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My little entry to this year's competition. You should be able to find the others Here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20515774/ Enjoy!
I don’t know where it came from and I especially don’t know how it ended up in my house, let alone my room. It just showed up on my old desk. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I even touched that desk. Yet, I checked it twice. Yeah… there it was. There sat a dusty old oil lamp.
Yes, I mean one of those oil lamps from Arabian Nights. Yes, the ones that supposedly have a genie inside should you just rub it. Yes, there’s really no kicking around the bush with this one…
Yet when I first saw it, the first thing that I thought was that it was some kind of joke. Something my housemates planted in my room to see if I’d rub it or something. I’ve had a bit of a thing for genies and wishes for a while now. I can’t help that the subject forever fascinated me. Wasn’t it the same for everyone who saw Aladdin growing up?
Well because of that, I thought it was some kind of prank. I decided to ignore it. Completely block its existence from my mind. Not think about it for hours on end just so that I could rub it and feel like a complete idiot for doing so… despite I was failing at that miserably.
What if this was the one? What if I was letting this chance slip me by completely…
“No. No! Bad Brandon. Bad! You’re not supposed to think about it!”, I kept telling myself as I played on my old Playstation 2. No, I’m not nearly rich enough to buy the latest console… Though I could always wish for… NO! Stop thinking about it!
“Yo Brandy,” Chaz, the first of my two other housemates knocked on the door, “the toilet’s backing up again.”
“What,” I asked only half-listening to what he had said. Unfortunately, this caused my video game character to die. For like the nineteenth time since I had first seen that dusty old lamp. I don’t know how long it plagued my mind.
“Earth to Brandy,” Chaz waved a hand in the air, “Toilet. Plunger. Need. Now.”
“Okay fine,” I grumbled as I went to my private bathroom. I own the house, so naturally I get the master bedroom. I earned it and I pay for the larger amount of the rent. So there. Why else can we only afford one toilet plunger?
“Hey is that a-,” Chaz took notice of the huge brass paperweight that sat on the desk I never use, “Oh man. I seriously can’t believe you bought that!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied as I unwrapped the plunger for use.
“Don’t play dumb,” Chaz marched over to my old desk, “I knew you were really into this stuff, but seriously? Did you rub it yet to see how much money you wasted?”
“I didn’t buy it. It was there when I got here,” I finally admitted to it being there, “it must be some kind of prank that Dillon’s trying to pull…”
“Nah, Dillon’s been out with Isabella,” Chaz turned to swish his hips while saying, “Alllll niiiight loooong…”
“Okay Stop It,” I swung the plunger at Chaz. He knew that I had a thing for Isabella. Heck, just when I had the courage to ask her out Dillon swooped in and stole her away from me. Chaz just liked to say that every time those two went out. Not that it really matters. I knew for a fact that Dillon was trying to sleep off a hang over in the living room.
Either way, Chaz (very understandably) jumped back from the dirty plunger. Doing so caused him to knock the lamp tumbling to the ground. I expected it to clank or something similar to that effect to show that it really was hallow. Instead, the lamp stopped a few inches short of the ground, flipped back over, and sat gently on the floor with a light “ting” sound.
The next couple of seconds was nothing, but empty silence. Chaz rubbed his eyes to make certain that he wasn’t hallucinating from the fumes or something. I actually had to pinch myself too. That is if the lamp didn’t huff dust out of it’s nozzle as if it was mad at us or something. At that point, I didn’t care if this was a dream or not. That lamp was magic.
“Okay, Dibs,” Chaz shouted at me before bending down to scoop up the lamp.
“Not on your life,” was my reply as I made a leap for the lamp myself. This was not a good idea. Let’s face it. There was no way for me to make it to the lamp before Chaz could. Who knew if it was a good thing to awaken a Genie?
As soon as Chaz rubbed the lamp, he just vanished. I mean literally Poof! He was gone. I stared blankly as the lamp fell again. My brain didn’t exactly process what had happened to my roommate before I had already reached out to catch the falling lamp. I caught it in time, but I dared not to rub it myself. At least not until I noticed that the old lamp had lit itself with a weird green flame.
Hesitantly, I put the thing back onto my desk. I did my best to not rub its glossy surface, but I knew that I had. The lack of dust was proof of that. And yet, I was still here. I didn’t vanish or anything.
Why? What happened to Chaz? And why wasn’t I affected?
I wondered these thoughts for a long time. I’m not sure exactly how long. Looking at that erie flame, I got this weird thought into my head about what had happened. Somehow my housemate got sucked into the lamp. The reason that I wasn’t affected was because the lamp was already “occupied” with its Genie… and three wishes remaining…
I shook my head at the thought. It certainly wasn’t one of my ideas. It just came into my head the moment I looked into the flame. It was crazy, but somehow I knew it had to be the truth. Why? Again, I don’t know. That wasn’t exactly the next question that I had. No, the next question that I had was.
“How are we going to get you out of there,” I asked the lamp as if Chaz could hear me. Well, he had to of been able to, right? There had to be some logical explanation for this. Maybe I could… I thought for it a bit longer. Not because I didn’t have any idea what to do, but because I knew that one false word could be fatal.
“Okay, um…,” I rubbed the lamp for good luck that I picked the right words, “I wish that Chaz was back out of the lamp and safely here in my room again.”
I stood there for like an idiot for a bit longer waiting for my wish to come true or something. Nothing. Chaz was still trapped in the lamp.
“Oh god,” placing my fingers to my forehead, “I’m gonna have to wake up Dillon…”
I strode my way into the living room. Well, I ran past the bathroom, but that was for a different reason. I had almost forgotten that it had been clogged. You know, with my friend trapped in an ancient artifact and all that. It just slipped my mind. I now stood over Dillon in all his hung over glory.
