In the mythical world of Everdale, a lithe, archer lizardman named Sladesh decides to team up with a bulky, flatulent black minotaur named Morltar and the two partners go on adventures together, using both of their talents to fight evil, get in or out of trouble, or to just stink up the joint.


Part 3: Morltar and Sladesh run into a pair of goblin bandits.

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It was a typical day out on the road, and two adventurers, Morltar the minotaur and Sladesh the lizardman, are walking down a dirt path that cuts through the forest. Sladesh is presently waiting for his companion to finish doing his business among the trees before they continued, impatiently tapping his foot. "Hey, don't take all day!" he calls.
Morltar grunted very loudly before letting out another deafening wave of flatulence before he finished doing his duty and wiped himself up. "Don't rush me! You weren't the one who ate over twenty pounds of meat earlier today!"
Sladesh watches as several leaves and twigs blast out from the dense forest. "You're such a glutton," he says once the minotaur stands beside him. Sladesh always has to look way up to meet the bull's cow eyes. Ever since meeting up the two have been a largely comical one, but slowly, they're beginning to form the bonds of friendship. "Alright, lets get moving..." he says, starting to walk. "Say, Mor, don't you have like a tribe or something? I don't usually see minotaurs out alone."
The giant bull creature scratched his head. "Err...I had a tribe..."
The lizardman nods, keeping pace with his bigger buddy. His head only went to about butt cheek height on the minotaur, anyway. "Yeah? What happened?"
"I'm sure a smart lizard such as you can figure it out. I have a really obnix...obnactus....annoying, but funny sense of humor. Usually at night I'd sneak over and eats all the food loaded with peppers or fiber so I'd get extremely farty. Eventually my tribe got tired of it."
Sladesh chuckles. "I'm glad I met you now, you're alright, Morltar. Why do you like farting so much anyway?"
Morltar cocked his head sideways. "Really? Did you seriously just ask that question?"
Sladesh hmmphs. "I know you think it's funny, but is that it?"
"Think about it! The loud noise of a horn blasting out your ass? The rotten stench of eggs that have been lying out in the sun for the past two years? The feeling of your gut once all the gas comes flying out? You're asking why pie tastes great Sladesh; it's a given answer!"
The lizardman shakes his head. "You bulls have all those stomachs, I'm not surprised." He pats Morltar's nearest buttock. "You're something else, but I'm glad you're watching my back. You're pretty strong, too."
"Why are you touching my ass?"
Sladesh rolls his eyes, and they continue to walk. Unbeknownst to them, they're being watched, and in a short amount of time Sladesh sees some figures in the distance. "Hey, you see that," he says, nudging the minotaur.
"Hmm...those creatures with the shields and swords in their arms?"
Sladesh nods. "Could be just travelers...but this place is notorious with bandits. You all ready in case there's trouble?"
"Hehe, I didn't eat four cans of beans for nothing!" said Morltar, getting his axe ready as well.
The lizardman draws his bow with a nod, just in case. Eventually the figures present themselves: goblin bandits. "You two!" one says. "Hand over money, or we cut your face!" Sladesh, making sure Morltar is close by, shakes his head. "You picked the wrong adventurers to mess with! There might be four of you, but we're a team. Right Mor?"
Morltar was busy picking his nose. "Whuh?"
Sladesh sighs. "Let’s just get 'em!" he says. The battle starts, each side staring each other down. The lizardman fires a few arrows at them to start with. "Let ‘em have it, big guy," he yells.
Morltar shouted ferociously before he gunned for one bandit, swiping his massive axe at his head. The goblin yelped and ducked before he lost his head, only losing a couple of hairs on his head. Another bandit tried to attack Morltar from behind, which was a terrible mistake. The minotaur chuckled evilly and squatted down with his butt in the goblin's face.
Sladesh turns away as the loud blast propels the goblin several yards away. "Nice! Keep it up!" he says, trying to slither by two of the goblinoids and fire arrows at them. Morltar might want to look out, however - one goblin archer fires an arrow right for his right buttock!
Morltar yelped and quickly dove out the way before the arrow hit him in the butt and he blocked the shot. "Oh, you are SO gonna get it now!!" Morltar jumped into the air and got onto a thick tree branch before he hopped off the wooden limb, his butt aimed for the goblin. The goblin looked up with wide eyes as he saw the massive black bull's posterior crashing down to him. "Holy sh--"
Sladesh laughs as the goblin is squished under the minotaur's fat rump. The rest gather in a group with their swords held forward. "Y-You can't beat us! We are great bandits!" The leader stammers. The lizardman looks at Morltar. "How about the big finish, then, big guy?"
Morltar looked down at his gurgling stomach and smiled widely, knowing the inevitable was about to happen. The bull stands firmly on the ground, bends over in the goblin's faces and raises his tail. "Sladesh...you may wanna take cover."
Sladesh nods, running into the treeline and hiding behind the biggest tree he can find. The goblins stare as the minotaur's bulbous ass blocks the sun. "Uh-oh," one gulps.
There was nothing the goblins could do to avoid the blast. One of them tried running away, another tried hiding behind a small bush, but all their attempts were futile. Morltar let off a bombastic, fetid stream of flatulence from his giant black rump. The noise could've awaken a dormant dragon instantly; the smell was awful, like sticking your head inside an elephant's butt. In fact, the smell was so bad all the leaves of the bush the bandit was hiding behind instantly died and were blown away. The bandits themselves were either blown clear across the forest floor or shielded themselves from the stench, only to pass out the second Morltar finished breaking wind. Sladesh hid for twenty-two seconds before the commotion finally ended and he took a peek to see what happened.
Noticing that all the bandits had been defeated, Sladesh carefully moves out of the treeline to his partner. "Wow...you took them out pretty quickly," he says, amazed. "Good job Morltar!"
"Yeah," says the minotaur, letting out some excess gas. "Dont'cha just love the smell of bull farts in the morning?"
Sladesh shakes his head. "Let’s just keep heading to town, buddy. Maybe we can get something to eat."