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Story / Fat Furs
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More from delectable
Just something I wrote up one day. I enjoyed writing it, though it's very fetishy and has little plot to it. But I hope someone else can enjoy it somehow.
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Avian (Other)
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 9 kB
Wonderful story, Del! ^^ The characterization is very well developed; it was easy to identify with the wily fox, and you were able to give the goose a personality of her own even though she's a mute character. I also appreciate how you avoided plugging in escalating numbers (i.e. 50 lbs, then 100 lbs, then...), instead leaving specifics up to the reader's imagination: "He held her carefully in his paws, and set her on to a scale. He chuckled at how the dial spun and where it stopped, patting the goose's gently heaving belly."
All in all, a very refreshing read; I look forward to the possibility of more of your stories! =3
All in all, a very refreshing read; I look forward to the possibility of more of your stories! =3
What a nice comment, I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much! :)
I appreciate you noticing those details, it's very fun for me to write about this type of character dynamic. And yes, I'm not very fond of quantifying the weight gain, it's so abstract for me to imagine 20 lbs, 50 lbs, etc. I'd rather just try to describe it a little and then leave the rest up to the readers imagination. Plus, I think everyone likes different degrees of fattening.
I'll try to write more soon! Thank you so much for the encouragement.
I appreciate you noticing those details, it's very fun for me to write about this type of character dynamic. And yes, I'm not very fond of quantifying the weight gain, it's so abstract for me to imagine 20 lbs, 50 lbs, etc. I'd rather just try to describe it a little and then leave the rest up to the readers imagination. Plus, I think everyone likes different degrees of fattening.
I'll try to write more soon! Thank you so much for the encouragement.
This was good, but I have a few comments:
First off, I really like this sort of "story book" feeling to your writing. This almost feels like one of those uncut Grimm's fairytales. There's almost a "don't trust strangers with candy" moral as well. I could also kinda see the fox having Hanibal Lector's voice.
My main problem, tho, is that the whole story is pretty much a tease, abet a long one: why do we have to have details about every single large amount of food the goose ate? We know the fox is going to eat her in the end, why take so long to get there? And in spite of that, there's little suspense, the goose is never suspicious, even when looking death right in the face, she seems to brush it off.
You've got the makings of a really good story here, I just suggest you clean it up a little more.
First off, I really like this sort of "story book" feeling to your writing. This almost feels like one of those uncut Grimm's fairytales. There's almost a "don't trust strangers with candy" moral as well. I could also kinda see the fox having Hanibal Lector's voice.
My main problem, tho, is that the whole story is pretty much a tease, abet a long one: why do we have to have details about every single large amount of food the goose ate? We know the fox is going to eat her in the end, why take so long to get there? And in spite of that, there's little suspense, the goose is never suspicious, even when looking death right in the face, she seems to brush it off.
You've got the makings of a really good story here, I just suggest you clean it up a little more.
I appreciate your feedback! I don't get a lot of critique on my writing, so this is very helpful to me. :)
Yes, I agree with you, the story is largely a tease - I am not sure how to make it more gratifying in the end, although I suppose I could make it so that the goose is more suspicious. Would it be better if she, say, tried to escape the fox and failed? The premise of the story, which is not largely explained, is that the fox and the goose have been "friends" for quite some time before this particular winter - as in, they were probably children together, and developed a bizarre fantastic bond. Either that, or, the fox raised her from an egg for the purpose of eating her when she matured. So this was my reason for making the goose very naïve to the fox's intentions, she may have never met another predator or even thought to try and protect herself from one.
The detail about the food eaten is probably something that could be cut, you're right. Although for many people I think this is a very fetishized aspect of the story, which is why I chose to write it that way. I meant for it to be a manipulative build-up, but perhaps it is too repetitive.
I do not think I will be revising this piece, though I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration with any future writing. Thanks again for your help!
Yes, I agree with you, the story is largely a tease - I am not sure how to make it more gratifying in the end, although I suppose I could make it so that the goose is more suspicious. Would it be better if she, say, tried to escape the fox and failed? The premise of the story, which is not largely explained, is that the fox and the goose have been "friends" for quite some time before this particular winter - as in, they were probably children together, and developed a bizarre fantastic bond. Either that, or, the fox raised her from an egg for the purpose of eating her when she matured. So this was my reason for making the goose very naïve to the fox's intentions, she may have never met another predator or even thought to try and protect herself from one.
The detail about the food eaten is probably something that could be cut, you're right. Although for many people I think this is a very fetishized aspect of the story, which is why I chose to write it that way. I meant for it to be a manipulative build-up, but perhaps it is too repetitive.
I do not think I will be revising this piece, though I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration with any future writing. Thanks again for your help!
If not for my crippling penchant for procrastination, this comment would have appeared here much sooner, so you have my apologies for the delay.
