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More from Chipotle
This story originally appeared back in 1998 in the now-defunct fanzine Yarf!. Last fall after I returned from Eurofurence 14 I rewrote it on a lark; it's still basically the same gothic melodrama it had been (in some ways the rewrite made it more over the top in the still-too-long climactic scene, not less), but it's still one of my favorites.
Vanya had barely taken ten steps when she became aware of other eyes focused on her. She paused, looking off to her right.
A Vraini child, perhaps eleven years old, had started to approach the mouse-woman, moving in quick jumps: scamper pause stare scamper pause stare scamper pause stare. Their eyes locked after his last stare.
She'd rarely seen fox cubs who couldn't be described as cute, and this one was no exception. He stood barely four feet high, and his bright gold eyes had been partially obscured by a lock of stray head fur. Grey denim shorts and an eggshell tunic-style shirt showed signs of energetic wear.
Taking another sip of the tea, Vanya looked away. Normally she could fade into the background as easily as she could stand out, but doing that with an attentive child was difficult. Children made her uncomfortable.
"Hi," the cub said as he came up to nearly within arm's length.
Vanya nodded, still looking away.
"I'm Planvi," he offered.
Sighing very thinly, Vanya turned to look down at Planvi. "Isn't it a bit late for you to be out by yourself, child?"
"Nuh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "Uncle Char lets me stay up later than this. What's your name?"
She finished the remains of her drink and crumpled the cup up, walking on without responding. Planvi followed unbidden, adding, "You make me think of him. Your eyes."
"The same color?" she said, not truly listening.
"No," he said doubtfully. "Something else."
Vanya's brow lifted and she looked down at the child. "What, then?"
He scratched his ear, looking frustrated. "Something else," he finally repeated. "If you saw him, you'd know, I bet."
"Is he here in the marketplace?"
"Nuh-uh." He dug around in a pocket, his expression scrunching up in concentration a moment, then held up a faded yellow rose in much the same shape as her espresso cup.
She stopped and took the flower between two fingers. "You haven't taken very good care of it," she said.
Planvi's ears folded back; that wasn't the sort of thing adults were supposed to say when children played show and tell. "It's from Char's rose garden."
Vanya masked her irritation as she glanced around, looking for a graceful exit. "Don't you have somewhere you're supposed to be, Planvi?"
"No," he said, now with a hedging tone.
She looked back down at him more intently, then closed her eyes a moment, focusing on the murmur of the surrounding crowds. After several seconds she could faintly pick out someone calling Planvi's name. Glancing in that direction, she saw a Vraini man hurrying through the marketplace, sweeping his gaze around frantically.
Vanya concentrated on him, for just a moment. He immediately turned to stare in her direction, another shout frozen in his muzzle. Then he realized Planvi stood next to the object of his sudden fascination, and he hurried toward them.
"Planvi!" he called as he approached. The cub started to scoot backward. Vanya put a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place until the older fox scooped him up. "Don't you know how worried I was?" His voice showed a mix of sharp anger and desperate relief.
The Rilima studied him. He stood short, five and a half feet tall; she stood tall for her own kind, putting her eye to eye with him. His reddish fur was darker than his son's, his eyes emerald rather than amber, and the fur on his muzzle showed a haphazard mottled pattern. Even so, his athletic build made him handsome enough. A gold chain necklace hung about his neck, the sun amulet--a symbol of the Vraini religion--seeming almost gaudy when set against his faded blue work shirt.
"Uncle Char?" Vanya inquired. The elder fox stiffened and looked at her.
"No!" Planvi squealed before he could reply. "This is Daddy."
"You've been talking with my son, I see," he said guardedly.
"After I found him, yes. Or rather, he found me."
He looked back at Planvi and sighed. "We're going to have to talk about not speaking to strangers," he said. Then he looked back at Vanya. "No offense, ma'am, but I'm having enough trouble keeping him away from this 'Char' character as it is."
"He's not your brother?"
"Hell, no," the fox snapped, then his ears colored.
Planvi pouted. "Why don't you like Uncle Char, Daddy?"
"I know he's nice to you, but I don't know him, Planvi," he said, sighing. "And there's something... the couple of times he and I have met..." He shook his head.
Planvi's pout became a scowl.
The elder fox sighed again, then set Planvi down, glancing at Vanya. "Thank you for finding him." He paused, looking like he was about to turn away and head off with his son, but had found himself caught by the mouse's eyes. "I'm Rin," he added after a moment, tone distracted. "Rin Lawson."
"Vanya," she replied simply, favoring him with a very small smile. He smiled back, looking flustered.
