Tempest Biological Laborotories (TBL) is now accepting applicants to participate in advanced DNA research! TBL guarantees that accepted applicants will be cured of all pre-existing injuries and ailments. Tired of the way you look? TBL also promises vast updates to applicants' physical appearances! You'll never regret the way you looked when you arrived again! Apply today to claim your promotional "I was willingly subjected to extensive deoxyribonucleic resequencing" T-shirt!

*Tempest Biological Laborotories is not responsible for any misgivings held on behalf of applicants subsequent to testing. Applicants are advised to observe their new nutritional needs after testing, or changes in body weight may result. Promotional T-shirt not guaranteed to be wearable by applicant.

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