Sure, he’s a real lady’s man when he’s out with Isabella. At home, he’s anything but. He was sprawled out on the hand-me-down couch in nothing but his underpants and a wife-beater. I could still smell the beer coming off his rank clothes from a yard away. How could he smell that bad after a dinner date is beyond me. On the other hand, how he could go drinking this much After a date was also a little out of my ability to reason.
I know, I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that in this particular situation, but I was hesitating. It wasn’t the fact that he was dating Isabella that bugged me. No, waking him up during a hangover was what made me hesitate. I can barely tolerate him when he wasn’t half sick. Right now, it’s like poking a bear with a stick.
“Dillon wake up,” I shouted. He only stirred a little bit at the noise. Otherwise, he ignored me. Good, it wasn’t as bad of a hangover as his usual bit. Still, I didn’t have time to play this game. I flipped over the whole couch causing him to fall to the floor.
“What the hell man,” Dillon shouted scrambling to get to his feet to knock me out or something.
“Chaz is in trouble.”
“Not nearly as much trouble as you’re going to be if you don’t let me sleep,” Dillon grunted as he stomped around the couch I had already took measures against this by running over the other side.
“I mean it,” I tried to explain, “There was this lamp in my room. No, I didn’t rub it! But Chaz did. And now he’s… well LOOK!”
I pointed the lamp at Chaz. At first, he ignored it as he set the couch back up. He then turned to yell something else, then stopped the moment his eyes rested on the green flame. The same thought bubble that popped into my head before, somehow found it’s way into his. He shook his head violently, clutching it.
“Oh God,” Dillon stated as if he was just hit with the biggest migraine, “How the hell did he wind up in there?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged as I shouted back, “It’s magic! I don’t know how to get him out either!”
“You try wishing him out?”
“Of course I tried wishing him out,” I stated as I slammed the lamp onto the wooden frame that we used as a coffee table.
“W-well… what about snuffing out the flame?”
“What if that kills him or something worse!”
“Well we’ve got to do something,” he stated as he got a glass of water. It’s not that I really thought it would kill Chaz or anything, it’s just that we didn’t have idea about what the heck was going on. I let Dillon pour the water on the fire, but it just swished around and splashed him back in the face.
“Oh of course,” Dillon spat, “It’s a magic flame. Just what I need.”
Before we could do anything else the flame suddenly flickered and swirled into another color. This time, it was blue. The two of us stared at each other. We were both thinking the same thought. Just like before when that other thought invaded our minds. This time, however, it stated, “one down.”

We spent the next hour or so just staring at the lamp. What? Who were we going to call? Who would believe us when we said that our friend was trapped in an old oil lamp like some magic genie. Oh and by the way, there are no wishes. Seriously, even the most deluded individuals wouldn’t fall for that one.
The flame stayed blue for just as long. I actually decided to leave after an hour had passed. Why? Do you want to know what was stuffing up the toilet? Neither do I, but it was starting to really stink up the house. I actually managed to fix the problem myself, when in comes Dillon with the flaming lamp.
“Brandon, Look,” he slammed into the other wall as he slid across the floor. I looked up. About to make a joke about bringing a flame in here, when I saw it. The flame had changed color again or… lost color. Gah, It turned white, okay! The point is that it had turned white. Now looking into the flame I could see the thought, “two down.”
“Two down,” Dillon repeated for me, as if I didn’t ‘think it’ already, “I think this is the last flame.”
“I think you’re right,” I said looking at it carefully. Again, that was how I confirmed it. One more down and Chaz can come out. That’s how most of this kind of stuff works. It always comes in threes. Whatever, “it” was. Clearly, we had no control over this.
“Oh man,” Dillon led the way back to the kitchen area. (It was more of the place where we kept all the dirty dishes.), “This isn’t how this is supposed to work. You rub a lamp and out pops the genie, not get sucked in yourself.”
Dillon stated as he tried to slam the lamp down on the counter. Tried being the key word here as the lamp stopped Dillon’s arm short with its weird forcefield. It then slipped out of his grasp and setting itself down gently. It turned to face the two of us, then just raised it’s nose in disgust. The cursed thing was sentient.
“This is all your fault you know,” I yelled.
“How can this possibly be my fault,” Dillon shouted back.
“Not you,” I pointed to the lamp, “that thing obviously knows what’s going on.”
The lamp’s flame intensified for an instant, but then returned to it’s normal size.
“See,” I shouted at it, the flame lowered as much as it could as if to say ’i’m not here right now’, “It’s too late pretending that you don’t exist. Now give us back our friend!”
‘Not until the last wish.’
I tried to ask “what wish?” That’s when the flame burst away and Chaz was back!… in the most ridiculous costume I’d ever seen. Even Sadi Arabia would say that his clothes were too silly for them. He was confused about where he was for a few moments. He then saw the two of us and was more than overjoyed.
“Oh thank Gawd! I’m back,” Chaz started jumping up and down like a little kid, “wait… is the toilet still backed up?”
“Um,” I looked over to the restroom, “no? We fixed it.”
“Awesome! Got to go,” Chaz waved as he walked past us, “all that spicy food’s killed my digestive tract.”
I’ll skip any of the gory details, but basically we’re going to need that plunger again. Chaz also took a shower and changed his clothes before he was ready to tell us what had happened to him. Apparently, whatever myths or legends about magic lamps as we knew them were wrong. Sure, you could rub a lamp and get a Genie. However, genies weren’t some kind of ancient beings who would grant people’s wishes. Turned out they were people who were grabbed from the future using the Lamp as a kind of time machine.
