Mel:
My problem with Marillon is that he can be a bit too touchy feely and is a pussy, seriously...that furry paint of his only works if it's something that isn't dark or scary despite a few of tohse were-animals being a freaking lion and a wolf...you know, predators. Also his goo obsession is a nightmare for a neat freak like me. He gets all dirty and gooey and even when I tell him not to he basically does it anyway, oh and his bear obsession...what's with the bears? They're nothing special, they do nothing but eat and sleep all day...why can't he be a koala, since that's what us koalas do anyway. Also what's with him pairing Nathan up with non-bipedal animal characters? Simba and Louis are non-morphic characters, not anthros...just because they're an animal character that talks doesn't make them a furry character. Almost all of the Lion King characters are on all fours with the exception of Rafiki and Timon. Look, if Simba was anthro maybe I could see it but really how is that supposed to work? Also wouldn't Simba just be cheating on Nala by making out with Nathan? Yikes. I didn't know that cheating and incest were included in this version of the Lion King. Also...I didn't know that this version of Louis was a flaming homosexual. Or does Marillon version of these characters always come across as being queer icon material? Also...Louis is non-morphic, how would a relationship with him even work? We all know Louis wouldn't be able to have cihldren since he's male and only female reptiles lay eggs. Unless Louis undergoes a sex change or something or is actually trans. Yeah, sorry Louis, Nathan loves you, but he'd only consider you if you were anthro. You're nice and all but you're a freaking alligator, this relationship will never work.

Then there's the Tug thing...Tug is nice and all but he's a freaking bear. And I don't mean as in a hairy older male, I mean as in an actual bear...also if Nathan is Tug's adopted offsprig in this scenario why is Tug making out with him? Marillon, knock off the incest vibes please. It's not pleasant imagining a bear essentially making out with someone who he considers to be a family member. Look Tug is nice but Nathan was NOT ready to be a bear and he didn't like it, he felt awkward about it especially when that girl bear came along. Look, he had a reason to reject her, and to reject being a bear. He's just not into her and he's not into bears. If you were anthro, maybe...but you're not anthro. Also Queen Elanor, she wasn't any good for Nathan anyway...she and her friends pretty much got Nathan transported to gooey-earth in the first place because they thought his life was 'boring' and then she got him all gooed up and tried to make him her mate, and then she accused him of being rude simply because he said he didn't like being stuck as a bear. That bitch didn't even love him, no wonder he doesn't like talking about her. Besides, she's still not his type...she spends most of the movie she's from as a non-morphic bear. Yeah she's a woman who turns into a bear but still...come on, enough with the human and non-morphic pairings. No offense, Elanor...but if you wanted Nathan to love you...you shouldn't have had a bitch-fit over Nathan's opinion over you, you're still not his type. Also how come she and the bear from Fox and The Hound are non-morphic and can only growl yet bears like the Country Bears, Baloo, and the Brother Bear characters can speak? What makes those guys different?

Also seriously...Gloria from Madagascar? Seriously? She's a freaking hippo. Nathan's not compatible. Look I know he has a thing for overweight characters, but he didn't say anything about wanting to bang a freaking hippo. I'm sorry but she's not anthro, she and the feline characters and the penguins and the lemurs are all the only Madagascar characters on two legs, a non-morphic animal on two legs that can talk is NOT anthro. Also...yeah Jada Pinkett is lovely and all, but as a HUMAN. Plus i'm sorry but it would be awkward making out with a hippo with the voice of the woman who married the man who tried to be Robin William's replacement in the Aladdin remake. You can try to be as sexy as you like, Gloria but Nathan will never be into you. Besides, you already have a boyfriend, his name is Melman. I'm sure Melman would take Gloria flirting with someone else to be personal. And Sulley, uhhhh...okay he's two-legged, but he's still mostly non-human, in order for him to be Nathan's type, he would have to be half-human or humanoid in some aspect. But still....I love daddy John Goodman, he can never do wrong but he doesn't need to be Sulley in order to get Nathan and others to simp over him. Daddy John Goodman is sexy just the way he is, now I know you loooooove Sulley so much, but still regular John Goodman is a stone cold fox too ya know. Also...again with the incest? Sulley sweetie, this isn't you.

Baloo...look, you're a bear and just because you can walk on two legs doesn't make you anthro. The only bipeda animal characters besides you are the freaking primates. I'm sorry but non-morphic animal characters aren't Nate's type or mine either, I prefer anthro. Also can we talk about how Matteo's nudity problem is a major reason of why I hate him as a student? He always feels the need to get naked when he transforms especially if he hulks out of his clothes, look I don't care if it's safe for work or if you feel like showing off your body, but it's not 'sexy', yeah i'm sorry but what I mean by 'women dig bears' is that they like a hairy older male and not an actual bear. Matteo just isn't sexy as a bear or as anything really and he is overly affectionate to the point of being needy, his lovey-dovey persona is annoying too. No wonder Nathan has trouble doing those scenes, I mean if I had to write about two animal-people kissing and hugging each-other and if that's all they ever did i'd be freaking bored out of my skull, yes...it's very nice that these two are kissing and cuddling, but it gets boring if they all ever do is that. Yeah I like hugs as much as the next koala, but if you got nothing else to offer me then i'm going to leave. Yeah it's cute you are good at hugging and all but if you don't do anything exciting or if I don't get at least one villain to slay then this relationship is over. Also Matteo, honey...don't get any ideas, you don't appease me and i'm not attracted to you, besides...I have a boyfriend.

Matteo just is too much of a handful sometimes. I mean the Monsters Inc one alone...seriously, he almost went into a kaiju size. There's a reason why I don't allow kaiju transformations, because I don't want to have to pay for public property damage.