I really was worse before all this. I just reached that point where I couldn't even be around people. I'd been through so many terrible relationships and felt such..I don't know. So I became pleasant, I spoke like a poised mechanism and you could only get in as far as a smile. That's still burnt into me..how could it not be..? I'll always accommodate the wayward soul but deep down inside..I think I really did just give up on the idea that I could really connect with people.

...I don't wander into other people's " Homes "..just like they don't wander into mine. I feel like I'm a minor guest and nothing more. Maybe that's why I'm so scared of everyone. It's all temporary to me. So when someone begins to talk to me, I'm almost angry. I'll clench my fists and smile, already aware of how brief it will all be.

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