Chaz was sent straight to someone who had rubbed the lamp before. Centuries before. He spent weeks there waiting to grant his master’s wishes. And as it turned out he didn’t get any actual magical powers. The magic just happens, but only enough so that Chaz could grant the wish himself. Like with the first wish, his master wished for a great feast. This caused time to stop entirely, just so that Chaz could gather and make all the food himself. The moment that his task was done, time restarted itself.
“It was so weird,” Chaz stated as he laid back on the sofa, “I can’t tell you how great it is to sit in this lumpy old couch and to be in my old clothes again.”
“So you didn’t get any wishes with this lamp? Only a bunch of hard work and a waste of time,” I sighed.
“Actually, I was allowed to have one wish, but…,” Chaz looked down on himself, “I guess it didn’t work out.”
“What did you wish for,” Dillion asked.
“I wished to have the body of a god, but…,” Chaz displayed himself to show how incredibly thin he was, “I guess there’s only so much that-AGHHH!!!”
That’s when our trouble started. Turns out you still had to put your wish into words. Chaz was getting exactly what he asked for, unfortunately he didn’t specify what kind of “god” he would have the body of. Chaz quickly leaped off of the couch as if something was biting him in the butt. He dropped his pants just in time for us to witness his legs blow up like balloons. I was a little too distracted by his tearing underpants to notice that he was growing in other ways too. His chest swelled as he grew a coat of fur down his expanding arms. His t-shirt was stretched out, but miraculously didn’t tear apart.
“Dude,” Dillion shouted at Chaz, “what’s happening?”
“I don’t knaaahh,” Chaz’s mouth stretched out cutting off his words. His face dried up and grew scaly. Chaz fell over as his hair grew thicker and covered what remained of his unchanged face. His heavy breathing slowed as he adjusted to his new frame.
“Holy… Chaz,” I stated backing up as I recognized exactly which ‘god’ he became, “You’re Ammutt.”
“That’s one whacked up dog,” Dillion pointed at our roommate.
“No, not A Mutt, you stupid jock! Ammut,” I shouted, “As in the Devourer!”
“Dudes…,” Chaz growled, “I’m hungrrrry…”
“Devourer of what?”
“Heart…”, Chaz tilted his head towards Dillon. I inched my way back to my room.
“Oh hell no,” I heard him say before there was another ‘poof’. I looked up thinking that Dillion had escaped by rubbing the lamp, but no. This time the dang thing worked like it was supposed to do. Now standing in the middle of our living room was not only Ammut, but the ugliest man I had ever seen in my life. Seriously, I felt sorry for the poor sap. Taken to a time in the distant past and forced to be a slave to Dillion of all people.
“Okay, let me guess,” the Genie boomed, “for your first wish you want me to change your friend back to normal.”
Flabbergasted, Dillion shook his head yes.
“Oh, I’m sorry my master. I didn’t quite hear the magic words,” Genie smiled as he actually allowed Chaz to pass right by him.
“Ah wish Chaz was Chaz again!”
“Fine,” Genie huffed with a snap of his fingers. In an instant Ammut was gone and (fully clothed) Chaz landed on Dillion’s chest nibbling at his shirt. It took him a minute to realize that his hunger was gone and his mind was back.
“What happened,” Chaz questioned as he removed himself from Dillion’s persons, “wasn’t I supposed to get the body of a god or something?”
“Technically you did,” I said, “including his insatiable hunger for hearts.”
“You freaking turned into a monster.”
“Not all gods are hot,” I shrugged, as Chaz pouted to himself.
“Wait a minute…,” Dillion realized something, “You were going to let him eat me!”
“No, I was…,” I looked up to the genie as I came to my own realization. Dillion had two wishes left, “No! I was just trying to-”
“Save it, you traitor,” Dillion looked up to his Genie, “I wish to…”
“Oh you really don’t want to do that,” the Genie warned.
“Quiet! I’m the master here! And I wish that Brandon was the ugliest man on earth!”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” the Genie snapped his fingers again and another puff of smoke blinded me.
My hands immediately moved to cover myself as I ran for the bathroom. I hesitated to look at myself in the mirror, but unfortunately it was the first thing that I would see going in there. I stopped almost immediately, I was starring face to face with the Genie. Or, I looked exactly like him. In the other room, I could hear the Genie boom to himself.
“Ah, so much better! I hope you don’t mind if I changed my own appearance, Master.”
“You bastard,” I ran back to the living room, “You stole my face!”
“I don’t mind at all,” Dillion chuckled to himself, “it’s a good look for you.”
“Okay, you’ve had your fun,” I cried, “now give me back my face!”
“And waste my last wish? I think not,” Dillion swung the lamp around by its handle, “what to do? What to do?” “I’m serious,” I shouted at him, “this isn’t funny.”
“Oh don’t worry about that,” the Genie poofed next to me, “I just know you’re going to love this next part.”
“Oh, I know,” Dillion’s eyes sparkled as he came up with the perfect wish for himself, “I wish to throw the biggest party with me, all my dawgs and that I’ll never get another hangover again!”
“Watch this,” the face stealer poofed back to the middle of the living room and took a bow, “as you command, my very stupid master.”
“Wait? What do rou rean,” Dillion stopped and shook his head almost instantly turning into a great dane, “rut?”
Dillion reached for his face, but his hands turned into paws. He panicked some more as he lost his balance and feel to his knees. He didn’t stay in that position for too long as his pants slipped down his reforming legs. Dillion very uneasily rose back up onto all fours as his tail finished forming. The genie laughed hard at this.
“What the hell did you do to him!?!”
“I turned him into a dog,” the Genie laughed, “Didn’t you know? Dogs should only drink fresh water, so you’ll never get a hang over again.”
