk in bed for purely straight bro friendship reasons in a magic university. Can you smell the petrichor? And by the petrichor I mean the Cum? Read this story? Read this story.
* Have you read Rehabilitated by Tonykat? Because holy shit, sib! IMAGINE: a reformed pred comes back from pred rehabilitation, only to live with a 600 POUND HOCK OF HAM who leans into his preyness out of loneliness and desperation. What could POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Imagine reading this story. Then, imagine liking it. You can make that dream into a reality by physically doing it in real life!
* Read Kill, Marry, Fuck!
Wow! What have you read over the past year that you loved, fatfur smut or otherwise? Tell me this if nothing else.
Thanks so much for reading this massive thing, and thanks so much for reading my smut. What's on your mind? What are you thinking about right now? Write it in the comments or DM me!
1. I don't know if i belong exactly, i just read and lurk and sometimes comment on my favorite stories or art, and that suits me just fine.
2. I've never been the creative sort but it is certainly difficult to create content that people will like and relate to, my only advice is just keep writing, and keep practicing, that's all we can do really.
3. Well the BLM movement was intense during the last year, but something that needed to be done. Don't know much else to be honest.
4. And i can't recommend stories but i do recommend authors on this site, people like hdalby33, youcrazyforthis, IndiRho, plokishmosh, Shalion, you of course and so many others brighten my day (and my nights, if you know what i mean) with their stories and the only thing i can do is thank them for catering to a kink that i though was the only member of, but turns out i was sorely mistaken and couldn't be happier about it.
It's honestly the best solution I can think of, though there won't be posts and the like that would be pinned with a discussion chain, there however can be different channels that funnel different perspectives. It would allow for broad or more specific discussions and people could always splinter off to smaller groups on there own. That could be something to encourage, more talk is the goal at the end of the day. It really seems feasible, too.
So lets take it in order.
1) It's funny you ask if someone 'belongs'. I've been lurking for years, but this is the first time I actually moved out and started favoriting and commenting, and heck even started writing myself. I'd say that 'Fatfur Community' is extremely nebulous a term, I'm not in anyones discord or networking as much as one should I suppose, but I really haven't been creating much content at all to be 'discovered'. I have made a few like minded friends, tried to reach out and wasn't received as well as I'd hoped by others, but that's just how it goes. I'm happy enough to be where I am, and I hope by eventually writing some more I can make more connections of people I just enjoy talking with about things fat 'n heavy or otherwise.
I understand your want of a forum to discuss this sort of content, and that's an interesting idea honestly. I personally feel that it might be hard to create such a thing, because again it's incredibly wide(hehehe), it'd probably sort of splinter into its own cliques of who prefers what specifically, or intersecting with other subject matters and things can just keep getting more and more granular from there.
How I'd want to engage with a community is difficult to say, a forum would be good but those are going the way of the dodo in general sadly. There still exist places out there, but even then they have their own share of problems. I don't think there's an easy solution to this issue that can please everyone.
2)I feel that art shouldn't be painful to create. You should be making what you enjoy, and pushing yourself should be difficult but not distinctly painful. Unfortunately despite this thought I've been stuck distinctly in the 'Pain' camp. It's less being of two wolves, and more like a poorly designed escort mission where I have to try and get the tiny fragile damsel that is a story seed armored only in inspiration past the progressively larger and meaner demons of Motivation, Self Criticism, and Fear of Publishing. Needless to say lately I've been having a hard time running the gauntlet before getting my metaphorical head stuffed down my metaphorical neck and everything sort of stops halfway through.
When it works out I enjoy writing, it's a creative outlet that helps me unwind and also give joy to the few people who read it. Sadly it just hasn't been working too much lately. Ideally some day I want to improve on my drawing skills and branch out to that too, but that's being stymied in much the same way. So I suppose I can say that when it's working 'properly' creating art and stories should be a good experience, but stagnation hurts.
3)I don't really consider myself a socially active person, while I try and stay abreast of current events in not just my country but others as well, that's usually as far as I'm looking to dive into. It's not really something that's very engaging to me, though I respect those who can become involved in a cause.
4)Oh I've been doing quite a lot of reading, though I am surprised by own story made ti on there. All I see is something full of issues, but it does make me extremely pleased that you care enough to recommend it.
WolfGoneWide has been an inspiration of my own ever since I discovered the scene, and he has been an absolute Dynamo. His story, Battle of the Bulge, was out of this world. LITERALLY!
But there are so many others I want to mention, such as MysteriousMysterious or the Good Fit series by ThatBigDragonStory. But I can literally go on forever, in fact I may just steal this section for my own use when I do my own Yearly Journal in a few months. But know that I definitely appreciated reading all of YOUR content, from Kevin which was the first way I found you, to going back to Dragons Tooth series, and even your standalone stories are all lovely. You're definitely one of my favorites that I discovered this year, and you've shown no signs of slowing down, I can only hope that the creation of fine fats continues to please you, because you've definitely got talent and are someone I want to see continue to grow and develop into the coming year.
You're a really great 'Phant, and it's been a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Here's hoping 2021 is less of a garbage fire, with fewer disasters and more bellies.
1) Me too Doran, it seems we both decided to grow out of our shell last year. Pretty crazy hey, it's been an exciting time. I completely agree -- fatfur is probably better described as a subculture than a community. I'm glad you've found some like minded people to befriend Doran, I am very glad to have found you myself. That's pretty much where I'm at too. Having critical conversations with people here is really fulfilling. You're probably right that a forum wouldn't solve the world's problems, I think I'm being naive there. People would definitely splinter into different groups, which I'm realising is not really such a bad thing. The issue is probably not the granularisation but whether the interaction in and between those granules is existent and healthy. Fat Granules.
2) I completely agree Doran, and so it breaks my heart seeing you struggle to create stuff. That's a great way to explain it, a close to impossible escort mission where you battle with your perception of yourself. For me, something I've had to realise is that being able to create is synonymous with being able to manage your inner critic. If you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself then creating becomes anything but joyful, liberating, and relaxing. Building good self talk opens floodgates which is unfortunate because it's so lame lol. I believe that you'll find a strategy to complete the escort mission Doran, it will be amazing seeing you work on writing and drawing again!
4) It is full of something alright, full of homegrown belly and bunny food. Battle of the Bulge was great -- a genuinely captivating world that feels technicolour-vibrant looking back. Jarby is pog, and I can see why you'd like Good Fit, it's very soft and wholesome. Do steal it Doran, steal it like I stole it. And thanks Doran, it was worth writing them because it meant I could meet you! It's strange to think of all the fat smut I have written, you mentioning Kevin gives me temporal whiplash. 2021 will be the year of big belly! Despite any momentous changes and tragedies that will likely happen.
I'm honored that you like one of my stories enough to mention it in your journal <3 It means a lot to me when people genuinely enjoy the things I write, especially since I'm so new to it/new to this site. I feel like a lot of people skip chaptered stories because of the "commitment" of starting from Chapter 1 and reading up to the "good chapters" lol.
I know I'm a bit of a lurker and it's probably weird to see me comment on your page, but like I said, I'm honored that you mentioned my story :3