So... Long time no see, huh? Heyo there. I'm still alive and back.
How are you? How have you been?
Whoa... 4 years. It feels like it was a lifetime ago... Ehh.
I want to say I'm back and stay after being gone for so long. A lot of things have happened and changed. Life has changed.

I thought I'll keep this journal short and just write few words I'm back... but I guess not anymore.

It may sound stupid but when I think back 4-5 years back to how things where and who I were back then... I can't almost remember. Feels like it was in another lifetime and I was almost another person.
I'd love to say I'm finally doing better and I have my shit together and all is perfect. But I can't. Heh.
Past few years have been tough for me. I've been dealing with anxiety and depressive episodes, having it really hard to deal with. Tough.
So tough that I've stopped painting - which always helped me through, was therapeutic for me and I always loved it. I've been trying to get back to it many times, but just couldn't. Weird, huh?
I kinda escaped into cosplaying and prop making. I made a Commander Sarah Palmer cosplay from Halo. Never thought I'd ever manage to do a cosplay. But I know it was an escape. Me trying to deal with stuff I couldn't do.

Last year... Well. Last year has been a beautiful roller coaster. My life changed. I changed. So much changed... It felt like I was alive again. Beautiful moments. Beautiful memories. Felt like I was getting whole again. And break into then fall apart. Bittersweet.
Silly how a single person can change you.
But I've started to paint. Not every day like back then. But paint - it's better than nothing, right? Babysteps are still progress. I've even went into traditional art! Something I've never done before... Did the Inktober for the first time in my life - never painted with ink before.

I live in Warsaw now. Moved in this year. And trying to get my shit together. And back to what I've always wanted - be an artist and do what I love for a living - painting. I'll try to do that now.
I'm trying to get back on track. With everything.
And I can see that not only I changed but my art did, after all these years. My approach. Dunno. Something changed... Ehh. It seriously feels like I'm a completely different person. I've changed so much.

I'm bit rusty. But I'm not worse. And I plan on getting better. Improving. I'm always learning.

I plan on painting every day. Getting back to doing commissions. And in the meantime some personal art for my portfolio. Also, I want to livestream, I already did lately on twitch - I always notify and you're always welcome to join.
I want to finish uploading the Inktober pieces and then I'll have some other traidional art to post. And some digital art.
I want to paint again. It feels nice. It feels so nice. I want it that way.
I think I'm finally back.

- Mara