Because I'm really tired of trying..
NO ONE seems to care or want to help. I'm MORE than willing to let you WATCH me stream your commission, if you commission me and want it done ASAP. I even had a journal for FIVE DOLLAR COMMISSIONS. THATS DIRT CHEAP. But no. People would rather pay $100's of dollars for shit I can do for half the price. But that's cool. I'm not a bad person.. and I know they aren't either. I just, idk. I'm about done and tired of it. I just won't draw no more.

The reason I don't post much? I have nothing to SHOW. No one wants to commission me.. So I have no motive to do a thing. I guess I could fuck around again. But that won't help me either. And I'll admit I'm a little rusty. But atleast I KNOW MY SHIT. I shouldn't grip and groan, what good is it going to do? I'm done being happy and positive, cause I TRY to be. Things are shit for me emotionally and financially right now. I feel like I don't even have someone to TALK to anymore. Too many people either judge, or just dunno what to say.. So why should I say anything? Nothing you do seem's to help... and I just stay where I'm at. Yeah, you try.. and there is only so much that CAN be said.. but that isn't the ONLY way to help someone. Its whatever though.

I've been laid off for almost a month... Thought I would have got called back with a few of my friends.. but no. I'm under my mom's roof, so I have food. YET, I'd like to stop mooching off her and make a little money myself. I have a few bills that I feel like I SHOULD be paying. But ya know, what? I can't. I live in a small town, so most local jobs are full and not hiring. I had one I could have got and car pooled with a friend.. but he became a dick and just stopped talking to me and dropped me in one go. And I have NO idea what I even done to him.

And it sucks I'm too fucking nice and help other people out and buy stuff for them or lend them something if they need it. Yet, no one wants to bat an eye for me. Ya know what? That's alright. I hate to sound like a dick, or a bitch.. or whatever I might come off as right now.. but its just sad. And you can be like that, but you won't see me do it again. I know I shouldn't BEG for it.. but its considerate to pay someone back for helping you out.

I've seen vids where people will GIVE to the needy that want to buy weed and shit, but when it comes to giving the homeless enough money for a meal, for their KID... they don't bat a single eye.

This society.. no wait. THE WORLD is fucked up. Everything is backwards.

America is owned by China, we are still in debt, paying OTHER countries off. And its going to get to where there isn't EVEN a middle class. There is either going to be filthy rich or dirt poor. Everyone is too greedy for money or power. And the people that understand the struggle, I'd like to know where you are. You actually do tend to help out and keep a good batch of friends going. I've had several friends for years.. Sometimes, I feel like I can tell them everything.. Other days? I feel like they've heard it all and get tired of it. I've known it to happen, seen it even.


WE ARE ALL STUCK ON THIS PLANET. ONLY WAY OUT IS DYING.
But its like it KILLS US to try and help people out and just survive. No one likes getting along with anyone. We have hardly no tolerance for anyone. There are so many two faced people in the world to. There's moochers, liars, thieves, etc. The list goes on. They wouldn't be labeled as such, if people looked through all sides of the picture. There are some that I can understand why. They won't do anything for themselves. I've always done things myself.

Honestly, I'm close to just moving back to Indiana, working at Priority and just fuck this site, Facebook, or anything of the likes. There are just too many people who rely on what the INTERNET tells you... about someone or whatever. Its killed a lot, but its made some things easier. BUT HELL. I think it was better when you just called over a house phone to see how family was doing and all your friends and family was just local. Maybe a few pen-pals if you lived away from each-other and met somewhere. Me and my friend Ashley was like that for awhile. I didn't have internet OR a phone.

I do have online friends I wouldn't trade for.. but eh.. I'm just gonna shut the fuck up and play some Black Ops II Zombies. Or maybe Uncharted. I'm on a vacation my family dragged me to.. that I couldn't afford. I could have, way back.. but now its finding a way to pay THEM back. Since they are paying for ALL my shit while I'm down here. And I know ofcourse the fur community won't help.
Or maybe I should just join more shit. I just don't stay active in things like that, it slips my mind. Maybe thats why I'm such a bad person.