“That’s not what he meant by having a party with his Dawgs.”
“Oh, I know. He really should have worded that better,” the Genie smiled, “but if he hadn’t then we wouldn’t have gotten our revenge on him.”
“I’m sorry,” Chaz raised his hand, “what do you mean, ‘we’?”
“Oh not you,” the Genie pointed to me and himself, “us. We. Me. I’m Brandon of the future.”
“What!?!”
“Yeah, I didn’t really believe it at first either, but here I am,” Genie booped me on my new nose, “well, sort of. Of course, as soon as I finish Dillion’s wish, I’m going to use my own wish to fix all of this.”
“That’s…”
“Incredibly In-Genie-us. I know,” Genie smiled, “Gee, I wish I thought of that pun the first time I had that thought.”
“So…,” Chaz questioned, “we’re basically in a time paradox?”
“I guess so,” Genie shrugged as he poofed Dillion into a giant dog carrier, “Now, I’m going to take Fido here to the pound so that he can have the party he wanted. Then I’ll be sucked right back into that lamp. You two might want to let him stay there a few days, weeks, but I’m going to need my face back sometime.”
“I…,” I nodded to myself. Yeah, all of this could work out. All I had to do was rub the lamp when I felt like I was ready and I could undo all of this when I got back from my own trip. It really was the perfect plan, “Okay.”
“Okay!?! Brandon! You cannot be serious,” Chaz yelled, “Turn Dillion back now!”
“Oh, I can’t. Time paradox and all that… speaking of which. That reminds me,” Gennie snapped his fingers once more, “Dillion did say with all of “his Dawgs”.”
“You dirty rotten son of a bark,” Chaz yipped as his body shrunk to the size and shape of a pomeranian. He wasn’t the least bit pleased to be placed right next to Dillion inside the carrier.
“Now me,” Genie stated as he lifted the carrier as if it were a suitcase, “You take a few days off and rest. You deserve it. Just don’t forget to rub that lamp. Otherwise, the whole universe might implode. Hahaha. Byeeee…”
And that’s just what I did. I spent the next week relaxing at home. Isabella came by looking for Dillion, but I had to explain that I was just house-sitting for them. I also came up with the idea of breaking them up by saying that she was almost as pretty as the girl Dillion had when we left. Hehehe… Okay, I couldn’t resist. I had this chance to start over. Full complete slate. Of course, I had to fix all of this. I thought about it long and hard to make absolutely certain that I had the right words to use before I left.
So the day came. Maybe two or three weeks later, but who’s counting? I finally rubbed that lamp. All of the events occurred just as they had before. I dropped Dillion and Chaz off at the local dog shelter. And boy did they party. Especially when I temporarily removed Chaz’s memories. Dillion I couldn’t do that much for. Apparently, I couldn’t alter my master’s mind as that would be against the cosmic rules. Still, I did “accidentally” schedule him for a very special operation. Maybe then he’d be nicer to me and everyone else.
After my work was complete, I poofed right back into my living room. Now was the time to get my life back together. I had my well thought out wish written down on the coffee table. Before I did anything else, I picked it up and read my perfect little wish, “I wish that everything would be as it was before I had ever saw this lamp for the first time.”
*Poof*  I don’t know where it came from and I especially don’t know how it ended up in my house, let alone my room. It just showed up on my antique desk. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I even touched that old desk. Yet, I checked it twice. Yeah… there it was. There sat a dusty old oil lamp.
Yes, I mean one of those oil lamps from Arabian Nights. Yes, the ones that supposedly have a genie inside should you just rub it. Yes, there’s really no kicking around the bush with this one…
Yet when I first saw it, the first thing that I thought was that it was some kind of joke. Something my housemates planted in my room to see if I’d rub it or something. I’ve had a bit of a thing for genies and wishes for a while now. I can’t help that the subject forever fascinated me. Wasn’t it the same for everyone who saw Aladdin growing up?
Well because of that, I thought it was some kind of prank. I decided to ignore it. Completely block its existence from my mind. Not think about it for hours on end just so that I could rub it and feel like a complete idiot for doing so… despite I was failing at that miserably.
What if this was the one? What if I was letting this chance slip me by completely…
“No. No! Bad Brandon. Bad! You’re not supposed to think about it!”, I kept telling myself as I played on my old Playstation 4. No, I’m not nearly rich enough to buy the latest console… Though I could always wish for… NO! Stop thinking about it!
“Yo Brandy,” Chaz, the first of my two other housemates knocked on the door, “the toilet’s backing up again.”
“What,” I asked only half-listening to what he had said. Unfortunately, this caused my video game character to die. For like the nineteenth time since I had first seen that dusty old lamp. I don’t know how long it plagued my mind.
The… End…?
I don’t know where it came from and I especially don’t know how it ended up in my house, let alone my room. It just showed up on my old desk. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I even touched that desk. Yet, I checked it twice. Yeah… there it was. There sat a dusty old oil lamp.
Yes, I mean one of those oil lamps from Arabian Nights. Yes, the ones that supposedly have a genie inside should you just rub it. Yes, there’s really no kicking around the bush with this one…
Yet when I first saw it, the first thing that I thought was that it was some kind of joke. Something my housemates planted in my room to see if I’d rub it or something. I’ve had a bit of a thing for genies and wishes for a while now. I can’t help that the subject forever fascinated me. Wasn’t it the same for everyone who saw Aladdin growing up?
Well because of that, I thought it was some kind of prank. I decided to ignore it. Completely block its existence from my mind. Not think about it for hours on end just so that I could rub it and feel like a complete idiot for doing so… despite I was failing at that miserably.
