You still seem to have a few grammatical errors in this. One specific example I saw was during your second scene when you had Peppy refer to Fox and Krystal's positions by saying "There" instead of "They're". But moving on from simple grammatical errors.

1) When doing a third-person narrative, any and all descriptions should be definitive. That means that there should be no confusion as to what something looks like or what something is. You do this in your second scene on Corneria where you claim that the military section didn't receive much damage or it was rebuilt quickly. This kind of description would be okay if a character was saying it or even if this story was narrated in the first person, but since it's not, there should be no confusion as to what happened to the building. It's okay if it's a combination of the two things your brought up, but it's not okay to say it could have been either one.

2) The entire first Cornerian scene is much too short and doesn't really serve any purpose, other than to break up what's going on at Sauria. The scene in Pepper's office is too quick. I'm guessing this would be their debriefing and nothing is really made clear, other than the Great Fox needs to be rebuilt. Even then, I don't think Pepper would be the one to set up when and where maintenance is to take place on anything. Also, Slippy knowing the ENTIRE blueprints of the Great Fox seems a little too convenient and a little unrealistic given its size and intricacies. Now if he HAD a copy of the blueprints, then it would make sense. Finally, you don't have to clarify things like military time or jargon for the reader in the middle of a story. If you REALLY feel the need to do it, do so in the description of the piece when you submit it. Otherwise, you run the risk of treating the reader who does know what that means like an idiot.

3) You're very vague in some of your descriptions when time passes. You mention that over a few days Fox, Krystal have a few frustrating moments. What are these moments? You shouldn't bring up something unless you're willing to go into it for some length. Just saying that a few days has passed is enough and doesn't leave the reader immediately guessing what was going on or why you didn't mention what happened during that time.

4) You do something similar as the above at the end of your story. You mention Slippy standing over the construction of the Great Fox which is mostly completed. It seems like a great deal of time should have passed in order for that to be true, yet the reader is left to assume that this has happened almost overnight. You also mention modifications were made to the ship, but you never specifically mention what these are. Why is this important information to the reader? If it's going to be important later on, then mention what the modifications are so the reader isn't surprised or questioning why the ship has this or that ability all of a sudden.

Hope some of this helps you out.