She considered. She'd been looking for someone to amuse herself with, but Rin seemed too easily caught; she could make a bare outline of his life just from the dazed look on his face: a lonely man, raising his son alone, not used to the attention of a pretty woman. He might be fun for her, in a fashion, but her dalliances rarely worked out well for her partners. This rarely bothered her, but with a child involved, she didn't want to be too callous.
"Well. I... should be going," Rin mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you--"
"I was gonna meet Uncle Char!" Planvi protested. "He should be here now!"
"You're not--"
"Look!" He pointed, and waved frantically.
Both Rin and Vanya looked in that direction. Rin growled; Vanya merely squinted. A tall, gaunt young human man, dressed in fashionably cut dark green shirt and slacks, was making his way toward them.
"No," Rin said sharply. "You're going to stay home safe in your bed tonight." Vanya noted the slight emphasis he put on safe.
"Good evening, Planvi," Char called, voice lilting. "And Rin." He smiled more at the adult, in a way which came across as subtly mocking rather than friendly.
Then he looked at Vanya, lifted a brow, and smiled just a bit more, almost predatorily. "And good evening to you, too."
"Good evening." His eyes showed no sign of recognition as they swept over her, but she immediately understood what he was--and what Planvi's fascination was with him.
"Hello," Rin said tersely. "Planvi, we have to be going."
"Dadddyyy--" Planvi whined.
Char laughed. "You'll see me again soon enough, dear Planvi," he said. He glanced sidelong at Rin. "These things always have a way of working out."
"Goodnight," Rin snapped, scooping up his child again and marching off, over Planvi's increasingly frantic protests.
"A sweet child," Char murmured with a smile, watching them go.
"What's your interest in him?"
He turned to look at her, flashing her a suave smile--with a touch of extra charm, much the same as what Vanya had used to attract Rin's attention minutes earlier. She felt it, momentarily--the promise of romance, lavish attention, a changed life. Even knowing full well what those changes meant, a shiver ran down her tail. "I don't know that I've had the pleasure of your acquaintance, miss...?"
"You haven't," she said, clasping her hands in front of her.
He frowned, almost imperceptibly. Most women would already be all but falling over him. "Rest assured I mean him no harm."
"His father seems to think otherwise."
Char waved dismissively. "He's been hurt by life, and it's made him far too overprotective."
"Or unusually perceptive."
The human's eyes narrowed. He may have been thinking of amusing himself with her, but Vanya could tell she was becoming less amusing each time she spoke. "Are you impugning my motives, madam?"
"Let's say I'm unusually perceptive as well. Sir."
Char clenched one fist. "Insulting me isn't wise, little mouse girl," he hissed. "You may get more than you bargained for."
Vanya looked back steadily into his angry eyes, then laughed. "Of all the threatening cliches, you don't know how ironic it is you picked that one." She shook her head. "I believe I'll be on my way now."
"I trust you'll not concern yourself with my business, then. Believe me when I say that you don't understand what you're dealing with," he said icily, stalking away.
Vanya watched him go, sighing. She understood precisely what she was dealing with: a human vampire, in Groveport, interested in a young child.
Continued...
* * *Vanya had barely taken ten steps when she became aware of other eyes focused on her. She paused, looking off to her right.
A Vraini child, perhaps eleven years old, had started to approach the mouse-woman, moving in quick jumps: scamper pause stare scamper pause stare scamper pause stare. Their eyes locked after his last stare.
She'd rarely seen fox cubs who couldn't be described as cute, and this one was no exception. He stood barely four feet high, and his bright gold eyes had been partially obscured by a lock of stray head fur. Grey denim shorts and an eggshell tunic-style shirt showed signs of energetic wear.
Taking another sip of the tea, Vanya looked away. Normally she could fade into the background as easily as she could stand out, but doing that with an attentive child was difficult. Children made her uncomfortable.
"Hi," the cub said as he came up to nearly within arm's length.
Vanya nodded, still looking away.
"I'm Planvi," he offered.
Sighing very thinly, Vanya turned to look down at Planvi. "Isn't it a bit late for you to be out by yourself, child?"
"Nuh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "Uncle Char lets me stay up later than this. What's your name?"
She finished the remains of her drink and crumpled the cup up, walking on without responding. Planvi followed unbidden, adding, "You make me think of him. Your eyes."
"The same color?" she said, not truly listening.
"No," he said doubtfully. "Something else."
Vanya's brow lifted and she looked down at the child. "What, then?"
He scratched his ear, looking frustrated. "Something else," he finally repeated. "If you saw him, you'd know, I bet."
"Is he here in the marketplace?"
"Nuh-uh." He dug around in a pocket, his expression scrunching up in concentration a moment, then held up a faded yellow rose in much the same shape as her espresso cup.