What if this was the one? What if I was letting this chance slip me by completely…
“No. No! Bad Brandon. Bad! You’re not supposed to think about it!”, I kept telling myself as I played on my old Playstation 2. No, I’m not nearly rich enough to buy the latest console… Though I could always wish for… NO! Stop thinking about it!
“Yo Brandy,” Chaz, the first of my two other housemates knocked on the door, “the toilet’s backing up again.”
“What,” I asked only half-listening to what he had said. Unfortunately, this caused my video game character to die. For like the nineteenth time since I had first seen that dusty old lamp. I don’t know how long it plagued my mind.
“Earth to Brandy,” Chaz waved a hand in the air, “Toilet. Plunger. Need. Now.”
“Okay fine,” I grumbled as I went to my private bathroom. I own the house, so naturally I get the master bedroom. I earned it and I pay for the larger amount of the rent. So there. Why else can we only afford one toilet plunger?
“Hey is that a-,” Chaz took notice of the huge brass paperweight that sat on the desk I never use, “Oh man. I seriously can’t believe you bought that!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied as I unwrapped the plunger for use.
“Don’t play dumb,” Chaz marched over to my old desk, “I knew you were really into this stuff, but seriously? Did you rub it yet to see how much money you wasted?”
“I didn’t buy it. It was there when I got here,” I finally admitted to it being there, “it must be some kind of prank that Dillon’s trying to pull…”
“Nah, Dillon’s been out with Isabella,” Chaz turned to swish his hips while saying, “Alllll niiiight loooong…”
“Okay Stop It,” I swung the plunger at Chaz. He knew that I had a thing for Isabella. Heck, just when I had the courage to ask her out Dillon swooped in and stole her away from me. Chaz just liked to say that every time those two went out. Not that it really matters. I knew for a fact that Dillon was trying to sleep off a hang over in the living room.
Either way, Chaz (very understandably) jumped back from the dirty plunger. Doing so caused him to knock the lamp tumbling to the ground. I expected it to clank or something similar to that effect to show that it really was hallow. Instead, the lamp stopped a few inches short of the ground, flipped back over, and sat gently on the floor with a light “ting” sound.
The next couple of seconds was nothing, but empty silence. Chaz rubbed his eyes to make certain that he wasn’t hallucinating from the fumes or something. I actually had to pinch myself too. That is if the lamp didn’t huff dust out of it’s nozzle as if it was mad at us or something. At that point, I didn’t care if this was a dream or not. That lamp was magic.
“Okay, Dibs,” Chaz shouted at me before bending down to scoop up the lamp.
“Not on your life,” was my reply as I made a leap for the lamp myself. This was not a good idea. Let’s face it. There was no way for me to make it to the lamp before Chaz could. Who knew if it was a good thing to awaken a Genie?
As soon as Chaz rubbed the lamp, he just vanished. I mean literally Poof! He was gone. I stared blankly as the lamp fell again. My brain didn’t exactly process what had happened to my roommate before I had already reached out to catch the falling lamp. I caught it in time, but I dared not to rub it myself. At least not until I noticed that the old lamp had lit itself with a weird green flame.
Hesitantly, I put the thing back onto my desk. I did my best to not rub its glossy surface, but I knew that I had. The lack of dust was proof of that. And yet, I was still here. I didn’t vanish or anything.
Why? What happened to Chaz? And why wasn’t I affected?
I wondered these thoughts for a long time. I’m not sure exactly how long. Looking at that erie flame, I got this weird thought into my head about what had happened. Somehow my housemate got sucked into the lamp. The reason that I wasn’t affected was because the lamp was already “occupied” with its Genie… and three wishes remaining…
I shook my head at the thought. It certainly wasn’t one of my ideas. It just came into my head the moment I looked into the flame. It was crazy, but somehow I knew it had to be the truth. Why? Again, I don’t know. That wasn’t exactly the next question that I had. No, the next question that I had was.
“How are we going to get you out of there,” I asked the lamp as if Chaz could hear me. Well, he had to of been able to, right? There had to be some logical explanation for this. Maybe I could… I thought for it a bit longer. Not because I didn’t have any idea what to do, but because I knew that one false word could be fatal.
“Okay, um…,” I rubbed the lamp for good luck that I picked the right words, “I wish that Chaz was back out of the lamp and safely here in my room again.”
I stood there for like an idiot for a bit longer waiting for my wish to come true or something. Nothing. Chaz was still trapped in the lamp.
“Oh god,” placing my fingers to my forehead, “I’m gonna have to wake up Dillon…”
I strode my way into the living room. Well, I ran past the bathroom, but that was for a different reason. I had almost forgotten that it had been clogged. You know, with my friend trapped in an ancient artifact and all that. It just slipped my mind. I now stood over Dillon in all his hung over glory.
Sure, he’s a real lady’s man when he’s out with Isabella. At home, he’s anything but. He was sprawled out on the hand-me-down couch in nothing but his underpants and a wife-beater. I could still smell the beer coming off his rank clothes from a yard away. How could he smell that bad after a dinner date is beyond me. On the other hand, how he could go drinking this much After a date was also a little out of my ability to reason.
I know, I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that in this particular situation, but I was hesitating. It wasn’t the fact that he was dating Isabella that bugged me. No, waking him up during a hangover was what made me hesitate. I can barely tolerate him when he wasn’t half sick. Right now, it’s like poking a bear with a stick.
“Dillon wake up,” I shouted. He only stirred a little bit at the noise. Otherwise, he ignored me. Good, it wasn’t as bad of a hangover as his usual bit. Still, I didn’t have time to play this game. I flipped over the whole couch causing him to fall to the floor.
