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I drew this in like 10 mins tops I think so its a bit messy but thought I'd share here.
Some women would look at this and think "What a controlling asshole" But...and im probably putting feminism back a few paces by saying this but this is exactly the sort of relationship I look for LOL
I remember being at a punk festival years ago and my husband naturally was leading me around by the wrist and would talk and pat my head and basically we were just behaving like we've always been, and hadnt really appreciated some lady was watching us. Anway she got really angry on my behalf and thought he was abusing me and not giving me space and generally patronising me. We didnt know any of this as she was talking to a good friend of ours about it all and how did she confront my husband about it. And our mutal friend laughed and basicaly said "Don't worry hun, Sammy likes all that" And then (unknown to me at the time) proceeded to explain the little/daddy dynamic to the woman.
About a year later at the same punk festival she approached me when I was alone and we got talking and I pretty much confirmed what she'd been told the previous year. She was much happier about our arrangement hearing it from me directly
These days we're really good friends and go camping together and stuff so it's all good.
But it did make me think that maybe to outsiders looking in, maybe some of my husbands actions could look a bit worying if theres no context behind our relationship
Some women would look at this and think "What a controlling asshole" But...and im probably putting feminism back a few paces by saying this but this is exactly the sort of relationship I look for LOL
I remember being at a punk festival years ago and my husband naturally was leading me around by the wrist and would talk and pat my head and basically we were just behaving like we've always been, and hadnt really appreciated some lady was watching us. Anway she got really angry on my behalf and thought he was abusing me and not giving me space and generally patronising me. We didnt know any of this as she was talking to a good friend of ours about it all and how did she confront my husband about it. And our mutal friend laughed and basicaly said "Don't worry hun, Sammy likes all that" And then (unknown to me at the time) proceeded to explain the little/daddy dynamic to the woman.
About a year later at the same punk festival she approached me when I was alone and we got talking and I pretty much confirmed what she'd been told the previous year. She was much happier about our arrangement hearing it from me directly
These days we're really good friends and go camping together and stuff so it's all good.
But it did make me think that maybe to outsiders looking in, maybe some of my husbands actions could look a bit worying if theres no context behind our relationship
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With the massive success of 50 Shades, I think more people out there would love to be controlled, than would care to admit it. It's definitely something I love in a relationship, but I think the most important factor of it is that you're both familiar with each others boundaries, and have a great deal of respect for each other to build that foundation on.
Well usually there is signs of abuse... but I understand that's not always the case. But I think it'd be more productive just to simply asked rather than get angry.
I may get some flak for this but one of my friends did like traditional gender roles and her husband would do stuff similar to what your husband did, however it was quite clear he loved her and yet people still would get on their case.
Note: I'm not endorsing gender roles, that should be up to the individuals discretion.
I may get some flak for this but one of my friends did like traditional gender roles and her husband would do stuff similar to what your husband did, however it was quite clear he loved her and yet people still would get on their case.
Note: I'm not endorsing gender roles, that should be up to the individuals discretion.
The problem is that there is physical abuse and emotional abuse. Where Star's husband was working well within their dynamic, what he was doing is also a common tactic used by emotional abusers to subjugate their victims. I can kind of see why the lady could be upset about it, especially if it hit too close to home for her personally.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it's good to be aware of the indicators but it's also good to not make snap judgments. An abusive indicator on one paw may be a very healthy and consensual relationship on the other paw. (I know a couple who are into "fighting" and have seen their scenes [matches?]... It can be extremely troubling to watch as an outsider as they're yelling, hitting, hair pulling, and biting, but once it's done they're snuggling and such.)
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it's good to be aware of the indicators but it's also good to not make snap judgments. An abusive indicator on one paw may be a very healthy and consensual relationship on the other paw. (I know a couple who are into "fighting" and have seen their scenes [matches?]... It can be extremely troubling to watch as an outsider as they're yelling, hitting, hair pulling, and biting, but once it's done they're snuggling and such.)
*giggles* This is just too CUTE! (don't need kitties bouncing off the walls!) (Weird, I know, but considering how Martin looks to be "nomming" your head, I just imagine feral Martin picking up feral Star by the scruff and carrying her away from the beans) (I need my caffeine...)
I don't think this has so much to do with feminism, as it has to do with you wanting a daddy who looks out for you, while you just enjoy being happy without worrying too much about boring grown up stuff.