She stopped and took the flower between two fingers. "You haven't taken very good care of it," she said.
Planvi's ears folded back; that wasn't the sort of thing adults were supposed to say when children played show and tell. "It's from Char's rose garden."
Vanya masked her irritation as she glanced around, looking for a graceful exit. "Don't you have somewhere you're supposed to be, Planvi?"
"No," he said, now with a hedging tone.
She looked back down at him more intently, then closed her eyes a moment, focusing on the murmur of the surrounding crowds. After several seconds she could faintly pick out someone calling Planvi's name. Glancing in that direction, she saw a Vraini man hurrying through the marketplace, sweeping his gaze around frantically.
Vanya concentrated on him, for just a moment. He immediately turned to stare in her direction, another shout frozen in his muzzle. Then he realized Planvi stood next to the object of his sudden fascination, and he hurried toward them.
"Planvi!" he called as he approached. The cub started to scoot backward. Vanya put a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place until the older fox scooped him up. "Don't you know how worried I was?" His voice showed a mix of sharp anger and desperate relief.
The Rilima studied him. He stood short, five and a half feet tall; she stood tall for her own kind, putting her eye to eye with him. His reddish fur was darker than his son's, his eyes emerald rather than amber, and the fur on his muzzle showed a haphazard mottled pattern. Even so, his athletic build made him handsome enough. A gold chain necklace hung about his neck, the sun amulet--a symbol of the Vraini religion--seeming almost gaudy when set against his faded blue work shirt.
"Uncle Char?" Vanya inquired. The elder fox stiffened and looked at her.
"No!" Planvi squealed before he could reply. "This is Daddy."
"You've been talking with my son, I see," he said guardedly.
"After I found him, yes. Or rather, he found me."
He looked back at Planvi and sighed. "We're going to have to talk about not speaking to strangers," he said. Then he looked back at Vanya. "No offense, ma'am, but I'm having enough trouble keeping him away from this 'Char' character as it is."
"He's not your brother?"
"Hell, no," the fox snapped, then his ears colored.
Planvi pouted. "Why don't you like Uncle Char, Daddy?"
"I know he's nice to you, but I don't know him, Planvi," he said, sighing. "And there's something... the couple of times he and I have met..." He shook his head.
Planvi's pout became a scowl.
The elder fox sighed again, then set Planvi down, glancing at Vanya. "Thank you for finding him." He paused, looking like he was about to turn away and head off with his son, but had found himself caught by the mouse's eyes. "I'm Rin," he added after a moment, tone distracted. "Rin Lawson."
"Vanya," she replied simply, favoring him with a very small smile. He smiled back, looking flustered.
She considered. She'd been looking for someone to amuse herself with, but Rin seemed too easily caught; she could make a bare outline of his life just from the dazed look on his face: a lonely man, raising his son alone, not used to the attention of a pretty woman. He might be fun for her, in a fashion, but her dalliances rarely worked out well for her partners. This rarely bothered her, but with a child involved, she didn't want to be too callous.
"Well. I... should be going," Rin mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you--"
"I was gonna meet Uncle Char!" Planvi protested. "He should be here now!"
"You're not--"
"Look!" He pointed, and waved frantically.
Both Rin and Vanya looked in that direction. Rin growled; Vanya merely squinted. A tall, gaunt young human man, dressed in fashionably cut dark green shirt and slacks, was making his way toward them.
"No," Rin said sharply. "You're going to stay home safe in your bed tonight." Vanya noted the slight emphasis he put on safe.
"Good evening, Planvi," Char called, voice lilting. "And Rin." He smiled more at the adult, in a way which came across as subtly mocking rather than friendly.
Then he looked at Vanya, lifted a brow, and smiled just a bit more, almost predatorily. "And good evening to you, too."
"Good evening." His eyes showed no sign of recognition as they swept over her, but she immediately understood what he was--and what Planvi's fascination was with him.
"Hello," Rin said tersely. "Planvi, we have to be going."
"Dadddyyy--" Planvi whined.
Char laughed. "You'll see me again soon enough, dear Planvi," he said. He glanced sidelong at Rin. "These things always have a way of working out."
"Goodnight," Rin snapped, scooping up his child again and marching off, over Planvi's increasingly frantic protests.
"A sweet child," Char murmured with a smile, watching them go.
"What's your interest in him?"
He turned to look at her, flashing her a suave smile--with a touch of extra charm, much the same as what Vanya had used to attract Rin's attention minutes earlier. She felt it, momentarily--the promise of romance, lavish attention, a changed life. Even knowing full well what those changes meant, a shiver ran down her tail. "I don't know that I've had the pleasure of your acquaintance, miss...?"