“What the hell man,” Dillon shouted scrambling to get to his feet to knock me out or something.
“Chaz is in trouble.”
“Not nearly as much trouble as you’re going to be if you don’t let me sleep,” Dillon grunted as he stomped around the couch I had already took measures against this by running over the other side.
“I mean it,” I tried to explain, “There was this lamp in my room. No, I didn’t rub it! But Chaz did. And now he’s… well LOOK!”
I pointed the lamp at Chaz. At first, he ignored it as he set the couch back up. He then turned to yell something else, then stopped the moment his eyes rested on the green flame. The same thought bubble that popped into my head before, somehow found it’s way into his. He shook his head violently, clutching it.
“Oh God,” Dillon stated as if he was just hit with the biggest migraine, “How the hell did he wind up in there?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged as I shouted back, “It’s magic! I don’t know how to get him out either!”
“You try wishing him out?”
“Of course I tried wishing him out,” I stated as I slammed the lamp onto the wooden frame that we used as a coffee table.
“W-well… what about snuffing out the flame?”
“What if that kills him or something worse!”
“Well we’ve got to do something,” he stated as he got a glass of water. It’s not that I really thought it would kill Chaz or anything, it’s just that we didn’t have idea about what the heck was going on. I let Dillon pour the water on the fire, but it just swished around and splashed him back in the face.
“Oh of course,” Dillon spat, “It’s a magic flame. Just what I need.”
Before we could do anything else the flame suddenly flickered and swirled into another color. This time, it was blue. The two of us stared at each other. We were both thinking the same thought. Just like before when that other thought invaded our minds. This time, however, it stated, “one down.”

We spent the next hour or so just staring at the lamp. What? Who were we going to call? Who would believe us when we said that our friend was trapped in an old oil lamp like some magic genie. Oh and by the way, there are no wishes. Seriously, even the most deluded individuals wouldn’t fall for that one.
The flame stayed blue for just as long. I actually decided to leave after an hour had passed. Why? Do you want to know what was stuffing up the toilet? Neither do I, but it was starting to really stink up the house. I actually managed to fix the problem myself, when in comes Dillon with the flaming lamp.
“Brandon, Look,” he slammed into the other wall as he slid across the floor. I looked up. About to make a joke about bringing a flame in here, when I saw it. The flame had changed color again or… lost color. Gah, It turned white, okay! The point is that it had turned white. Now looking into the flame I could see the thought, “two down.”
“Two down,” Dillon repeated for me, as if I didn’t ‘think it’ already, “I think this is the last flame.”
“I think you’re right,” I said looking at it carefully. Again, that was how I confirmed it. One more down and Chaz can come out. That’s how most of this kind of stuff works. It always comes in threes. Whatever, “it” was. Clearly, we had no control over this.
“Oh man,” Dillon led the way back to the kitchen area. (It was more of the place where we kept all the dirty dishes.), “This isn’t how this is supposed to work. You rub a lamp and out pops the genie, not get sucked in yourself.”
Dillon stated as he tried to slam the lamp down on the counter. Tried being the key word here as the lamp stopped Dillon’s arm short with its weird forcefield. It then slipped out of his grasp and setting itself down gently. It turned to face the two of us, then just raised it’s nose in disgust. The cursed thing was sentient.
“This is all your fault you know,” I yelled.
“How can this possibly be my fault,” Dillon shouted back.
“Not you,” I pointed to the lamp, “that thing obviously knows what’s going on.”
The lamp’s flame intensified for an instant, but then returned to it’s normal size.
“See,” I shouted at it, the flame lowered as much as it could as if to say ’i’m not here right now’, “It’s too late pretending that you don’t exist. Now give us back our friend!”
‘Not until the last wish.’
I tried to ask “what wish?” That’s when the flame burst away and Chaz was back!… in the most ridiculous costume I’d ever seen. Even Sadi Arabia would say that his clothes were too silly for them. He was confused about where he was for a few moments. He then saw the two of us and was more than overjoyed.
“Oh thank Gawd! I’m back,” Chaz started jumping up and down like a little kid, “wait… is the toilet still backed up?”
“Um,” I looked over to the restroom, “no? We fixed it.”
“Awesome! Got to go,” Chaz waved as he walked past us, “all that spicy food’s killed my digestive tract.”
I’ll skip any of the gory details, but basically we’re going to need that plunger again. Chaz also took a shower and changed his clothes before he was ready to tell us what had happened to him. Apparently, whatever myths or legends about magic lamps as we knew them were wrong. Sure, you could rub a lamp and get a Genie. However, genies weren’t some kind of ancient beings who would grant people’s wishes. Turned out they were people who were grabbed from the future using the Lamp as a kind of time machine.
Chaz was sent straight to someone who had rubbed the lamp before. Centuries before. He spent weeks there waiting to grant his master’s wishes. And as it turned out he didn’t get any actual magical powers. The magic just happens, but only enough so that Chaz could grant the wish himself. Like with the first wish, his master wished for a great feast. This caused time to stop entirely, just so that Chaz could gather and make all the food himself. The moment that his task was done, time restarted itself.
“It was so weird,” Chaz stated as he laid back on the sofa, “I can’t tell you how great it is to sit in this lumpy old couch and to be in my old clothes again.”
“So you didn’t get any wishes with this lamp? Only a bunch of hard work and a waste of time,” I sighed.
“Actually, I was allowed to have one wish, but…,” Chaz looked down on himself, “I guess it didn’t work out.”
“What did you wish for,” Dillion asked.
“I wished to have the body of a god, but…,” Chaz displayed himself to show how incredibly thin he was, “I guess there’s only so much that-AGHHH!!!”
