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For the most part, this piece is another tired and world-weary lament about the fact that getting older really sucks, especially when you throw depression into the mix. It’s also fairly straightforward, following the ‘Utinam’ motif, (‘utinam’ being Latin for ‘if only’). Pieces following this particular motif tend to be either be laments, or fervent wishes, or perhaps a combination of both. Of course, as Momma is wont to say: "Should-haves are the shits."
Other than that, there is also perhaps a faint echo of Neil Young’s 1970 song ‘After the Goldrush’ in the piece as well, specifically the lines:
I was lying in a burned-out basement,
with the full moon in my eyes…
I was hoping for a replacement,
when the sun burst through the sky…
Other than that, there is also perhaps a faint echo of Neil Young’s 1970 song ‘After the Goldrush’ in the piece as well, specifically the lines:
I was lying in a burned-out basement,
with the full moon in my eyes…
I was hoping for a replacement,
when the sun burst through the sky…
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 1.6 kB
I like it; both the concept, and poem itself, are good. However, I want to come back to this at some point to actually sit down, and thoroughly critique it. I need practice fully critiquing poetry, so I'll start with this poem. I assume you don't mind, but is that assumption correct? I feel this is a good idea; because this poem deals with themes we've both felt at some point, despite my younger age.
By all means. Only caveat was that I (quite obviously) wasn't striving for perfection here. Sometimes, when the well has been running pretty dry (as it certainly has been of late), you start to become a little less fussy about whatever moisture you can extract.
Oftentimes, those are the pieces I revisit and tweak a bit later, when the vision is a little less clouded.
Oftentimes, those are the pieces I revisit and tweak a bit later, when the vision is a little less clouded.
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