"You haven't," she said, clasping her hands in front of her.
He frowned, almost imperceptibly. Most women would already be all but falling over him. "Rest assured I mean him no harm."
"His father seems to think otherwise."
Char waved dismissively. "He's been hurt by life, and it's made him far too overprotective."
"Or unusually perceptive."
The human's eyes narrowed. He may have been thinking of amusing himself with her, but Vanya could tell she was becoming less amusing each time she spoke. "Are you impugning my motives, madam?"
"Let's say I'm unusually perceptive as well. Sir."
Char clenched one fist. "Insulting me isn't wise, little mouse girl," he hissed. "You may get more than you bargained for."
Vanya looked back steadily into his angry eyes, then laughed. "Of all the threatening cliches, you don't know how ironic it is you picked that one." She shook her head. "I believe I'll be on my way now."
"I trust you'll not concern yourself with my business, then. Believe me when I say that you don't understand what you're dealing with," he said icily, stalking away.
Vanya watched him go, sighing. She understood precisely what she was dealing with: a human vampire, in Groveport, interested in a young child.
Continued...
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Mouse
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 196.5 kB
One of my favourites among your stories. Thanks for posting it again.
You seem to have streamlined it quite a bit, especially the opening scene. The advantage is it gives away less about Char, leaving more to be discovered later, but somehow it comes at the expense of Planvi's character, who gets fewer lines of the non-petulant type, which for me makes him seem younger than the eleven years that the story mentions.
For example, he no longer calls Vanya a "pretty mouse lady" (admittedly unusual for a child, but also very charming), and he no longer mutters, "You wouldn't tell me", under his breath when she tells his father her name after earlier refusing to tell him.
I'll have to wait for the rest to really make up my mind which version I like better. Much of the strength of the story lies in the part yet to come.
Vanya now drinks tea rather than coffee. Deeper meaning?
You seem to have streamlined it quite a bit, especially the opening scene. The advantage is it gives away less about Char, leaving more to be discovered later, but somehow it comes at the expense of Planvi's character, who gets fewer lines of the non-petulant type, which for me makes him seem younger than the eleven years that the story mentions.
For example, he no longer calls Vanya a "pretty mouse lady" (admittedly unusual for a child, but also very charming), and he no longer mutters, "You wouldn't tell me", under his breath when she tells his father her name after earlier refusing to tell him.
I'll have to wait for the rest to really make up my mind which version I like better. Much of the strength of the story lies in the part yet to come.
Vanya now drinks tea rather than coffee. Deeper meaning?
Planvi is actually fairly petulant in that first scene; I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but he's a child out doing something he's not supposed to be doing and getting caught at it. But it's possible I'm portraying him more as seven or eight than as eleven without meaning to.
The switch from coffee to tea really isn't that meaningful other than hedging about technology. :) In the original version of the story it's actually referred to as espresso -- but I hadn't actually realized when I wrote that how new a culinary invention "espresso" actually is. Native Ranean technology is more or less late Victorian, although there's a lot of fuzziness to that, given both the magic base and the likely adoption of technologies from other lands that come through the trade gate in Raneadhros (which is honestly even more poorly defined in the stories than the rest of the technology, but never mind for now). The summary of that, I suppose, is that while I suspect there's espresso or a close relative in Raneadhros, I don't know whether it's made it to other parts of the empire, and this was a not-so-subtle way of punting on the question. Vanya gives me the impression of someone who'd be more likely to have espresso than tea when it was available, though.
The switch from coffee to tea really isn't that meaningful other than hedging about technology. :) In the original version of the story it's actually referred to as espresso -- but I hadn't actually realized when I wrote that how new a culinary invention "espresso" actually is. Native Ranean technology is more or less late Victorian, although there's a lot of fuzziness to that, given both the magic base and the likely adoption of technologies from other lands that come through the trade gate in Raneadhros (which is honestly even more poorly defined in the stories than the rest of the technology, but never mind for now). The summary of that, I suppose, is that while I suspect there's espresso or a close relative in Raneadhros, I don't know whether it's made it to other parts of the empire, and this was a not-so-subtle way of punting on the question. Vanya gives me the impression of someone who'd be more likely to have espresso than tea when it was available, though.
So after getting 'teased' by Part 1, I went ahead and read the entire thing, in the Word document you have posted elsewhere. Not that I'm trying to rub anyone else's nose in having gotten to read the entirety sooner rather than later. *ahem* Though I do find the nice typesetting in the .pdf format much easier to read. At any rate, I find Vanya a fascinating antihero, and I'm hoping you write more with her -- particularly her past with Narith.
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