Well, as far as structure goes, the story's pretty good. You have good imagery, and a few good metaphors as well, and the character's thoughts come through well without forcing the reader to depend on them to know the story. It's more like they run parallel to each other (the thoughts and the story, both running at the same pace).

There's a nice reference to the previous (albiet ongoing) series, though it feels a little disjointed, which is completely my fault, given that the previous series isn't even completed yet. However, maybe a bit of information on how the morning next had been - if it was awkward, if they had coffee and talked a bit, or if they had more "fun" while brushing their teeth even - would be warranted, if only to make the flow between the two stories a bit smoother (though if it's included in AWANP then it won't be so pertinent). And speaking of flow, what about Emily? Will she remain forgotten, and be used as a plot device? Will Gary reconcile with Tony? Will they find a way for Tony's anger to be calmed in a less explosive manner (which, when described, sounded a bit out of character for him: Tony comes across as more of a calm, collected person, so such a reservoir of anger should be taken so calmly, should it?)?

As for the grammar, it's pretty good. Again, good imagery and similies/metaphors, and I couldn't find much (if anything) in terms of misused words, though the "zebra crossing" kinda confused me; were you refering to the crosswalk itself, the stripes on the pavement? If so, wouldn't it be "zebra-patterned crossing"?

Now, if you can make sense of my comments, then you are more of a writer for deciphering it (trust me, even I get confused by my own comments).

Yeah, this has been undergoing revision lately and has started to veery in a slightly different direction. I did try at first to start off with the morning after Tony and Garty's encounter, but I found it difficult to continue and started several days or weeks after.

A zebra crossing is a British term; essentially it's a series on painted stripes used to designate crossing areas on roads. They're called zebra crossings because the white stripes on black tarmac looks like the stripes of a zebra.

Hm, I can see why you'd go in a different direction than starting in the morning; that sort of thing would be better suited for the conclusion of the original series, rather than a sequal, because it would show how Gary reacts to waking up after his first night with a man. By setting it a few days/weeks after, we get a different reaction and approach to how he's handling his (relatively) new revelation.

Hm, by stripes, you mean a pattern something like this;
/ / / / / / / / / / / /
I think I've seen those before, and that was what I was reffering to in my first comment, though the phrase is very new to me. Anyhow, thanks for clearing that up; I was going to do the same when I saw the word "wont" in there, but when I looked it up, as a misspelling didn't explain it, it suddenly made much more sense (aw, dictionary.com, what can't you think up?). Good word for the situation, by the way, I'd never heard of it before.