Alternate Title: I Remember

I’ll say this first in case you don’t want to have to handle with one person’s grief today: this was done by  jagzcat who was simply wonderful. Professional, prompt, I couldn’t have asked for someone better to do this work.

He died a bit over a year ago.
I wanted to give myself a year to get over the initial grief and mourning and see if I still felt like getting a memorial piece done.
Then finding a suitable artist and getting the commission completed took up the rest of the time.
I know I can cope with it.
I have, in many ways, moved on, taken advantage of the freedom not looking after a pet brings.
But there’s still something important I wanted to capture, something that demanded recognition, not just in my thoughts, but in some kind of concrete, physical form.
Something that could illustrate the depth of feeling I have over losing him.
So of course I did my usual thing when wanting to express myself, I commissioned an artwork.

Ultimately, I just wanted to convey that I loved him.
In, I hope, the same way he loved me.
Unconditionally.
In how he would curl up over my arm like you see above.
In how he would flop onto the carpet in the sun, secure in the knowledge I would be there to take care of him.
In how we would fall asleep together, and how waking up with his warm body next to me would always be the best part of the day.
There were several occasions where I failed him, where I could have done more to make his life better.
I wish I could let him know that they were failings in my character, in my ability to cope.
Not in him.
And not in my love for him.
And while he could be annoying and demanding (I came very close to getting kicked out of a share house because of him) the moments of utter comfort he gave me, the moments we (I hope) gave each other, made it all worth it.
With him gone, I doubt I will find such peace and contentment again.
Yet another thing that I’ve lost in his passing.

You may never have known it, little guy, but you meant a lot to me.
And I hope this goes a small way towards demonstrating that.
Even if you’re not here to see it.


_{I have never felt that Theta reflects me better than in this pic
You bet I cried while writing this}