Welcome to my page, it's a bit of a mess right now.

Hello,
It's been some time since my last journal.
I've had a lot of ups and downs since then, mainly being active on twitter for a brief 2 or 3 years, But I have slowed down ALOT.
I don't draw as much as I used to, there are many reasons why, I dont feel motivated anymore, I have a full time job now. ( It isn't stressful which should help with the apathy I feel for drawing ) but alas I stare at my canvas and the motivation drains.
Art somewhat feels like work / I feel stagnant.
I dont get that dopamine rush when I think about / do art like I used to, same with thinking about my characters & their stories.
Not to say I do not get inspired anymore, far from it, I just don't feel like I can share things and be happy anymore.
this alone also makes me sad. I like sharing things.

There used to be a time where I did not care about anything anyone ever said to me about my art or otherwise but as I grew older that nonchalant attitude vanished
and I started to care. I started to care immensely.
Probably around the time I started to take my art seriously.
I am self taught. I did not go to school for art, everything I learned I learned on the internet or from purchasing how to draw books and studying those / the world around me. I study everything I look at. ( including movies and games.)

My first art program was Paint.NET it introduced me to layers and glow effects
I then got autodesk sketchbook pro which introduced me to the smudge tool
I then moved onto Paint tool Sai / ps4 or 5 / and Gimp
I primarily used paint tool Sai up until I purchased ClipStudio Paint. (which is my go to right now)

I am incredibly slow now when it comes to art - especially when I want to put effort into it. ( rendering takes a while)
I still get into zen when I'm working on stuff but It's that initial motivation that putters out.
I am not going to lie when I say that videogames have sorta taken over my hobbies and work.
I am officially a videogame tester. something I have ALWAYS wanted to do. It can lead to a promising career working with game design (another thing I have always wanted to do. )
It in turn also drains my battery for screen time during the week. there are somedays I feel zapped or drained and would rather go to bed or do anything other than looking at a screen.
I have been using my IRL sketchbooks more whenever i get in the mood. but I dont typically share those online.
much less now due to the depressing AI situation.
I would rather post my art onto my Discord server than anywhere online right now due to scrapers. I don't know if FA has measures against those ( I do think they are anti AI which is why I still visit here. It is an oasis)


My lack of being active here and other websites I was on is also due to the fact that I feel isolated and disconnected from both the furry community and sonic fan community. I tried really really hard to make new friends and was slightly successful but I had relationship troubles too compounding on that disconnect, which drove me further and further into my shell. ( I have past online trauma / I was groomed and abused and have tried really hard to overcome that) (I have abandonment issues as well which did not help our situation)
I just want to be honest with myself and my feelings in this journal. I am not trying to attack anyone or blame anyone for things, hell I'm not trying to do anything negative here, I'm just typing out my thoughts/ feelings.
I am no longer in the relationship that lead to such disconnect but the damage has been done.
I'm not sure I will ever recover but I will try. I have already made some new IRL friends at my job who have made the big changes not feel so lonely, but I do get twinges here and there. I look back on my online footprint with a lot of mixed emotions.
I'm still technically in hiatus as I do not check these accounts often.

I have been thinking about starting fresh ( and I mean new username + the works ) on this site and seeing if that may help. ( I will announce this whenever I decide to do so.)

I'm sorry for the somber sounding update and the long ramble.
If you want to chat or message me, the best option is either my Discord + an email.
Just let me know in the email / message where you're from and I'll get back to you asap
I also have a public server too if anyone is interested. ( It's pretty dormant right now but still there lol )

Wishing everyone happy and peaceful days ~
Kyne / Kite / Strike / Shi562