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![[Exodus Rising] Chapter 3 - True Lies](http://d.furaffinity.net/art/laurenrivers/stories/1488278723/1447650308.thumbnail.laurenrivers_exodus_rising_ch3.pdf.gif "Click to change the View")
Checkmate has arrived to take custody of their property, an army of dinosaur soldiers. Loren recalls where they came from, and the last thing he said before they entered stasis. Brett Whitmore continues his search for the missing soldiers.
Starring:
Captain Alena 'Quill' Maichiru aka
enmesarra (female Qilin) - Space captain
Sparks (female rat teen) - Ship's Engineer
Simon (male deer) - Ship's Pilot
Doctor Allen Payne (hyena) - Doctor
Brett Whitmore (male penguin)
Loren aka
laurenrivers (male triceratops)
Matthias aka
matthiasrat
Tango (Female parasaurolphus)
Melantha
Solange aka
scullyraptor
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Icon is a crop from a commission by
klongi
Story by me.
Second draft posted.
Starring:
Captain Alena 'Quill' Maichiru aka
enmesarra (female Qilin) - Space captainSparks (female rat teen) - Ship's Engineer
Simon (male deer) - Ship's Pilot
Doctor Allen Payne (hyena) - Doctor
Brett Whitmore (male penguin)
Loren aka
laurenrivers (male triceratops) Matthias aka
matthiasratTango (Female parasaurolphus)
Melantha
Solange aka
scullyraptor<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Icon is a crop from a commission by
klongiStory by me.
Second draft posted.
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Exotic (Other)
Size 115 x 120px
File Size 90.1 kB
Listed in Folders
Captain Quill has got a powerful corporation and some very angry dinosaurs after her now. :) Initially I'd planned to keep them figuring out there were four missing dinosaurs a chapter or two down, but I felt it worked better in this scene than what I originally had planned, so there it is. ;) The next chapter we'll revisit the crew, and spend some time learning about our main characters differences. ;)
We're pretty much done with the flashbacks, though I felt these two were needed in this chapter since before the crew can get on an adventure together, we needed to know more about the war, the dinos, and where they came from. :) Now that we know who Loren and his crew are, we can learn more about Quill and hers. ;)
We're pretty much done with the flashbacks, though I felt these two were needed in this chapter since before the crew can get on an adventure together, we needed to know more about the war, the dinos, and where they came from. :) Now that we know who Loren and his crew are, we can learn more about Quill and hers. ;)
I corrected a few references from the original version I had missed, and inserted those scenes towards the beginning but otherwise it mostly played as in the previous draft. ;) I'm glad you liked it. I think it also worked better at getting the dinos out of the cargo bay and into the action, though it hurried a plot point I'd planned to execute much later, but in the long run I feel it worked out better as is while only minimally changing what I had planned.
Any thoughts on Melantha so far? The next chapter will feature all of the dinos more heavily in the present timeline, as the adventure really gets going. ;)
Any thoughts on Melantha so far? The next chapter will feature all of the dinos more heavily in the present timeline, as the adventure really gets going. ;)
I'm glad you do, it's nice to have a fan or two! As far as burnout, a few things. One, I work on what I want to work on in the order I feel like working on it. If I want a night off, I take a night off. I have multiple projects running at any given time so if I'm not in a writing mood I can let my muse plot or work on one thing, then another for a few days. My worst burnout was in 2012 when I worked rigidly at it with a brutal schedule on things I didn't really feel, and it turned out as you'd expect. Not this time. I'm not worrying about anything other than the story I want to write.
Okay, I finally had a chance to read this thoroughly and I'm sending a note with more detailed thoughts. In short, I'm intrigued with what will happen and what Bret intends to do. He seems both impatient and patient at the same time. Capt. Quill is in for one tough chase!
Dominus tecum
Dominus tecum
I'm glad you enjoyed it, I look forward to your feedback. :) For the moment I'm trying to focus on works that I have art to serve as a 'cover' for and my dino form is sadly lacking, but once we get together after my convention in mid march we can discuss setting up that pic. I may work on some chapters in the mean time, depending on how my work flow goes. So far I'm making good progress on my various projects, so that's good.
If you like fantasy I'll be posting a story in my fantasy universe next week. ;) I decided since the crossover with
meganbryar's universe is working so well that Diana and Lauren exist in the same universe. This also means I need art of them together at some point... LOL
If you like fantasy I'll be posting a story in my fantasy universe next week. ;) I decided since the crossover with
meganbryar's universe is working so well that Diana and Lauren exist in the same universe. This also means I need art of them together at some point... LOL
*chuckles* Well, with my isolation coming to an end I expect my free time for all things FA is going to take a nosedive. But a good nosedive because I'll have my wife and daughter back.
Still, I wish you the best of luck with your other story efforts. I'll make time for the dinosaur story, but I don't know what I can do for the rest.
Dominus tecum
Still, I wish you the best of luck with your other story efforts. I'll make time for the dinosaur story, but I don't know what I can do for the rest.
Dominus tecum
My family is back home and it is great to be giving my little girl and wife hugs again. I am not letting my daughter cuddle with me on the couch just yet because there is still some radioactivity in my neck (6 milliRems/hr worth as of Monday, probably down to about 4 now). I give it another week for full dino/ratty cuddles.
Dominus tecum
Dominus tecum
Okay, I just read the edits and it definitely addresses many of the things I noted in my last message. Further, the chase and fight sequence was well done, and gave us a taste of real-time action and shows Loren and Matthias exercising their skills very effectively. Good to have some action before we have calmer interaction and bidding time before the next move.
The only thing that strikes me as odd is the note that Brett's ship can outrun Quill's ship. If that's so, why did Quill need to babysit the ship? I'm sorry to be a bother, as I'm sure whatever you said in previous parts is good enough.
Dominus tecum
The only thing that strikes me as odd is the note that Brett's ship can outrun Quill's ship. If that's so, why did Quill need to babysit the ship? I'm sorry to be a bother, as I'm sure whatever you said in previous parts is good enough.
Dominus tecum
I'm glad, it works better I think and also addressed how to get the trust between the dinosaurs and anthros to start building.
In this case it's a matter of logistics. Checkmate has been waiting for these three ships to emerge from the belt for a long time, but they only have so many ships and they're spread throughout the occupied solar system. They had limited notice when the beacons on each ship started to transmit, so they had to have their ship mark the claim while the Checkmate ship secured the other two. If Brett had waited to get all three himself he may have lost one to another salvager.
In this case it's a matter of logistics. Checkmate has been waiting for these three ships to emerge from the belt for a long time, but they only have so many ships and they're spread throughout the occupied solar system. They had limited notice when the beacons on each ship started to transmit, so they had to have their ship mark the claim while the Checkmate ship secured the other two. If Brett had waited to get all three himself he may have lost one to another salvager.
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