First I want to say thank you for all the nice comments, notes and nice words relating to my last journal. Once again I was really overwhelmed by you guys, thank you so much for being awesome, lovely souls. I let Panchi go on Saturday, 14th of June. He fell asleep in my arms, hearing my voice. It was very peaceful. Almost beautiful if it wasn't hurting so much. I won't fall into a deep, dark hole like last time when I lost Floyd. I owe that to the one I loved most. He was suffering with me so many times and I don't want my animals to be sad because I am sad. And in somehow it feels like he has never "left". Idk it is weird. I don't feel or hear or see him but I do feel save and okay.

Well and two days before he died I got this kitten... She was found all alone and is not old enough to take care of herself. This happens all the time from April to September/ October if you are involved with shelter-work. Every year we get tons of kittens. Normally I foster some of them and then find new families. But this one kitten...! I had a cat many years ago. She was hit by a car and died before I got Pancho. Her name was Tussi, I got her from the shelter too. Love at first sight :) She was old and not very pretty so nobody wanted her. She would curl around my head every night to sleep, purring like a boss. She was the sweetest thing on earth <3 When she died I was more than desperate. But-it seems like she has come back?! That little kitten I have, her personality, the way she meows (Tussi couldn't meow properly, she sounded like a chicken), the gentleness about her, the insane trust and love we have for each other... It is 1:1 my cat Tussi. Just a lot younger and with different markings. She came just when I needed her most. My mum always dreaded the day when Pancho would die because she knew that he was/is THE dog and she was so anxious that losing him would drive me in total depression. And then my cat returns. Her soul that is. I think to myself "okay that is it, you have finally gone insane :'D" But then again I think, there is so much we don't know, we have no idea of so maybe it IS possible? That those who you love to destruction will come back one day?