That’s when our trouble started. Turns out you still had to put your wish into words. Chaz was getting exactly what he asked for, unfortunately he didn’t specify what kind of “god” he would have the body of. Chaz quickly leaped off of the couch as if something was biting him in the butt. He dropped his pants just in time for us to witness his legs blow up like balloons. I was a little too distracted by his tearing underpants to notice that he was growing in other ways too. His chest swelled as he grew a coat of fur down his expanding arms. His t-shirt was stretched out, but miraculously didn’t tear apart.
“Dude,” Dillion shouted at Chaz, “what’s happening?”
“I don’t knaaahh,” Chaz’s mouth stretched out cutting off his words. His face dried up and grew scaly. Chaz fell over as his hair grew thicker and covered what remained of his unchanged face. His heavy breathing slowed as he adjusted to his new frame.
“Holy… Chaz,” I stated backing up as I recognized exactly which ‘god’ he became, “You’re Ammutt.”
“That’s one whacked up dog,” Dillion pointed at our roommate.
“No, not A Mutt, you stupid jock! Ammut,” I shouted, “As in the Devourer!”
“Dudes…,” Chaz growled, “I’m hungrrrry…”
“Devourer of what?”
“Heart…”, Chaz tilted his head towards Dillon. I inched my way back to my room.
“Oh hell no,” I heard him say before there was another ‘poof’. I looked up thinking that Dillion had escaped by rubbing the lamp, but no. This time the dang thing worked like it was supposed to do. Now standing in the middle of our living room was not only Ammut, but the ugliest man I had ever seen in my life. Seriously, I felt sorry for the poor sap. Taken to a time in the distant past and forced to be a slave to Dillion of all people.
“Okay, let me guess,” the Genie boomed, “for your first wish you want me to change your friend back to normal.”
Flabbergasted, Dillion shook his head yes.
“Oh, I’m sorry my master. I didn’t quite hear the magic words,” Genie smiled as he actually allowed Chaz to pass right by him.
“Ah wish Chaz was Chaz again!”
“Fine,” Genie huffed with a snap of his fingers. In an instant Ammut was gone and (fully clothed) Chaz landed on Dillion’s chest nibbling at his shirt. It took him a minute to realize that his hunger was gone and his mind was back.
“What happened,” Chaz questioned as he removed himself from Dillion’s persons, “wasn’t I supposed to get the body of a god or something?”
“Technically you did,” I said, “including his insatiable hunger for hearts.”
“You freaking turned into a monster.”
“Not all gods are hot,” I shrugged, as Chaz pouted to himself.
“Wait a minute…,” Dillion realized something, “You were going to let him eat me!”
“No, I was…,” I looked up to the genie as I came to my own realization. Dillion had two wishes left, “No! I was just trying to-”
“Save it, you traitor,” Dillion looked up to his Genie, “I wish to…”
“Oh you really don’t want to do that,” the Genie warned.
“Quiet! I’m the master here! And I wish that Brandon was the ugliest man on earth!”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” the Genie snapped his fingers again and another puff of smoke blinded me.
My hands immediately moved to cover myself as I ran for the bathroom. I hesitated to look at myself in the mirror, but unfortunately it was the first thing that I would see going in there. I stopped almost immediately, I was starring face to face with the Genie. Or, I looked exactly like him. In the other room, I could hear the Genie boom to himself.
“Ah, so much better! I hope you don’t mind if I changed my own appearance, Master.”
“You bastard,” I ran back to the living room, “You stole my face!”
“I don’t mind at all,” Dillion chuckled to himself, “it’s a good look for you.”
“Okay, you’ve had your fun,” I cried, “now give me back my face!”
“And waste my last wish? I think not,” Dillion swung the lamp around by its handle, “what to do? What to do?” “I’m serious,” I shouted at him, “this isn’t funny.”
“Oh don’t worry about that,” the Genie poofed next to me, “I just know you’re going to love this next part.”
“Oh, I know,” Dillion’s eyes sparkled as he came up with the perfect wish for himself, “I wish to throw the biggest party with me, all my dawgs and that I’ll never get another hangover again!”
“Watch this,” the face stealer poofed back to the middle of the living room and took a bow, “as you command, my very stupid master.”
“Wait? What do rou rean,” Dillion stopped and shook his head almost instantly turning into a great dane, “rut?”
Dillion reached for his face, but his hands turned into paws. He panicked some more as he lost his balance and feel to his knees. He didn’t stay in that position for too long as his pants slipped down his reforming legs. Dillion very uneasily rose back up onto all fours as his tail finished forming. The genie laughed hard at this.
“What the hell did you do to him!?!”
“I turned him into a dog,” the Genie laughed, “Didn’t you know? Dogs should only drink fresh water, so you’ll never get a hang over again.”
“That’s not what he meant by having a party with his Dawgs.”
“Oh, I know. He really should have worded that better,” the Genie smiled, “but if he hadn’t then we wouldn’t have gotten our revenge on him.”
“I’m sorry,” Chaz raised his hand, “what do you mean, ‘we’?”
“Oh not you,” the Genie pointed to me and himself, “us. We. Me. I’m Brandon of the future.”
“What!?!”
“Yeah, I didn’t really believe it at first either, but here I am,” Genie booped me on my new nose, “well, sort of. Of course, as soon as I finish Dillion’s wish, I’m going to use my own wish to fix all of this.”
“That’s…”
“Incredibly In-Genie-us. I know,” Genie smiled, “Gee, I wish I thought of that pun the first time I had that thought.”
“So…,” Chaz questioned, “we’re basically in a time paradox?”