One the one hand, it's actually nice to see this women actually caring enough to confront your both because she feared for your safety and such. Not many would be so brave. And also awesome how she accepts your little/daddy dynamic.
On the other hand, as you said, it's a bit hard to judge someones relationship when you don't know the context. But again, It's really brave of the women to do such a thing.
One the one hand, it's actually nice to see this women actually caring enough to confront your both because she feared for your safety and such. Not many would be so brave. And also awesome how she accepts your little/daddy dynamic.
On the other hand, as you said, it's a bit hard to judge someones relationship when you don't know the context. But again, It's really brave of the women to do such a thing.
I don't think that you're pushing feminism back a few years. This isn't a "dynamic" discussion, but a "choice" discussion.
If one side of the equation wants the "controlling" aspect and the other wants to be "controlled", no matter who's gender on which side, if it's done between consenting adults.. then there's nothing wrong. What matters is that the dynamic you have with your husband fills your needs, and his dynamic with you fills his. That's healthy.
There are plenty of ways to know if a relationship is damaging/toxic without resorting to what that lady did. She jumped to conclusions and we know how well that generally turns out... :\
At least, thank dog, she was open to an explanation. THAT is still a rare trait nowadays. She obviously meant the best, but got about it all wrong. X3
Which just proves to show that, as evil as Captain Lorca was in the first season of Star Trek Discovery... he was right about something: facts are for the people, but context is for kings. :X
The fact that it all worked out in the end and she's now someone you enjoy exchanging with shows that she's a good cookie that just made a mistake.
And now, for something picture-related:
How can he say "no buts"? I see TWO BUTTS RIGHT THERE. X3
If one side of the equation wants the "controlling" aspect and the other wants to be "controlled", no matter who's gender on which side, if it's done between consenting adults.. then there's nothing wrong. What matters is that the dynamic you have with your husband fills your needs, and his dynamic with you fills his. That's healthy.
There are plenty of ways to know if a relationship is damaging/toxic without resorting to what that lady did. She jumped to conclusions and we know how well that generally turns out... :\
At least, thank dog, she was open to an explanation. THAT is still a rare trait nowadays. She obviously meant the best, but got about it all wrong. X3
Which just proves to show that, as evil as Captain Lorca was in the first season of Star Trek Discovery... he was right about something: facts are for the people, but context is for kings. :X
The fact that it all worked out in the end and she's now someone you enjoy exchanging with shows that she's a good cookie that just made a mistake.
And now, for something picture-related:
How can he say "no buts"? I see TWO BUTTS RIGHT THERE. X3
Serious question coffee question, either for Sammy, or any UK fur really: When my wife and I were touring Scotland last year, we noticed every single Bed 'n Breakfast we stayed in had instant coffee along with their selection of teas and light breakfast fair. Is instant coffee really popular in UK homes more than ground coffee made in a pot, or is that just because we were staying in B&B's?
Getting what you want out of a relationship isn't setting feminism back a few paces, it's what feminism is supposed to be about. Anyway thanks for the picture and the backstory, makes me think a little bit harder about what my partner really wants out of me and maybe she'd enjoy some of the finer bits of being controlled, just without the age regression. A conversation for later I think
So cute~
I think part of it is that you still have agency. Like, you've told your partner what you're wanting and needing. So they're just helping you get it. Like in this example with the coffee, he knew you were trying to cut back. So he's enforcing it. And that's what being a feminist is about. It's not about having to be in control but getting to have agency and the power to make the choice in what your relationship looks like. :)
I think part of it is that you still have agency. Like, you've told your partner what you're wanting and needing. So they're just helping you get it. Like in this example with the coffee, he knew you were trying to cut back. So he's enforcing it. And that's what being a feminist is about. It's not about having to be in control but getting to have agency and the power to make the choice in what your relationship looks like. :)
Huff~
I can see how it might look bad from the outside, of course, but I don't think it's setting feminism back at all--that sort of dynamic, about littles getting put in their place, has nothing to do with gender. :3 I imagine I'd probably get all blushy over a partner doing that to me, and I'm not a girl! (although i'd probably dress up like one if a dom wanted >////>)
I can see how it might look bad from the outside, of course, but I don't think it's setting feminism back at all--that sort of dynamic, about littles getting put in their place, has nothing to do with gender. :3 I imagine I'd probably get all blushy over a partner doing that to me, and I'm not a girl! (although i'd probably dress up like one if a dom wanted >////>)
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