LOL OMG!

i wish i know the "oh this too sullied flesh" speach from hamlet, i wouyld have actualy done that when i was working at petco xD

"Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew or that the everlasting had not fixed His canon gainst self slaughter."

Excellent work on this one, Flinters. n_n

sullied* =P

but yes, thats speech, i was trying to memorize it at one point. got halfway through and got bored xD

Heh, I do it on the phones now, and have done it in retail before. I know EXACTly how you feel.

0.o woah.. that's awesome

heehee! Wish I'd thought of that for the really pissy customers on scanner support...

"No ma'am, you can't return this t-shirt that you bought two years ago and dug out of closet. I don't care if you don't have a receipt. I'm still not giving you any money for the great great great great great grandmother of the current line of shirts."

True story, albeit condensed from 30 minutes to about 30 seconds.

Yep, I know that story well. My customer had more things than just a shirt, though. I think it was a box of knick-knacks, some of which I doubt came from our store.

I've had a couple grocery bags worth of pipe fittings, once. I knew the age of some of the price tags and many were 5-10 years old. Dumbass Americans and their need to get their way with everything. "I'm so special and you're not cuz you work retail. Wipe my butt, register monkey."

Nasty. I have had someone return a stereo because there was a scratch line in the plastic on the bottom.

I've determined fast food and retail are previews of Hell.

Oh yeah. Two words, 'Drive-Thru'. Or 'Tech Support' for that matter. You wouldn't believe the number of ass-hats who accidentally unplug their computers, then spend the next ten minutes explaining to you in detail how it's somehow your fault.

Any of the service industries I think. I would believe you. I once had a grown woman trow a temper tantrum (she was literally crying and stamping her feet) when I told her that picture envelopes had been moved to the opposite end of the store.

~snorts~ I know! Or the lady that I had who spent ten entire minutes, in the Drive-Thru, cussing yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs because we put tomatoes on her Whopper, when she was the ass that forgot to ask for it to be made w/o them in the first place. :/

*nods* The person that screams at you for not having an item on sale in the store even though you have no control over what's shipped.

And there is no money in the world enough to pay you for holidays, especially for dealing with the inevitable person that will say "Isn't it a shame you have to work today?"

The person that blames you personally for an item that you no longer carry, even though it's obvious you're not the one that's in charge of the process. Or the person that threatens to call the police because you want him to pay for something he never ordered, and you had to make in addition to the other orders.

And yeah, they do that while they're driving off to a party on the weekend and just stopped by to get some food and/or alcohol, before they go back to their $12 an hour jobs, or frat houses.

The person that says "I'm never shopping here again!" and you have to resist the urge to say "Can I have that in writing?"

The people that come in immediately after opening or five minutes to closing (if you close) or are the reason you're open 24/7.

True, nothing annoys more than being polite to someone that wants to argue.

Fast food cook. 2 weeks was allll I could take. guy comes in, gets a cheeseburger. sends it back with a bite taken out of it. not enough salt , so I shake shake the salt shaker onto the burger , mind you, thewse are *BIG* damn salt shakers. I wrap it up, push it back, it comes back.. TWO bites taken out of it, not enough salt.. I SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE the salt shaker on it , you can now see a fine white crust on the meat from all the salt on it. I wrap it up and shove it back.. it comes back *AGAIN*.. not enough salt.. I unscrew the lid, dump the contents of the shaker onto the burger, put it back together with a *PILE* of salt on it that looks vaguely like the great pyramid at Cheops and wrap it up and shove it back.. . It didn't come back. :) Later that week I decided to deep fry the shirt of my mcdonalds outfit and quit.. that place SUCKED.

People seem to assume that because you work in a service industry it gives them license to treat you like dirt. I think that's mainly because employees aren't allowed to say anything, no matter how rude the customer is.

I work in retail in the form liquor. we don't often get people wanting to return things.
however, we get the whiny customers who have bought 4 sales products.
We cannot sell more than 2 items per person at the sales price. The computer won't let us, and it's part of our policy.
So they go *WHINE BITCH MOAN* "why is there only 2 at the sale price? i have four."
*Patiently explains*
"oh... then i dont' want it. You mean i already paid for it? return plz."

*HEADDESKS*

Bravo!

Heh, I knew reading MacBeth would be useful someday (take THAT, sparknotes-reading peers!).

The truth is hilarious! Great illo, dude!

yes well there are some annoying anf weird people out there who will try to return just about anything in any condition hey !! ',..,'

I loved being a dick to customers, made the job worth while.........................................the pay didn't

I should've used that the day we had a woman bring back a weedwhacker she bought three years ago, claiming it didn't work and that she only started using it a month ago so she should be able to return it. To her the warranty started from first day of use, not date of purchase. Yeah, right.

NICE picture but I'm sure you've wanted too, been in customer service before and not sure I ever want to do it again

That is my exact reasoning: Everyone should do it once to understand how crappy it is.

And I've had that same situation, as well. "No receipt, no service. No, it's not in the computer, you didn't even buy it fromthis store! It's not bloody magic, I can't just enter yur name and POOF things appear that make the sale appear out of nowhere and birds sing and bad men die and the world is a happy happy fun place BECAUSE I AM NOT GOD AND YOU ARE IN FUCKING LA LA LAND YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

....God I wish I could tell some customers that.

I never did retail, per say. I did fast food, Wal-mart stocker, and now custodial. I swear, I will never do this kind of work ever again...

i so know your pain. (ex wal-mart, here)

I did cold call incoming Computer Technical support. for one of the big names. Been there, Done that, got the mental scars to prove it...

Are hamster shredders on sale this week?

Now find the source for 'Hamster shredders'. :) Who is their biggest buyer?

Anyone who has worked retail and even worked on a register just selling products does customer service, IMO. Been there, done that.

anyone who's worked retail knows that misanthropes are made, not born.

Tehehehhe it's fantastic! Well done Flinters

Retail sucks, yes.

.....hamster shredder? o.o

Especially anyone that's to be the CEO or executive of a company should have to serve 5 years in the front lines of customer service. :)

I worked at Wal Mart. I know how bad working in retail is. Especially when your put on Customer service duty. One person even tried to return old and worn out shoes that had obviously been well worn out. the receipt they gave back with it was also blatantly "touched up" considerably.

Uck, I once had to take back a broken shop vac that STANK! They had used it to suck up spilt oil and that broke it.

Plus, we'd have people who'd get pissed and swear on their mother's grave that they bought the Craftsman tools there from Lowe's. Sear's was right next door, and they had no reciept. And the only places you can get a Craftsman tool is from Sears or K-mart.

Dood... Freaking AWESOMEness. I think that I used the line, "You always end with a jade's trick, I know you of old" after hanging up on a stupid customer in front of my boss and he thought I was being racist against asians. I had to explain the fact that a 'jade' was a treacherous horse, then I had to explain where the line was from, then I had to explain the play. Points to the person who gusses the play first.

I myself have never worked in customer service, by any stretch of the imagination, but I've seen all the stories played out in front of me while I was standing in line.

And, having seen all the stories, I make the best effort I can to be as warm as I can when dealing with customer service.

And sometimes, if I'm feeling particularly vindictive, I'll supply the retorts that the clerks wish they can use, just to brighten their days a little.

Fave'd for reading my mind.