“I guess so,” Genie shrugged as he poofed Dillion into a giant dog carrier, “Now, I’m going to take Fido here to the pound so that he can have the party he wanted. Then I’ll be sucked right back into that lamp. You two might want to let him stay there a few days, weeks, but I’m going to need my face back sometime.”
“I…,” I nodded to myself. Yeah, all of this could work out. All I had to do was rub the lamp when I felt like I was ready and I could undo all of this when I got back from my own trip. It really was the perfect plan, “Okay.”
“Okay!?! Brandon! You cannot be serious,” Chaz yelled, “Turn Dillion back now!”
“Oh, I can’t. Time paradox and all that… speaking of which. That reminds me,” Gennie snapped his fingers once more, “Dillion did say with all of “his Dawgs”.”
“You dirty rotten son of a bark,” Chaz yipped as his body shrunk to the size and shape of a pomeranian. He wasn’t the least bit pleased to be placed right next to Dillion inside the carrier.
“Now me,” Genie stated as he lifted the carrier as if it were a suitcase, “You take a few days off and rest. You deserve it. Just don’t forget to rub that lamp. Otherwise, the whole universe might implode. Hahaha. Byeeee…”
And that’s just what I did. I spent the next week relaxing at home. Isabella came by looking for Dillion, but I had to explain that I was just house-sitting for them. I also came up with the idea of breaking them up by saying that she was almost as pretty as the girl Dillion had when we left. Hehehe… Okay, I couldn’t resist. I had this chance to start over. Full complete slate. Of course, I had to fix all of this. I thought about it long and hard to make absolutely certain that I had the right words to use before I left.
So the day came. Maybe two or three weeks later, but who’s counting? I finally rubbed that lamp. All of the events occurred just as they had before. I dropped Dillion and Chaz off at the local dog shelter. And boy did they party. Especially when I temporarily removed Chaz’s memories. Dillion I couldn’t do that much for. Apparently, I couldn’t alter my master’s mind as that would be against the cosmic rules. Still, I did “accidentally” schedule him for a very special operation. Maybe then he’d be nicer to me and everyone else.
After my work was complete, I poofed right back into my living room. Now was the time to get my life back together. I had my well thought out wish written down on the coffee table. Before I did anything else, I picked it up and read my perfect little wish, “I wish that everything would be as it was before I had ever saw this lamp for the first time.”
*Poof*  I don’t know where it came from and I especially don’t know how it ended up in my house, let alone my room. It just showed up on my antique desk. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I even touched that old desk. Yet, I checked it twice. Yeah… there it was. There sat a dusty old oil lamp.
Yes, I mean one of those oil lamps from Arabian Nights. Yes, the ones that supposedly have a genie inside should you just rub it. Yes, there’s really no kicking around the bush with this one…
Yet when I first saw it, the first thing that I thought was that it was some kind of joke. Something my housemates planted in my room to see if I’d rub it or something. I’ve had a bit of a thing for genies and wishes for a while now. I can’t help that the subject forever fascinated me. Wasn’t it the same for everyone who saw Aladdin growing up?
Well because of that, I thought it was some kind of prank. I decided to ignore it. Completely block its existence from my mind. Not think about it for hours on end just so that I could rub it and feel like a complete idiot for doing so… despite I was failing at that miserably.
What if this was the one? What if I was letting this chance slip me by completely…
“No. No! Bad Brandon. Bad! You’re not supposed to think about it!”, I kept telling myself as I played on my old Playstation 4. No, I’m not nearly rich enough to buy the latest console… Though I could always wish for… NO! Stop thinking about it!
“Yo Brandy,” Chaz, the first of my two other housemates knocked on the door, “the toilet’s backing up again.”
“What,” I asked only half-listening to what he had said. Unfortunately, this caused my video game character to die. For like the nineteenth time since I had first seen that dusty old lamp. I don’t know how long it plagued my mind.
The… End…?
Category Story / Fantasy
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File Size 72.7 kB
Not bad! I love your unique spin you put on the genie cosmology. Time paradoxes are really creepy and make for great twists to stories, I think! You said you like RL Stein, right? I can see some of the influence in your writing style. I also like that thing you said about the wishes the genie had to grant. I've read some of '1,001 Arabian Nights' in my free-time, and your story reminded me of something I saw in 'the Fairly Odd Parents' that I thought was really funny in comparison to the book. They said that the Three Wishes that a genie has to grant always play out as follows:
Wish 1: something stupid, like a giant sandwich.
Wish 2: something that radically changes reality, usually involving money and power
then everything goes horribly wrong as a result, leading to,
Wish 3: that everything would go back to the way it was before they rubbed the lamp
And it's true! And by the by, we have no idea if we're stuck in an endless time-space loop right now. Freaky.
Wish 1: something stupid, like a giant sandwich.
Wish 2: something that radically changes reality, usually involving money and power
then everything goes horribly wrong as a result, leading to,
Wish 3: that everything would go back to the way it was before they rubbed the lamp
And it's true! And by the by, we have no idea if we're stuck in an endless time-space loop right now. Freaky.
Well, thanks. Also, I won't deny that Fairly Odd Parents didn't at least influence how I made the wishes. I was actually having a hard time coming up with some of them at first. Especially Chaz… ironically.
As for the Space-time loop, I like to think that it's rather limited to just the three of them (or four depending on how you look at it). I know they're subtle, but there are a few changes inside of their loop. Seriously, even we don't know how far back the loop goes. It could have even been as far back as Egyptian times.
As for the Space-time loop, I like to think that it's rather limited to just the three of them (or four depending on how you look at it). I know they're subtle, but there are a few changes inside of their loop. Seriously, even we don't know how far back the loop goes. It could have even been as far back as Egyptian times.
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