Despite your concern for this story's carnal intensity, I would have found it a very enjoyable little read even without the fetish it engages, for the language you used in telling the tale is most delightful. As it had already been mentioned, it is vaguely reminiscent of the old fairy tales both in the choice of characters and the general tone of the narration, and it works very smoothly. One thing it begs for in order to complete its stylistic similarity to the past fairy tales is to have "fox" and "goose" capitalized, but it works fine the way it is. Peculiar is the way in which you portrayed the goose character, at the same time being seemingly unable to speak, and yet apparently sentient to a degree, if overtly gullible. That possible backstory idea mentioned by you - the one of her sharing her childhood with fox as a friend - is a very intriguing and rich concept, and it would have added a lot to a story had it been mentioned there, fine piece of work though it is. Again borrowing from the previously said, this story has very neat sense of pacing to it, with numerous instances of feedings and weighings avoiding sounding repetitive, but it may be just my own appreciation of how it was executed.
In any case, it is a very decent writing, quite on par with the classy quality of your drawings, and I wish there would be more to come. Again, I must apologize for denying a splendid new artist his due appreciation. Thank you for the fruits of your labor !
On a side note, in misty times of yore, about a month ago, I stumbled upon a drawing of fox measuring around a very stocky deer or a doe, and I believe that I'd stumbled either in your gallery or in your Favorites section. Do you recall such a picture ? Thank you beforehand ! It would also be great if there was a story behind that drawing in the similar vein as "The Fox an The Goose" that you could someday materialize, but it's an instance of wishful thinking on my part, for it would be nice to see this story's villain protagonist enjoy an even more bountiful feast than the one his companion had kindly provided.
Despite your concern for this story's carnal intensity, I would have found it a very enjoyable little read even without the fetish it engages, for the language you used in telling the tale is most delightful. As it had already been mentioned, it is vaguely reminiscent of the old fairy tales both in the choice of characters and the general tone of the narration, and it works very smoothly. One thing it begs for in order to complete its stylistic similarity to the past fairy tales is to have "fox" and "goose" capitalized, but it works fine the way it is. Peculiar is the way in which you portrayed the goose character, at the same time being seemingly unable to speak, and yet apparently sentient to a degree, if overtly gullible. That possible backstory idea mentioned by you - the one of her sharing her childhood with fox as a friend - is a very intriguing and rich concept, and it would have added a lot to a story had it been mentioned there, fine piece of work though it is. Again borrowing from the previously said, this story has very neat sense of pacing to it, with numerous instances of feedings and weighings avoiding sounding repetitive, but it may be just my own appreciation of how it was executed.
In any case, it is a very decent writing, quite on par with the classy quality of your drawings, and I wish there would be more to come. Again, I must apologize for denying a splendid new artist his due appreciation. Thank you for the fruits of your labor !
On a side note, in misty times of yore, about a month ago, I stumbled upon a drawing of fox measuring around a very stocky deer or a doe, and I believe that I'd stumbled either in your gallery or in your Favorites section. Do you recall such a picture ? Thank you beforehand ! It would also be great if there was a story behind that drawing in the similar vein as "The Fox an The Goose" that you could someday materialize, but it's an instance of wishful thinking on my part, for it would be nice to see this story's villain protagonist enjoy an even more bountiful feast than the one his companion had kindly provided.
Thank you so much for the very in-depth comment! I appreciate your kind words and critique. I do plan on writing again in the near future, so I will keep these things in mind! :) Especially the bit about capitalizing the characters' respective names - that's a good idea, I honestly hadn't remembered that most fairy tales are structured that way. Thank you!
I do try not to be repetitive, although it is difficult given the nature of this fetishism. I am glad you thought it was decently varied. That's definitely something I'm working on for future pieces.
Ah! Yes, I do have that picture. It was a commission gifted to me, by Haradoshin: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3697102/
I had intended to write that story up a while ago, but perhaps after I finish what I'm currently working on, it will come up!
Thank you so much for your interest and encouragement! I hope I continue to please in the future. ;)
I do try not to be repetitive, although it is difficult given the nature of this fetishism. I am glad you thought it was decently varied. That's definitely something I'm working on for future pieces.
Ah! Yes, I do have that picture. It was a commission gifted to me, by Haradoshin: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3697102/
I had intended to write that story up a while ago, but perhaps after I finish what I'm currently working on, it will come up!
Thank you so much for your interest and encouragement! I hope I continue to please in the future. ;)
You have my gratitude for the swift and thorough response, as well as for providing the link, it's a strange thing that I lost my way there in the first place. A nice piece of art, that picture is.
Most of what I said is little more than a gaggle of fly-by thoughts, think nothing of it, although I appreciate you giving my ramblings such high regard. In case a little bit more of the same wouldn't be too much to bear, I caught myself thinking that this story reminds me of that "Chicken Little" cartoon, where the fox lures the entire population of a poultry farm to a cave and proceeds to act in a way foxes can be expected to act towards geese, turkeys and chickens. Well, in the very end there was a nice little scene right after the discreet beginning of the meal, showing said fox reclining on his back, licking a bare wishbone, and then placing it among the many, many others sticking out from the cave floor, completing a macabre garden of sorts. My idea was that of including a similar aftermath scene at the end of the story, but, the same as with the rest of my dubiously valuable input, you're at a full liberty to disregard it.
