Hey everyone,


I've had something on my mind off/on for the past few years that I want to address, and I feel comfortable making a solid decision about it.

First off, I do appreciate that a lot of people like seeing Rickie how they've been appearing for the past 10 or so years. Even I still like the thought of them as this strong, fighty tiger. However, during that time, I felt like they've completely derived from what I originally intended them to be: a representation of me.

When I first created them, they were never intended to be a fighter at all. As a hobby or as a kink, sure, but never on a professional or competitive scale. I felt like over the years, things spiraled out of control and they got away from me. Nowadays, a lot of people see me as just that and nothing else, even when it comes to how I am out of character (OOC) in some cases. I would noticed anytime I post fight-related art of them, it gets more favorites and comments than anything else I upload, and reinforces how others talk to me and see me as.

With that being said, I've thought about "retiring" them from the fighting stuff, more so on the "professional" side of things, like sanctioned matches or pro wrestling matches; basically anything that's "formal," under bright lights, big audience, etc. I've mentioned possibly doing this with them for a while now to close friends, but have never officially done anything yet.

Now, that's not to say I won't stop enjoying fight art of others nor is this me leaving the community outright. But I've fallen out of love for this more and more over time. However, in terms of fighting as a kink or fetish, like for private fights and sparring sessions, I'm still fine with those. Underground or impromptu fights I'm so-so on. But that's how I've always enjoyed this: as more of an admirer, a casual fan, and a kinkster. It's why I never had Rickie win any championship belts or ranked in a martial art's belt system, nor made them have permanent God Mode, nor why their "cannon" lifestyle isn't rich and glamorous. It always felt too unrealistic to me; I wouldn't be my genuine self, and would come off as if I'm trying to cope or get clout. OOC, I've barely done any training or partook in private fights compared to some within the fighting community. I admire those who are/were able to do that and then some, so long as they stay humble about it.

Over the years, I felt pigeonholed into this role and being this type of person, even OOC to an extent. It makes me feel like this is the only part of me people care about and nothing else, even if they say otherwise. Whether or not that's true, I don't know, and I may just be paranoid. Yeah, I'll admit, Rickie looks great and hot and sexy in the various gear I and others have come up for them, but that's also a bit of the kinkster side of me talking more than anything.

I do wonder if part of my feelings towards this niche side of the fandom is in part due to my hormonal changes from HRT. Even if it may seem like I'm the first known woman within this niche (wouldn't surprise me if I was), sometimes it feels like I'm the only one, though I know for a fact I'm not by now. What I mean by that is I'm not a "guy playing as a girl character," but rather an actual girl playing as a girl character. I feel like those who've known me pre-trans see me differently, or may just not like talking to me at all anymore because I have le tits now. I've noticed and experienced the lack of opportunity for art, at least from some of the artists I've commissioned prior or have wanted to commission; some of them don't draw women at all or rarely do, for one reason or another. I'm not suggesting they're being misogynistic, as I understand they may not be confident in their skill at drawing female bodies, but I'm not going to dismiss that possibility.

Makes me feel like a woman in a man's world, as if the furry community as a whole isn't already a big sausage fest.

With all that said, there's a few things I'll mention going forward:
* I'm going to finish up any current fight series and commissions in progress. I currently have two series and one YCH in progress that are in the realm of sanctioned matches, and two story commissions that are private kink fights.
* Once those are finished, I'm only doing private fights and sparring sessions from here on out. No stage lights. No audience. Just Rickie and the other person(s). Be it in a ring or cage at a gym, on the mats at a gym, or one of the three in someone's home or backyard, or in the bedroom or hotel room.
* Underground fights or impromptu fights would depend on the context.
* Any gift art I receive is fine, though I will indicate if it is, aside from putting it in the respective folder.
* I'm willing to partake in irl private fights with others at cons or if we live close enough to each other; just don't expect me to be a well-seasoned fighter or look very appealing.
* I want to explore some of my other kinks that tickle my fancy, such as, but not limited to: transformation/shifting, macro/growth, being a Dommy Mommy that doesn't involve fighting, and pet play.
* Finally, I want to focus on my writing, as I still enjoy doing it, and it's something I don't feel "forced" into doing or being. Commissions I take when I want to. Personal stories I write when I want to. Poetry I write when I want to or feel a need to "get it all out."

So yeah, guess you can say I'm hanging up the gloves, so to speak, but it's not like I'm done, done with the fighting side of the fandom. I've made amazing friends over the years, some of whom I still talk to to this day and enjoy their company. I still enjoy having a private bout or sparring session with a fellow fighter, even if things don't get sexual. But it's taken over too much of my identity to where I felt like I was losing myself to myself. Maybe I just got overzealous and didn't know when to slow down or stop.

I know I'll lose contact with folks or some will lose interest with me because of this; it doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I'll simply cherish those who understand and are willing to stick around in my life.


Much love,
Rickie Paszek 💚


PS: Similarly, I may do the same for Jamie, as in having him "retire" from wrestling, but I don't know what to do with him outside of that realm. I've thought about having him take on a small modeling career, but that's all I got for him.

PPS: I have toyed with the idea of getting a small comic made of Rickie (and maybe Jamie) doing this very thing but not sure on that yet. So far it's just an outline and I have yet to write up a script as of this journal.