Thank you for responding and for doing such great job, again !
Most of what I said is little more than a gaggle of fly-by thoughts, think nothing of it, although I appreciate you giving my ramblings such high regard. In case a little bit more of the same wouldn't be too much to bear, I caught myself thinking that this story reminds me of that "Chicken Little" cartoon, where the fox lures the entire population of a poultry farm to a cave and proceeds to act in a way foxes can be expected to act towards geese, turkeys and chickens. Well, in the very end there was a nice little scene right after the discreet beginning of the meal, showing said fox reclining on his back, licking a bare wishbone, and then placing it among the many, many others sticking out from the cave floor, completing a macabre garden of sorts. My idea was that of including a similar aftermath scene at the end of the story, but, the same as with the rest of my dubiously valuable input, you're at a full liberty to disregard it.
Thank you for responding and for doing such great job, again !
It's not a problem! I really value in-depth and sincere comments like yours, so thank you again for taking the time to talk to me!
Ohh, I am not familiar with that cartoon, but it does seem delightful! I like the image of a reclining, satisfied fox~ As for my own work, I am hesitant to conclude a story in that way - my own visions do not progress far past the mere suggestion of eating and vore, because my main interest is the sadistic weight-gain. But perhaps in the future I would write something with that explicit of a conclusion, I don't know.
As for drawing something of that nature, that's a different story and I may very well do that someday.
Your input is valuable to me whether it agrees with my particular tastes or not! I'm always curious to hear what other people are thinking about my work and related subjects. ;)
Ohh, I am not familiar with that cartoon, but it does seem delightful! I like the image of a reclining, satisfied fox~ As for my own work, I am hesitant to conclude a story in that way - my own visions do not progress far past the mere suggestion of eating and vore, because my main interest is the sadistic weight-gain. But perhaps in the future I would write something with that explicit of a conclusion, I don't know.
As for drawing something of that nature, that's a different story and I may very well do that someday.
Your input is valuable to me whether it agrees with my particular tastes or not! I'm always curious to hear what other people are thinking about my work and related subjects. ;)
The clarification is grandly appreciated, I got the sub-genres a tad confused. The suspense gradually building up in the story is perfectly self-sufficient without any more explicit conclusion, maybe even benefiting from merely implying the things to come instead of spelling everything out, and you don't have to deviate from the groove you're comfortable in to try and suit everyone's taste, it's good as it comes.
Here's a link to the cartoon, in case you're interested.
Here's a link to the cartoon, in case you're interested.
No problem there! I am actually not overly-familiar with the different genres of the fetish world, I just do what comes naturally to me anyway. I'm actually surprised people like it, giving the circumstances, but it's so encouraging and even a little validating to know it's enjoyed by others.
Ah! That was delightful! I'm such a fan of clever, manipulative villains. Heheh, thank you so much for sharing that. :)
Ah! That was delightful! I'm such a fan of clever, manipulative villains. Heheh, thank you so much for sharing that. :)
Thank you so much for the very in-depth comment! I appreciate your kind words and critique. I do plan on writing again in the near future, so I will keep these things in mind! :) Especially the bit about capitalizing the characters' respective names - that's a good idea, I honestly hadn't remembered that most fairy tales are structured that way. Thank you!
I do try not to be repetitive, although it is difficult given the nature of this fetishism. I am glad you thought it was decently varied. That's definitely something I'm working on for future pieces.
Ah! Yes, I do have that picture. It was a commission gifted to me, by Haradoshin: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3697102/
I had intended to write that story up a while ago, but perhaps after I finish what I'm currently working on, it will come up!
Thank you so much for your interest and encouragement! I hope I continue to please in the future. ;)
I do try not to be repetitive, although it is difficult given the nature of this fetishism. I am glad you thought it was decently varied. That's definitely something I'm working on for future pieces.
Ah! Yes, I do have that picture. It was a commission gifted to me, by Haradoshin: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3697102/
I had intended to write that story up a while ago, but perhaps after I finish what I'm currently working on, it will come up!
Thank you so much for your interest and encouragement! I hope I continue to please in the future. ;)
I really liked this.
As a few have already said previous, this is very reminiscent of the old moral fairy tales, in both plot and style of writing, which means that not including the Gooses perspective actually works instead of hindering it. The word and phrases the Fox uses conveys, in simple terms, the core words in any dark weight gain story.
I also really liked how you were able to keep each appraisal of the Gooses weight interesting by changing the wording instead of repeating the same words for such a short story. It kept it from being repetitive.
As a few have already said previous, this is very reminiscent of the old moral fairy tales, in both plot and style of writing, which means that not including the Gooses perspective actually works instead of hindering it. The word and phrases the Fox uses conveys, in simple terms, the core words in any dark weight gain story.
I also really liked how you were able to keep each appraisal of the Gooses weight interesting by changing the wording instead of repeating the same words for such a short story. It kept it from being repetitive.
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